Talking about Borderline Personality Disorder on Psychocouch

I’ve been reflecting on why people walk away—what exactly triggers that final decision to stop contributing? My focus lately has been on whether we should just close this thread entirely, or perhaps reconsider our entire editorial policy if you all decide to reopen it. Reading between the lines here, it feels like there's a looming threat hanging over everyone's heads—at least one moderator is going to be breathing down our necks. In the past, moderators have tried to "manage" discussions like this, only to end up stifling the conversation and driving away the most prominent voices on the board. A thread like this serves absolutely no one. Tell me, what do you think caused Julian Assange, Max, Nicole Turner35, Anaconda, Graham, the original author... and myself... to stop posting more than a year ago?

ambercyclist50 said:I’ve been focusing on what it means to let go... and how that actually leads to the outcome...

That's all part of the review process...
What am I upset about? Well, the decision to keep this topic temporarily locked...

I asked you what exactly this investigation of mine was all about, and you replied...

Maybe it's time to reconsider your position... Regarding that controversial closed thread... So, you're just going to walk away from the editorial policy you laid out....

Don't assume what my review should conclude...
Don't assume I haven't given this some serious thought...

Reading between the lines, it looks like at least one federal agent will be breathing down everyone's necks...

Another wrong assumption. Three times now... just like before...

The moderators have always struggled with how to handle threads like this... In the end, they just ended up stifling the conversation and driving away our most active contributors...

Alright. We'll give it a shot. We can always fall back on the old ways if we have to... We're pretty well acquainted with failure by now. We're adults, after all...

I wonder why Julian Assange, Max, Nicole Turner35, Anaconda, Graham, the author... and myself... all stopped posting over a year ago...

I can't read minds, you know. So I'm just repeating myself here...

Michelle Evans said:Just to illustrate—this is merely an example since we don't have a specific topic yet—discussions regarding violence within people with BPD aren't welcomed unless your specific issue is violence; stories about promiscuity among those with BPD aren't welcome unless that’s specifically what’s bothering you.

.

I honestly don't see how one can even talk about the BPD struggle without addressing the most severe consequences. Why is it considered acceptable for those currently struggling to vent about their feelings and messy situations, while those who aren't—the "non-borders"—are essentially silenced? It’s two sides of the exact same coin, really.

It seems like a real shame to shut this thread down just when things were finally starting to look up for both the folks living with it (like >) and those on the outside looking in (like >).
People cite "insults" as a reason for closure, but maybe they don't realize that such petty friction is child's play compared to the actual reality of a person's life with BPD and the things they are capable of saying. A certain balance was finally being established for a sort of psychological drama, where everyone—both > and > included—could find their footing and receive support.

In my view, effective therapy for someone with BPD actually looks a lot like the last few pages of this discussion. There aren't many pleasantries or gentle persuasions used as arguments. A person with BPD needs raw, intense emotions to face the truth; that is the only way they truly learn. In fact, real therapy often looks much worse than this—it involves more arguing, more bluntness, and repetitive questioning about problematic situations. If you walk away from therapy feeling "good," that might actually be a bad sign; if you feel terrible, it could be a good sign, because it means something inside you has been stirred, signaling that change is coming.

I think it's misguided to claim that some were driving discussions toward topics like violence or promiscuity... To me, that's a sign that people are finally able to confront their past, which is never easy to admit. It's a form of healing a wound. By reading these accounts, both those without the diagnosis and those with it have a chance to make sense of things in their own heads. It also gives those with BPD a chance at redemption by offering support to the others.
To summarize, if you aren't someone living with BPD, an ex-border, or someone close to them, these debates will probably just feel like personal attacks to you. For the rest of us, this is a deep, meaningful, and constructive dialogue that we can actually learn from. 😬

casualwolf39 said:You claim this is an insult, but you clearly fail to realize that this is child's play compared to what a real border agent faces in actual life and the things they have to say....

