Fear of abandonment

Gerald Morgan4 said:Like I said, I’ll openly push back against anyone I perceive as a bully. Your tone in those previous posts definitely gave off that impression (even without more context). I’m sorry you took it personally, but honestly, that shouldn't be my concern. I made my reasons for reacting perfectly clear. Anyway, have it your way ☕

Just as you don't need to worry about my feelings, I don't need to lose sleep over yours—or even Donna White50's. You can complain all you want, but as far as I know, you aren't a moderator here, so you don't get to dictate how people talk on this thread, or any other. Feel free to play the hero fighting for the right to be overly sensitive, but don't expect me to take it seriously. All you'll get from me is a laugh. 😁

Joseph Bailey41 said:Personally, things like people being blatantly illiterate on these forums drive me crazy (I'll admit, I have a bit of a disdain for it), but I don't go looking for a fight unless someone comes at me first. You can side with whoever you want, but just leave me out of it and we won't have any issues. Goodnight. 🥱

Well, yeah, but honestly, you kind of give off this vibe on the board like you're someone mean, petty, offensive, obsessed, and just generally malicious who loves picking on others.
I guess that's fine with me, though. At least you're being authentic, unlike so many other people out there.
I'm probably not much better myself. 🕺

gentlestag3 said:Well, yeah, but honestly, you kind of give off this vibe on the board like you're someone mean, petty, offensive, obsessed, and just generally malicious who loves picking on others.
I guess that's fine with me, though. At least you're being authentic, unlike so many other people out there.
I'm probably not much better myself. 🕺

Thanks! 😒

gentlestag3 said:Well, yeah, but honestly, you kind of give off this vibe on the board like you're someone mean, petty, offensive, obsessed, and just generally malicious who loves picking on others.
I guess that's fine with me, though. At least you're being authentic, unlike so many other people out there.
I'm probably not much better myself. 🕺

🤣🤣

Donna White50 said:I just can't afford to fall apart. And the truth is, I fall apart the second I scratch beneath the surface. And that breakdown looks like this: right now, I'm functional—I handle my life, my job, my kid, my family, I put in the overtime if the job needs it... but the moment I start poking at my emotions, or a bad memory, or even just thinking about them for a second, I turn into a completely different person. I literally crumble. I can't get out of bed, I can't work, I can't take care of my child, my focus goes to zero, I feel empty and drained of any energy, and then the nightmares, the anxiety, and the pure dread kick in...
At 38, with everything going on in my life—especially now with my little one needing me, and after losing my dad without even fully processing it, and with my marriage hitting serious rough patches—I simply cannot allow myself to break down. I can't just say, "whatever, let the emotions and the traumas I've suppressed for 30 years wash over me" and hope the flood clears everything out...
I'd probably end up on heavy meds and stuck in a psych ward...
Right now, I’m basically just operating like a robot—zero emotion, either that or I just completely fall apart. My emotional tank is totally empty... I’m trying so hard not to feel anything at all, which means I’m burying even the good stuff deep down, not just the bad...
The only thing keeping me going is my own brain, honestly. Being smart enough to recognize when things are going south helps, and then I use whatever techniques I can find to chill out and channel the anxiety—it's basically just firefighting at this point...

I know deep down that one day I’m gonna snap like a dry twig and never quite pull myself back together. But what am I supposed to do? Lose my job? Spend years on heavy-duty antidepressants just trying to piece together all these different versions of myself while my kid watches me struggle like this? No way... I just can't...

I deal with the exact same thing quite often. I find that I can only truly function once I've pushed my emotions aside.
The problem is that I’m completely blind to my own mess. It’s not like gaining some sort of clarity or self-awareness is going to provide me any relief—it certainly won't fix this constant state of anxiety. 😁).

When it comes to individuality, I make it a point to view every single person as a unique entity. Because of that, I grant that right to everyone—including myself. 🤣🤣)

Joseph Bailey41 said:Of course you aren't. Honestly, I was trying to think of an animal to compare you to... but I can't find one that wallows in its own imaginary misery quite as much as you do. What is actually bothering you, besides being hooked on your meds? Please don't start with the "my mom didn't breastfeed me enough" routine, or how you spent your teenage years obsessing over adult magazines your dad hid under his mattress... Tell me what's genuinely hurting you right now. Are you drowning in debt? Do you, your wife, and your kid have enough food on the table? Do you have running water, enough money for the heat, or is someone at work making your life a living hell while you're too afraid to quit because you'd all end up on the street? Are you actually hungry for anything, other than our attention?🍿

