Student-teacher dynamics vs. parent-teacher dynamics

Dana Roberts4 said:I’m trying to put myself in that teacher's shoes, facing the question of why on earth the duty teachers are hassling kids just because they didn't finish their lunch... And honestly? What does she even know?! Some random colleague somewhere decided food shouldn't go to waste... But what is she supposed to tell the parents? Make them happy while their precious little ones stay untouched, all without throwing a coworker under the bus? She doesn't even know who's involved, if the claim is even true, or why that guy acted like such a jerk in the first place... 🤷
I was expecting questions about things actually within her jurisdiction, not stuff that's completely out of her control or knowledge... It's the same deal with extracurriculars. Like, if a colleague wants to run a drama club—what is she actually supposed to do or even suggest right now? 🤔

for example
I don't know, I feel bad saying this, but I'll look into what kind of authoritarian methods were used and who was behind it so we can stop it; I'll update you all at the next meeting regarding what was found.

You really think she can actually call people out and shut down some old-school Nazi colleague using those tactics? 🤷 I don't know. I’m picturing some of the "geniuses" at my office who come to me to vent... And what am I supposed to do about it? Honestly, it just comes down to this... It's all about who knows how to package their response properly.

If she really doesn't have the guts to speak up, she should just tell her parents to reach out to the principal or a counselor instead.
Whenever a client comes to me complaining about someone and asking for advice, I usually just give them my boss's office number. If I happen to know the person they're upset with, I’ll suggest they focus their complaint on the specific work performance, though I'll probably tell them to tread lightly. 🤷
I'm just lucky my kid already knows how to say, "I don't have to do this, Mom said I don't have to." 😂
Then they can just come talk to me, and I'll sort everything out with them. 🙂

amberskipper3 said:I am 100% with you on this, and it honestly breaks my heart that so many young parents feel the exact opposite:
they openly disrespect teachers, instructors, and childcare providers, treating them like they're some lower class of people who don't actually do anything useful.
And then, in the same breath, they expect those very same people to educate, raise, guide, and protect their children...
The hypocrisy is unreal.

This right here is precisely where the core of the issue lies, although if I may be so bold as to add a word, I would say they are actually re-parenting 😁

They demand that educators achieve something that they themselves are fundamentally incapable of accomplishing. 🙂

And, of course, I should clarify—to avoid any unnecessary confusion—that this does not apply to all parents. 😉

Is it actually standard practice for elementary schoolers—and honestly, maybe even middle schoolers too—to be appointed as class treasurers?
My little girl was apparently "honored" with this prestigious little responsibility.🙄.
Now she’s constantly lugging around whatever cash they're collecting for some school project, and frankly, I can't say I'm thrilled about it.
It isn't like we're talking about some massive fortune here, but the fact that she's carrying it back and forth between home and school every single day just sits wrong with me.
Beyond that, it's our money—the lunch money or pocket change I hand her for her sandwich or whatever else. This whole setup just infuriates me.
Shouldn't the teacher be the one handling the collections instead?

Hey Berry, come on—you aren't seriously questioning the teacher's ability to stay organized, right? She’s got everything under control. 😉 Btw, we don't even have a class treasurer here.

But look, I don't want to sound like I'm just bashing the school board... this actually reminded me of something that happened at the end of last school year. My daughter came home one day with this little note that basically said: "Dear parents, we decided everyone should chip in $20 so we can get the teacher a year-end gift. The kids can give their money to Isaac in our class, who will then hand it over to Penny in third grade, who'll be collecting it all for the gift." There was no signature, no explanation of who actually made this decision, or how the adults' money would even reach the right hands... Honestly, they deserved to be called out for being so reckless and unprofessional. 🤷

So, what am I supposed to do now?🤷
Should I just tell my teacher to stop breathing down my neck and leave me alone?

Charles Murphy6 said:So, what am I supposed to do now?🤷
Should I just tell my teacher to stop breathing down my neck and leave me alone?

Look, those classroom responsibilities are supposed to be about teaching kids how to actually own their duties, you know?
Personally, I’d suggest your daughter stops lugging cash back and forth to school every single day. It's a headache. Just set up a specific schedule—like, "money gets collected on Fridays"—so there's a system in place for when funds are gathered or paid out for class stuff.
Your girl probably sees being the treasurer as a real vote of confidence from her peers, so try not to dump all your own anxieties onto her.
Just talk to the teacher. Suggest picking specific days of the week for collections, and until then, just keep the cash safely at home where it belongs.

