What should we actually expect from our therapists and psychiatrists?

I am honestly just fed up with this whole cycle of psychiatrists, psychologists, and therapists. I’ve cycled through so many different providers now, yet I still feel like nobody truly helps or even understands what I’m going through. To make matters worse, some of them don't even seem to believe me when I open up about everything I've endured in my life. I’d really appreciate it if you all could share your own experiences with mental health professionals. Did anyone actually find relief? How many specialists did you have to see before someone finally "got" you? Or was it just a revolving door where they pushed pills on you and checked out emotionally?

wanderingscout56 said:I am honestly just fed up with this whole cycle of psychiatrists, psychologists, and therapists. I’ve cycled through so many different providers now, yet I still feel like nobody truly helps or even understands what I’m going through. To make matters worse, some of them don't even seem to believe me when I open up about everything I've endured in my life. I’d really appreciate it if you all could share your own experiences with mental health professionals. Did anyone actually find relief? How many specialists did you have to see before someone finally "got" you? Or was it just a revolving door where they pushed pills on you and checked out emotionally?

They did. Actually, let's skip the plural... just one, but a good one.
Quincy:

how many times did you have to push them to get any real help

Look above.
Quincy:

did they just hand you some pills and call it a day?

Quite the opposite. He actually refused to give them to me when I kept insisting I felt terrible. Well, I was being a bit subtle about begging for 🤦, but he wasn't an idiot—he saw right through me and stopped. I'm grateful for that. It showed he actually cared...

I honestly don't get psychiatrists or psychologists at all. I've felt more than once like they just get things wrong when making their calls, even though, I guess, they are technically trained for it. It feels totally impossible to me that she could actually "read" me—I mean, she can't. Everyone is such an individual, and who knows what's really going on inside someone's head? Like, who are you to think you can just know that... maybe? That whole title just confuses me...

I mean, why would a therapist actually be able to analyze my psyche any better than I can? I guess they probably have a much deeper grasp of how everything works, especially since they’re looking at things from a sort of... neutral standpoint, if you want to call it that. But then again, their entire insight is limited to just what the patient chooses to tell them, which is really only a tiny fraction of the whole picture we carry around in our heads. Plus, everything gets filtered through our own words, so if there are some built-in glitches in our own self-reflection, those are bound to mess with the therapist's assessment too.

northerncyclist2 said:I mean, why would a therapist actually be able to analyze my psyche any better than I can? I guess they probably have a much deeper grasp of how everything works, especially since they’re looking at things from a sort of... neutral standpoint, if you want to call it that. But then again, their entire insight is limited to just what the patient chooses to tell them, which is really only a tiny fraction of the whole picture we carry around in our heads. Plus, everything gets filtered through our own words, so if there are some built-in glitches in our own self-reflection, those are bound to mess with the therapist's assessment too.

I've personally never been to psychotherapy.
Lately, though, I’ve felt the urge to go because I struggle to reach any real conclusions when I try to analyze myself. It feels like my emotions, my mental state, and sheer exhaustion cloud my judgment.

That’s why I think having a professional step in becomes essential
when we simply can't access our own logic anymore.

Elizabeth Robinson3 said:I've personally never been to psychotherapy.
Lately, though, I’ve felt the urge to go because I struggle to reach any real conclusions when I try to analyze myself. It feels like my emotions, my mental state, and sheer exhaustion cloud my judgment.

That’s why I think having a professional step in becomes essential
when we simply can't access our own logic anymore.

