What kind of person should I strive to be?

In my view, the most important thing is to just be authentic—to be yourself, listen to your own gut, and travel your own path. Other people can certainly be there to offer guidance, give advice, or give you a little nudge when you need it, but if you don't actually know where you want to go, what makes you happy, or what doesn't, then nobody else can really help you much. It comes down to a certain kind of healthy selfishness; that’s the foundation for everything. Of course, we all get swept up in the crowd or succumb to mass hypnosis from time to time, listening to everyone else instead of ourselves, but that’s what life is for—learning through trial and error. 🙂 I'm still figuring some of this stuff out myself; you can't really grow without going through that process. 🙂
As for the idea that being harder on people makes them respect or listen to you more—I couldn't disagree more. That's honestly such nonsense. There will always be people looking for victims to exploit, but you shouldn't lump everyone into that category or feel like you have to wear a mask just to interact with the world. You just need to stop hanging out with the wrong crowd and find the people you can truly open up to without fear of judgment. You know, that feeling when you just "click" with someone... that instant connection. 😁

Angela Gray12 said:Honestly, anyone who actually knows the answer to that question doesn't even bother sweating the small stuff because they don't see the point.
I'm right there with you... I figured out the same thing a while back and just sat there in disbelief. It’s wild how the absolute bottom-feeders—the people who treat everyone else like dirt—always seem to come out on top, while the folks who nitpick every little detail get left in the dust. Why? Who knows. Most people around here will probably claim those "nitpickers" just lack a backbone, but what actually worries me is that society ends up judging the people without spines instead of the predators using them as doormats, punching bags, or total fools to manipulate. It’s like that whole social media frenzy where everyone jumps on a girl dating an abusive guy, yet nobody seems to give a damn about the actual monster he is.

The worst part is pretending to be something you're not. If you're a decent person and you do what's right, but you still end up being labeled an idiot or told you have no guts... well, so be it. At the end of the day, when you do things for others, you're really doing them for yourself. That’s just who you are, period.
It isn't some deep, heavy philosophy.😁

Take what I’ve seen—and frankly, what I’ve dealt with myself. There are people who look at nothing but their own interests. They wear these masks, acting all confident and charming, playing the role of the quintessential extrovert. But I've realized that most of them are the exact opposite of the persona they project. Once you see through the act and accept that they're just flawed humans, they’ll start treating you like trash. They'll do everything in their power to push you away—or rather, make sure you walk away yourself—because they can't stand the thought of looking like a bad person in front of others.
Anyone who puts on a performance or feels "too much" right from the jump usually ends up being a fleeting character in my life. I'd much rather deal with people who have flaws, who have outbursts, who are honest and vulnerable enough to admit to themselves and others that they're fighting their own demons. I prefer someone facing their issues head-on rather than someone running away from who they truly are.

Exactly, I couldn't have put it better myself. 🙂
There is real strength in revealing your vulnerabilities, and even more strength in tackling the weaknesses that hold you back.
Nowadays, it feels like everyone is way too obsessed with these perceived "terrible" flaws we all carry. Everyone treats their own shortcomings like they're catastrophic, and there's this pressure to fit into some perfect mold. If you aren't perfectly aligned with that standard, or if you're just a little bit different, suddenly you're seen as a failure. 🙄

I find myself struggling to wrap my head around this, or perhaps more accurately, I am quite irritated by the use of the word "should" in this context..

In what sense do you mean "should" be?.. Please, elaborate on your reasoning ☕

Lawrence Bailey77 said:I find myself struggling to wrap my head around this, or perhaps more accurately, I am quite irritated by the use of the word "should" in this context..

In what sense do you mean "should" be?.. Please, elaborate on your reasoning ☕

They probably mean what kind of person you have to be to actually make it in life. In my experience, you have to be ruthless—ignore everyone else and focus strictly on yourself. People follow the sharks; nobody gives a damn about the nice guys...😁

There aren't really any rules here—not really. Most of us like to imagine ourselves as "good people," but I often wonder if anyone actually fits that description perfectly. There are certain individuals you just can't avoid—say, because you're sharing an office space or working the same shift at a place like Starbucks—even when you couldn't be more different. In those moments, you have to decide: do you go to war with them, or do you try to find some middle ground just to make the workday feel a little less heavy? It’s an art form, honestly. What you choose usually depends on how much you truly can't stand them, or even just how old you are and what stage of life you're in. To make a long story short—though I do tend to ramble—it's easy enough to be kind, sincere, and attentive to the people we actually love and care about. But when it comes to everyone else... well, let's just say I tend to give back exactly what I get. :-)

After deciding a few times now that being a bit of a sociopath might actually be a survival tactic, I’ve finally accepted that life is about being happy—regardless of how steep and grueling the climb gets. On that note, I stumbled upon an excellent piece titled 7 Reasons Why you will never do anything Amazing with Your Life. Just search for it on Google or whatever search engine you prefer; I won't drop the link here since I'm not entirely sure if it violates the forum rules.