Charles Murphy6 said:Is it actually standard practice for elementary schoolers—and honestly, maybe even middle schoolers too—to be appointed as class treasurers?
My little girl was apparently "honored" with this prestigious little responsibility.🙄.
Now she’s constantly lugging around whatever cash they're collecting for some school project, and frankly, I can't say I'm thrilled about it.
It isn't like we're talking about some massive fortune here, but the fact that she's carrying it back and forth between home and school every single day just sits wrong with me.
Beyond that, it's our money—the lunch money or pocket change I hand her for her sandwich or whatever else. This whole setup just infuriates me.
Shouldn't the teacher be the one handling the collections instead?

I used to be the class treasurer myself👋
but that feels like a lifetime ago! I feel like there was less theft back then because we all basically had the same amount anyway.🤣
Usually, they’d pick the "model" students or the ones who were really good at math to handle the funds.

I don't really get why she has to carry it every day, though.😕
As far as I know, collections usually have a specific window of time.
In most schools I work with, kids are told to bring their money by a certain date because that's when the deadline hits.
And typically, it isn't the teacher collecting it, but a trusted student.

edit: and I see amberskipper3 signed off—looks like we're on the same page!

By the way, even at my kid's preschool, they collect money for the holiday shows on the morning of the performance. I’ve never had to pay a day early for anything.🤷
I'm sure it would be much easier for the teacher to collect it a day in advance and drop it off at the front office, rather than dealing with the headache of managing our spare change from $67 for a show that only costs $20 or $25.😂

I used to work in school health services 👏—covering all four grade levels—so believe me when I say I’ve seen enough dirty ears and unkempt nails to last a lifetime🤣🤣
My little girl doesn't have the slightest clue that I even see an issue here. I just keep my mouth shut.
As for why she carries cash around every single day? Honestly, I haven't a clue... though I do know some little delinquent broke in once and I'm terrified my girl might end up spending it all 🙄 so I suppose she feels the need to account for every cent she has on a daily basis... at least that's my best guess..
And besides that—what if someone swipes it while she's out at recess since some of the kids stay in the classroom while others head outside? They have a few real "characters" in her class who definitely know she's carrying cash..
If I catch her, I'll just give her a subtle, pointed lecture while she's taking off her backpack at home.. 🙂
And let's be real, she's a model student through and through—she definitely takes after her mother:)))))

Charles Murphy6 said:I used to work in school health services 👏—covering all four grade levels—so believe me when I say I’ve seen enough dirty ears and unkempt nails to last a lifetime🤣🤣
My little girl doesn't have the slightest clue that I even see an issue here. I just keep my mouth shut.
As for why she carries cash around every single day? Honestly, I haven't a clue... though I do know some little delinquent broke in once and I'm terrified my girl might end up spending it all 🙄 so I suppose she feels the need to account for every cent she has on a daily basis... at least that's my best guess..
And besides that—what if someone swipes it while she's out at recess since some of the kids stay in the classroom while others head outside? They have a few real "characters" in her class who definitely know she's carrying cash..
If I catch her, I'll just give her a subtle, pointed lecture while she's taking off her backpack at home.. 🙂
And let's be real, she's a model student through and through—she definitely takes after her mother:)))))

Hey, maybe try checking in with the homeroom teacher to see why they need everything collected on a daily basis.
Regarding the break period—honestly, on those days when everyone is gathering around, they don't exactly go out of their way to socialize with the other kids. But leaving them alone in the classroom just to run to the restroom? That doesn't strike me as the smartest move either.

