Topic of the day > You find out your friend cheated on her boyfriend...

David Sanders4 said:I'll give you an answer once you get rid of that damn signature; okp keeps messing with it for me.

Why even ask me that? You could have been less politically correct and just asked if I actually crave that kind of drama.

On a side note, if he were still giving me free oil changes at his shop, I wouldn't mind.

But if he left an old filter in my car during a routine service? Man, I think I'd lose my mind the next time I saw him walking away.

hahaha

Honestly, I suspect most people wouldn't even want to grab a coffee with a friend who acted like that anymore.

I'm a bit lost, I feel like I'm missing the thread again. 😁

To be honest, even when this thread was active, I always felt like the definition of flirting was a bit fuzzy. 😬
Does it mean she actually hooked up with him? Or that she just tried to?
Who knows. 😁

Anyway... I'm not really sure what I would do... I guess I'd probably just pretend I had no idea what was going on. 😁

Flirting is essentially an attempt at scoring a shot.
So is hitting on someone 🤔

Success or failure isn't really the point—it’s the fact that you actually stepped up to the plate that matters. 😈

I guess you can't really score with anyone if they aren't making any room for it, though maybe there's always that one person who's constantly hunting and then someone else who just lets things happen, I suppose.

mellowhound7 said:I guess you can't really score with anyone if they aren't making any room for it, though maybe there's always that one person who's constantly hunting and then someone else who just lets things happen, I suppose.

That's a fair point.
The weight of responsibility, however, falls differently on each side.—it's not an even split.

First, there's the friend who pursues someone they really shouldn't be pursuing.
Then, there's the girl who leans into the flirtation when she knows better.

In the end, the outcome is the same—neither of them is acting like a true friend.
At least by the end of the story. 😁

Rachel Richardson said:That's a fair point.
The weight of responsibility, however, falls differently on each side.—it's not an even split.

First, there's the friend who pursues someone they really shouldn't be pursuing.
Then, there's the girl who leans into the flirtation when she knows better.

In the end, the outcome is the same—neither of them is acting like a true friend.
At least by the end of the story. 😁

I don't know why you'd bother with someone who lacks any integrity. Maybe just let them find people exactly like themselves. You help them realize who they are, and then you just walk away.

mellowhound7 said:I don't know why you'd bother with someone who lacks any integrity. Maybe just let them find people exactly like themselves. You help them realize who they are, and then you just walk away.

I'm in complete agreement here. 👍

If a person can't maintain their own standards...

But personally, I don't see a friend moving in on your girlfriend (or vice versa).
Not even with an ex...
It's just not worth the trouble...

Rachel Richardson said:I'm in complete agreement here. 👍

If a person can't maintain their own standards...

But personally, I don't see a friend moving in on your girlfriend (or vice versa).
Not even with an ex...
It's just not worth the trouble...

A Low quality person is exactly what it sounds like, I guess. Then again, when it comes down to their own skin, most people's ethics and principles tend to fall by the wayside, if they even had any to begin with.

mellowhound7 said:A Low quality person is exactly what it sounds like, I guess. Then again, when it comes down to their own skin, most people's ethics and principles tend to fall by the wayside, if they even had any to begin with.

I agree—hypocrites are truly the worst.

Rachel Richardson said:I agree—hypocrites are truly the worst.

I suppose trusting anyone is a dangerous game, honestly... you might trust a dog, but a person? Maybe not. I guess you just have to rely on yourself instead of anyone else, and you should probably be ready for betrayal, if only so you aren't caught off guard when it actually happens.

mellowhound7 said:I suppose trusting anyone is a dangerous game, honestly... you might trust a dog, but a person? Maybe not. I guess you just have to rely on yourself instead of anyone else, and you should probably be ready for betrayal, if only so you aren't caught off guard when it actually happens.

That just isn't how I operate.

I tend to offer a baseline level of trust to people initially—it's my instinct to let them in a little deeper before deciding.

Besides, living in a constant state of combat with everyone around you would be exhausting. 😁

It happened quite often.
They weren't even really friends, more like... just people in my social circle.
I usually didn't catch onto those things until much later, though I guess it doesn't really matter.
They didn't actually do anything.
But there's one thing I find pretty interesting.
Those moments where I’d hear, "Oh, you could totally get my boyfriend!"
Aside from the fact that I wouldn't touch any of them with a ten-foot pole—and they knew perfectly well I wasn't into that kind of drama...
It was almost like they were trying to boost their own dating status by making up these fake stories.
Personally, I'm not a threat to anyone; I've always had my own life going on, and I've actually stayed friends with girls like that before.