Jeffrey Roberts31 said:After deciding a few times now that being a bit of a sociopath might actually be a survival tactic, I’ve finally accepted that life is about being happy—regardless of how steep and grueling the climb gets. On that note, I stumbled upon an excellent piece titled 7 Reasons Why you will never do anything Amazing with Your Life. Just search for it on Google or whatever search engine you prefer; I won't drop the link here since I'm not entirely sure if it violates the forum rules.

Why "settled on"? It sounds like you don't actually want to be happy, but rather like you're just resigned to it because you have no other choice... though, hey, if there isn't a better way, I guess I'll settle for being happy too. 😬I've clearly been under the impression all this time that everyone actually *wants* to be happy in life; it's just that some people manage it better than others.

Steven Wilson9 said:They probably mean what kind of person you have to be to actually make it in life. In my experience, you have to be ruthless—ignore everyone else and focus strictly on yourself. People follow the sharks; nobody gives a damn about the nice guys...😁

😕

So, the logic follows that if I simply eliminate everyone in my orbit, I’ve achieved success... but then there's a bit of a logical knot, isn't there? If I succeed by removing everyone else, who exactly am I supposed to measure myself against? Who am I, once I've reached the top and there's no one left to look at? Without others, what are the metrics? What are the criteria? There is no one left to compare things to, and certainly no one left to talk to, because all I would see is my own reflection.☕

Michelle Gray said:Why "settled on"? It sounds like you don't actually want to be happy, but rather like you're just resigned to it because you have no other choice... though, hey, if there isn't a better way, I guess I'll settle for being happy too. 😬I've clearly been under the impression all this time that everyone actually *wants* to be happy in life; it's just that some people manage it better than others.

I was attempting a touch of sarcasm here 🙂 My stance is simple: I believe everyone wants to be happy—or at the very least, find some semblance of inner peace.

I don't know about the rest of you, but if you ask me, there’s real value in staying consistent, being honest, and actually having good intentions.
In the short term, sure, it might feel like you're getting played... like people are just waiting for a chance to take advantage of your sincerity... but eventually, everything balances out. At least, that's how it's always worked for me.

Excerpt from mass hypnosis - TBFa

Who am I? Honestly, I haven't the slightest clue; my mind feels like a dark, bottomless abyss.
My brain functions on nothing but ones and zeros—a life that feels utterly hollow and bleak.
My consciousness has become entirely digital, like some satellite drifting in orbit.
Every thought is being steered, curated, and constructed by an outside force.
Whatever they want, I can't resist; I even tried practicing yoga to find some center.
I’ve even experimented with substances, the kind that knock you right off your feet.
But nothing seems to work, except perhaps when my own conscience starts lying to me.
When it whispers that everything is fine, telling me to just forget all my troubles.
To toss my worries aside and simply dive back into the fray.
Just let the crowd carry you away, lost in mass hypnosis.
That is mass hypnosis...

Let the crowd sweep you up, caught in mass hypnosis.
No matter where life drags you, you really ought to remember who you actually are.
That is mass hypnosis.

Come on, crowd, let yourselves be swept away.
Just let it happen, walking barefoot into the unknown...

😍

Nicholas Gonzalez8 said:It’s not even about what kind of person you *should* be—that's just noise. It’s really about who you actually are right now, and more importantly, who you’re actually trying to become.

The real question is why you're stuck being the way you are—and why you'd ever want to stay the same or change at all...🙂

I don't actually want every single dream to come true, because that would mean including all the bad ones too, right?

So, what kind of person do I want to become?

I really want to work on myself. I want to have more face-to-face conversations with interesting people, get to know who I truly am, be more decisive, and finally stop procrastinating and second-guessing everything.

Above all else, you have to be authentic. Being true to yourself isn't about obsessing over your pedigree or where you came from; it’s about actually using your own brain. And let’s be clear—thinking for yourself doesn't mean being a complete narcissist... You know, that whole "do unto others" rule? Even if you happen to be a total masochist 👿, that doesn't mean anyone else wants to participate in your little drama. Sure, some people are straight-up sadists who live to torment others, but those Maleficent-style villains usually only get away with it in Disney movies...

You have to stay true to yourself and never change just to please someone else. Because the moment you do, they’ll probably end up letting you down—and if you had just stayed yourself, you wouldn't be feeling this way right now, would you?😲

Be a good person, but always keep your guard up.
Look, here's an example. At my last job, the company was incredible during the interview process. Once I actually started, they were just as great—everything was smooth, everything was going according to plan, and honestly, I had zero complaints.
But what was the very first thing I did once I got access to the company data? I copied absolutely every single trade secret they had and backed them up to a private cloud. Why? Because if it turns out the whole "great workplace" thing was just an act—if they try to screw me over later—I need some leverage to hold their feet to the fire.
Luckily, it never came to that. They stayed awesome, everything went exactly as we agreed, and we eventually moved on as friends.

Bottom line: be a decent human being as long as people are treating you right, and always give everyone a fair shot.

I mean, I guess it really just depends on what you're actually aiming for in life.
🤷
There isn't some kind of magic, one-size-fits-all formula out there.