I actually went once just out of curiosity, and honestly, I wasn't a fan at all. It felt like I was just relearning everything I already knew on my own, which was pretty uncomfortable. Plus, I had this nagging feeling that the therapist didn't really care about what I was saying. Given how much it costs (it's definitely not cheap), I guess I expected a bit more engagement. Of course, that's just my experience with one specific person, and I'm sure others are totally different, but I don't think I'll be going back to try it again.

northerncyclist2 said:I mean, why would a therapist actually be able to analyze my psyche any better than I can? I guess they probably have a much deeper grasp of how everything works, especially since they’re looking at things from a sort of... neutral standpoint, if you want to call it that. But then again, their entire insight is limited to just what the patient chooses to tell them, which is really only a tiny fraction of the whole picture we carry around in our heads. Plus, everything gets filtered through our own words, so if there are some built-in glitches in our own self-reflection, those are bound to mess with the therapist's assessment too.

Honestly, I was pretty blown away by how much more insight my psychiatrist gained just from talking to me. She isn't just listening to my words; she’s reading between the lines of my tone, my body language, and even the specific things I choose to mention—or leave out. She doesn't fall into my own self-perception traps because she's an outsider using actual clinical methods to process what I'm saying. A psychiatrist isn't a magic fix for achieving total Socratic self-knowledge, but they definitely help you bypass your own mental blind spots to get you to a place where you can see where you went off track and finally heal those wounds.

northerncyclist2 said:I actually went once just out of curiosity, and honestly, I wasn't a fan at all. It felt like I was just relearning everything I already knew on my own, which was pretty uncomfortable. Plus, I had this nagging feeling that the therapist didn't really care about what I was saying. Given how much it costs (it's definitely not cheap), I guess I expected a bit more engagement. Of course, that's just my experience with one specific person, and I'm sure others are totally different, but I don't think I'll be going back to try it again.

Personally, I've never gone because I tend to view seeking professional help as a personal failure. It feels like an admission that I can't manage my own emotions or actions, which just ends up hitting my self-esteem even harder.

That said, I recognize that when emotions take over for a long stretch, it's hard to find any sense of peace through logic alone.

It sounds like you just landed with the wrong person.🤷

redtiger35 said:Honestly, I was pretty blown away by how much more insight my psychiatrist gained just from talking to me. She isn't just listening to my words; she’s reading between the lines of my tone, my body language, and even the specific things I choose to mention—or leave out. She doesn't fall into my own self-perception traps because she's an outsider using actual clinical methods to process what I'm saying. A psychiatrist isn't a magic fix for achieving total Socratic self-knowledge, but they definitely help you bypass your own mental blind spots to get you to a place where you can see where you went off track and finally heal those wounds.

I'm really glad if it's working for you 👍

I actually went to see a psychiatrist on purpose, because after talking to a few psychologists and psychiatrists before, I kind of got the feeling that I charm them a little too much (mostly older women with kids) to the point where they can't really "push" me where I need to go. Or maybe that's just my impression, but they'd praise me for being so laid-back, easygoing, and sharp during our talks that it actually made me feel a bit awkward. 😁 And that look they give you... like, how can you claim to have social anxiety? I mean, I don't really have it right here, but I guess I do in certain situations 😬

As for this guy, I didn't really vibe with him at first glance, and honestly, that feeling didn't really change during the session 🤷

It's just tough, I guess, to find someone who is engaged enough to really get to know you deeply, while still staying completely neutral at the same time.

Elizabeth Robinson3 said:Personally, I've never gone because I tend to view seeking professional help as a personal failure. It feels like an admission that I can't manage my own emotions or actions, which just ends up hitting my self-esteem even harder.

That said, I recognize that when emotions take over for a long stretch, it's hard to find any sense of peace through logic alone.