The only "effective therapy" for a border agent would look exactly like the last few pages of this thread.

I hear what you're saying, but there is a massive flaw in how you're viewing this whole situation. Let's be clear: this is just an online forum with its own set of rules and limitations—it is absolutely not professional therapy. I mean, even if someone finds this kind of discussion helpful during a clinical session, that doesn't mean the same thing is going to happen here on a message board. Unfortunately, this is just a forum, not a professionally managed therapeutic environment. To actually see any progress in therapy, it has to be led by a specialist; you can't just throw a group of patients into a room together and expect them to heal themselves.🙂

By the way, I’m staying out of this. Honestly, I don't even read your thread because I have too much trauma myself and I have zero desire to revisit those memories. But truly, I sincerely hope the moderators decide what to do with this thread soon, because I know how much you all need it.

ambercyclist50 said:Who, specifically, was bothered by the way the topic was handled? And conversely—who found it perfectly acceptable, and to what degree? I’m looking for a bit of a cost-benefit analysis here—pros versus cons, if you will.

Remaining unanswered

Michelle Evans;4 people. said:Look, I can't exactly read minds here—so I'm just going to say it again.

There is a straightforward fix for that, really—just ask whatever it is you don't understand. There’s absolutely no shame in asking a question.

Betty Alvarez47 said:I hear you, but there is a massive distinction to be made when looking at this situation. At the end of the day, this is just an online forum—with its own set of rules and limitations—not actual professional therapy. I suppose what I mean is, even if someone finds value in this kind of discussion during their clinical sessions, it doesn't mean the same thing will happen here. Unfortunately, we have to face the fact that this is just a message board, not a professionally managed therapeutic environment. To see any real progress in treatment, it has to be guided by experts; you can't just leave patients in a room together and expect things to improve on their own.🙂

By the way, I'm non. Honestly, I stay away from your thread because I have too many personal traumas tied to it and I really don't want to go digging through those memories, but I truly hope the moderators decide on a course of action regarding this topic soon, because I think you all really need it.

You're right about it needing to be professionally led, but isn't it obvious we actually have an expert involved here?! (for psychodrama)
Aren't the breakthroughs made by casualwolf39 and non totally obvious?
Of course, just reading and posting on a forum isn't enough; you can't get through this without actual therapy!
Think of this as nothing more than supplemental study. 😬

Betty Alvarez47 said:btw, I'm just a bystander. Honestly, I don't even follow this thread.

😕😕😕

If you aren't even following the discussion, what exactly are you basing your comments on???

I think we should let those who actually read the posts weigh in. Let the people who find value in reading and writing here be the ones to speak up, since they're the ones actually getting something out of it.

Look, discussions about violence within the BPD community aren't welcome here unless violence is your specific issue; the same goes for talking about promiscuity—if that isn't what's eating at you, then don't bring it up.

Man, or woman, whatever—you guys are basically trying to deny, ban, or just label at least three core diagnostic criteria as "off-limits." I'm talking about difficulty controlling anger, inappropriate outbursts, impulsivity, and those patterns of unstable relationships.

If that isn't straight-up censorship, I don't know what is. It feels like hypocritical upbringing, intellectual narrow-mindedness, or just being brainwashed by all those "feminist-patriarchal" truths regarding how men and women relate to one another.

The reality is that BPD-related violence and BPD-related promiscuity are inseparable from any actual discussion about BPD. If you want to shine a light on this phenomenon, you have to deal with the conflict that comes with it.

So who are we supposed to talk to then? You're essentially sentencing countless victims to go vent to some DOJ investigators or social workers from the American Meteorological Society who are just going to double down on the victimization.

You haven't actually put forward a single real argument; now you're just retreating behind these little word games... I'm not really reading anyone else's thoughts here, and maybe... we're all grown adults...

