Topic of the day > You find out your friend cheated on her boyfriend...

quietbadger11 said:I’ve never really had an ex-friend try to move in on a girl I was seeing.
If someone does that, can you even call them a friend anymore, or are they just some jerk?

There's this coworker of mine, she's about 32, and she's been dropping hints about being my mistress, which is awkward enough because her husband works right alongside me.
The thought hasn't even crossed my mind to go there, mainly because the guy is a colleague and a genuine friend.
I suppose some people would jump at the chance, but isn't that just what low-life, disrespectful people do?

Did you really have to vent about all of this?
Yeah, you did. Honestly, you kind of had to. 🕺

quietbadger11
Alright, you finally get the point.
Way to go, genius.
You’ll probably be kicking yourself when you're 80 for passing her up, but hey, at least you're happy now.
One thing I don't get, though: would you actually pay for the drinks, or just tell off the buddy who was eyeing your girl?

P.S. Would you even tell a friend if his wife was hitting on you?
I'd love to know... though I doubt I'd ever hear the truth from my current husband.

When it comes to the messy intersection of sex and romantic relationships, there truly is no rhyme or reason to it all

In a general sense, if a woman were to be unfaithful with someone else, I believe I could still maintain a friendship with her, simply because I find her to be a wonderful human being at her core

However, if it were a friend who did such a thing, he would no longer hold the status of a friend in my eyes; that bond would be severed entirely

I recall an instance where an ex-friend of mine spent a significant amount of time making advances toward my ex-wife—essentially dropping suggestive comments while we were all hanging out together as a group

Noah Moore61 said:Did you really have to vent about all of this?
Yeah, you did. Honestly, you kind of had to. 🕺

I didn't screw anything up, honestly.
The guy who keeps messing with my wife is just a complete piece of work, plain and simple.

jadeowl2 said:Or hey, maybe he actually tried something and they blew him off, so now he's just looking for payback. Could totally be that...

Sure, could be—but then we're talking some much heavier stuff. 🙄

Like—Blood and Water style. 😲
😁

Let me stay on topic here.

A friend of mine used to flirt with my husband back when we were still married. I knew she was interested the whole time. When I finally called her out on hanging out with him alone—which was totally inappropriate—she wouldn't admit it. Instead, she played the "we're all just friends" card, claiming he was one of the few husbands among her social circle she could actually hang out with one-on-one. It was a blatant excuse.

He, on the other hand, actually admitted that their little get-togethers crossed the line (I won't go into the specifics). I’m not stupid, and I'm certainly not crazy.

We ended up splitting up, and as for her, I haven't seen her since and have zero intention of ever seeing her again. She either tried to move in on my man or lied straight to my face.

I find all this altruistic theorizing interesting, but I want someone to share a real experience. Has anyone actually lived through this, let it go, and managed to stay on good terms with both parties? How?

Richard Brown7, look, I have put my thoughts down here

Neither an ex-friend nor my ex-wife ever held those specific grievances against me, if that is what you are implying

Joseph Rivera75 said:quietbadger11
Alright, you finally get the point.
Way to go, genius.
You’ll probably be kicking yourself when you're 80 for passing her up, but hey, at least you're happy now.
One thing I don't get, though: would you actually pay for the drinks, or just tell off the buddy who was eyeing your girl?

P.S. Would you even tell a friend if his wife was hitting on you?
I'd love to know... though I doubt I'd ever hear the truth from my current husband.

I wouldn't blow up at him because, at the end of the day, she's the one who chose to cheat on me and go home with him.
To me, a woman who would betray her partner with a close friend is really just bottom-of-the-barrel.

I’m never going to mention to a colleague that his wife is making moves on me, simply because I don't want to cause chaos in their marriage.
Those people have two kids, and causing a rift like that would only end up hurting them and the children.
She asked me to keep it quiet, so I'm going to respect that request.

Maria Cox2 said:Richard Brown7, look, I have put my thoughts down here

Neither an ex-friend nor my ex-wife ever held those specific grievances against me, if that is what you are implying

Fair enough, but he's an ex for a reason.😁 I'm sure there were other issues too, but if he was hitting on your wife, he was never actually a friend.

Richard Brown7 said:Honestly, I don't think that's possible. Maybe in La La Land.

I'm on the same page.
I'm starting to suspect there’s been something going on between those two all along—like I just completely missed the signs.

quietbadger11 said:I’ve never really had an ex-friend try to move in on a girl I was seeing.
If someone does that, can you even call them a friend anymore, or are they just some jerk?

There's this coworker of mine, she's about 32, and she's been dropping hints about being my mistress, which is awkward enough because her husband works right alongside me.
The thought hasn't even crossed my mind to go there, mainly because the guy is a colleague and a genuine friend.
I suppose some people would jump at the chance, but isn't that just what low-life, disrespectful people do?