So, how are those little gems coming along? Honestly, if she’s the one collecting them, everyone’s going to find out pretty quickly that she’s the one with all the capital. 😕

One thing that really bugs me about these multi-day get-togethers is how they can sometimes foster a bit of irresponsibility. It feels like you constantly have to nudge people or play the role of the nag just to get them to show up or follow through on what they promised to bring. I personally prefer things to run a little more smoothly, without having to pull everyone along by the sleeve!
Let's just pick one specific day for the collection and call it a day. Once that date is set, we can move forward!
There’s no such thing as "I forgot, I'll do it tomorrow." In my experience, that's just a polite way of saying it isn't happening. Once you start letting those little delays slide, they tend to snowball pretty quickly. It’s much better to just tackle it right when it hits your radar! 🙂
You just gather up all the cash along with the list and hand it over to the clerk at the front desk. That’s how I always used to do it—I'm not sure if everyone else handles it differently!
Anyone who didn't bring their stuff in was told by the parents to get it there before the end of the workday.
I’m not entirely sure how much of a social welfare aspect was involved there. It’s possible the goal was actually to support students who were struggling to make ends meet, with those funds being covered by the school’s general budget or something similar. Even so, the kids were incredibly consistent about bringing their money in. We ended up collecting for all sorts of things—everything from basic insurance and charity drives for kids overseas to field trips, school plays, and various student clubs and activities.

edit:
I’ve been thinking a lot about hygiene lately—specifically when it comes to keeping things sanitary in our daily routines. It’s one of those small things that really makes a massive difference in how you feel throughout the day! 🤣
Around here, those were almost always the doctor's kids. 😂

Charles Murphy6 said:I used to work in school health services 👏—covering all four grade levels—so believe me when I say I’ve seen enough dirty ears and unkempt nails to last a lifetime🤣🤣
My little girl doesn't have the slightest clue that I even see an issue here. I just keep my mouth shut.
As for why she carries cash around every single day? Honestly, I haven't a clue... though I do know some little delinquent broke in once and I'm terrified my girl might end up spending it all 🙄 so I suppose she feels the need to account for every cent she has on a daily basis... at least that's my best guess..
And besides that—what if someone swipes it while she's out at recess since some of the kids stay in the classroom while others head outside? They have a few real "characters" in her class who definitely know she's carrying cash..
If I catch her, I'll just give her a subtle, pointed lecture while she's taking off her backpack at home.. 🙂
And let's be real, she's a model student through and through—she definitely takes after her mother:)))))

You didn't actually tell us how the teacher is handling this responsibility.
You're basically just guessing because you don't actually know why she needs to bring cash to school every day.
Maybe try suggesting a different way to handle the collections.
As for "snatching it from her back"—if you intervene like that without her knowing, it's going to backfire. Your daughter could easily take it as a sign that she failed at the task she was given, or worse, that you don't trust her.
That would be a total disaster.

When I use the term "little pickpockets," I’m talking about those kids who can’t resist sticking their hands into someone else's backpack. Up until now, it’s just been little things like hair ties or erasers, but I am genuinely terrified that money will be next on the list since everyone knows exactly where she keeps it.
She isn't going to carry the cash every single day—only when the teacher tells her to bring in everything that's been collected. But the problem is that they bring it to her bit by bit every day, which is really just a symptom of how poorly organized this classroom management is...
Honestly, I’ve always been against having a designated class treasurer anyway. Let the teacher collect the funds, hand them over to the school's accounting department, and call it a day.

amberskipper3 said:You didn't actually tell us how the teacher is handling this responsibility.
You're basically just guessing because you don't actually know why she needs to bring cash to school every day.
Maybe try suggesting a different way to handle the collections.
As for "snatching it from her back"—if you intervene like that without her knowing, it's going to backfire. Your daughter could easily take it as a sign that she failed at the task she was given, or worse, that you don't trust her.
That would be a total disaster.

How does she actually feel about it? From what I can see, the pressure is clearly getting to her. She carries a specific wallet for this, keeps a meticulous list of who contributed, and honestly, it breaks my heart to see how much it hurts her when certain kids make snide comments implying she might spend the money herself.

Charles Murphy6 said:How does she actually feel about it? From what I can see, the pressure is clearly getting to her. She carries a specific wallet for this, keeps a meticulous list of who contributed, and honestly, it breaks my heart to see how much it hurts her when certain kids make snide comments implying she might spend the money herself.

Honestly, if I were in her shoes, I’d just sit my kid down and ask if this whole responsibility is becoming too much for them. If they want out, simple—just ask the teacher to let them off the hook from handling the cash. But if they really want to stick with it, we need to overhaul the whole process and organize it better, kind of like those suggestions we already threw your way.

