Worst rave techno songs ever

Fellow enthusiasts,
I’m currently curating a collection of the absolute worst rave, techno, and happy hardcore tracks ever recorded. I’ve started this thread to gather your personal favorites and suggestions. Once we've compiled them all, we’ll have the ultimate sonic soundtrack for the end of the world.
In my opinion, the undisputed champion of terrible tracks is the cover of Alarma (originally by 666) by that German man, MC Maria.
I’ll elaborate on why that specific track earns its spot in the coming posts.
My initial picks:

MC MARIO - Alarma rave techno remix 3:02

MC MARIO - 2 Eivissa: I wanna be your Toy 3:50

LIPSTICK - I'm a Raver 3:33

Haha, I’m really enjoying this thread 😈

The anthem of the year!

My top picks:

3. Scooter - How Much Is the Fish?

2. DJ One Finger - House Fucker

1. Jan Wayne - Because the Night

🙏 🙏 🙏

Great thread!

Scooter definitely takes the top three spots—but honestly, that’s just not my vibe. It would be much harder to actually sit down and rank the absolute best tracks.

My personal pick: DUNE - hardcore vibes 🎉

Also, does it have to be strictly hardcore techno, or can we include trance and dance? If we're opening it up, I've got a suggestion for her entry: PAFFENDORF - where are you 🙂

🙂Thanks for starting this 👍

Honestly, it’s all those tracks where some obnoxious voice starts whispering stuff like, "Dis iz d tekkno saund," or "d demons of tekkno," or just any other ridiculous nonsense along those lines.

You can take any track by Scooter and you just can't escape it... 😁

Jason Chavez32 said:Hey, Pafendorfar—where'd you disappear to? 🙂

Dammit, how did I forget about Pafendorfar... 😵

Scooter, man... ugh. Honestly, I don't know the first thing about trance music... does Marush or maybe that DJ fakin' Bob fit into that category??? Anyway, whenever I hear this stuff, it makes me want to go out and buy a dog, name him Rex, and just yell—hold my beer, Rex!!! (well, at least for DJ Bob 😁)

I bee - cigarette

stormywolf39 said:Basically, it's all those tracks where some gravelly voice whispers, "This is that techno sound," or "The demons of techno," or just any variation of that cliché.

stormywolf39 hit the nail on the head with that one sentence. That’s exactly what we’re looking for here. 😈>

A quick breakdown of why my crew and I are still obsessed with ALARMU! (MC Mario - Alarma rave techno remix)

We're talking about the ultimate party anthem. Crank this track up in your car, and suddenly every German woman and tourist from the Czech Republic at the beach is yours. Or, if you're leaning into the full "clown" aesthetic, roll down the windows, take a swig of your drink, throw on some heavy fake gold chains and shades, and just nod along while cruising through the boardwalk.

By the way, how has nobody in Germany tried to take out Scooter with an axe yet? How did stuff like this—these rave techno jumps and quasi-happy hardcore chants—actually fly in Germany (or the Czech Republic, etc.) back in 2005? HOW?

"Alarma! El ritmo fatal! La bomba! ALAAAAARMAAAAA!" Then comes that raw, aggressive melody that gives you goosebumps (the first time you hear it, you’ll probably clutch your head in disbelief—and honestly, you'll feel the same every subsequent time). Slowly, a beat fades in, building up to a short but punchy riser that hits you right in the gut with the first kick drum, forcing those awkward party hips to start swaying. This is the essence of electronic music condensed into a three-minute package. It also features what is arguably the best use of a ship horn sample in music history. The vocals are so obnoxious and grating—think of a mix between an arrogant makeup artist on vacation, Scooter, and DJ Bob—that after repeated listening, they actually become charming in their sheer annoyance. Much like the song itself.

darksurfer24 said:BTW. Why hasn't anyone in Germany hit Scooter in the head with an axe yet? How did those ridiculous rave techno jumps and quasi-happy hardcore jingles actually pass in Germany (and the Czech Republic, etc.) back in 2005? HOW?

IT'S LIKE THIS... some hillbilly from some tiny village in the Black Forest (or wherever) rolls into a massive city like New York City and consumes three or four tracks.

Do you know why the Pride Parade failed? It's because the timing always aligned perfectly with high school graduations in Germany, and then hordes of German hooligans (the ones mentioned above) would choose New York City as their big celebration.

Someone mentioned Marush earlier... it's not that I like them, but they certainly defined their era and don't belong in this specific discussion. I even listened to them at a semi-private party two years ago and felt that PLUR feeling for the first time in ages. It was similar to when Mary was spinning records in the New York City underground clubs back in the early 90s. But now, they've clearly entered their forties. They are definitely a phenomenon.

Anyway... the most absurd thing... someone is bringing up Czech and German tourists. Honestly... it's just that people get tired of traveling more than a few miles away from any major city in the heart of America. And I don't mean "village" in a negative sense regarding location; I mean "village" as a state of mind.

I’ve downloaded all the tracks you guys suggested, and honestly, the standout is definitely the one by Paffendorf.
Alright everyone, any other hits I should add to the list?

Kevin Chavez3 said:3. Scooter - How Much Is the Fish?

😂 how maaaaaaaaach is the fiiiiiishhh... 😂
just thinking about it...

and what about that "uuu uu uuu uu" track? I think it's called "Where Are You?" and then it just goes into that chorus or whatever with the "uuu uu uuu uu"... 😲 🙂

That’s Paffendorf. Try to pay attention... 😎 😁

Ugh, I just realized Paučko was the one who wrote that...
Doesn't really matter though, my vote goes to them regardless. 😬
Gosh, what an absolute drag...
😂

BANAROO - Dubi dam dam 🙂

chrissy said:It is much like trying to navigate a Scooter track; you simply cannot fully grasp the essence without being there. 😁

🙂 🙂

I find that one truly begins to appreciate the nuances when revisiting those early tracks from their first two albums along with the deeper cuts found on the B-sides of their singles.

evergreen: DARUDE - SANDSTORM....🙄

I heard something absolutely TERRIBLE (and by terrible, I mean incredible)
here is the deal:

Time to party..... ALARM!
Tup tup tup tup...

Does anyone HAPPEN to know the name of that track?