Pathetic.

granitecyclist99 said:There are three diagnostic criteria here (difficulty controlling anger, inappropriate outbursts/impulsivity, and a pattern of unstable interpersonal relationships).

When you talk about BPD, issues like violence or promiscuity are inseparable from the core discussion. If we want to shed light on this phenomenon, we have to be prepared for some conflict.

That is 100% correct.

Anyone who fails to tear that apart, to become aware of it, to accept it, or to seek atonement—it’s almost as if they haven't done anything wrong at all.

I suppose the question is: what matters more, the form or the substance?

It’s easy to speak about something ugly in a sanitized way, isn't it?

And why should we even limit artistic freedom? If everyone were forced to write the exact same way, things would get incredibly boring, wouldn't they?

If you had happened to ask Vilenjacica her thoughts on this a few months back, she probably would have told you that we were just insulting her. Yet, there was one day where she explicitly mentioned how incredibly helpful the whole thing turned out to be. So, which version of Vilenjacica are we supposed to believe? Honestly, I’d expect the moderators to be a bit more well-versed in BPD when dealing with such a nuanced subject. It feels a bit like attacking the pasta instead of the chef, doesn't it?

Honestly, I’m just getting sick and tired of these kinds of moderator calls—not targeting anyone specifically, just speaking generally here.
Yeah, the BPD thread just spirals into absolute chaos every single time. They keep swapping out the title, changing the rules, shuffling the whole "cast of characters," and then you’ve got a swarm of clones... Pfff. There’s zero consistency. Every time they try to "restart" things, it just ends with the thread being locked or people getting hit with warnings and bans. Then, nothing happens for ages, making the whole thing completely useless.

Aside from the occasional random trolls jumping in just to vent their own frustrations, I haven't actually seen any insults.

Telling someone, "Just start your own thread and talk about your own problems," is honestly such a joke of a suggestion.

I don't really have anything profound to add, as usual. But for this subforum, I'd say everything was handled pretty decently.

casualwolf39 said:What on earth are you basing those comments on???

😕

Based entirely on what you just wrote. You don't need to scour the whole thread to understand that a forum is one thing, while actual, professionally managed therapy is something else entirely. I don't need to constantly monitor this discussion to see how much this means to all of you, which is exactly why I support finding a solution as quickly as possible so you can return and help yourselves.🤷

I know personally how much I'd miss the Lounge bar thread, which also frequently teeters on the edge of being inappropriate... but even then, it isn't a clinical topic.

...if the moderators had ever actually looked a close BPD loved one in the eye and felt the sheer weight of that pain, if they’d spent days feeling sick to their stomach despite having perfectly healthy digestion, or if they could still vividly recall the absolute heartbreak of what the future might have been... maybe they wouldn't be so quick to lock down threads just because things get a little "intense" or emotional.

Properly executed psychotherapy for BPD is incredibly expensive—if you actually follow the clinical gold standards, we’re talking at least twice a week for six or seven years straight. That kind of commitment costs about as much as a brand-new car. Honestly, who in America can actually afford that? If anyone here has actually gone through those types of intensive programs (and I know many of you have claimed to), then you've likely poured a massive amount of money into it. Is that enough of a reason to question the specific format the treatment took? While you all sit here speculating wildly about what should and shouldn't happen, plenty of people are suffering because of your judgment. Isn't it a bit immature to withhold that from me?

Michelle Evans, you mentioned your own sessions before. What exactly did your therapist teach you? Responsibility? Selflessness? Or was it just learning how to be more self-centered?