Look, not every mental health struggle starts because someone took out a massive loan they can't pay back—turning their entire life into a nightmare just to collect a folder full of medical diagnoses. I guess I’ve grown up a little more than you have in that department... Before you go labeling someone else's genuine pain and suffering as just some "immature cry for attention," maybe take a second to look in the mirror. You seem pretty immature yourself, honestly—especially with how you love to lecture everyone else from that high horse of yours. It must feel pretty great, though... tossing judgment around like it's clothing, just to feel a tiny bit of satisfaction in the middle of your own mess...
Look, I’m really not in any better spot than you are—that's exactly why I'm here. Nobody hangs out in places like this just because they're bored or life is suddenly perfect... it's usually because they're dealing with their own stuff, fighting those internal battles and, more often than not, losing them...
My parents spent my whole life telling me I was stupid and that I didn't have any actual problems—just like you’re claiming right now—all while I was literally dying from depression. I spent years just gritting my teeth, forcing myself to go to school knowing I’d just get bullied by everyone again. They really convinced me that being in this state was totally normal... so I thought I just had to suck it up and stay quiet. I figured everyone lived life feeling depressed, humiliated, picked on, hopeless, rejected, and alone... It took me forever to realize that isn't how life is supposed to be, or what it actually means to be happy and content. But I also realized I was using masochism to cope with the pain—that I have this urge to tear down everything I've built, that I struggle with people, and that I constantly deny my own needs just because I feel like my only purpose is to please everyone else. It’s not even about needing attention—you’re just too clueless to see that—I just act cocky so people will punish me for it. So, tell me... who am I actually even talking to on this forum?
You talk about "growing up"... Man, that sounds great in theory—like you just wake up one morning and suddenly decide you're an adult. But honestly? Some people just don't have the tools for it. They don't really grasp what self-love or actual responsibility looks like, so the whole concept of "maturing" feels totally alien to them. Then you've got others who get it perfectly fine, but they still just... can't make it happen. If it were actually that simple, therapy wouldn't be a years-long grind for so many people...
I'm really hoping you just close out that loan already—then the next day, you can finally feel happy, light, and like you actually have your life together...

Thomas Campbell5 said:🤣🤣

I deal with the exact same thing quite often. I find that I can only truly function once I've pushed my emotions aside.
The problem is that I’m completely blind to my own mess. It’s not like gaining some sort of clarity or self-awareness is going to provide me any relief—it certainly won't fix this constant state of anxiety. 😁).

When it comes to individuality, I make it a point to view every single person as a unique entity. Because of that, I grant that right to everyone—including myself. 🤣🤣)

Have you ever actually studied this stuff professionally?
Once you finally wrap your head around the causes and effects, things get way easier to handle—you can just tackle them step by step. But if you aren't self-aware, you end up just running away from your emotions... and eventually, that's gonna catch up to you.

There isn't inherently anything wrong with the concept of "growing up," but there’s certainly nothing inherently good about it either; you can't just assume someone's intentions are pure, because more often than not, malicious motives hide behind a veil of philosophy, flattery, or a desire for control.

Personally, I find myself reacting quite negatively to excessive empathy—that specific kind where I pick up on a vibration from someone that they’re actually just pitying me.

I truly have so much I want to say regarding this subject, and even regarding other topics entirely, yet I simply find myself unable to do so. There are moments when I feel paralyzed, unable to even process a thought. It’s almost as if I have this deep-seated fear of venturing into that inner space where I formulate my actual opinions, feeling somehow inadequate, as if the mere act of voicing something coherent would drain my battery completely and leave me lifeless.
It all traces back to childhood, naturally. I doubt Donna White50 was particularly affected by this flying sensation, though perhaps it struck a nerve so sensitive that she avoids thinking about it just to prevent herself from falling apart.

...There is so much I want to express, so much I want to accomplish... and yet, a part of me wishes it could all just vanish. I don't mean that in a suicidal sense, but quite literally, I am terrified of the sheer exhaustion it requires; growing up, I was constantly being dragged into these long-lasting domestic scandals and shouting matches, and I’d wake up the next day feeling like a small child, lacking any energy to pull myself together.
And now, here I am, getting all tangled up in my own thoughts... falling into that same foolish, childish pattern of dwelling on the past. I honestly don't know why

I could have written a post detailing what I truly intend to say—about the fear of abandonment—but I refrained for two specific reasons:

First, I wouldn't have been able to pull it off,

And second, even if I had succeeded, I would still end up alone regardless.

