Student-teacher dynamics vs. parent-teacher dynamics

My teacher was one of those people who absolutely lived for anyone who pampered her. Basically, she had favorites among the kids whose parents would show up with birthday gifts or give her a little pat on the shoulder just to stay in her good graces. She really leaned into the kids of doctors, cops, and even that one kid whose dad was some big-shot judge back then.
It was one of those coastal towns, you know? Tons of vacation rentals, hotels, and upscale restaurants everywhere.
She just loved the kids from the "important" families.

And man, did the straight A's fly out of her mouth for them.
But me? She couldn't stand me. It all started because my dad went to her at the beginning of the year and basically told her, "Look, lady, it’s only natural my daughter is getting an A in reading when, honestly, she’s barely pulling a C. You’re doing us both a massive disservice by handing out easy grades; she doesn't need an A, she needs someone to actually tell her what she's failing at so she can fix it."
From that moment on, she froze us both out.
At the time, I thought my dad was being totally unreasonable—like, even his worst enemy wouldn't have said something like that! But thank God he did. It made me realize where I was actually struggling, and it taught me that if I wanted to be good at something, I had to work ten times harder than everyone else.

My grades were average, but they were earned. By fifth grade, I realized that conversation between my dad and that teacher was actually the best thing that could've happened to me. If I got a B, I knew it was on me. If I got an A, I knew it was because I actually earned it.

Fast forward to high school: that group of kids who were getting unearned A's thrown at them in elementary school ended up staying in school way longer than they should have.

I still remember this one guy who sat right next to me; he struggled to spell basic words, yet somehow always pulled an A in English. He’d just copy the math homework every single day, and the teacher knew exactly what he was doing, but she gave him an A anyway.
He failed his freshman year. His mom tried to claim he just "couldn't adjust to the new environment," but let's be real—he adjusted just fine; he just never learned how to actually work or study.

Then there was another kid whose mom showed up to parent-teacher conferences and actually had the nerve to say, "My son is passing with a B, and plenty of kids with special education plans pass with a B too, so why shouldn't he?"
Well, guess what? He didn't even make it through high school.

urbantinker8 said:...since everyone is supposedly able (and actually required) to pull a five out of five on every subject, provided the professors are "good" enough, right?

Just a bunch of nonsense, I guess.🤦

The story is about a kid failing classes, yet you're seeing straight A's here. 🙏 🙂
Are you suggesting the teacher in this scenario was trying to hint to the parent that the child *should* be getting A's? Like, maybe they should work more with them or send them to a tutor? 🤔
Or is the parent supposed to suggest to the teacher that they need to teach better so the kid can actually earn those grades? 🤔

The teacher told the parent the student is failing, and the parent basically said, "Not my problem."
I don't see any "straight A" subtext here at all.

Honestly, I wouldn't leave the conversation there—neither the parent nor the teacher should. Leaving things hanging like this just opens the door for everyone to project their own issues onto the situation.
(You can really see this in the posts written by both teachers and parents, where everyone is just pointing fingers and shifting blame.)

That kind of dynamic feels like it's from a different era. In modern American schools, it usually looks like this: when a student is struggling with failing grades, parents receive direct instructions along with photocopied tests that they are expected to go over with their child . They get told exactly which material the child is missing, which pages to focus on, and how to motivate them within a certain timeframe—ideally by studying together. They even get guidance on specific projects the child needs to complete.

(Parents who don't get these clear instructions end up feeling lost because they see other parents getting them, so they start searching for answers themselves.)

At the end of the day, the responsibility for the teaching process lies with the teacher.
The responsibility for learning lies with the student.
The parent's job is to stay informed.
Both teachers and parents can help motivate a child to learn, but our ultimate goal should be fostering intrinsic motivation—teaching the child how to drive their own desire to learn.
Teachers don't usually focus on this, and most parents don't even know how to approach it.
Not to mention, the American school system is often designed in a way that stifles a child's natural curiosity and genuine desire to discover things.

I know this firsthand from talking to students (from various schools and with different teachers), and I see it from what parents tell me. They aren't asking *how* to study; they are asking what they should be studying.