It sounds like you just landed with the wrong person.🤷

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Definitely hitting up a shrink. 😁

northerncyclist2, I actually saw one psychiatrist once who was totally cold and didn't give a damn, but even she helped me out a bit since she was the only one—unlike everyone else in my life—who actually realized I had a real issue that needed serious attention. I'm super lucky now though, because this current psychiatrist is everything you described: she's fully engaged but stays neutral, and I can tell she keeps her distance just to protect herself (God knows how many people she talks to daily, probably a ton...), yet we have such a great rapport that I'd actually love to grab coffee with her sometime. 🙂

And look, if this psychiatrist failed to figure out you have social anxiety—even though you clearly feel like you're struggling (I mean, you didn't shell out all that cash to a psychiatrist for no reason! Something has to drive a person to seek help)—then yeah, she’s probably just not that good at her job.

northerncyclist2 said:I'm really glad if it's working for you 👍

I actually went to see a psychiatrist on purpose, because after talking to a few psychologists and psychiatrists before, I kind of got the feeling that I charm them a little too much (mostly older women with kids) to the point where they can't really "push" me where I need to go. Or maybe that's just my impression, but they'd praise me for being so laid-back, easygoing, and sharp during our talks that it actually made me feel a bit awkward. 😁 And that look they give you... like, how can you claim to have social anxiety? I mean, I don't really have it right here, but I guess I do in certain situations 😬

As for this guy, I didn't really vibe with him at first glance, and honestly, that feeling didn't really change during the session 🤷

It's just tough, I guess, to find someone who is engaged enough to really get to know you deeply, while still staying completely neutral at the same time.

I guess I agree
I tried seeing a private therapist for about a month... and honestly, the whole experience just didn't sit right with me.
In those 60-minute sessions, I feel like I have to recount my entire life story, and then I also have to figure out exactly what information she needs just so she can form an accurate picture of me—all so she might eventually stumble upon an answer that I think I already figured out a long time ago...

Maybe that process works for some people... but for me, it hasn't. I think I get better answers from reading a book or catching a good column in a magazine.

redtiger35 said:Whoa, whoa, whoa. Definitely hitting up a shrink. 😁

northerncyclist2, I actually saw one psychiatrist once who was totally cold and didn't give a damn, but even she helped me out a bit since she was the only one—unlike everyone else in my life—who actually realized I had a real issue that needed serious attention. I'm super lucky now though, because this current psychiatrist is everything you described: she's fully engaged but stays neutral, and I can tell she keeps her distance just to protect herself (God knows how many people she talks to daily, probably a ton...), yet we have such a great rapport that I'd actually love to grab coffee with her sometime. 🙂

And look, if this psychiatrist failed to figure out you have social anxiety—even though you clearly feel like you're struggling (I mean, you didn't shell out all that cash to a psychiatrist for no reason! Something has to drive a person to seek help)—then yeah, she’s probably just not that good at her job.

I guess we all deal with difficulties at some point—the real question is just how much they bother us and how we handle them. Since I was young, I've always been prone to overanalyzing things. If I take it too far (like, you feel a bump and immediately convince yourself it's cancer, but in a psychological sense), it leads to all these beliefs about different ailments.

The doctor I saw isn't a psychotherapist, so it was just an initial consultation. She deals with heavy cases every single day, so I guess I showed up feeling like a minor burn compared to a trauma specialist. She believed me, but she wasn't entirely convinced 😉. And honestly, even today, I feel a little silly about the money I spent, but I suppose if I hadn't tried, I wouldn't have known if she was any good.

After thinking about it for years, I sort of get the impression that I don't actually have one specific, long-term problem. It's more that I'm generally way too sensitive, impatient, and I tend to blow things out of proportion. And I definitely overanalyze instead of just experimenting with life. But since I feel like I've grown quite a bit in the last year or two, I'd say I haven't totally moved past puberty yet (I'm only 21). 😁

northerncyclist2 said:I guess we all deal with difficulties at some point—the real question is just how much they bother us and how we handle them. Since I was young, I've always been prone to overanalyzing things. If I take it too far (like, you feel a bump and immediately convince yourself it's cancer, but in a psychological sense), it leads to all these beliefs about different ailments.

The doctor I saw isn't a psychotherapist, so it was just an initial consultation. She deals with heavy cases every single day, so I guess I showed up feeling like a minor burn compared to a trauma specialist. She believed me, but she wasn't entirely convinced 😉. And honestly, even today, I feel a little silly about the money I spent, but I suppose if I hadn't tried, I wouldn't have known if she was any good.

