Eating Disorder Support & Recovery

I feel good enough and worthy of food. I just love eating (well, I used to love eating)... I truly savored every single bite... the smell, the flavor...
I have no idea where you get the idea that people with anorexia or bulimia are narcissists or egocentric.
The real issue is wanting to be liked by others—wanting to look good because (speaking from my own experience) life is just easier now with a smile on my face than it was when I weighed 180 pounds.
I think I’m carrying some childhood trauma—I’m pretty sure of it—from not being accepted because I couldn't hold my own in a group.
There even are studies showing that people struggling with anorexia or bulimia often had low birth weights or their mothers dealt with complications during pregnancy...
I know exactly how much damage I'm doing. I know I need to stop, but I just can't...
I'll make it through a couple of days and then I'm right back at it...
For you, eating until you're full feels normal. For me, purging feels just as normal. It's my ritual, just like slicing a steak is a routine for someone else... it's just what is normal for me...
The fact that you can't talk to her about it... that's actually quite common.
Everyone who knows I'm sick avoids the subject. They don't mention it because they honestly don't know what to say...
Back when I used to read about bulimia, I always thought it was weird that someone couldn't just stop...
I always figured, hey, you can do it...
You could try to go back to being the person you were before this started, but you aren't that person anymore...
I'm not who I used to be...
And it isn't working...
It's stronger than you...
Like a drug is to an addict...
How are you supposed to wrap your head around that?
Try reading "Broken Pots" by Jasna Šurin...
That's all.

Listen, folks—people change throughout their lives. Sometimes it’s triggered by an illness, or maybe some massive, life-altering event, and other times... well, sometimes you just evolve without any major trauma at all. For me, I was this frustrated, overweight girl until I fell head over heels for this skinny guy. 🙄 😁 And then—get this—I dropped 45 pounds in just three months. Now, look, I know that isn't exactly "healthy" by medical standards, but hey, love is blind, right? 😉 I used to walk around thinking nobody could ever love me simply because of my weight. Boy, was I wrong. I actually had attractive guys interested in me all along, but because my self-esteem was basically non-existent, I couldn't wrap my head around it—I couldn't accept myself, and I certainly couldn't accept their attention. Even after the weight came off, it took me years to truly embrace who I am, rather than just focusing on whether my body was thin or heavy. I am so much more than just this outer shell—and I am absolutely certain you are, too. You are evolving for the better, I promise. 😉

I know I’m way more... at least, that’s what the people who have actually known me for a long time tell me...
Everyone else points out these strengths in me that I just can't see myself. It honestly hurts. It feels like my life is just slipping by while I'm stuck fighting internal battles and wasting energy on people who aren't worth my time—people who don't even deserve a second glance...
It’s just sad....

Don't waste your breath on pity—not for yourself and certainly not for anyone else. It’s just a drain on your energy, and time moves on regardless.
It sounds to me like you're stuck in a depressive fog, paralyzed by the fear of making a move. You're standing at a crossroads, which is probably why you finally decided to post; there's this desperate itch for change, but you're terrified of pulling the wrong trigger or dealing with the fallout. Look, just shake things up. Even if you make a mess of it, time will tell if you were right. And if you weren't? So what. Life doesn't stop spinning while you 😁analyze the wreckage.
Life isn't some straight shot from A to B. I see it more like a damn labyrinth. They drop you in the middle of it without a map or a compass and say, "Go." That's the deal for all of us. Sometimes you're cruising, sometimes you hit a dead end or slam headfirst into a wall, then you pivot and find your way back. But one thing is certain—whatever path you pick, you will eventually reach the destination. No living soul has ever failed to arrive, you get me?
So, chin up. Look people in the eye. Most of them are just as terrified as you are, staring down the same uncertain future and the same fear of making the wrong call, yet they still push forward. Don't let that paralyze you too. 🙂
Good luck. 👋

Anthony Wood54 said:maybe give "Broken Pots" by Jasna Šurin a read...