Rachel Richardson said:That just isn't how I operate.

I tend to offer a baseline level of trust to people initially—it's my instinct to let them in a little deeper before deciding.

Besides, living in a constant state of combat with everyone around you would be exhausting. 😁

Humans are basically just creatures shaped by conditioning, expectations, and this massive pile of direct and indirect factors that serve the conscious or unconscious interests of the species.

Maybe it’s just human nature to get it wrong—you see it all the time in romantic relationships, where you realize exactly how much trust is worth, or rather, how much it can actually cost you.

Being at war and being skeptical aren't really the same thing, I suppose. If anything, being smarter than
someone who thinks they're the smartest person in the room is the ultimate test of life; it isn't a weakness, it's probably a strength.

silentmason4 said:Lost. But hey, there are still plenty of us left out here. 👍
I think I might be a little neurodivergent when it comes to this stuff, and probably with other social cues too. To me, flirting just feels like... I don't know, acting like a complete clown.

Exactly. And honestly? I never hang out with those people anymore. It just feels awkward and messy whenever we're all in the same room. Whatever, we went our separate ways and that's that. Peace out.

👍

Noah Moore61 said:But honestly, what’s the alternative here?
Just let people love whoever they want, whenever they feel like it. And for that matter, let them hook up with whoever they want, how and when they want. It's their life.
If you're really that hung up on how other people are loving or sleeping, maybe focus on yourself (🤮) so that maybe—just maybe—you'll actually become someone's first choice too.

There isn't one.
That scenario where everyone is happy, holding hands, wishing each other well, and giving out sweet kisses—that only happens in some utopia where everyone spent years working on themselves, became perfectly balanced, and gained total self-confidence.

And then, suddenly, everyone sees through the act, the whole thing crashes, and it's over.

It doesn't work like that. In those messy triangles and quadrangles, people lie to each other first—with rare exceptions. That's why you can never stay on good terms after things blow up like that.

Richard Brown7 said:There isn't one.
That scenario where everyone is happy, holding hands, wishing each other well, and giving out sweet kisses—that only happens in some utopia where everyone spent years working on themselves, became perfectly balanced, and gained total self-confidence.

And then, suddenly, everyone sees through the act, the whole thing crashes, and it's over.

It doesn't work like that. In those messy triangles and quadrangles, people lie to each other first—with rare exceptions. That's why you can never stay on good terms after things blow up like that.

You don't need to be living in the middle of nowhere to "work on yourself," and you definitely don't need to be perfectly zen and confident to let someone you love go to someone else who might be better for them. You just let them go, feel miserable because you miss them endlessly, and eventually, you move on. You’re just a small speck under the stars, but you grow through doing the right thing. In love, there's really only one right way: letting go of whatever doesn't want to stay. Wishing them peace and happiness. Compatibility is a different story, though. That's where those selfish rules about looking out for your own ego take over...

Exactly. My point was that there are incredibly few people like them—just as few people on the other side who actually play fair. Both sides are severely lacking in that department.

It takes a long time to reach that level of maturity, where you can be "big" while staying humble under the spotlight. That’s a long road to walk.

I'll be the first to admit I struggle to move past things like this; it takes me forever to find any sense of peace. I honestly envy those who can process stuff faster. I’m speaking generally here, not just about the specific scenarios being discussed in this thread.

mellowhound7 said:Humans are basically just creatures shaped by conditioning, expectations, and this massive pile of direct and indirect factors that serve the conscious or unconscious interests of the species.

Maybe it’s just human nature to get it wrong—you see it all the time in romantic relationships, where you realize exactly how much trust is worth, or rather, how much it can actually cost you.

Being at war and being skeptical aren't really the same thing, I suppose. If anything, being smarter than
someone who thinks they're the smartest person in the room is the ultimate test of life; it isn't a weakness, it's probably a strength.

And that’s fine.
We all have our instincts.
But that other thing...
We are still slightly above animals, after all.😁

mellowhound7 said:Humans are basically just creatures shaped by conditioning, expectations, and this massive pile of direct and indirect factors that serve the conscious or unconscious interests of the species.

Maybe it’s just human nature to get it wrong—you see it all the time in romantic relationships, where you realize exactly how much trust is worth, or rather, how much it can actually cost you.

Being at war and being skeptical aren't really the same thing, I suppose. If anything, being smarter than
someone who thinks they're the smartest person in the room is the ultimate test of life; it isn't a weakness, it's probably a strength.

