Fear of abandonment

So, how do you even go about defining an enemy?

Donna White50 said:Fair enough, you found your way... but let me ask you, are you sure you're actually healed and not just masking the pain?
Because I went through this amazing stretch in my life where I honestly thought I'd made massive progress and left all my baggage behind. Turns out, I was dead wrong, and it totally bit me in the ass.
Maybe things just finally started looking up for you, which is why you can afford to pass now. But I can tell you for a fact—all that buried stuff eventually needs to come out and be dealt with. If you're actually okay, fine. But if you aren't? It's basically a ticking time bomb just waiting for the right moment to blow up—like losing a job, a breakup, a death in the family, or getting sick...

That’s actually what happened to me recently... I lost my job and went through a massive breakup at the exact same time.

Not too long ago, I actually received some medical results that indicated "improvement," and my doctor told me that my medication regimen was working wonders for me.

But now? I feel exactly how I felt four and a half months ago, back before I started any medication at all... It's like there's this raw wound in my chest... and those memories of past traumas are just sitting right there on the surface, making me feel completely shattered.

Honestly, I feel violated. That's the only way to put it. I feel neglected, humiliated, overpowered, trapped—almost like I’m suffering from Stockholm Syndrome. My relationship and my career were essentially the things that kept my mind off the trauma... the pills didn't fix the underlying issues; they just provided the stability I needed to maintain a job and a partnership.

While neither the layoff nor the end of the relationship is officially finalized yet, as far as I can see, they are inevitable...

Since I likely would have walked away from that job and that person anyway, perhaps the best path forward is to accept these losses with dignity; in fact, if they happen to hesitate, I want to make sure I don't go crawling back.

Besides, I find it much easier once I've let it all out. This is simply too much weight for even the healthiest person to carry. And honestly, not everyone needs to know, and I don't need people trying to "comfort" me... because opening up those old wounds can be counterproductive. I think wounds tend to reopen according to their own internal logic, regardless of what anyone else does... life's setbacks naturally trigger old pains. There isn't much you can do about that, other than try to hit the reset button.

Given that I'm dealing with this sense of Stockholm Syndrome, I don't think I should ever return to that workplace or that relationship. I know I haven't imagined the reality of the job loss or the breakup either... despite all this misery, I still have inherent value, and I might even be needed elsewhere. And when that time comes, I won't be gaslighting myself into thinking I made it all up. I'll just have to navigate through it all again.

Matthew Cruz44 said:That’s actually what happened to me recently... I lost my job and went through a massive breakup at the exact same time.

Not too long ago, I actually received some medical results that indicated "improvement," and my doctor told me that my medication regimen was working wonders for me.

But now? I feel exactly how I felt four and a half months ago, back before I started any medication at all... It's like there's this raw wound in my chest... and those memories of past traumas are just sitting right there on the surface, making me feel completely shattered.

Honestly, I feel violated. That's the only way to put it. I feel neglected, humiliated, overpowered, trapped—almost like I’m suffering from Stockholm Syndrome. My relationship and my career were essentially the things that kept my mind off the trauma... the pills didn't fix the underlying issues; they just provided the stability I needed to maintain a job and a partnership.

While neither the layoff nor the end of the relationship is officially finalized yet, as far as I can see, they are inevitable...

Since I likely would have walked away from that job and that person anyway, perhaps the best path forward is to accept these losses with dignity; in fact, if they happen to hesitate, I want to make sure I don't go crawling back.

Besides, I find it much easier once I've let it all out. This is simply too much weight for even the healthiest person to carry. And honestly, not everyone needs to know, and I don't need people trying to "comfort" me... because opening up those old wounds can be counterproductive. I think wounds tend to reopen according to their own internal logic, regardless of what anyone else does... life's setbacks naturally trigger old pains. There isn't much you can do about that, other than try to hit the reset button.

Given that I'm dealing with this sense of Stockholm Syndrome, I don't think I should ever return to that workplace or that relationship. I know I haven't imagined the reality of the job loss or the breakup either... despite all this misery, I still have inherent value, and I might even be needed elsewhere. And when that time comes, I won't be gaslighting myself into thinking I made it all up. I'll just have to navigate through it all again.

You know that saying:

"Burn the boats."

Keep your chin up and just charge ahead, good luck! 😉