Is that actually a matter of honor—or are you just not feeling enough tension?

amberviper70, I don't think quietbadger11 would actually do it just because of a buddy.

quietbadger11
Just because she said yes doesn't mean anything for the topic of the day.
The point is her friend made a move on her, you get me?
Would you lose your mind if someone told you your girl was hitting on them, or would you just buy him a drink?
Or would you actually distance yourself from the guy, which is what any sane person would do?

Richard Brown7 said:Fair enough, but he's an ex for a reason.😁 I'm sure there were other issues too, but if he was hitting on your wife, he was never actually a friend.

The term ex applies strictly to our different ways of thinking and acting, rather than that specific incident.

That goes without saying, of course; a true friend would never behave in such a manner.

In the past, I must admit, I struggled with a somewhat distorted understanding of interpersonal relationships—both in friendship and in romance.

Maria Cox2 said:When it comes to the messy intersection of sex and romantic relationships, there truly is no rhyme or reason to it all

In a general sense, if a woman were to be unfaithful with someone else, I believe I could still maintain a friendship with her, simply because I find her to be a wonderful human being at her core

However, if it were a friend who did such a thing, he would no longer hold the status of a friend in my eyes; that bond would be severed entirely

I recall an instance where an ex-friend of mine spent a significant amount of time making advances toward my ex-wife—essentially dropping suggestive comments while we were all hanging out together as a group

And you’re practically a friend to me too—if I just bought you a beer and some burgers and left you hanging out to dry!
I honestly don't get it. Where is the basic sense of gratitude? A man goes out of his way to help you out, and this is how you repay him...

The world has truly gone to hell

It’s the same story with mine. We aren't even friends anymore because of a bunch of other issues, but I guess that’s just how it all goes—it all comes as a package deal.

quietbadger11 said:I wouldn't blow up at him because, at the end of the day, she's the one who chose to cheat on me and go home with him.
To me, a woman who would betray her partner with a close friend is really just bottom-of-the-barrel.

I’m never going to mention to a colleague that his wife is making moves on me, simply because I don't want to cause chaos in their marriage.
Those people have two kids, and causing a rift like that would only end up hurting them and the children.
She asked me to keep it quiet, so I'm going to respect that request.

Cheating isn't about having sex with someone else; it's the lying to your husband that does it. Honestly, just get a divorce if you want to be with someone else. I can't stand people like that. Such opportunists...

Richard Brown7 said:It’s the same story with mine. We aren't even friends anymore because of a bunch of other issues, but I guess that’s just how it all goes—it all comes as a package deal.

Once trust is broken, it's gone for good.

amberviper70 said:I'm on the same page.
I'm starting to suspect there’s been something going on between those two all along—like I just completely missed the signs.

Is that actually a matter of honor—or are you just not feeling enough tension?

She’s a beautiful, sophisticated blonde, but like I mentioned before, I just can't imagine her pulling something so nasty.
Plus, I’m a person of faith, and acting like that would go completely against everything I believe in.
It’s honestly just such a tacky and disrespectful way to behave.

David Sanders4 said:And you’re practically a friend to me too—if I just bought you a beer and some burgers and left you hanging out to dry!
I honestly don't get it. Where is the basic sense of gratitude? A man goes out of his way to help you out, and this is how you repay him...

The world has truly gone to hell

David Sanders4, haha

It has been quite a long time since I last touched alcohol, as I have moved on from those circles entirely

And as for being detached during those kinds of situations, well, all of my friends are well aware of that trait of mine
Dapace, that particular friend was also privy to various instances where he remarked on how cold I can be

He is very likely a sociopath, so one shouldn't perhaps worry too much when a person like that claims you are being cold

Joseph Rivera75 said:amberviper70, I don't think quietbadger11 would actually do it just because of a buddy.

quietbadger11
Just because she said yes doesn't mean anything for the topic of the day.
The point is her friend made a move on her, you get me?
Would you lose your mind if someone told you your girl was hitting on them, or would you just buy him a drink?
Or would you actually distance yourself from the guy, which is what any sane person would do?

Personally, I wouldn't feel right if a friend tried to hit on my woman.
Of course, I’d tell him straight up that it was incredibly disrespectful.
In all likelihood, he wouldn't even be my friend anymore.
I've just never really encountered people that clueless before.

Gefutko said:Sometimes you sound so cold I actually have to grab a sweater, wrap myself in a blanket, and make some hot tea just to cope...

My question was about this situation where a friend admits her boyfriend was hitting on her, but she turned him down—only telling me about it much later because she wasn't sure how to handle it. So, what's the move?

I think I'm being realistic, though maybe it's just a girl thing since I come off as cold sometimes... even though I'm usually a total delight...
😁

Whatever, doesn't matter... the point is you don't need everyone in your life... even if you're left with just two people, as long as those two are actually solid...