After thinking about it for years, I sort of get the impression that I don't actually have one specific, long-term problem. It's more that I'm generally way too sensitive, impatient, and I tend to blow things out of proportion. And I definitely overanalyze instead of just experimenting with life. But since I feel like I've grown quite a bit in the last year or two, I'd say I haven't totally moved past puberty yet (I'm only 21). 😁

Oh yeah, people stay in puberty forever these days. Some schools even argue that men might stay there indefinitely. 😁 I personally think I'm still hovering around that stage and dealing with some "childish growing pains," even though I'm a bit older. I read somewhere that this is a hallmark of our generation—we stay in that adolescent phase longer because we're more dependent on our parents, we get more support, and there's this underlying insecurity that makes us run away from facing reality instead of confronting it...

My bad experience with the psychiatrist was basically a trip to the trauma ward! Our session actually got cut short because the police brought in some woman who had tried to set a house on fire. 😁 So, she wasn't exactly focused on my minor issues, even though she did diagnose me with depression and warned me that I need to keep up with treatment. It was all through my insurance, so she actually suggested I see a private doctor because she said no psychiatrist would really listen to me or dive deep without being paid out of pocket—those were her words, not mine.

To stay on topic—YES, experimentation over analysis! 👋

I guess I should probably start by saying that I really appreciate what redtiger35 was trying to get at earlier. It’s funny how things work out sometimes, isn't it? Maybe I'm just overthinking it, but I felt like there was a bit more to the conversation than what we initially saw on the surface. I mean, if you look at it from a different angle—not that there's a right or wrong way to see it—it kind of changes the whole vibe of the discussion. Anyway, I just wanted to throw that out there. I hope that makes sense!

redtiger35 said:Oh yeah, people stay in puberty forever these days. Some schools even argue that men might stay there indefinitely. 😁 I personally think I'm still hovering around that stage and dealing with some "childish growing pains," even though I'm a bit older. I read somewhere that this is a hallmark of our generation—we stay in that adolescent phase longer because we're more dependent on our parents, we get more support, and there's this underlying insecurity that makes us run away from facing reality instead of confronting it...

My bad experience with the psychiatrist was basically a trip to the trauma ward! Our session actually got cut short because the police brought in some woman who had tried to set a house on fire. 😁 So, she wasn't exactly focused on my minor issues, even though she did diagnose me with depression and warned me that I need to keep up with treatment. It was all through my insurance, so she actually suggested I see a private doctor because she said no psychiatrist would really listen to me or dive deep without being paid out of pocket—those were her words, not mine.

To stay on topic—YES, experimentation over analysis! 👋

Man, you really got me there! 😁

I guess I should probably start by saying that I'm just sharing my two cents here... maybe? But honestly, looking at what redtiger35 said, I can't help but feel like we're all kind of circling the same drain. It’s funny, really. I was thinking about it while grabbing coffee in Seattle this morning, and it hit me—everything feels so much more complicated than it needs to be. Maybe I'm overthinking it, though. I mean, if you look at it from the perspective Elizabeth Robinson3 shared, there's definitely a logic to it. I suppose there's some merit to that approach, too. It’s just... I don't know. Sometimes I feel like we're trying to solve these massive problems without even agreeing on what the actual problem is. It’s a bit like trying to fix a car engine when you aren't even sure if it's out of gas or if the transmission is shot. You just end up guessing, right? I guess what I'm trying to get at is that I think we need to slow down. Just a little bit. Maybe take a breath? I don't know. I might be totally off base here, but I feel like if we just stopped rushing to a conclusion, things might actually start making sense. Anyway, just a thought. Or a rambling thought. Probably both.

redtiger35 said:Oh yeah, people stay in puberty forever these days. Some schools even argue that men might stay there indefinitely. 😁 I personally think I'm still hovering around that stage and dealing with some "childish growing pains," even though I'm a bit older. I read somewhere that this is a hallmark of our generation—we stay in that adolescent phase longer because we're more dependent on our parents, we get more support, and there's this underlying insecurity that makes us run away from facing reality instead of confronting it...