I read that ages ago. I actually used to carry the book everywhere just to wave it around whenever I saw her, hoping to pique her interest enough to sneakily suggest she read it. It worked.😉

She still hasn't admitted to herself or anyone else that she’s sick, despite an anorexia diagnosis. But hey, progress is progress, right? The worst part is how far she went—not only is she making life miserable for her family, but they literally have to force-feed her. She even finished culinary school on overdrive (I think she crammed three years into a few months). I only realized later that the whole thing was just part of the illness. Back then, I was nothing but full of praise and admiration.

Where am I supposed to get the idea that people with bulimia or anorexia are narcissistic and egocentric? Every second or third article or book I read says so. The misconceptions are staggering. People even accused my friend of lying, being selfish, and just hunting for attention.

Good luck.🙂

I want attention, sure, but not from people who just don't get me. I really believe I'm going to find someone soon—someone who actually loves me for who I am. If that happens, everything would change. I could finally finish my degree at State University and stop stressing over all this nonsense...
But here's the thing...
About your friend... I think you can really see the distinction between bulimia and anorexia right there...
People with bulimia tend to admit they're struggling, both to themselves and to others. But those with anorexia? They deny it. Their recovery takes way longer and it's much harder (at least, that's what I've read, and what I've experienced myself)...
Most people assume you do this just to be noticed, but that's not it at all. Not even close.
That isn't why I do it...
I do it because I'm terrified of gaining weight...
And Mary, THANK YOU SO MUCH for the support, and thanks to everyone else too!!!
I went through a phase like this once before...
And now??
I'm at the bottom of a deep well...
Looking up at that tiny sliver of light above... is it just a mirage, or is that actual light...?
All I hear is an echo...
All I see is darkness and walls everywhere...
Love ya

Anthony Wood54 said:I think this really highlights the core difference between bulimia and anorexia...
People dealing with bulimia usually own up to it—they admit they’re struggling, both to themselves and everyone else. But with anorexia? They just flat-out deny it. That makes the road to recovery way longer and, honestly, a hell of a lot harder.

Look, it's not that simple. Anorexia nervosa actually comes in two flavors: binge-eating type and restrictive type. If you've got someone with bulimic tendencies but their BMI drops below 17, medically speaking, we're talking about anorexia. You can't just untangle those two concepts like they're separate things. Then there's restrictive anorexia, where guys or girls are obsessively counting every single calorie and basically living at the gym just to make sure they don't put on a single pound.

thanks...
I was just repeating what I read elsewhere..
Either way, it's good to know...

Anthony Wood54, check your PMs
I’ve been trying to message you for two weeks now.

Anthony Wood54 said:I want attention, but not from people who just don't get me... I believe if I could just find someone who would truly love me, everything would shift... I’d finish my degree and stop worrying about all this nonsense...
but let's be real...

finding someone to love you...
Do you honestly think that finding a partner would magically overhaul your entire life? It wouldn't. Because you’d still be you. You’d have that person by your side, sure, but you’d still possess the exact same skill set and temperament you have now—and since those are the very things that got you to this point, no one can just "pour" a new version of you into existence. You mention having a boyfriend you claim to love deeply, yet you follow that up by saying you haven't found someone who loves you. Perhaps there is a fundamental disbelief that anyone actually *could* love you, leading you to chase those who don't, while dismissing those who do as being "mistaken." Besides, you'll encounter plenty of people who will get to know you; some will like you, some won't. Even when someone does take an interest, it doesn't arrive accompanied by fireworks and a fanfare. You have to discern for yourself which relationships are healthy and which aren't. There is no official announcement.
As for what you mentioned regarding being bothered by the obsession with perfect looks—that’s understandable. Maybe you fear that if you aren't "perfect," you'll be completely rejected, left to "die" out there. Your rational mind likely knows better, but perhaps the irrational part of you doesn't. Just look at the people around you; you'll see both the "perfect" ones and the "imperfect" ones living the very lives you dream of. They are living what you consider to be normal and positive. You might have had a much harder time if you couldn't perceive human beauty at all, focusing solely on physical perfection—not so bad after all.😉