In either scenario............................... I’ll just write another post properly later.

Matthew Cruz44 said:There isn't inherently anything wrong with the concept of "growing up," but there’s certainly nothing inherently good about it either; you can't just assume someone's intentions are pure, because more often than not, malicious motives hide behind a veil of philosophy, flattery, or a desire for control.

Personally, I find myself reacting quite negatively to excessive empathy—that specific kind where I pick up on a vibration from someone that they’re actually just pitying me.

I truly have so much I want to say regarding this subject, and even regarding other topics entirely, yet I simply find myself unable to do so. There are moments when I feel paralyzed, unable to even process a thought. It’s almost as if I have this deep-seated fear of venturing into that inner space where I formulate my actual opinions, feeling somehow inadequate, as if the mere act of voicing something coherent would drain my battery completely and leave me lifeless.
It all traces back to childhood, naturally. I doubt Donna White50 was particularly affected by this flying sensation, though perhaps it struck a nerve so sensitive that she avoids thinking about it just to prevent herself from falling apart.

...There is so much I want to express, so much I want to accomplish... and yet, a part of me wishes it could all just vanish. I don't mean that in a suicidal sense, but quite literally, I am terrified of the sheer exhaustion it requires; growing up, I was constantly being dragged into these long-lasting domestic scandals and shouting matches, and I’d wake up the next day feeling like a small child, lacking any energy to pull myself together.
And now, here I am, getting all tangled up in my own thoughts... falling into that same foolish, childish pattern of dwelling on the past. I honestly don't know why

I could have written a post detailing what I truly intend to say—about the fear of abandonment—but I refrained for two specific reasons:

First, I wouldn't have been able to pull it off,

And second, even if I had succeeded, I would still end up alone regardless.

In either scenario............................... I’ll just write another post properly later.

Of course there’s nothing wrong with it, provided it's constructive and well-intentioned. Period. I agree that you have to be careful when judging other people's motives.

Empathy has absolutely nothing to do with pity... though I get why you might feel that way. When some random person on the internet shows a decent amount of empathy, it's easy to assume it's fake and they're actually just looking down on you. But since I deal with this issue myself quite often, I prioritize having empathy for myself first, and then for everyone else facing the same struggle.

Matthew Cruz44 said:There isn't inherently anything wrong with the concept of "growing up," but there’s certainly nothing inherently good about it either; you can't just assume someone's intentions are pure, because more often than not, malicious motives hide behind a veil of philosophy, flattery, or a desire for control.

Personally, I find myself reacting quite negatively to excessive empathy—that specific kind where I pick up on a vibration from someone that they’re actually just pitying me.

I truly have so much I want to say regarding this subject, and even regarding other topics entirely, yet I simply find myself unable to do so. There are moments when I feel paralyzed, unable to even process a thought. It’s almost as if I have this deep-seated fear of venturing into that inner space where I formulate my actual opinions, feeling somehow inadequate, as if the mere act of voicing something coherent would drain my battery completely and leave me lifeless.
It all traces back to childhood, naturally. I doubt Donna White50 was particularly affected by this flying sensation, though perhaps it struck a nerve so sensitive that she avoids thinking about it just to prevent herself from falling apart.

...There is so much I want to express, so much I want to accomplish... and yet, a part of me wishes it could all just vanish. I don't mean that in a suicidal sense, but quite literally, I am terrified of the sheer exhaustion it requires; growing up, I was constantly being dragged into these long-lasting domestic scandals and shouting matches, and I’d wake up the next day feeling like a small child, lacking any energy to pull myself together.
And now, here I am, getting all tangled up in my own thoughts... falling into that same foolish, childish pattern of dwelling on the past. I honestly don't know why

I could have written a post detailing what I truly intend to say—about the fear of abandonment—but I refrained for two specific reasons:

First, I wouldn't have been able to pull it off,

And second, even if I had succeeded, I would still end up alone regardless.

In either scenario............................... I’ll just write another post properly later.

Are you going to therapy...?
Just one question. Since it's so hard for you to wrap your head around this and actually say it, why do you think that is?
Do you think that if you finally find the right words and let it all out, it'll kill the pain? Or is it just shame because you can't express it the way you want to... making you feel like you're messed up because of it?
That's how it is for me in therapy—I'm speechless, I don't know how to put it into words, so I just keep saying "maybe next time."
But really, the important thing is just to start letting it out, even if it's messy and awkward...

