Richard Wells said:It’s not really about that, though. You can't just force yourself to be positive through sheer willpower. It isn't something you can solve with a theory or a checklist of steps. It’s way more complicated than that—it's a whole mix of different personality traits all swirling together.
When you put it that way, it sounds like you’re suggesting people are basically set in stone—like their own personality traits act as a permanent ceiling that keeps them from ever being anything more than what they are right now. 🙂
Let's just strip all the noise away and boil this whole thing down to one single thing: character.
Character isn't something you're just born with. It’s something you build, brick by brick. You have the power to shape it, refine it, or—if you aren't careful—completely tear it down.
I’m convinced there’s definitely a "circumstantial factor" at play when it comes to shaping character. Think about it: we build our entire foundation of behavioral patterns and initial reactions based solely on what we observe in those closest to us. When you're a kid, you don't exactly have a massive library of life experiences to draw from. You lack those external benchmarks to compare things against, so you can't really step back and judge whether the behavior you're seeing is actually good or bad. You just internalize it. It becomes your baseline.
Even when we finally grow up and realize that our family members weren't always acting with the best intentions—and honestly, we shouldn't let their old patterns dictate how we live our lives today—there's still a lingering effect. It’s deep stuff. Our subconscious carries this heavy imprint from those early years when we were just little kids soaking everything up like a sponge, before we even knew there was any other way for the world to work. Back then, parents, grandparents, you name it... they were basically gods to us. They were the only ones who held all the answers to everything that seemed so confusing.
rustytiger35 said:Some people say you're just born that way, but honestly, I don't buy that for a second...
My whole goal isn't to force myself into being happy, it's about actually learning how to 😉 because that's what I truly want
You're spot on. 👍
When you look at everything that’s been laid out here—the whole picture—the absolute bottom line is this:
Focus..
So much happens to us throughout the day—a constant stream of highs and lows, really. I’ve always felt that where we end up emotionally depends entirely on where we choose to point our focus. Now, before anyone starts rolling their eyes, I’m not talking about that "just think happy thoughts and everything will be great" kind of cliché. That's just wishful thinking. What I mean is...
I have this feeling...You’ll always find yourself noticing things—events, little details, whatever—that just happen to line up perfectly with how you're feeling at that exact moment. It's funny how that works, isn't it? It's like your mood acts as a filter for reality.
Let’s say two people go through the exact same day. Identical schedules, identical weather, identical stressors. One walks away feeling like they won the lottery, while the other feels like everything is falling apart. Why does that happen? It’s a fascinating little puzzle, isn't it?
It all comes down to focus.
When you're in a good headspace, you tend to funnel all that energy into things that actually matter, which naturally makes you notice more of the good stuff around you. It’s funny how that works. Even if you run into some negativity during the day—and let's face it, we all do—you just don't let it take root. Instead of dwelling on it or wasting hours spiraling over some minor setback, you just move on. You refuse to burn your own fuel on things that aren't worth the effort.
So, how exactly does one go about pulling that off?
Some people just seem to be born with it. It’s one of those things where they move through life with this effortless grace, almost like it's second nature. You look at them and think, "Man, they must have practiced that a thousand times," but honestly? That's not it at all. It’s more of a subconscious thing. They aren't sitting there overanalyzing their every move or putting in this massive, conscious effort to pull it off. It’s just... there. Deep down, they sense how it should be done without ever having to put it into words. You could spend hours trying to break down why they make it look so easy, but you’d never quite find the right explanation. For them, it isn't a task; it's just who they are.
If you don’t happen to be one of those people, there are plenty of other paths you can take to get there. I’m talking about things like autogenic training, meditation, or even hypnosis and self-hypnosis. Honestly, they all point toward the same goal: finding that deep mental relaxation and finally quieting the noise inside your own head. You know that constant "background static" we all deal with? That endless cycle of overanalyzing, philosophizing, and dissecting every little detail? It's exhausting. Sometimes, you just have to stop trying to solve the puzzle and just let things be. There are some things in life you aren't meant to understand; you're just meant to experience them.
Feel, you know? But to actually get there, we have to clear out all those suppressed emotions hiding in our subconscious that act like mental roadblocks.
I’ll give you an example that isn't directly related to our topic, but it perfectly illustrates how the subconscious works when you're trying to release an emotion.
In hypnosis, any phobia is tackled by facing the actual source of the fear—usually through regression back to that very first moment the fear was triggered. Let's say someone has a massive fear of spiders.
That person doesn't want to be afraid, and honestly, that "fear of being afraid" is exactly what keeps them trapped in a cycle of anxiety. During a session, when they finally confront that fear, they experience it at its absolute peak—heart racing, stomach churning, the whole nine yards. But here’s the kicker: they aren't overanalyzing it. They aren't debating it or getting philosophical about it. They just...
feel it exactly as it is. They accept the fear, and in doing so, the fear is released.
Once someone finally "vents" that fear out of their system, they start feeling... peace.
Their thoughts become clearer, less cluttered, and they just feel more relaxed overall.
Now, that feeling of fear is essentially what we call a "blockage." When these blockages are cleared away, people function better, they feel better, and naturally, they show up better for everyone else too.
If you want to be a positive force for others, you have to be good to yourself first. You need self-belief and a sense of well-being. To achieve that, you have to strip away whatever is standing between you and that state of mind—and most of the time, it's these "blockages." It doesn't always have to be a dramatic phobia (I just used that as an extreme example); it could just be deeply ingrained beliefs sitting in your subconscious that prevent you from feeling truly content with who you are.
The key thing about the people you described is that they aren't actively trying to "attract" things or people. They just exist in a certain state of being. Their posture, their attitude, and their character flow naturally from that internal feeling. Attraction isn't the goal; it's just the byproduct. 🙂
You can't reach that state through sheer willpower or by practicing saying, "I am happy" over and over.
It happens when you shake off everything that makes you unhappy. Once that weight is gone, happiness becomes your natural state, without you having to think about it or put any effort into maintaining it.
P.S. Sorry for the long-winded post, but it's hard to squeeze this much into just two sentences! 🙂