I’m still totally spiraling from yesterday…
I was watching TV and caught one of those "beauty makeover" shows where they just go on and on… You want to lose weight? Buy this and that. Want to get rid of cellulite? Go get this specific treatment… blah blah blah… and then the kicker: if you want a PERFECT body, visit this high-end spa… it just repeats like that until the show ends. It feels like total mental assault.
What I don't get is why there isn't a single decent program about how to actually become a better person, or how to value things other than just looks. Like, what books should we be reading? There are so many meaningful things we could be discussing…????????!!!!!!!!!!!
But nope!!! We just get shoved toward buying metabolism boosters or apple cider vinegar, or going in for some ridiculous skin tightening session (which costs a whopping $333 per session alone) just so we can look pretty. Meanwhile, our lives are a total wreck, half the country is struggling to eat, and it’s just infuriating.
I am definitely still losing my mind here….
My love life??? (Yeah, right)
Because of all this stress, my boyfriend hasn't even called me since Friday (after I told him to reach out when he had a free moment).... And honestly, I don't even know what I'd say to him if he did call. The more time passes, the more certain I am that I don't even want to hear from him.
To him, his house is clearly more important than his own brother, let alone me…
If that's how it is… fine by me…
It’s eating me alive!!!
I have an exam tomorrow with that professor (the one who thinks I'm more capable when I'm thinner)… and I have no idea how I'm going to face it. I'm pretty sure I'll just cook up some excuse to skip it altogether.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Thanks, Anthony Harris14…

That’s exactly why I don't bother with television. It’s just mindless noise! If you turn on the radio instead, you can actually be productive—you know, reading a book, sketching, or just letting your mind wander through some daydreaming... Advertisements aren't designed to bring you joy, you know; they exist solely to drive sales for some product. True happiness? That's something you have to find on your own.
And honestly, if you tell some pretentious professor that beauty comes from within, he'll just look at you like you've lost your mind. What a chauvinistic jerk.

So, Anthony Wood54 hasn't said a single word to us. Not a peep. It’s been two whole weeks now. I’m honestly just wondering if there’s any news at all—like, did she actually end up talking to her doctors or what? Or maybe she finally got her life back on track and things are actually clicking for her. Seriously, Anthony Wood54, give us a sign.

So, what can I even say?
It’s been two weeks since the guy I spent six years with has reached out—all because I told him to just hit me up whenever he actually has some free time...
I've been stuck in bed for two days now. Caught a bit of a fever, I think...
As for the doctors and that whole situation...
Honestly, I’d rather not even go there...
If this is how all the doctors and nurses act, being "polite," then I am officially done with them. It honestly makes you feel disgusted with yourself just for showing up...
Except for Dr. Miller. I have nothing but respect for her; she is truly incredible...
But everyone else? Total trash...
Starting Monday, I’m hitting the gym and joining an aerobics class. And I'll be eating again, eventually...
I lost weight again because I haven't eaten a thing for days thanks to the stress...
Everything else is pretty much the same old story...
The one silver lining is that I've finally started getting out of the house...
That's about it...
And I'll say it again: I don't believe doctors actually help. It's all in my head and inside me...

👋 👍

Anthony Wood54 said:And once again... I just don't believe doctors can actually help... it's all in my head and within myself...

👋 👍

That’s a fair point, but honestly, that is precisely why a doctor exists—to help you sort through everything going on inside that head of yours.😉

Anthony Wood54 said:THERE ARE MUCH SMARTER AND HEALTHIER WAYS TO GO ABOUT THIS...
IF ANYONE HAD JUST TOLD ME TO STOP AND SHOWED ME THE CONSEQUENCES BEFORE I STARTED, I NEVER WOULD HAVE GOTTEN INVOLVED...
I'LL SEND YOU A PRIVATE MESSAGE

Of course, feel free to DM me if you want to talk about a specific solution... 🙂

Anthony Wood54 said:I HAVE NEVER BEEN SICKER THAN I AM RIGHT NOW, I HAVE NEVER FELT MORE PATHETIC OR LONELY, AND MY LIFE HAS NEVER BEEN AS TERRIBLE AS IT IS AT THIS MOMENT!!!!