My bad experience with the psychiatrist was basically a trip to the trauma ward! Our session actually got cut short because the police brought in some woman who had tried to set a house on fire. 😁 So, she wasn't exactly focused on my minor issues, even though she did diagnose me with depression and warned me that I need to keep up with treatment. It was all through my insurance, so she actually suggested I see a private doctor because she said no psychiatrist would really listen to me or dive deep without being paid out of pocket—those were her words, not mine.

To stay on topic—YES, experimentation over analysis! 👋

I think I phrased things a little clumsily before—what I really meant was that my psychiatrist works over at the psychiatric ward of the local medical center. I was trying to draw a comparison between my situation and the trauma unit, just to point out how relatively mild my issues are compared to those poor souls who actually have to be hospitalized. I actually connected with her through a mutual acquaintance, so she was incredibly attentive and really took the time to listen to me. She did offer to prescribe a mild anti-anxiety med, but I politely turned her down. I guess I just don't want any kind of digital footprint left in the healthcare system. And no, I’m not being paranoid; if you look at anything happening in the world lately, you see how "secure" these massive hospital databases actually are. Since she isn't a psychotherapist herself, she also suggested I reach out to some specialists over at the Mayo Clinic, though there's that annoying hurdle where you usually need a formal referral to get in the door.

I guess once I start actually paying for something, that whole vibe changes for me. It’s hard to keep things feeling as genuine as just a casual chat when there's money involved. I don't know, maybe it's just me, but I start acting all mechanical and I can't help but constantly weigh whether I'm actually getting my money's worth.

redtiger35 said:Oh yeah, people stay in puberty forever these days. Some schools even argue that men might stay there indefinitely. 😁 I personally think I'm still hovering around that stage and dealing with some "childish growing pains," even though I'm a bit older. I read somewhere that this is a hallmark of our generation—we stay in that adolescent phase longer because we're more dependent on our parents, we get more support, and there's this underlying insecurity that makes us run away from facing reality instead of confronting it...

My bad experience with the psychiatrist was basically a trip to the trauma ward! Our session actually got cut short because the police brought in some woman who had tried to set a house on fire. 😁 So, she wasn't exactly focused on my minor issues, even though she did diagnose me with depression and warned me that I need to keep up with treatment. It was all through my insurance, so she actually suggested I see a private doctor because she said no psychiatrist would really listen to me or dive deep without being paid out of pocket—those were her words, not mine.

To stay on topic—YES, experimentation over analysis! 👋

I guess there’s really only one way to figure out exactly how many teeth a horse has. 😁

northerncyclist2 said:I guess we all deal with difficulties at some point—the real question is just how much they bother us and how we handle them. Since I was young, I've always been prone to overanalyzing things. If I take it too far (like, you feel a bump and immediately convince yourself it's cancer, but in a psychological sense), it leads to all these beliefs about different ailments.

The doctor I saw isn't a psychotherapist, so it was just an initial consultation. She deals with heavy cases every single day, so I guess I showed up feeling like a minor burn compared to a trauma specialist. She believed me, but she wasn't entirely convinced 😉. And honestly, even today, I feel a little silly about the money I spent, but I suppose if I hadn't tried, I wouldn't have known if she was any good.

After thinking about it for years, I sort of get the impression that I don't actually have one specific, long-term problem. It's more that I'm generally way too sensitive, impatient, and I tend to blow things out of proportion. And I definitely overanalyze instead of just experimenting with life. But since I feel like I've grown quite a bit in the last year or two, I'd say I haven't totally moved past puberty yet (I'm only 21). 😁

That describes me perfectly. We're even the same age.