True, but I have no desire to be in a relationship where I can't trust my partner.

The longer you know someone, the better you understand them, and consequently, the more you trust them.
Or at least, you know exactly what they are capable of.

With certain things, you simply have to let go.
There is no sense in wasting energy on them.

mellowhound7 said:Humans are basically just creatures shaped by conditioning, expectations, and this massive pile of direct and indirect factors that serve the conscious or unconscious interests of the species.

Maybe it’s just human nature to get it wrong—you see it all the time in romantic relationships, where you realize exactly how much trust is worth, or rather, how much it can actually cost you.

Being at war and being skeptical aren't really the same thing, I suppose. If anything, being smarter than
someone who thinks they're the smartest person in the room is the ultimate test of life; it isn't a weakness, it's probably a strength.

That isn't my mindset.
I don't care to haggle over every little cent.
I mean, I could, but...
I'd rather just skip people like that entirely.

You have your own standards, and you apply them to everyone else.
If you see someone is looking to screw you over, why bother dealing with them?

You don't screw people over—especially not your own.

Melissa Rogers4 said:You don't need to be living in the middle of nowhere to "work on yourself," and you definitely don't need to be perfectly zen and confident to let someone you love go to someone else who might be better for them. You just let them go, feel miserable because you miss them endlessly, and eventually, you move on. You’re just a small speck under the stars, but you grow through doing the right thing. In love, there's really only one right way: letting go of whatever doesn't want to stay. Wishing them peace and happiness. Compatibility is a different story, though. That's where those selfish rules about looking out for your own ego take over...

👍

There are certain lines you simply won't cross.
Focus on being your own person—don't try to be someone else.

Richard Brown7 said:Exactly. My point was that there are incredibly few people like them—just as few people on the other side who actually play fair. Both sides are severely lacking in that department.

It takes a long time to reach that level of maturity, where you can be "big" while staying humble under the spotlight. That’s a long road to walk.

I'll be the first to admit I struggle to move past things like this; it takes me forever to find any sense of peace. I honestly envy those who can process stuff faster. I’m speaking generally here, not just about the specific scenarios being discussed in this thread.

Look, if someone acts a certain way, it’s a clear sign they don't value you.
And if they don't value you, why on earth should you care about them? 😁

Rachel Richardson said:And that’s fine.
We all have our instincts.
But that other thing...
We are still slightly above animals, after all.😁

True, but I have no desire to be in a relationship where I can't trust my partner.

The longer you know someone, the better you understand them, and consequently, the more you trust them.
Or at least, you know exactly what they are capable of.

With certain things, you simply have to let go.
There is no sense in wasting energy on them.

That isn't my mindset.
I don't care to haggle over every little cent.
I mean, I could, but...
I'd rather just skip people like that entirely.

You have your own standards, and you apply them to everyone else.
If you see someone is looking to screw you over, why bother dealing with them?

You don't screw people over—especially not your own.

👍

There are certain lines you simply won't cross.
Focus on being your own person—don't try to be someone else.

Look, if someone acts a certain way, it’s a clear sign they don't value you.
And if they don't value you, why on earth should you care about them? 😁

You’re living under the delusion that you actually matter to someone. You’ve built this little narrative in your head.

Then reality hits. You realize the story was wrong, and the truth is something else entirely. It takes time to rebuild those convictions and weave a new narrative together.

I read this definition once and it stuck with me—"marriage is a system of beliefs and stories." That applies to relationships, friendships, work, pretty much your whole life. That's why it hurts so much when a story falls apart. It's when your own story breaks. It takes time for a new one to take shape and for things to make sense again.

Richard Brown7 said:You’re living under the delusion that you actually matter to someone. You’ve built this little narrative in your head.

Then reality hits. You realize the story was wrong, and the truth is something else entirely. It takes time to rebuild those convictions and weave a new narrative together.

I read this definition once and it stuck with me—"marriage is a system of beliefs and stories." That applies to relationships, friendships, work, pretty much your whole life. That's why it hurts so much when a story falls apart. It's when your own story breaks. It takes time for a new one to take shape and for things to make sense again.

Fair enough, I agree.

But some people still strike me as just... strange.
It's like...
Projections are constant—you judge others based on your own internal compass, assuming they would act the way you would.

If you haven't done anything wrong to anyone—if you've been decent, if you've even gone out of your way to help them...
You expect them not to screw you over.
That's just basic human nature.
You don't expect to get blindsided just because you happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. 🤷

The tricky part is when you overestimate people.
But honestly, if that happens, it's probably better to cut ties as quickly as possible.