Gerald Morgan4, when I was talking about empathy and regret, I was actually referring to those self-proclaimed "experts" who, in my honest opinion, don't really fit the bill at all.

As for this whole display of empathy—I mean, sure, in certain high-stress moments it might serve a purpose, but generally speaking, I believe empathy should be a tool we use to actually solve a problem rather than just a performance we put on for others.

Donna White50... Well, I go for my check-ups about once a month. Since I’m just as sharp as you are, I’m perfectly capable of doing some of my own internal work...
I am actively trying to move away from this habit of seeing everything in such strict black-and-white terms.
Why is it so difficult to find the right words? It’s quite simple, really; when you're carrying a heavier burden of pain, you tend to think that if you just try harder, you'll express yourself more beautifully, but instead, you often just end up feeling like a complete idiot.

Matthew Cruz44 said:Gerald Morgan4, when I was talking about empathy and regret, I was actually referring to those self-proclaimed "experts" who, in my honest opinion, don't really fit the bill at all.

As for this whole display of empathy—I mean, sure, in certain high-stress moments it might serve a purpose, but generally speaking, I believe empathy should be a tool we use to actually solve a problem rather than just a performance we put on for others.

Donna White50... Well, I go for my check-ups about once a month. Since I’m just as sharp as you are, I’m perfectly capable of doing some of my own internal work...
I am actively trying to move away from this habit of seeing everything in such strict black-and-white terms.
Why is it so difficult to find the right words? It’s quite simple, really; when you're carrying a heavier burden of pain, you tend to think that if you just try harder, you'll express yourself more beautifully, but instead, you often just end up feeling like a complete idiot.

Nobody ever actually gave you empathy—they just pitied you. That's why you hate it when someone tries to understand or sympathize with you; you feel like they're looking down on you, basically telling you how broken, bad, or worthless you are...
People need love and empathy, just like every kid needs to feel worthy and accepted. I reject it too, which means I'm just pushing away the people who actually want to love me.

You can't do this alone—you need a pro for that. You can't even explain to strangers here what's hurting you, let alone figure out the "why" behind everything happening inside your head. Alone, you can only hibernate—just like me, shutting down where it hurts most instead of actually fixing the problem.

Donna White50 said:I just can't afford to fall apart. And the truth is, I fall apart the second I scratch beneath the surface. And that breakdown looks like this: right now, I'm functional—I handle my life, my job, my kid, my family, I put in the overtime if the job needs it... but the moment I start poking at my emotions, or a bad memory, or even just thinking about them for a second, I turn into a completely different person. I literally crumble. I can't get out of bed, I can't work, I can't take care of my child, my focus goes to zero, I feel empty and drained of any energy, and then the nightmares, the anxiety, and the pure dread kick in...
At 38, with everything going on in my life—especially now with my little one needing me, and after losing my dad without even fully processing it, and with my marriage hitting serious rough patches—I simply cannot allow myself to break down. I can't just say, "whatever, let the emotions and the traumas I've suppressed for 30 years wash over me" and hope the flood clears everything out...
I'd probably end up on heavy meds and stuck in a psych ward...
Right now, I’m basically just operating like a robot—zero emotion, either that or I just completely fall apart. My emotional tank is totally empty... I’m trying so hard not to feel anything at all, which means I’m burying even the good stuff deep down, not just the bad...
The only thing keeping me going is my own brain, honestly. Being smart enough to recognize when things are going south helps, and then I use whatever techniques I can find to chill out and channel the anxiety—it's basically just firefighting at this point...

I know deep down that one day I’m gonna snap like a dry twig and never quite pull myself back together. But what am I supposed to do? Lose my job? Spend years on heavy-duty antidepressants just trying to piece together all these different versions of myself while my kid watches me struggle like this? No way... I just can't...

OK, perfectly clear why you think maintaining the status quo is better... but look, therapy isn't some magic wand that will instantly fix tectonic shifts in your psyche. It takes time, and above all, it requires accepting change. Otherwise, you're just wasting everyone's time if you're resisting it. You don't have to "pop like popcorn." Start with "small" things. Every bit of emotional progress is a win. I honestly can't fathom how anyone can function like this for so long—giving up on themselves, discarding their emotional self. I get why you do it, really, but the only thing I ever gained from that approach was crippling episodes of depression and anxiety.

