What kind of person should I strive to be?

I know from my own lived experience—and believe me, I’ve been there—how easily everyone just takes advantage of you when you play the "nice person" role too much.🙂 These days, I simply don't permit it; I steer clear of those dynamics entirely. It leaves me feeling a bit more hollow, perhaps, but in many ways, it feels better. My goal now is to look at everyone through a lens of minimal engagement.🙂🙄

Kenneth Ramirez5 said:There aren't really any rules here—not really. Most of us like to imagine ourselves as "good people," but I often wonder if anyone actually fits that description perfectly. There are certain individuals you just can't avoid—say, because you're sharing an office space or working the same shift at a place like Starbucks—even when you couldn't be more different. In those moments, you have to decide: do you go to war with them, or do you try to find some middle ground just to make the workday feel a little less heavy? It’s an art form, honestly. What you choose usually depends on how much you truly can't stand them, or even just how old you are and what stage of life you're in. To make a long story short—though I do tend to ramble—it's easy enough to be kind, sincere, and attentive to the people we actually love and care about. But when it comes to everyone else... well, let's just say I tend to give back exactly what I get. :-)

Does "being a good person" actually just mean being naive and a pushover for everyone? Reading through the responses here, it seems like most people view them as one and the same.

I honestly have no idea what the point of anything is anymore. My phone just died—it always seems to happen at the worst possible moment... why even bother pushing myself when everything is eventually going to fall apart anyway? Sometimes I think I’d be better off without any of this technology. When you're already worked up, having a device constantly buzzing in your pocket just adds fuel to the fire. And people? People are useless when you can't tell what they're actually thinking. You just end up getting frustrated for no reason. I don't know... maybe it's better to just sit here and wait. Why put in the effort when there's nothing to show for it in the end...

You simply have to be good—in whatever sense you personally define as such. It’s a subjective mess, really... one person might look at your actions and find them lacking, while someone else will swear you're doing everything right. Everyone operates on their own internal compass regarding what "good" actually looks like. There is one more thing worth keeping in mind, though—one that people often struggle to accept—and that is the reality that you will never be a perfect fit for everyone, nor will you ever truly become the person they want you to be.

Treat people exactly how they treat you. Show your nobility and compassion... but reserve the absolute best parts of your soul for those who actually possess the wisdom to value them and prove they appreciate it.

It is perfectly fine to have rivals—since we certainly can't be friends with everyone—but let us never descend into being enemies. If someone’s interests (and I am primarily speaking about professional competition, such as when job opportunities or career advancement clash with your own) create a direct conflict with yours where cooperation is impossible, then strike back with an instrument just slightly more powerful than the one they used against you. Do this only so that you might emerge victorious in that existential struggle with as little wasted effort as possible.

One should simply move past the idea of turning the other cheek unless, of course, one harbors the lofty ambition of becoming as saintly as... Buddha, Jesus, or St. Francis of Assisi... or whoever else.

For us mere mortals, if we were to strictly adhere to the rule regarding the collision of our interests and those of others that I just described, wouldn't we all reach an incredibly enviable level of spiritual enlightenment?

So, based on what I’ve gathered from the discussions here—since I haven't really jumped into the fray from the start—is the conclusion that we just have to accept who we were born to be?
Or is that not quite it?

I mean, how difficult is it really to actually change? Is it even possible to undergo a total transformation, or is any kind of change just a mask we put on to hide our true selves?

Look, for most people, change isn't easy. But sometimes? It's absolutely necessary.

Most of the time, you don't need a total overhaul of your entire life. Plus, let's be honest—some habits are just incredibly stubborn.

When it comes to those tough ones—the bad habits we all struggle with—you shouldn't try to tackle them head-on. Why make it harder than it needs to be? Instead, try a gentler approach. Take it slow. You don't even have to dwell on the negative stuff too much. Just focus on leaning into positive habits more heavily. If you pair that with a little motivation, you might even stumble upon some even better ideas along the way.

velvetfalcon52 said:So, based on what I’ve gathered from the discussions here—since I haven't really jumped into the fray from the start—is the conclusion that we just have to accept who we were born to be?
Or is that not quite it?

I mean, how difficult is it really to actually change? Is it even possible to undergo a total transformation, or is any kind of change just a mask we put on to hide our true selves?

Change is an incredibly grueling process, and one finds that the less educated or more narrow-minded a person becomes, the more insurmountable the obstacle to any meaningful evolution appears to be—especially as one enters the later years of life.

Nicole Barrett76 said:Change is an incredibly grueling process, and one finds that the less educated or more narrow-minded a person becomes, the more insurmountable the obstacle to any meaningful evolution appears to be—especially as one enters the later years of life.

I’m not really sure why you’re bringing education into this?

Life really ought to be lived with simplicity in mind.

Steven Wilson9 said:They probably mean what kind of person you have to be to actually make it in life. In my experience, you have to be ruthless—ignore everyone else and focus strictly on yourself. People follow the sharks; nobody gives a damn about the nice guys...😁

I think I interpreted the question differently; I was wondering what kind of person one needs to be to reach old age with their health and sanity still intact.

Carl Rivera43 said:I’m not really sure why you’re bringing education into this?

