Joseph Bailey41 said:5-9-3. Doesn't really feel very numerically balanced, does it? 😁
That five, though... it describes me pretty accurately, even if I’ve spent a lot of time shifting toward 7 when things get stressful or 8 when I'm feeling more integrated. I actually took some random, low-quality online quiz recently and it spit out an 8, which honestly made my day.
🙂
What do you mean not flowing? They're all odd numbers 🙂 Plus, 9 divided by 3 is 3, haha
Ekhm, just imagine my sheer joy when that 8 popped up...
The second the results dropped, I basically just confirmed all my suspicions about my own perfection—that intense, dark-eyed stare where I'm just glaring at nothing. 🕺
btw Jane, I'd say you should start a business selling ash-based soaps under the slogan "scattering ashes for purity." 🕺 Take all that profit and invest it in some emotional education for Clive and John—maybe then they'll finally "start using their brains." 🙂
And as for Clive outsmarting her... eh, why even sweat it? It had to happen that way, otherwise Jane would never have come up with the soap idea in the first place. 🙂
No, seriously, following that thread—Jane is dangerous. Like, the most dangerous of the bunch, precisely because she actually believes what she’s putting out there. If she didn't, she wouldn't be nearly as effective.
Idealism is a motherfucker.
I've always wondered, where's that fine line between inspiring someone and straight-up manipulating them?
Because from what I can see, inspiration without a lesson is closer to mania than actual effective action.
Roger Kern16 said:Type 4, type 9, then type 5; 4w5. I’d bet my life that a few years ago, that five was way higher on my scale. 😁
Intriguing questions. I was actually spiraling through these exact thoughts recently. I think the core driver is just innate curiosity, but sometimes it gets tangled up with something slightly pathological that just leaves me frustrated. When it's pure curiosity, I usually hit that hyperfocus state—almost like a "flow"... but when it's the other thing, it's driven by this existential anxiety. Like I'm missing the point of everything. Or that I get too excited about one thing and jump to the next too fast and lose focus. That I'm not diving deep enough into, say, philosophy. That I'm wasting my limited time... not knowing myself well enough... etc., etc. Basically, it's this feeling that the big truths are slipping through my fingers and I can't quite grasp them or make them part of my actual life.
I rarely ever feel like I "know" things. Knowledge always feels like it's just two steps ahead of me... I'm not even sure I'd recognize the sensation if I felt it. 😬 I've noticed I tend to dodge debates that aren't really about being curious, but are more about people just trying to ego-trip and prove they're bigger than everyone else. It probably stems from my own insecurities, but I just don't have the urge to put myself out there just to engage in some mental tug-of-war. This "exhaustion" might also be explained by toxins from my last relationship, because I don't think I used to be like this... but that's a whole different rabbit hole, never mind that for now. 😁
What about you two? (And everyone else lurking) How much does your drive for knowledge differ from mine?
For me, there's always this constant background "fact" that knowledge itself is elusive—like its whole essence is being hard to grasp.
Deep philosophy right there. 🙂
But for me, it’s a game played only once, and I get to choose the rules. My favorite kinds of games are the ones where you build, create, expand, and connect.
To do that, I have to round things off and file away certain "knowledge" (emphasis on the quotes) into little drawers.
That drawer is constantly getting filled with questions, but... hmmm... only periodically. It's like a self-set mechanism—once I "answer" the questions, the process just shuts down, goes to sleep, and my brain wanders off somewhere else. It might last days, weeks, or hell... I've been asking myself the same things for years.
Some things I'll be asking forever, and honestly, that's the beauty of it. I embrace the incompleteness; I "finish" things abstractly, where one thing triggers another in a constant loop. It's like a box inside a box inside a box inside a box—total Russian doll vibes.
Anyway, circling back to that point—I’ve been "gathering" new questions from surrounding topics and just building on them constantly. It's kind of like how I paint or draw. Growing up, I used to start with one tiny detail and try to work my way out to the big picture. But looking at the result? It always felt... messy, disconnected, bloated—just grotesque, you know? It didn't "hold water." Over the years, I learned to flip the script. Now, I build the whole composition relatively equally all at once—making sure to step back and look at it from different angles. Only *after* that setup do I dive into the details.
As for this thirst for knowledge—I think it’s just wired into my core. Ever since I can remember, I've been curious about... well, everything. Reaching the goal doesn't motivate me; the finish line is just a given. What drives me is the colorful chaos along the way. For me, the journey is actually a bigger deal than the destination itself.
It’s like reading an Asterix comic—you don't read it just to rush to the last page, right? It's all about what happens in between.
Back in the day—early on, even—my whole system used to land me in some pretty sketchy situations. I was hitting the negative extremes of certain Enneagram types—the absolute unhealthiest versions for both me and everyone else. I was constantly oscillating between this desperate urge to let all my rage loose (ugh, there was
plenty of it) and the paralyzing fear of what would happen if I actually did. Not just the direct consequences for me, but the fallout. Experience taught me what happens when I truly let it rip. It took me a long time to realize that the answer wasn't turning that aggression inward, nor was it just suppressing it.
When it comes to arguing with people—whether online or in person—considering how much work I've put into self-control... honestly, sometimes I still just want to "tear into someone" the second I sense someone acting with "negative intent" toward someone weaker.
It’s like this primal, visceral urge... Ekhm. Then I remember that's just that part of me that loves "fighting for justice," which is really just a smokescreen for other stuff. "Justice"—which is such a complex concept—doesn't actually come from anger or sadness.
It feels kind of pointless when you see yourself acting like a hysterical, aggressive kid.
So now, I pick my battles. I don't just charge in like a headless fly. I haven't given up on fighting altogether; I just frame some of it as a "game" to take the edge off the emotional intensity.
Every game I play is simultaneously super serious, totally fun, deeply educational, and incredibly intense. At least—for me—it's maximum everything.
With the people I actually care about, I don't treat it as a game at all. I protect them on pure instinct. There’s no softening the emotions there—just tact in how I express myself. They get the full package.
I don't like being provocative (even though I'm pretty damn good at it—classic Scorpio vibes here 🕺), but I definitely fall for the bait too easily.
Competing to show off knowledge and stuff? Never made sense to me. How can you actually learn if you're just trying to win? In terms of competition generally, I'm the one whose boundaries I want to push, so I'm basically just competing with myself. And yeah, I know how to play rough... Besides, competing with others just makes it harder to see your own flaws.
Alright, a few more questions... But personally, I've learned enough from all this (thanks for the opportunity 🙂 ) that I'm stepping back now as an "observer" rather than trying to be the center of the conversation.
How do you experience the flow of time? Does it make you feel uneasy, inadequate, or powerless?
And what's wrong with being enthusiastic? Even if you end up getting burned later, that feeling of excitement wasn't "fake"—it actually happened. It's a beautiful feeling, isn't it?😬
Being proven wrong later, btw, isn't a sign that you were "incorrect." If anything, it's the opposite.