How does living with mental illness affect different areas of your life?

Larry Martin3 said:Great topic. I'll throw some of my own thoughts out there, even though I'm not currently in active treatment.

A close friend of mine saw how much I was struggling mentally recently and told me—dead serious, I think—that I’m the smartest, most emotional, and best person she knows. I honestly don't know if she meant it. My response? If that's actually true, it’s completely useless to me. I'd trade it all in a heartbeat to be way dumber and more numb just to feel a little bit of happiness for once.

I've always been an overthinker. I spend way too much time analyzing the world and the people in it, reading, writing... I'm deeply reflective. But besides getting straight A's on high school essays, none of that has done me any favors. It just left me with hypersensitive senses and a brain that's turned entirely inward.

My romantic life? Total chaos, right up until everything just burned out. I was almost always the one being walked away from. And look, I get why.

Even my friendships are unstable. I have these habituated "disappearances" that end up killing off friendships, and when I hit those phases where I don't trust anyone and everyone feels like a threat, that hits my friends too. I don't have Facebook or any of that crap because I’m terrified of what I might actually post or say to the public when my dark side takes over. I'm not about exposing my wounds to the whole world.

Don't even get me started on college. It's impossible to stay motivated to plow through 1,500 pages of reading when your brain feels like a literal black hole.

Family stuff is broken, too. They see me as volatile, neurotic. Like I mentioned before, they don't "believe in depression"—they think it's just some luxury for people with too much free time.

Basically, there isn't a single corner of my life that hasn't been scarred by this depression.

Everything you wrote hits way too close to home. It’s like you laid out my entire life from A to Z. Honestly, I don't even have anyone to vent to about this. In my house, depression isn't even recognized as a real thing. To them, depression is just a fancy excuse for being lazy. So, most of the time, I just pretend I’m fine when I’m absolutely not. I’m constantly surrounded by people who don't get it and, frankly, don't even try to understand. Sometimes I try to find some silver lining. I tell myself that because of how I see the world, I have more empathy and compassion for people struggling with their own issues. But then there are moments where I just hate it. I hate that I lack that relentless hunger for life, for status, or for material wealth. If I actually gave a damn about those things, maybe I’d be more motivated to grind through these brutal exams. Maybe I’d be more driven to chase success just to impress everyone else—to graduate fast, land some high-powered corporate job, and act like the young, ambitious, slightly arrogant girl my family expects me to be. But every time I start thinking about wanting that life, I stop. I think about all the "successful" people I know. I see how they treat others, or how they've treated me. I see their worldview. And that desire to be like them just vanishes. Because to get everything they have, you have to be at least a little bit like them—and I could never be that arrogant or cold-hearted.

I spend most of my life stuck in this constant tug-of-war. On one side, there’s what society defines as success—that relentless pressure to climb the ladder and accumulate status. On the other, there’s my own definition of success, which feels far too small for most people because it focuses on actually being a decent human being. The problem is, every single time I’ve tried to take the high road—even when people were throwing stones at me—I ended up looking like a complete fool. I forgave, I backed down, I played nice. And you know what? Those exact same people are now considered "more successful" than I am by every superficial metric out there. They have the bigger bank accounts, the fancy degrees, and the social standing. It’s infuriating. It isn't fair. There are moments when I feel this intense urge to just be arrogant, to go out there and aggressively prove that I can play their game better than they can, just so they can't laugh behind my back. But then reality hits. I know deep down that true happiness doesn't come from winning some hollow competition or stacking up wealth and accolades. Even if I had all that material stuff, I wouldn't be happy without peace of mind. That's the part they don't understand.
The whole concept of "struggling to make it" is just absurd. I can’t even wrap my head around it at home, and whenever I try to bring up the topic, people look at me like I've lost my mind. I get why, though. They don't actually contemplate life—they don't see its breadth or its depth. To them, life is just what's happening right this second; it’s one endless, exhausting grind. I absolutely despise this way of living and these shallow values. Honestly, day by day, I’m losing my will to live or even bother fighting for anything, because I feel like I have nothing worth fighting for. People spend their entire lives clawing for existence, chasing possessions, and then trying to build a life around those things. I couldn't care less. And I refuse to be some "outcast" surrounded by people who will judge me for the rest of my life just because I lack that specific brand of ambition. Let me be clear: I am not lazy. I love working. At home, I’m the one doing all the cleaning, tidying, and cooking, and I actually take pride in it. I enjoy working at the local florist—anything, really. But when it comes to college and the motivation to actually graduate? It's zero. I am terrified of stepping into that world of corporate lions, constant rivalry, and forced politeness where you have to play nice with a boss who is clearly a total jerk, someone who does nothing but chase profit and wants to exploit you for the lowest possible wage.