When life is steady, I handle things fine. But the moment real challenges pop up, my tendency to overthink and feel everything so intensely leads straight into anxiety and a downward spiral.

I’m seriously considering talking to a therapist.

Look, they might give you some solid advice. And honestly? Some of it’s going to be total garbage. People like you—even with the best intentions—are still going to trip up sometimes. Just listen to them like you would anyone else, but for heaven's sake, make your own calls. You decide what to do and how to live your life. You can find "wisdom" everywhere—in those cheesy self-help books, some deep movie, or just scrolling through random articles online. You can get pointers from strangers on the street or even from your own friends and family.

But here’s the kicker: nobody is going to do the heavy lifting for you. Not one person. For any of this advice to actually mean anything, you have to be the one to put it into practice. Learn the lesson, then go out there and actually do it. It’s about taking those small, incremental steps toward a better life every single day. Sure, you’re gonna mess up—we all do—but you’ve gotta learn from those screw-ups. It isn't always easy, believe me, but if you show even a little bit of grit and discipline, you'll see it pays off big time.

northerncyclist2 said:I mean, why would a therapist actually be able to analyze my psyche any better than I can? I guess they probably have a much deeper grasp of how everything works, especially since they’re looking at things from a sort of... neutral standpoint, if you want to call it that. But then again, their entire insight is limited to just what the patient chooses to tell them, which is really only a tiny fraction of the whole picture we carry around in our heads. Plus, everything gets filtered through our own words, so if there are some built-in glitches in our own self-reflection, those are bound to mess with the therapist's assessment too.

A psychotherapist also needs time to actually get to know you

I went into this thinking a psychiatrist was going to perform some kind of miracle, so the reality check really stung. Eventually, I lowered the bar and just hoped for someone who actually *gets* it, but honestly? They blew it there, too.

My last guy was anything but top-tier. I seriously doubt he even graduated from a decent med school with good grades—if he had, he probably wouldn't be working at a mid-tier private clinic like that. But as for having actual experience or any shred of empathy? Yeah, zero.

After all those bad sessions and feeling like I was just throwing money down the drain, I’m officially done with psychotherapy.

I went in with such high hopes, but honestly? I walked away with absolutely nothing—except maybe feeling even worse than before. And this was supposed to be the top-rated specialist in the whole area, which is exactly why I sought them out in the first place.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not out here preaching "just do it yourself" or anything like that.
But you really have to be relentless. You’ve got to keep digging until you find someone who actually clicks with you. If the first guy is a dud, move to the second, then the third... don't just settle. Sometimes, after getting burned by so many disappointments, you end up finding your own strength through the search. You start realizing you can take matters into your own hands and put in the hard work to improve yourself without constantly waiting for someone else to swoop in and save you.

Jose Murphy5 said:I went in with such high hopes, but honestly? I walked away with absolutely nothing—except maybe feeling even worse than before. And this was supposed to be the top-rated specialist in the whole area, which is exactly why I sought them out in the first place.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not out here preaching "just do it yourself" or anything like that.
But you really have to be relentless. You’ve got to keep digging until you find someone who actually clicks with you. If the first guy is a dud, move to the second, then the third... don't just settle. Sometimes, after getting burned by so many disappointments, you end up finding your own strength through the search. You start realizing you can take matters into your own hands and put in the hard work to improve yourself without constantly waiting for someone else to swoop in and save you.

People mess up when they hunt for "the best" in some field. You don't bring a diagnosis into therapy—you bring a human being with all their own quirks and unique traits.

You’ve gotta be persistent. If the first, second, or third person isn't the right fit, keep digging. Honestly, after enough disappointments, you might even end up helping yourself just by realizing you need to put in the work and stop relying on someone else to fix you.

That's why this matters... stay stubborn and keep looking until you find the one who's actually right for us...