Look, just be yourself. If you’re a good person, then be a good person—it's not that complicated. But for heaven's sake, try using a little bit of logic once in a while and actually learn from your mistakes. For example, putting way too much effort into someone who doesn't care? That's just an absolute self-inflicted wound. You've got to stay sharp and be careful; don't go changing who you are just to please somebody else.

You seem to be implying that certain criteria must be met before we can achieve a specific outcome. But what exactly is this desired result?

You have already explained everything quite clearly. 🙂
I tend to interpret people through the lens of the realization that most of us are fundamentally inverted—completely backwards in our weaknesses.
Where we ought to be selfish, we are usually not. Where we should be considering others, we are often terribly self-centered. We take our hundred different masks—the various roles we play in life—and mistake them for our very core, for our identity.
In reality, these are merely the forms through which our identity is expressed. Because of this inversion, the search for one's true self lasts much longer than it ever should.
Denying one's weaknesses to protect the ego is often mistaken for strength, when in fact, it is the greatest weakness of all. What one truly needs to do is honestly assess their strength based on the state of their weakest link.

As human beings, we have a tendency to assign credit or blame using an inverted logic. We typically blame others for the mistakes we ourselves have made; we fixate on the destination rather than the journey. We place our locus of control outside of ourselves, dedicating our energy to circumstances instead of to our reactions and the source of those reactions. Consequently, we miss what we are actually searching for and end up looking for answers in all the wrong places.

Personally, I believe the most vital thing is to be painfully honest with oneself. One must realize that being a person is, in itself, an active process. Our problems and conflicts are rooted in our own self-deception.
This means admitting that we are small, weak, and full of flaws that require work. Doing so does not diminish our inherent importance, nor does it change the fact that we must continue moving forward. 🙂

I hear people talk about being "good" versus being "bad" all the time. There’s this idea that the "bad guys" always win in life, probably just because you don't see many successful people who actually stick to being "good."

Being a good person means having values—things like honesty, kindness, sincerity, and actually respecting what other people need and want. It usually involves a genuine desire to help others.
On the flip side, "bad" people often possess traits like being street-smart, knowing how to fight for exactly what they want, being able to speak up, and having enough self-confidence to hold their ground. They respect themselves enough not to change who they are just to please someone else, and they prioritize their own needs over everyone else's.

Assertiveness is really the magic word here.
It isn't "being good" to do everything everyone else asks of you, like staying awake at midnight because you're too afraid to use the bathroom and potentially wake someone up (even if they're just being sensitive about it). And it isn't "being bad" to look out for yourself, say "no" when something doesn't fit your needs, set boundaries, or even go to the restroom in the middle of the night and deal with someone being annoyed about it.
Being a "good person" doesn't mean letting people walk all over you or acting a certain way just because you hope they'll treat you the same. We're all different.

When you learn how to express yourself and set firm boundaries, you're essentially putting yourself first. You're doing what works for you because you value yourself. When you do that, people actually tend to respect you more and treat you better.
Sure, there are toxic people out there, and you need to know how to set a boundary or just walk away from them. But that’s not an excuse to stoop to their level or treat them poorly just because they treat you poorly. If you do that, you end up losing your own values and your authenticity.

The bottom line is knowing yourself—knowing who you are, what you want, and what matters to you, then being clear about it with the world.
You have to figure out where the lines are for different people, where you can meet them halfway, and where you absolutely can't.

Anthony Collins7 said:It’s a sad reality of the human condition that so many people mistake kindness for weakness. In truth, being decent is the very foundation of our humanity , though I suppose one has to wonder—what would the world actually look like if everyone just acted like a jerk? Selfishness paired with our relentless technological drive has brought us to this point: isolation. We’ve distanced ourselves so much that we’ve essentially lost any sense of empathy for one another. Everything is interconnected, really; if one piece of the puzzle is missing or broken, it ripples out through everything else—kind of like dropping a pebble into a pond and watching those tiny ripples expand until they hit the edges.

The uncomfortable truth is that (if) people sense someone is genuinely good or sincere, they tend to exploit them—usually just to serve their own interests. From what I've seen, when that kind person finally decides to push back against the manipulator, the exploiter usually folds immediately—mostly because these types tend to have an inflated sense of self-importance or an oversized ego—and then they just bail. There was never any real connection on the manipulator's end, just a mindset of "you aren't useful to me anymore, time to find a new target."
Exploiters are basically people who couldn't care less about anyone else's feelings; they focus entirely on themselves and view everyone else as mere tools.

It’s true that the sharks often seem to fare better in this life, maybe simply because they are cunning enough to look out for number one. They don't have any trouble fighting to get what they want—though, of course, they're only ever fighting for themselves. Everything they do is self-serving, even if it means stepping over others to reach their goals. But then again... God sees everything. What goes around comes around. They might win the sprint here, but what happens on the other side? I wouldn't want to be in their shoes when my time comes. I’d rather put in the effort to be a good person, even if it costs me something in this life. After all, without facing your own struggles and carrying your cross, there's no eternal life.

So true! A beautifully articulated sentiment.🙂