Topic of the day: Would you rather cheat or be cheated on?

Someone let me know when the usual forum couples start their little drama sessions again...🙂

I could never bring myself to cheat on someone again
Nor would I ever dream of being the one who gets cheated on

Ultimately, whether one chooses to be faithful or deceptive is simply a matter of personal decision and one's own moral character

The whole concept of cheating is inextricably linked to the presence of jealousy; frankly, if one isn't prone to jealousy, there is absolutely no reason to resort to such a heavy, dramatic term as 'infidelity.'

When we consider Philia—that platonic, friendly component of love—most people aren't plagued by jealousy, which is why friendships don't demand exclusive monopolies, nor is it labeled a 'betrayal' when someone extends that affection to others. Granted, jealousy can still manifest in those dynamics, though it’s quite rare—occurring perhaps with a small minority of women, and even more seldom among men—specifically regarding a 'best friend' hanging out with someone else...

In stark contrast, when erotic love enters the equation, the vast majority of people become inherently jealous and possessive, clinging to the mindset of "it's only me and you, exclusively." Consequently, if that love is shared with a third party, people reach for harsh labels like 'cheating,' and it is precisely this sense of betrayal and jealousy that ignites the ensuing drama.

Someone who is truly devoid of jealousy and possessiveness wouldn't bother calling such an occurrence a "betrayal" or making a scene over it; instead, they might simply shrug and say it's 'no big deal,' operating under the belief that spreading love is always preferable to sparking conflict or war.

Most individuals will claim they "aren't jealous or possessive," but in roughly 99% of cases, that is merely a hollow platitude—one of those things people toss around because it sounds better, avoiding any deep reflection on the layers beneath their surface. We live in a world dominated by superficiality, where it is entirely expected that people will make such easy, empty declarations.

Unlike the romantic sphere, when dealing with Philia, these statements aren't usually just empty rhetoric, as most people in that realm genuinely lack jealousy, while only a tiny fraction actually experiences it.

...besides, everyone seems to have their own peculiar little definition of what actually constitutes "cheating."

For the vast majority of people, it boils down to those most prone to jealousy and possessiveness, specifically focusing on the physical act itself.

However, if you ask anyone else, the line moves constantly; some individuals—and quite frankly, many of them—would argue that "infidelity" includes things like:

- a kiss (specifically a "French" kiss)
- a simple kiss on the lips without tongue
- dancing that leans a bit too heavily into erotic movement or touch
- texting that delves into deep emotional intimacy...
- and so on (it’s a moving target, really, as different people will list different offenses, and even genders tend to diverge here, since men and women often experience jealousy through slightly different lenses, despite the inevitable overlap)

Ultimately, depending on just how much someone struggles with possessiveness, any one of these actions could swing anywhere from being a "no big deal" moment to a full-blown, relationship-ending drama.

Look, we all know real betrayal isn't just someone letting you down—it's when they go behind your back to help someone else instead.
It works the exact same way in business and in love.
Betrayal is when your partner leaks trade secrets to the competition just to pocket a little extra commission for themselves.
Applies to marriage too.

In any material transaction, there is always a party that suffers a tangible loss.

When we shift our focus to emotional connections, if jealousy—that bitter cocktail of negative emotions—is entirely absent, then there isn't really a "victim" to speak of, which makes the very concept of "infidelity" feel rather nonsensical.

This highlights a fundamental distinction between what we might call *philia* love—which, for most people, lacks that suffocating jealousy or possessiveness, and thus rarely invites terms like "betrayal"—and erotic love, which tends to be inherently jealous and possessive, leading people to reach for heavy labels like "cheating" whenever a third party enters the equation.

feralranger said:In any material transaction, there is always a party that suffers a tangible loss.

When we shift our focus to emotional connections, if jealousy—that bitter cocktail of negative emotions—is entirely absent, then there isn't really a "victim" to speak of, which makes the very concept of "infidelity" feel rather nonsensical.

This highlights a fundamental distinction between what we might call *philia* love—which, for most people, lacks that suffocating jealousy or possessiveness, and thus rarely invites terms like "betrayal"—and erotic love, which tends to be inherently jealous and possessive, leading people to reach for heavy labels like "cheating" whenever a third party enters the equation.

And? Would you rather be the one doing the cheating or the one being cheated on?🍿

feralmoose32 said:I’m honestly being so picky that I can’t even make up my mind—Sorry, I know... 😁
I don't cheat, ever, and I certainly wouldn't put up with anyone trying to deceive me. Period.