Matthew Cruz44 said:Gerald Morgan4, when I was talking about empathy and regret, I was actually referring to those self-proclaimed "experts" who, in my honest opinion, don't really fit the bill at all.

As for this whole display of empathy—I mean, sure, in certain high-stress moments it might serve a purpose, but generally speaking, I believe empathy should be a tool we use to actually solve a problem rather than just a performance we put on for others.

Donna White50... Well, I go for my check-ups about once a month. Since I’m just as sharp as you are, I’m perfectly capable of doing some of my own internal work...
I am actively trying to move away from this habit of seeing everything in such strict black-and-white terms.
Why is it so difficult to find the right words? It’s quite simple, really; when you're carrying a heavier burden of pain, you tend to think that if you just try harder, you'll express yourself more beautifully, but instead, you often just end up feeling like a complete idiot.

Fine, whatever, my bad. I guess I got called out.😁

I also struggle with black-and-white thinking and childish comparisons in relationships. Therapy helped me realize why I do it and what purpose it serves... which just brought me back to this whole thing about avoiding intimacy. On a rational level, everything is fine, everything works, but then you realize you're alone... and how am I supposed to rationalize that?!

Empathy absolutely needs to be shown, just like any other emotion. You have to show emotions because that's how we connect with people and build actual relationships. Of course, you can empathize without showing it, but I don't see much point if the goal is to create a bond rather than staying safe behind a wall of distance.

Matthew Cruz44 said:There isn't inherently anything wrong with the concept of "growing up," but there’s certainly nothing inherently good about it either; you can't just assume someone's intentions are pure, because more often than not, malicious motives hide behind a veil of philosophy, flattery, or a desire for control.

Personally, I find myself reacting quite negatively to excessive empathy—that specific kind where I pick up on a vibration from someone that they’re actually just pitying me.

I truly have so much I want to say regarding this subject, and even regarding other topics entirely, yet I simply find myself unable to do so. There are moments when I feel paralyzed, unable to even process a thought. It’s almost as if I have this deep-seated fear of venturing into that inner space where I formulate my actual opinions, feeling somehow inadequate, as if the mere act of voicing something coherent would drain my battery completely and leave me lifeless.
It all traces back to childhood, naturally. I doubt Donna White50 was particularly affected by this flying sensation, though perhaps it struck a nerve so sensitive that she avoids thinking about it just to prevent herself from falling apart.

...There is so much I want to express, so much I want to accomplish... and yet, a part of me wishes it could all just vanish. I don't mean that in a suicidal sense, but quite literally, I am terrified of the sheer exhaustion it requires; growing up, I was constantly being dragged into these long-lasting domestic scandals and shouting matches, and I’d wake up the next day feeling like a small child, lacking any energy to pull myself together.
And now, here I am, getting all tangled up in my own thoughts... falling into that same foolish, childish pattern of dwelling on the past. I honestly don't know why

I could have written a post detailing what I truly intend to say—about the fear of abandonment—but I refrained for two specific reasons:

First, I wouldn't have been able to pull it off,

And second, even if I had succeeded, I would still end up alone regardless.

In either scenario............................... I’ll just write another post properly later.

Whenever I feel that kind of thing coming on, I get this sudden, intense urge to just punch that "empath" right in the face. 😁

You can’t truly feel empathy—actually stepping into someone else's shoes—while simultaneously feeling pity for them because you're overwhelmed by their emotions. There is a massive difference between "sending" love and compassion and simply feeling pity. Pity is transparent; it’s a subtle way of looking down on someone, essentially placing yourself above them. An expert who falls into that trap might be technically skilled, but they aren't a healer in the true sense of the word. In those moments, they're just protecting their own inflated ego from your pain, and from their own emotional depth. At the end of the day, we can't possibly mirror an emotion in someone else if we don't possess even a small spark of it within ourselves.

"Quote:"

Matthew Cruz44 said:There isn't inherently anything wrong with the concept of "growing up," but there’s certainly nothing inherently good about it either; you can't just assume someone's intentions are pure, because more often than not, malicious motives hide behind a veil of philosophy, flattery, or a desire for control.

Personally, I find myself reacting quite negatively to excessive empathy—that specific kind where I pick up on a vibration from someone that they’re actually just pitying me.