Why not take a moment to look through books, news outlets, or online articles to see just how profound the impact can be when changes are driven by those without any formal training—say, people who haven't even finished eighth grade? Conversely, consider the sheer scale and magnitude of the shifts possible when those changes are spearheaded by high school graduates, or even more significantly, by university-educated professionals.

When I speak of "change," I am not necessarily referring to the pursuit of immense wealth or peak professional status, though those metrics certainly exist. Rather, I am thinking about the capacity to navigate life's complexities, such as managing family crises, handling the necessity of moving away from home, or resolving deep-seated conflicts within one's family, workplace, or circle of friends.

Frank Thomas92 said:Life really ought to be lived with simplicity in mind.

I was going to say "unique," but I guess this works too.

The thing is, if you're surrounded by a massive crowd of people who overcomplicate everything, how are you supposed to actually live that way? It’s tough, right?

Nicole Barrett76 said:Why not take a moment to look through books, news outlets, or online articles to see just how profound the impact can be when changes are driven by those without any formal training—say, people who haven't even finished eighth grade? Conversely, consider the sheer scale and magnitude of the shifts possible when those changes are spearheaded by high school graduates, or even more significantly, by university-educated professionals.

When I speak of "change," I am not necessarily referring to the pursuit of immense wealth or peak professional status, though those metrics certainly exist. Rather, I am thinking about the capacity to navigate life's complexities, such as managing family crises, handling the necessity of moving away from home, or resolving deep-seated conflicts within one's family, workplace, or circle of friends.

Now, I think we're heading in a different direction here, but I suspect that education is actually a byproduct of something else entirely—namely, a more modern worldview or perhaps just a shift in societal structure. For instance, the United States is a perfect example, as is Western Europe, where it’s considered perfectly normal to completely reinvent your life even when you're in your 40s... so, in my view, it’s largely a matter of circumstance. It seems that people who are striving for something greater or better (and of course, societies that encourage such movements) tend to pursue higher education and beyond as part of that drive.

But then again, society plays such a massive role in this. Take, for example, a group of people or a single family back in the mid-70s who moved from a small rural town near a major hub to a suburb of a large American city—not even the big metropolis itself, just a suburb—and everyone ended up getting advanced degrees, attending universities or colleges... The question is really just whether they would have made those same moves back then, or even now in America, if they were only 20 years old instead of being in their 30s.

Simplicity implies efficiency and creates space for authenticity—true uniqueness.

Overly complex systems are unsustainable in the long run—they inevitably lead to entropy.

Authentic. To reach a point where you aren't tethered to other people's opinions—where you actually speak your mind instead of just performing for an audience...

Benjamin King17 said:Authentic. To reach a point where you aren't tethered to other people's opinions—where you actually speak your mind instead of just performing for an audience...

I have a distant cousin who lives by this exact philosophy.

She got married, but she completely skipped the whole white dress tradition. She argued that why should anyone drop $3,000$1667 on a gown or a rental when that money could be invested in something actually meaningful? And if people start whispering about her outfit, she honestly couldn't care less what they think.

She even pointed out another distant relative of ours who spent all her energy obsessing over designer hats, lace details, and gloves, only to have the marriage fall apart five years later.

There is so much depth to found in the simple act of being genuine—to live authentically and naturally without letting the judgments of society dictate your worth.

Nicole Barrett76 said:I have a distant cousin who lives by this exact philosophy.

She got married, but she completely skipped the whole white dress tradition. She argued that why should anyone drop $3,000$1667 on a gown or a rental when that money could be invested in something actually meaningful? And if people start whispering about her outfit, she honestly couldn't care less what they think.

She even pointed out another distant relative of ours who spent all her energy obsessing over designer hats, lace details, and gloves, only to have the marriage fall apart five years later.

There is so much depth to found in the simple act of being genuine—to live authentically and naturally without letting the judgments of society dictate your worth.

No one was ever born capable of pleasing everyone... the issue is that very few people truly grasp that reality...

Benjamin King17 said:Authentic. To reach a point where you aren't tethered to other people's opinions—where you actually speak your mind instead of just performing for an audience...

I suppose I try to live by those values, though I have to admit, I agree with you to an extent—it feels more like chasing an impossible ideal than anything else.

But if I’m being honest, my biggest struggle is just... I can't seem to stay quiet when I hear lies or just plain stupidity. So, I speak up. I give my side of things, I point out when someone is wrong, and so on. And the result? Well, we all know what that is. Aside from a little bit of internal peace, what do I actually gain? It usually just ends up causing trouble...

velvetfalcon52 said:I suppose I try to live by those values, though I have to admit, I agree with you to an extent—it feels more like chasing an impossible ideal than anything else.

But if I’m being honest, my biggest struggle is just... I can't seem to stay quiet when I hear lies or just plain stupidity. So, I speak up. I give my side of things, I point out when someone is wrong, and so on. And the result? Well, we all know what that is. Aside from a little bit of internal peace, what do I actually gain? It usually just ends up causing trouble...

And you, you simply ought to be a diplomat, shouldn't you? Constantly shifting your colors like a chameleon to suit the moment.