It’s become a bit of a mess.

Teachers and school staff really should be reaching out to parents regarding behavioral or developmental issues to offer advice and support, but they often don't—whether out of fear, lack of knowledge, or just hesitation. Meanwhile, school counselors are called in only when things have already gone downhill (or people assume counselors are just there for paperwork and bypass them entirely).

Parents need to receive a clear message that school is their responsibility too. They need to care about the relationship they build with teachers and encourage their kids to raise their hands when they're confused—especially since it's easy to miss something if a teacher rushed through a lesson or didn't explain it clearly.
But that doesn't happen.
There's always that risk that a student will hold a grudge against a teacher, or that the teacher will feel like they have to redo work, or that the parent will indirectly criticize them.
And there's also the risk of a teacher being "exposed" for not doing their job properly. Why wouldn't a parent just explain that to the child themselves, or better yet, just hire a private tutor to help them catch up?
I’ve noticed a bit of a pattern lately when it comes to school involvement. You often hear people describe a parent who is constantly checking in with teachers and staying deeply involved in every little detail as being "highly cooperative." On paper, that sounds like a dream for any educator, right? But if you look closer, I think there's a downside we don't talk about enough. While the intention is clearly to help, that level of constant hovering can actually end up being counterproductive for the student. In the long run, it can sometimes hinder a kid's ability to develop independence and learn how to navigate their own challenges. It’s a tricky balance to strike—being supportive without accidentally stepping in too far.

I know there are certain kids out there who just don't have a sense of time. A few students have actually admitted that to me—it’s funny how honest they can be when they aren't feeling pressured. They tend to make the same kind of optimistic claims about their grades, too, thinking that if they just show up to class on time and stay mentally engaged, their GPA will magically skyrocket overnight.
I’ve also noticed how much a student's motivation, grasp of the material, and even their grades can swing depending on who walks through the classroom door. It’s funny how much impact a new teacher has—whether they’re just stepping in for a short-term sub or taking over the course long-term. I've seen it go both ways; some kids suddenly find their spark and start excelling, while others completely lose interest and see their marks slip. It really shows that the connection with the instructor makes all the difference.
Well, if we’re talking about the exact same kid but two different teachers, you can definitely start measuring how much each instructor actually impacts what the student learns. It really comes down to that individual connection.

I noticed you mentioned "frupy," but there wasn't any context provided! Are we talking about a specific snack, a typo for something else, or maybe a new flavor profile you've been enjoying lately? I’m all ears if you want to share more! kaže:
Honestly, thank goodness for that! It’s such a huge relief. Hey everyone! Students here are just incredible. They hang on every word in class, never miss a lecture, and stay right on top of all their homework. Plus, they seem to have this endless natural talent for every single subject they touch. It’s honestly impressive how dedicated they are! I haven't seen any content to work with yet! Please provide the posts you'd like me to rewrite, and I'll get started on transforming them into fresh, Americanized versions while keeping that calm and upbeat tone. If you end up with a failing grade or barely scraping by with a D, you can point the finger squarely at the teachers. It’s entirely on them.

Goodness, what a ridiculous attempt at humor. That little "anecdote" was just... wow. 🤦

How did you go from just one kid to a whole squad?🤔

Whether we’re talking about schoolwork or just general life, I really feel that parents only carry the blame if they refuse to cooperate with the necessary support systems—like when a child needs an IEP or a specialized learning plan to manage a specific deficit, but the parent just shuts it down. Or, more seriously, if they fail to provide a basic foundation for growth. It’s hard to expect a kid to thrive if they aren't getting regular meals, enough sleep, or a quiet place to study because things at home are constantly chaotic. When there's instability like domestic issues or substance abuse in the household, it makes it nearly impossible for a child to succeed.
If we’re talking about kids growing up in a stable environment with average intellectual abilities, honestly, any student can pass their classes just by showing up consistently and paying attention. It really comes down to having a quality teacher—someone who actually knows how to spark interest in their students and effectively pass on knowledge. You also need a teacher who can maintain actual discipline in the classroom. Some instructors just don't have that skill set. And let's be real, some students actually prefer it when there's no order; it gives them the perfect excuse to slack off without getting called out.

urbantinker8 said:Calling it a "story" is kind of silly.
Are failing grades really just outliers?😕
Do you honestly think the support staff doesn't get involved in these situations?
And do you really believe parents always cooperate with the school?
Do you seriously think just being "engaging" is enough to ensure a child gets at least a C?
Is it your belief that every single teacher and every bit of curriculum always has to be every student's favorite thing to stay afloat?

