Dealing with someone struggling with mental health issues

Alright, here’s the situation... I’m 37, he’s 40. He’s been divorced for about three years—his ex was cheating on him with someone else. We met online two months ago, messaged for two weeks, then started dating. We were both being honest, acting like adults... everything was fine until two weeks ago. Suddenly, he just stops responding. When I finally pushed him for an answer, he told me he can't find himself in a relationship right now and simply isn't ready for anything serious because of the trauma. He admitted he's dealing with depression and anxiety, and that he's on medication. It was Tuesday when he said he'd call me on Saturday. He didn't call. He finally reached out the following Tuesday, we met up, and we had a good talk. He mentioned he's been on pills since this summer—Lexapro 10 mg—because he felt incredibly weak and listless over the summer; there was one week where he couldn't even get out of bed, just lying there, so he ended up seeing a doctor. At that point, he told me he felt better just having opened up to me, that he's glad I know what the problem is and that he appreciates my support while he heals—that a man can't do much when he's alone... all that heartfelt stuff. Then, I wake up the next morning to a text from him:😁Good morning... I was thinking about us and my own issues last night. Right now, I feel terrible and empty, and starting a new relationship is stressing me out—maybe because of my health, or maybe because I'm still fresh from my old relationship (which ended in May after lasting 7 months). I need time to pull myself together and clear my head from everything. Please understand and accept this. I'm not in a place for a new relationship right now. I'm sorry.
I asked him how "terrible and empty" he actually feels. He wrote back saying it's like he's been blocked from feeling love, totally hollowed out, and that all of this is just agonizing for him. He needs time until he feels better.
I texted him back telling him I'm there for him.
Look, I need some advice... please don't come at me with blame. If you have any way to help, let me know. What should I expect? How can I help? How do you guys see this? Because I don't get this sudden "blocked from love" thing after nearly two months of him showing affection and paying attention to me. Is this just a bluff, or is it the antidepressants, or mood swings, or what?

Just be his friend first. There’s really no point in trying to force things; it could end up being way too painful if you rush it.

Maybe he’s just terrified of getting burned again—especially if his wife might have actually blindsided him with an affair. It’s possible he’s built up some kind of barricade now, just hunkering down because he refuses to surrender to anyone.

It's pure, and honestly? That's a good thing. It means he's actually doing things his own way.

Carl Rivera43 said:It's pure, and honestly? That's a good thing. It means he's actually doing things his own way.

What do you mean by "tough"?... The guy can't even relax in a relationship; he’s constantly acting like he's just a figment of your imagination. After the divorce, his older daughter moved in with him while the younger one stayed with his ex-wife... He actually messaged me saying he needs time before he reaches out, and apparently, even just texting is stressing him out. I'm not pushing for anything here—I've been nothing but fair to him.

Well, that’s exactly what he told you—just have some patience while waiting for the rescue.

Why didn't he mention his "issues" or the fact that he was on medication earlier—only bringing it up once you were already head over heels for him?

Mental health struggles, even the minor ones, can honestly be a convenient way to distance ourselves from people we just don't vibe with... It’s much easier than actually admitting, "Hey, this isn't working for me, there's no spark, you're just not my type."

Just move on.

Nick can't turn back the clock, you know? You really have to weigh your options. Sometimes, isn't it better to just stay on good terms—almost like being friends—rather than cutting someone off entirely?

Gerald Thompson62 said:Why didn't he mention his "issues" or the fact that he was on medication earlier—only bringing it up once you were already head over heels for him?

It’s not about what people might think—who knows what I'd even think... honestly, I'm still trying to wrap my head around all of this myself.

Whatever psychological issues he’s dealing with, it’s pretty clear you aren't exactly his North Star right now.
It is entirely possible he hasn't even processed the fallout from his last relationship yet.
Just let him be; at this point, every move he makes is on his own head, not yours.

I have to say... he claims everything is moving too fast and that it’s stressing him out—which is wild. He already told his parents he met a great woman, and he even mentioned us to his daughter, so I don't get why he's suddenly acting like things are "too fast" on his end. He was already planning for us to go on vacation together next May, and now, all of a sudden, he’s terrified of commitment? He needs to clear his head; the whole thing is clearly weighing on him. It’s a bad look—he just seems empty. I mean, can someone really tell you that you're their everything one day, then claim they need space the very next?

Of course she can, it's obvious you mean a lot to her. She just doesn't want to rush things and cause unnecessary pain. She's trying to be careful so she doesn't hurt you or lose that trust you've built together.

It feels like it—he’s experiencing the relationship as nothing more than a weight around his neck. You ought to respect his desire to remain unattached and just walk away. Completely.
Whether he gets his act together or stays a mess is entirely up to him; it isn't your job to fix his life. Unless he actually asks you for help with it—which, let's be honest, he hasn't done.

He isn't trying to hurt her. We just need to show some empathy, you know?

darkjackal7 said:It feels like it—he’s experiencing the relationship as nothing more than a weight around his neck. You ought to respect his desire to remain unattached and just walk away. Completely.
Whether he gets his act together or stays a mess is entirely up to him; it isn't your job to fix his life. Unless he actually asks you for help with it—which, let's be honest, he hasn't done.

When we talked about his issues and I offered my support... I told him I was there for him through thick and thin. He just said, "Thanks for that, man, I feel like I can't do anything on my own."

Then, the very next day, suddenly he's not ready for a commitment if I actually want what's best for him—he says I should give him time and that he'll reach out later..

So, I stepped back... but I'm still sitting here thinking about it... and it's eating at me.

Just let those thoughts go. Honestly, how many people actually embrace that kind of mindset 24/7? Not many, I bet.

Jose Green82 said:When we talked about his issues and I offered my support... I told him I was there for him through thick and thin. He just said, "Thanks for that, man, I feel like I can't do anything on my own."

Then, the very next day, suddenly he's not ready for a commitment if I actually want what's best for him—he says I should give him time and that he'll reach out later..

So, I stepped back... but I'm still sitting here thinking about it... and it's eating at me.

Look, when someone gives you their word—whatever the hell they say—the best move is to take them at face value and let them have their way. Don't step in. Don't interfere.
It doesn't even matter whether the person is right or wrong in the end.
It’s perfectly normal that you’re spinning your wheels and wondering what happened. It’s normal to feel bad about it. But that’s just how relationships function; things either click or they don't.
In this specific scenario, they aren't clicking. Maybe something shifts down the road, but your best bet is to accept the reality that, unfortunately, it just wasn't working.
What happens, happens. Sometimes you just have to be a fatalist and leave it to fate. 🙂

The whole vibe is just super intense and honestly kind of all over the place.

Carl Rivera43 said:Just let those thoughts go. Honestly, how many people actually embrace that kind of mindset 24/7? Not many, I bet.

Honestly, I can't seem to shake them right now..