I truly have so much I want to say regarding this subject, and even regarding other topics entirely, yet I simply find myself unable to do so. There are moments when I feel paralyzed, unable to even process a thought. It’s almost as if I have this deep-seated fear of venturing into that inner space where I formulate my actual opinions, feeling somehow inadequate, as if the mere act of voicing something coherent would drain my battery completely and leave me lifeless.
It all traces back to childhood, naturally. I doubt Donna White50 was particularly affected by this flying sensation, though perhaps it struck a nerve so sensitive that she avoids thinking about it just to prevent herself from falling apart.

...There is so much I want to express, so much I want to accomplish... and yet, a part of me wishes it could all just vanish. I don't mean that in a suicidal sense, but quite literally, I am terrified of the sheer exhaustion it requires; growing up, I was constantly being dragged into these long-lasting domestic scandals and shouting matches, and I’d wake up the next day feeling like a small child, lacking any energy to pull myself together.
And now, here I am, getting all tangled up in my own thoughts... falling into that same foolish, childish pattern of dwelling on the past. I honestly don't know why

I could have written a post detailing what I truly intend to say—about the fear of abandonment—but I refrained for two specific reasons:

First, I wouldn't have been able to pull it off,

And second, even if I had succeeded, I would still end up alone regardless.

In either scenario............................... I’ll just write another post properly later.

Well, you said it, and you’re still here. 🎉

"Quote:"

Matthew Cruz44 said:There isn't inherently anything wrong with the concept of "growing up," but there’s certainly nothing inherently good about it either; you can't just assume someone's intentions are pure, because more often than not, malicious motives hide behind a veil of philosophy, flattery, or a desire for control.

Personally, I find myself reacting quite negatively to excessive empathy—that specific kind where I pick up on a vibration from someone that they’re actually just pitying me.

I truly have so much I want to say regarding this subject, and even regarding other topics entirely, yet I simply find myself unable to do so. There are moments when I feel paralyzed, unable to even process a thought. It’s almost as if I have this deep-seated fear of venturing into that inner space where I formulate my actual opinions, feeling somehow inadequate, as if the mere act of voicing something coherent would drain my battery completely and leave me lifeless.
It all traces back to childhood, naturally. I doubt Donna White50 was particularly affected by this flying sensation, though perhaps it struck a nerve so sensitive that she avoids thinking about it just to prevent herself from falling apart.

...There is so much I want to express, so much I want to accomplish... and yet, a part of me wishes it could all just vanish. I don't mean that in a suicidal sense, but quite literally, I am terrified of the sheer exhaustion it requires; growing up, I was constantly being dragged into these long-lasting domestic scandals and shouting matches, and I’d wake up the next day feeling like a small child, lacking any energy to pull myself together.
And now, here I am, getting all tangled up in my own thoughts... falling into that same foolish, childish pattern of dwelling on the past. I honestly don't know why

I could have written a post detailing what I truly intend to say—about the fear of abandonment—but I refrained for two specific reasons:

First, I wouldn't have been able to pull it off,

And second, even if I had succeeded, I would still end up alone regardless.

In either scenario............................... I’ll just write another post properly later.

I know that feeling all too well... that heavy, hollow sensation where you just wish you could disappear. You want to sink straight into the ground, become completely invisible, or maybe just launch yourself toward some distant planet—anything to escape a situation that feels impossible to walk away from and absolutely unbearable. It’s more exhausting than anything else I've ever dealt with. The real way out isn't about accepting the circumstances themselves—because you aren't a child anymore, and you don't have to stay stuck in places where you don't feel safe or welcome—it's about accepting yourself. It's about embracing that confused, frightened part of you that, somehow, still feels like a little kid lost in the dark.

Gerald Morgan4 said:OK, perfectly clear why you think maintaining the status quo is better... but look, therapy isn't some magic wand that will instantly fix tectonic shifts in your psyche. It takes time, and above all, it requires accepting change. Otherwise, you're just wasting everyone's time if you're resisting it. You don't have to "pop like popcorn." Start with "small" things. Every bit of emotional progress is a win. I honestly can't fathom how anyone can function like this for so long—giving up on themselves, discarding their emotional self. I get why you do it, really, but the only thing I ever gained from that approach was crippling episodes of depression and anxiety.