Wait, where exactly did you get that idea from? I don't see anything in the text—or even in our conversation later on—that leads to that conclusion.

as per usual, this is going to be a three-part saga🥱🥱

the premise here is just... well, it's silly. honestly, it’s so nonsensical that I don't even feel like getting into it anymore.
your argument, if you can even call it that, follows that same tired old script where "the whole system is broken, good teachers are a dying breed, and parents and kids are just collateral damage in the middle of it all," so I suppose I don't really have much left to add beyond what I've already said a thousand times before.
I guess I'm just over it.👋

A you’re telling the exact same story, just flipped on its head. The school system is flawless, the teachers are even better—if we could just get rid of the parents and the students, everything would be perfect...

Look, if you're actually about that life and stay true to who you are—it’s all good.

What kind of people are they even training? They're teaching the very people who should be enforcing him. It’s absolutely phenomenal.

My colleague posted this on Facebook today. Seems relevant here:

Parent at a parent-teacher conference:

Parent: Is he behaving during class?
Teacher: Yes.
Parent: Any aggression toward other kids or staff?
Teacher: No.
Parent: Stealing anything from classmates?
Teacher: No.
Parent: So, he's a good kid...?
Teacher: He is, but...
Parent: But what?
Teacher: He's failing math, physics, geography, and barely passing biology.
Parent: What's that got to do with me?
Teacher: Well, your child is...
Parent: Look, my job is to make sure my kid stays calm, isn't violent, and doesn't steal. It looks like they learned that.
So, it’s not my problem—it's yours.
Now you expect me to step in and do your job by teaching him math, physics, geography, and biology?

nimblelynx7 said:My colleague posted this on Facebook today. Seems relevant here:

Parent at a parent-teacher conference:

Parent: Is he behaving during class?
Teacher: Yes.
Parent: Any aggression toward other kids or staff?
Teacher: No.
Parent: Stealing anything from classmates?
Teacher: No.
Parent: So, he's a good kid...?
Teacher: He is, but...
Parent: But what?
Teacher: He's failing math, physics, geography, and barely passing biology.
Parent: What's that got to do with me?
Teacher: Well, your child is...
Parent: Look, my job is to make sure my kid stays calm, isn't violent, and doesn't steal. It looks like they learned that.
So, it’s not my problem—it's yours.
Now you expect me to step in and do your job by teaching him math, physics, geography, and biology?

👍

They'll always learn how to behave in class. 😬

There are exceptions, of course, but plenty of teachers and professors just aren't up for the task.

nimblelynx7 said:My colleague posted this on Facebook today. Seems relevant here:

Parent at a parent-teacher conference:

Parent: Is he behaving during class?
Teacher: Yes.
Parent: Any aggression toward other kids or staff?
Teacher: No.
Parent: Stealing anything from classmates?
Teacher: No.
Parent: So, he's a good kid...?
Teacher: He is, but...
Parent: But what?
Teacher: He's failing math, physics, geography, and barely passing biology.
Parent: What's that got to do with me?
Teacher: Well, your child is...
Parent: Look, my job is to make sure my kid stays calm, isn't violent, and doesn't steal. It looks like they learned that.
So, it’s not my problem—it's yours.
Now you expect me to step in and do your job by teaching him math, physics, geography, and biology?

This was actually posted to the thread a few days ago, which sparked the debate you were responding to above, Sam Kim12.😬

Wish I’d caught this sooner instead of just seeing it on a coworker's Facebook feed, but whatever. A good thing is a good thing.

Sam Kim12 said:👍

They'll always learn how to behave in class. 😬

There are exceptions, of course, but plenty of teachers and professors just aren't up for the task.