And just so I can get ahead of any haters out there—I have never once broken up with someone because of a third party 😛

But what about a fourth? Or a fifth? 🕺

I find myself once again compelled to address the topic of the day, though I must admit my enthusiasm for such trivialities remains perpetually low. It appears we are back at square one, circling the same drain of discourse that seems to define our collective existence. One might hope for a modicum of intellectual progression, yet here we sit, wading through the same predictable waters. Honestly, if this level of monotony continues, I may have to seek refuge in a particularly dense technical manual just to feel a flicker of stimulation. kaže:
I find myself pondering a rather uncomfortable dilemma today—perhaps it’s just the lack of caffeine, but I simply must ask: would you rather be the one pulling the strings through deception, or would you prefer to be the unsuspecting victim of someone else's machinations?🍿

The question itself is rather poorly constructed; it carries the flawed implication that one might actually desire both simultaneously, whereas the true distinction lies in determining which one we would genuinely prefer.

feralranger said:

I find myself once again compelled to address the topic of the day, though I must admit my enthusiasm for such trivialities remains perpetually low. It appears we are back at square one, circling the same drain of discourse that seems to define our collective existence. One might hope for a modicum of intellectual progression, yet here we sit, wading through the same predictable waters. Honestly, if this level of monotony continues, I may have to seek refuge in a particularly dense technical manual just to feel a flicker of stimulation. kaže:
I find myself pondering a rather uncomfortable dilemma today—perhaps it’s just the lack of caffeine, but I simply must ask: would you rather be the one pulling the strings through deception, or would you prefer to be the unsuspecting victim of someone else's machinations?🍿

The question itself is rather poorly constructed; it carries the flawed implication that one might actually desire both simultaneously, whereas the true distinction lies in determining which one we would genuinely prefer.

It's a hypothetical scenario.
That was my approach, though I noticed some people getting quite defensive and argumentative about it, so I decided it was best to just delete my responses and move on.

Nah. It’s basically saying both options suck and you just have to pick whichever one is slightly less of a nightmare to live with.

I've been there already, so I wouldn't want to go through that again.
And honestly, I wouldn't dream of cheating either, so...

Neither of those scenarios works for me. I mean, let's be real—deceiving someone is deceiving someone, plain and simple.

This question is pretty mindless, honestly. Being conned or being the con artist isn't some binary choice you can just pick from a menu in a hypothetical scenario.
Besides, even for the most selfless person out there, survival instinct is a thing. At the end of the day, people are wired to look out for number one.
I’d give my left arm—literally—for a mother willing to throw her life away to save her kid.
But for everything else? It’s easy to sit on a soapbox acting all moral and full of love for humanity, but real life works differently. People choose themselves. It’s just easier to live with yourself that way.

I wouldn't cheat, I'm just not that kind of person.
Though, honestly, maybe some real jerks are still better than people like that. 🙂

Joseph Rivera75 said:This question is pretty mindless, honestly. Being conned or being the con artist isn't some binary choice you can just pick from a menu in a hypothetical scenario.
Besides, even for the most selfless person out there, survival instinct is a thing. At the end of the day, people are wired to look out for number one.
I’d give my left arm—literally—for a mother willing to throw her life away to save her kid.
But for everything else? It’s easy to sit on a soapbox acting all moral and full of love for humanity, but real life works differently. People choose themselves. It’s just easier to live with yourself that way.

Not really, though—people sacrifice themselves for total strangers all the time, let alone for someone they actually love.
So, cheating basically boils down to one of two things: either you lack self-control (being "tempted" isn't an excuse) or there just wasn't any real love there to begin with.

coastalwalker9 said:It's a hypothetical scenario.
That was my approach, though I noticed some people getting quite defensive and argumentative about it, so I decided it was best to just delete my responses and move on.

When I take a moment to reflect upon myself and the world at large, I find that my own capacity for jealousy is somewhat lower than the average person's, though I have absolutely no desire to rely on tired clichés by claiming I am entirely immune to it—that would be dishonest.

If a relationship operates primarily within the sphere of *philia*, jealousy tends to diminish; however, if the bond is driven more by intense erotic passion, then that sense of exclusivity—and the resulting jealousy regarding third parties—becomes significantly more acute.

Furthermore, according to various psychological studies, there are distinct gendered patterns: men generally exhibit higher levels of jealousy regarding the physical act itself, whereas women tend to lean more toward emotional jealousy, though there is certainly overlap and plenty of outliers to consider.

Thomas Nelson25 said:Not really, though—people sacrifice themselves for total strangers all the time, let alone for someone they actually love.
So, cheating basically boils down to one of two things: either you lack self-control (being "tempted" isn't an excuse) or there just wasn't any real love there to begin with.

They sacrifice themselves because they don't think things through in the moment. They just don't see the danger coming.

Thomas Nelson25 said:Not really, though—people sacrifice themselves for total strangers all the time, let alone for someone they actually love.
So, cheating basically boils down to one of two things: either you lack self-control (being "tempted" isn't an excuse) or there just wasn't any real love there to begin with.

If the person you are dating (truly, mind you, rather than just paying lip service like most people do) wouldn't feel any jealousy—meaning they wouldn't suffer if you were to share an act of affection with someone else—then why would there be any drama at all, and why would we even bother calling it "cheating"?

The same logic applies in reverse.

Joseph Rivera75 said:They sacrifice themselves because they don't think things through in the moment. They just don't see the danger coming.

So you end up in a relationship or marriage like that.
Or rather—statistically speaking, that's how most people live. Not gonna lie.