placidwolf27
Active Member
170 messages
joined Mar 2012
I don't want to project, but I highly doubt you’re thinking any differently—that you aren't feeling this pervasive sense of futility that prevents any real movement or direction in any meaningful sense. I’m much the same way myself... perhaps you'd just end up with more regrets over failing to fulfill whatever sliver of purpose you have left
Regarding that, though, I suspect the causal link works in reverse; this state of being doesn't prevent you from having a goal, rather, the absence of a goal is what generates this specific state of existence
Suppose you were thrust into circumstances where you were forced to endure eight to ten hours of physical labor every single day—just a hypothetical, of course—your body would find ways to kickstart itself internally, and your state of mind would shift spontaneously. It wouldn't necessarily be an improvement, but this current stagnation would feel like some sort of fever dream because, quite simply, reality would be something else entirely
Now, anyone could suggest that you just simulate that through training, or hitting the gym, or hiking, or whatever... then there's the reading, the hobbies, the endless list of distractions... but you've likely already thought of all that, and yet, here we are, still at a standstill
The whole mess lies in this: if you cannot spark movement from within, your only remaining option is to have someone—or something—dictate your actions. That brings us to "discipline," a concept that many find bizarrely difficult to grasp—how a person can literally require external coercion just to function. For most people, emotions and primal impulses are what drive them; they just wrap those impulses in rationalized stories, systems, and goals to give them a sense of motivation, when in reality, it's just another form of internal compulsion
Essentially, a goal is only effective if it creates that internal emotional pressure... because the entire system that needs to be engaged and driven forward is fundamentally irrational and quite frankly, stupid—rational, intellectual constructs mean absolutely nothing to it
Try this: actually lie there on that couch and do absolutely nothing. Not even think, let alone act. Just exist and breathe. See how long you can sustain that state—how long you can force yourself to remain idle. Very quickly, restlessness will set in, followed by boredom, then a flood of various emotions, perhaps an impulse to drink or smoke, or even unconscious fidgeting... then you'll realize just how massive that internal force truly is—the very force you're supposed to manage and direct solely through consciousness—but it never works that way
I don't know, we're just talking... it's not as if I'm actually trying to offer you advice