Or they'll just get two kids and if they have no clue what they're doing, it doesn't matter because they sit there quietly during class and don't listen to a word anyway. Much easier for the teacher.

Anyone expecting our school system to raise children or act as therapists today... they've gotta be out of their minds.

crimsongull20 said:Or they'll just get two kids and if they have no clue what they're doing, it doesn't matter because they sit there quietly during class and don't listen to a word anyway. Much easier for the teacher.

Anyone expecting our school system to raise children or act as therapists today... they've gotta be out of their minds.

because let's be real, even if they end up in summer school, they aren't gonna magically know more than they did during the regular semester.

Parents need to realize how much teachers struggle. They know firsthand just how broken the school system is, while parents often remain blissfully unaware.

If teaching becomes too much of a grind, or if they just lose the spark, there are plenty of other career paths out there...

Sent from my Samsung Galaxy S7 using Reddit

Even though I’m definitely not always on the same page as my fellow teachers, I feel like I’m constantly fighting this uphill battle against the entire educational system, you know?

I mean, there are just some kids out there who can't seem to grasp things through standard schooling alone, no matter what you do...

You honestly wouldn't believe how much heart a person can pour into their work, too...

Like, take today for instance—we were diving into the anatomy of the ear. We watched a documentary, did some sketching, studied a physical model, went over everything using the model, and then they filled out a worksheet. I probably ran through the whole process fifty times, we did it together, and it seemed like everything was clicking perfectly... But then the very next period rolls around, we move on to something else, and suddenly it's like nobody learned a single thing...

And I think that's starting to really get to people working in the classroom, and I know for sure it’s getting to me, because I truly gave it my absolute all...

Which specific school are we talking about here—and just how many parts of the ear are they expected to memorize?

At the elementary school...

I mean, I really think it would be ideal if there were at least three main sections that you touch upon every single day, even if they aren't officially broken down into sub-topics or anything...

The real headache, though, is that these kids only ever study right before a big test, and since I'm just a substitute teacher, I don't really have the power to change how things are run...
If they had just taken a quick look at the diagram before class started, they probably would've known, but basically, you need those three parts so they can actually list them out....

That's just one example from a perspective where everything is actually being handled through visual, auditory, and tactile learning all at once, and honestly, you can only imagine how much better the results could be when it's just that old-school "read and write" routine between the students and the teachers...

Thanks for getting back to me, though I feel like you only partially addressed my actual question. If I’m following your logic correctly—despite all this talk about "visual, auditory, and tactile processing"—it seems like everything eventually boils down to how many specific parts a kid can simply recite from memory. I mean, really? So, what’s the threshold here? How many parts does a student need to memorize to land a passing grade, a B, or an A, versus what it takes to actually earn an A+?

But more importantly: what happens once these kids have successfully memorized every single component of the ear? In what practical way do they actually apply that rote-learned information later on during the course?

If you can’t even list them out, there’s no way you’re going to be able to point them out—you know, in a diagram or a 3D model or whatever. Like, if you're trying to explain how we actually perceive sound... look, you just can't tackle a problem creatively if you haven't even mastered the basics yet. You have to own the material at a foundational level first.
first the drill, then the skill.

I completely disagree—though I suppose it’s hardly surprising that I find myself at odds with someone who advocates for nothing but rote drilling in the first place.

My inquiry regarding whether a student "must" memorize the specific names of every single part of the ear🙄 stems from two distinct concerns. First, if we expect a child to master two hundred and fifty different terms just to secure a slightly better grade, they won't actually learn a single thing—it's basic logic, regardless of how much a teacher might scoff or lecture about it. Second, there is the matter raised in the latter half of my question: what is the actual utility of those names once a child has memorized them?

If the sole objective is to cram two hundred and fifty labels into a brain, then there is absolutely no need for visual, auditory, or tactile processing; one could simply force the children to chant the names for half an hour roughly like this and they would have them down pat.

On the other hand, explaining the mechanics of how we perceive sound is entirely possible, whether or not you choose to call a specific component the Eustace tube or the Enoch fagott.