The whole thread was basically defined by the disorder itself—it couldn't have gone any other way. Especially since there was only one person actually trying to maintain some semblance of order, ambercyclist50. That discussion really laid bare the entire struggle of dealing with this condition. Even with people having their occasional outbursts, they always ended up coming back, making peace, and trying to communicate as normally as possible given what they're going through. Since I assume ambercyclist50 is a professional, wouldn't it be a good idea for him to set some ground rules so we don't go completely off the rails? We could start a new thread based on that. Maybe a second thread could be for the non-specialized topics where ambercyclist50 could jump in if he wants to... for those who just don't have the mental energy to deal with the heavy stuff right now. Eventually, maybe we could even start supporting one another more effectively.
....I regularly participate in a thread about BPD on another forum and there aren't any issues at all; we help each other out and give advice. If we can manage that, why shouldn't we be able to do the same here regarding schizoaffective or OCD? I’m just saying, maybe the professionals in this group could help structure the topic a bit better, because our diagnosis is fundamentally different from those two. It's not for nothing they say psychiatrists tend to avoid this one, whereas I haven't heard them running away from the other two...🤷

casualwolf39 said:How can we even talk about BPD issues without addressing the worst consequences? Why is it acceptable for those with BPD to vent their feelings and struggles, while those without aren't allowed the same space? It’s two sides of the exact same coin.

Please take another look at what my actual post was referring to.

I wasn't saying these discussions won't happen—they will, just on a general level. They won't be centered on Vinin's specific thread unless that's specifically what she's struggling with.

To put it simply, Vinin's thread isn't going to become the new home for everyone just to continue a broader conversation. Is that clearer now?

Effective therapy for someone with BPD actually looks a lot like the last few pages of this thread. There are no soft words or empty reassurances. A person with BPD needs intense emotions to face the truth; that's the only way they learn. In fact, therapy often feels worse—it's more arguing, insults, and circling back to problematic situations. If you feel good after therapy, that's actually a bad sign. If you feel terrible, it's a good sign, because it means something inside you has shifted and change is coming.

You seem to have misunderstood; someone else already made that point above. This isn't a psychiatric hospital or a therapist's office.

I think it's wrong to claim some were discussing violence or promiscuity... To me, that's a sign that they can finally face their past, since admitting those things isn't easy. It's a way of healing the wound.

Those were just examples of what it means to start a personal thread.
And we don't have an issue with people talking about those topics within the BPD thread once it's opened. Or any other aspect of BPD. The topics discussed in the BPD thread weren't the problem itself.

Once again, please read what is being written before jumping into an argument. I really don't want to have to teach anyone how to read comprehension...

If you aren't someone with BPD, an ex-BPD, or a family member, these discussions probably just feel like insults to you. For the rest of us, this is a cultural, decent, and constructive dialogue that we learn from. 😬

In that case, you'll eventually learn how to adapt and communicate within the forum rules as well...

ambercyclist50 said:Some things were left unanswered...

I missed it...

Who exactly was bothered by how that topic turned out? And who, exactly, found it perfectly acceptable... what’s the actual cost-benefit here? Pros and cons...

Who exactly do you mean by "which forum members"? Should I list them out one by one? I can't really say...

I can assure you that the flood of complaints and direct messages we've been receiving in our inboxes for months isn't just some collective hallucination... It’s clearly not just one person spamming us. It's obvious there's genuine dissatisfaction out there. Let's see if we can find a way to change things...

The turnout was clearly positive, judging by the number of sign-ups. I don't see any reason why we couldn't keep this momentum going, whether through a new thread or updated guidelines on the current one...

I don't keep exact numbers on how many people are happy versus unhappy...

Michelle Evans said:P
I don't keep a spreadsheet to give you an exact ratio of satisfied versus dissatisfied people.

Where would I even place Vilenjacica in all this? She was absolutely miserable before, and now she’s claiming the whole thing was a massive eye-opener. Perhaps those who are still unhappy will eventually have their own epiphany—they just need some time and perhaps a bit more substance to chew on. I assume your own therapist gave you plenty of time to process things too, right?

ambercyclist50 said:There’s always a way to fix it, just ask if you’re unsure. There’s no shame in asking...

If you’re just looking for an excuse to lecture me on something you already know, then just say that. Don't bother asking me Why do you think someone left? I'm not in the mood for games...