I'm sorry you're going through that; the answer is right there if you just listen to it... 😛

none said:I haven't read the whole thread, but I have a question for anyone dealing with an eating disorder. A friend of mine has anorexia, which prompted me to choose eating disorders as the subject for my senior thesis. I've done a lot of reading, and since I've known her practically since I can remember, I just can't wrap my head around...
.....I was wondering if you could all try to look at your own experiences objectively and compare them... I don't quite have the strength to talk to her openly about this yet. I'm waiting until I finish this project so I can understand as much as possible before trying to take action. I don't know 😢

Take a look at this photo and you'll see exactly what needs to be done...

http://img.iskrica.com/gallery/slike/1958_4.jpg?26833

PS: Trust me, there isn't a better way to deal with anorexia... 🙂

Hey Anthony Wood54!

I saw what you sent me in that private message. Honestly, doctors are just the way they are, and the nurses at Mayo Clinic? Total nightmare. They’re easily the rudest staff you'll find anywhere. In my experience, if you want actual kindness, you have to head over to the infectious disease ward. That's just how it is, IMO.

And about your boyfriend—you're saying he hasn't even called or texted in two weeks after six years together? Seriously? You really need to ask yourself if he actually gives a damn about you. He isn't the only guy on this planet. There are plenty of others out there.
Like, a massive amount. Who’s actually going to sit there and deal with your drama or truly care about what you're going through?

I'm glad you're finally getting out of the house. Right now, just put your head down and focus on college. Once you get your academics sorted, everything else usually falls into place.

You mentioned you haven't eaten anything and you're planning to hit up aerobics and the gym. Look, since those workouts are pretty intense, you really should start eating again. You won't have the stamina to finish a single session. It's a shame you didn't realize sooner that eating properly is actually a much better "diet." You can eat normal meals and still lose weight just by sweating it out.
It’s like they say: "A healthy body leads to a healthy mind." If you fuel yourself, you'll actually have the energy and the drive to study.

Also, regarding anorexia and bulimia—they aren't the same thing. They're different, even if they seem similar on the surface. Let's not lump them together as if they're identical.

Hang in there, Anthony Wood54. 👋

So I was talking to my brother's girlfriend today—just a friend of his, really. She’s only 17, but she keeps throwing up. She told me she wants to lose weight, so I tried telling her to just stop, but she started making all these excuses. I finally just laid it out for her. I told her, "Look at me, I have bulimia." And you know what she says? She tells me I look perfect. I tried explaining that it doesn't work like that, that there’s no stopping once you start, and that I thought I could control it too, but I can't... blah blah blah. All she said was that she’d bring me a book on healthy eating. I tried to explain that if she gets caught in this cycle, there's no easy way out...
stubborn, just like me...
so what now??
there you go...
here I am, the person who should be helping her, and I'm totally stuck...
I'm speechless...
Apparently, seeing how I look isn't enough of a warning for her. To her, it looks fine...
and he’d probably feel the same...
man...
what am I supposed to do??
she's just a kid!!!

I totally forgot to mention that after like a hundred years, I actually ate something and just let it sit there... then I headed straight to the gym and was fighting for my life trying not to throw up. I was just sitting on some bleachers, trying to focus on...
man... 🙂
absolute nightmare!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh yeah...
that old drunkard completely blew his career...
😉))

Anthony Wood54 said:And once again... I just don't think doctors can actually help. It's all in my head, honestly. Just me against myself...

👋 👍

You're probably right. You likely have an F60.31 diagnosis or whatever, and let's be real—nobody here is going to fix you. Not even you, most likely.