I honestly don't see why a child would be genuinely traumatized by being a cashier in a situation like this.

If I were in charge, I’d take a different approach entirely: I’d tell her she was chosen for the role specifically because she’s someone we trust—someone responsible. I’d make sure she keeps the bulk of the cash at home, only bringing exactly what she earns that day to school. I’d also reassure her that she doesn't need to live in fear of theft, because if anything actually goes sideways, I’ll personally cover the loss. As for those people commenting that she'll just blow through all the money—well, they're all judging based on their own flawed standards and assuming everyone else operates with the same lack of discipline they do...

Ultimately, I wouldn't push a child toward quitting—though, granted, I would certainly respect a clear desire to walk away from it. But I wouldn't ask, "Do you want to quit?" That’s far too suggestive, isn't it? What kind of message does that send—that one should retreat the moment some idiot starts talking? And I certainly wouldn't go behind her back to settle things with the teacher; how would the kid perceive that? It might feel less like support and more like the teacher simply "removing" her, which could easily be interpreted as a sign of her own incompetence.

Charles Murphy6 said:When I use the term "little pickpockets," I’m talking about those kids who can’t resist sticking their hands into someone else's backpack. Up until now, it’s just been little things like hair ties or erasers, but I am genuinely terrified that money will be next on the list since everyone knows exactly where she keeps it.
She isn't going to carry the cash every single day—only when the teacher tells her to bring in everything that's been collected. But the problem is that they bring it to her bit by bit every day, which is really just a symptom of how poorly organized this classroom management is...
Honestly, I’ve always been against having a designated class treasurer anyway. Let the teacher collect the funds, hand them over to the school's accounting department, and call it a day.

I couldn't agree more.

My little one was the class treasurer once, and honestly, the whole situation was such a headache for our family.
One time my husband just had enough; he took our kid straight to Raska, and the child "voluntarily" resigned from the position right then and there.😁

Raska ended up finding another student in the class who actually volunteered to take over the job.

Nicholas King said:I honestly don't see why a child would be genuinely traumatized by being a cashier in a situation like this.

If I were in charge, I’d take a different approach entirely: I’d tell her she was chosen for the role specifically because she’s someone we trust—someone responsible. I’d make sure she keeps the bulk of the cash at home, only bringing exactly what she earns that day to school. I’d also reassure her that she doesn't need to live in fear of theft, because if anything actually goes sideways, I’ll personally cover the loss. As for those people commenting that she'll just blow through all the money—well, they're all judging based on their own flawed standards and assuming everyone else operates with the same lack of discipline they do...

Ultimately, I wouldn't push a child toward quitting—though, granted, I would certainly respect a clear desire to walk away from it. But I wouldn't ask, "Do you want to quit?" That’s far too suggestive, isn't it? What kind of message does that send—that one should retreat the moment some idiot starts talking? And I certainly wouldn't go behind her back to settle things with the teacher; how would the kid perceive that? It might feel less like support and more like the teacher simply "removing" her, which could easily be interpreted as a sign of her own incompetence.

Absolutely. Kids need to learn how to handle money and obligations; being the class treasurer is actually a great way to learn that.

I can't believe we've reached a point where being a simple class treasurer is considered unbearable stress that needs to be removed from a child. What kind of adults are we going to raise if we shield them from every basic responsibility?

crimsongull20 said:Absolutely. Kids need to learn how to handle money and obligations; being the class treasurer is actually a great way to learn that.

I can't believe we've reached a point where being a simple class treasurer is considered unbearable stress that needs to be removed from a child. What kind of adults are we going to raise if we shield them from every basic responsibility?

I have to disagree here. My kid is incredibly responsible and takes things seriously. That said, having someone else's $300$133 just sitting on you isn't exactly a comfortable position, even for an adult like myself.
If anyone is implying that I'm spoiling my child, they couldn't be more wrong because my kid is anything but spoiled.
And I haven't pressured them one bit about whether they want to collect the money or not; I'm just sitting back and observing. Of course, I would step in and cover the funds if they went missing, but does everything really need to be this dramatic?

I honestly don't get why he needs to carry cash around there. 😕