Middle schooler acting out – any advice?

I’ve been scouring the web, but honestly, I haven't found anything helpful. My mom just hit 54. She’s been going through menopause since last year and dealt with a brutal loss—she lost her own mother. Over this past year, the changes in her have been so extreme I sometimes don't even recognize her. She’s completely checked out. No interest in anything, no opinions on anything, and her self-esteem has absolutely tanked. She isn't working, she just sits at home all day staring at the TV. She used to love gardening and cooking, but now? Nothing brings her joy. She’s just constantly negative. I desperately want to help her snap out of it, but I’m clueless. How am I supposed to help??? 😢 I try calling her all the time to get her out for a walk or to head into downtown, and she’ll agree to go, but then she won't even bother getting ready. She shows up in these faded, old clothes with greasy hair... I don't know what else to do. My patience is wearing thin. 😢 Is this just what middle age looks like, or is it something more? I need your take.

My mother is exhausted. She’s navigating the loss of her own mother right at a time when she is particularly vulnerable. Menopause isn't just some simple transition; there is a delicate, razor-thin line between physiology and psychology that profoundly impacts one's mental state. I don't have any profound advice to offer, though perhaps it might help to view this shift as something transitory. My mother, I believe, is trying to find her footing through small, daily rituals—like preparing lunch—but those moments of simple enjoyment are constantly being interrupted by existential questions, suppressed emotions, and a sense of grief that feels amplified by menopause and the shifting dynamics within our family and her changing role in it.

Losing your mother... honestly, it’s more than just losing her—it's like you lose all those little things, those random objects or traditions, that were tied to her existence.

From empathetic prose... to me "starting to lose my patience"... putting everything on a pedestal...
"Maybe you should try it"... don't force "actions" (or models) on her if they mean absolutely nothing to her right now. Instead... or rather, before... you try to find the core of the "problem" alongside her (if it actually matters... don't act for "me"... act for "her"... or at worst, "us"...) regarding what she's going through... while she navigates it alone (regardless of whether someone is there watching... or feeling that... loss of patience...)..

dustytinker91 said:I’ve been scouring the web, but honestly, I haven't found anything helpful. My mom just hit 54. She’s been going through menopause since last year and dealt with a brutal loss—she lost her own mother. Over this past year, the changes in her have been so extreme I sometimes don't even recognize her. She’s completely checked out. No interest in anything, no opinions on anything, and her self-esteem has absolutely tanked. She isn't working, she just sits at home all day staring at the TV. She used to love gardening and cooking, but now? Nothing brings her joy. She’s just constantly negative. I desperately want to help her snap out of it, but I’m clueless. How am I supposed to help??? 😢 I try calling her all the time to get her out for a walk or to head into downtown, and she’ll agree to go, but then she won't even bother getting ready. She shows up in these faded, old clothes with greasy hair... I don't know what else to do. My patience is wearing thin. 😢 Is this just what middle age looks like, or is it something more? I need your take.

Where's Dad?🤔

Daniel Kelly57 said:Where's Dad?🤔

Out in the woods. Does it really matter? 🤔

Menopause isn't just a phase; it’s a long haul that hits women way harder than people realize.

It gets even more intense if you're dealing with an emotional shock on top of all those hormonal shifts.

Just hang in there and be patient... Mom will find her way back to herself soon enough.

Richard Wells said:Menopause isn't just a phase; it’s a long haul that hits women way harder than people realize.

It gets even more intense if you're dealing with an emotional shock on top of all those hormonal shifts.

Just hang in there and be patient... Mom will find her way back to herself soon enough.

For me, it was actually pretty manageable.

Richard Wells said:Menopause isn't just a phase; it’s a long haul that hits women way harder than people realize.

It gets even more intense if you're dealing with an emotional shock on top of all those hormonal shifts.

Just hang in there and be patient... Mom will find her way back to herself soon enough.

Honestly, she might actually need some professional counseling to help her get back to her old self. If I were her, I’d head straight to her primary care physician, lay everything out on the table, and see what kind of advice they have to offer.

Whatever works, I guess... Personally, I wouldn't go running to a specialist, but hey, if it actually ends up helping, then fine by me.

Verena Kast - Life Crises as Opportunities for Growth

I think your mom needs to talk to a professional.
It’s nice that you’re looking out for her.
Look, I’m no doctor, but I know people who dealt with depression and showed these exact symptoms. It doesn't just resolve itself with time; usually, things just get worse if left alone.
Try to convince her to at least see her primary care physician. They can provide a referral to a specialist if it turns out she needs one.

Depression isn't strictly tied to age, though it's a fact that your mother is at a very vulnerable stage right now.
Mine refused to admit she was struggling and rejected any kind of help—that was the biggest hurdle we faced.
Support from family is important, but it isn't enough on its own. You need more than just understanding.