It’s tough because I just feel terrible whenever I shut down like that. So far, my therapy has mostly just been about venting anger—which is a huge struggle for me—and trying to untangle my relationships.
I basically tossed my emotional self out the window a few years back, sort of like a total meltdown during some marriage issues. Setting boundaries in superficial or work relationships? No problem there. But when things get deep and emotional, I just lose it—it's like this weird masochistic thing where I can't find my footing. I take the blame way too easily and force myself to feel things so intensely it's actually scary. The worst part is, I don't see anything wrong with it until I realize I've caused myself irreparable damage. I just get lost... I stop thinking straight and ignore my own gut feelings, and the harder I fight against them, the worse it gets...

Donna White50 said:Nobody ever actually gave you empathy—they just pitied you. That's why you hate it when someone tries to understand or sympathize with you; you feel like they're looking down on you, basically telling you how broken, bad, or worthless you are...
People need love and empathy, just like every kid needs to feel worthy and accepted. I reject it too, which means I'm just pushing away the people who actually want to love me.

You can't do this alone—you need a pro for that. You can't even explain to strangers here what's hurting you, let alone figure out the "why" behind everything happening inside your head. Alone, you can only hibernate—just like me, shutting down where it hurts most instead of actually fixing the problem.

Man, I really wanted to push back against that idea—like, why wouldn't you be able to do it yourself? Why are you basically beating yourself up over this?

Then it hit me—wait, am I talking to you or just to myself?

The truth is, the best expert you've got is *you*. You're doing the work right now, and honestly, you're doing it better than anyone else could—nobody can step in and do it for you.

Now I'm starting to wonder... am I even talking to you, or just my own reflection? 🕺

Peter Murphy6 said:Man, I really wanted to push back against that idea—like, why wouldn't you be able to do it yourself? Why are you basically beating yourself up over this?

Then it hit me—wait, am I talking to you or just to myself?

The truth is, the best expert you've got is *you*. You're doing the work right now, and honestly, you're doing it better than anyone else could—nobody can step in and do it for you.

Now I'm starting to wonder... am I even talking to you, or just my own reflection? 🕺

Because it's just the truth. Sure, we all figure things out on our own once someone finally points us in the right direction—once they explain why everything feels so broken, why we act the way we do, or what the root cause is behind all those patterns we picked up growing up in our parents' house...
I guess I think I can handle everything alone, which is probably why therapy isn't clicking for me... but then again, I usually realize I *can't* do it solo, because if I actually could, I wouldn't be sitting here right now. It's all pretty heavy stuff...

Donna White50 said:Because it's just the truth. Sure, we all figure things out on our own once someone finally points us in the right direction—once they explain why everything feels so broken, why we act the way we do, or what the root cause is behind all those patterns we picked up growing up in our parents' house...
I guess I think I can handle everything alone, which is probably why therapy isn't clicking for me... but then again, I usually realize I *can't* do it solo, because if I actually could, I wouldn't be sitting here right now. It's all pretty heavy stuff...

Look, I'm seeing the progress. These last two or three years have built up more of who I am than everything that came before.

One of these days I'll "treat" myself to a session with a pro once I've "finished." Not just because I can, but because I *have* to—I need to be able to explain to myself why I was "messed up" (to me, that's not a permanent mental state, just a temporary one—how does it feel for you?)

At the end of the day, that's your truth, and this is mine—we both chose them for ourselves.
So, what's the priestess's truth?

Peter Murphy6 said:Look, I'm seeing the progress. These last two or three years have built up more of who I am than everything that came before.

One of these days I'll "treat" myself to a session with a pro once I've "finished." Not just because I can, but because I *have* to—I need to be able to explain to myself why I was "messed up" (to me, that's not a permanent mental state, just a temporary one—how does it feel for you?)

At the end of the day, that's your truth, and this is mine—we both chose them for ourselves.
So, what's the priestess's truth?

So, it wasn't even like you were struggling that much—it’s not like you actually needed a hand... But honestly, who’s to say you wouldn't be moving way faster if you did?...

Donna White50 said:So, it wasn't even like you were struggling that much—it’s not like you actually needed a hand... But honestly, who’s to say you wouldn't be moving way faster if you did?...

Do I really need to lay out my whole life story just to prove "credibility"? Not happening.

Nobody was around to help back when I actually "needed" it—I didn't have any options, so I just had to grit my teeth and figure it out myself. Now that things are looking up and I actually have choices, I just don't feel like it.

And honestly, there are probably plenty of other people out there stuck in the same boat with zero options.

If I’d stumbled upon this thread back when I was commenting on it, man, it would've helped me out big time.