I would never do anything drastic; that’s just not who I am. But I'll admit, there are plenty of mornings where I wish I hadn't woken up at all.
The fallout from all this is that I simply don't trust anyone. Most of my friendships feel fake and insincere, mostly because I’m not being sincere with them either. I have this nagging feeling that every time I show even a hint of vulnerability, people are just waiting for the chance to gloat or lecture me, just so they can feel better about themselves—like, "Oh, she's having a harder time than I am." I don't trust anyone, and lately, it's getting out of hand. I have no desire to socialize anymore. It’s all just exhausting and pointless.

fadedbear92 said:Someone actually suggested I open this thread—though, to be honest, it’s something I’ve been chewing on for quite a while now.
For those of you who have come to terms with where you are and are managing things through therapy or medication: in what ways do you feel "diminished"? I personally feel we all carry some kind of weight from it, though I suppose that really depends on how intense the struggle is at any given moment... anyway, if you're feeling up to it, I'd love to hear your thoughts. Do you think there’s a silver lining here? Like, have we gained any unique perspectives or qualities because of this struggle that we might have missed otherwise?

In my experience, building a deep connection with someone who is completely "neurotypical" can be pretty tough when you're dealing with your own mental health battles. I’ve had three significant relationships in my life, and two out of those three partners were also navigating their own psychological struggles. I usually try to hold off on talking about my condition for as long as I possibly can, but eventually, it’s something that just has to come up. Outside of that specific area, I don't really feel "handicapped"; with my medication, I feel like I can function just like anyone else. It wasn't always that way, though, and I feel like I lost a few good years of my life to it.

1. The mindset aspect—you know, how someone struggling with mental health might fall into these harmful thought patterns, which then trickles down into their psychological state and eventually even physical health; though I guess it works both ways too...

2. The social side of things. It’s interesting how public perception of mental illness just kind of swings back and forth depending on how much media attention certain extreme cases get during some weekend news cycle or when Hollywood decides to use a condition as a plot device. Once someone is labeled as having a specific issue, all that info floating around the scene starts to shape how everyone—from their inner circle to the general public—views them, regardless of what they're actually going through...

3. The professional sphere. On one hand, you have pharmaceutical companies setting up all these rules to protect themselves from liability, and on the other, there are plenty of jobs where you basically need a psychologist or psychiatrist to sign off on whether you're actually fit for the role or if you can handle the pressure.

I suppose there's a potential upside here. If a person can finally wrap their head around why they feel the way they do, or if they learn to recognize those red flags before they hit a breaking point, they might build up a sort of "immunity." Like, maybe they could develop better self-control or gain enough insight to actually help out friends or family members who end up facing similar struggles later on...

4. Finally, I honestly feel like psychology and psychiatry still don't have a full grasp on all these moving parts and how to actually resolve them. That might be why people talk about certain conditions being "incurable," when really we're just stuck using limited ways to manage them. I mean, some part of the "disability" might actually come from the people who are supposed to be helping—whether it's family, therapists, doctors, clergy, or even spiritual healers—if they use the wrong approach. They might help to a degree, but sometimes they might actually make things worse. This is especially tricky because of how much influence the media and entertainment have; since those sources carry so much authority, it's way harder to spot the misconceptions. It creates this situation where a person's actual, valid understanding of themselves gets swept under the rug along with all the more irrational stuff...

casualwolf14 said:Everything you wrote hits way too close to home. It’s like you laid out my entire life from A to Z. Honestly, I don't even have anyone to vent to about this. In my house, depression isn't even recognized as a real thing. To them, depression is just a fancy excuse for being lazy. So, most of the time, I just pretend I’m fine when I’m absolutely not. I’m constantly surrounded by people who don't get it and, frankly, don't even try to understand. Sometimes I try to find some silver lining. I tell myself that because of how I see the world, I have more empathy and compassion for people struggling with their own issues. But then there are moments where I just hate it. I hate that I lack that relentless hunger for life, for status, or for material wealth. If I actually gave a damn about those things, maybe I’d be more motivated to grind through these brutal exams. Maybe I’d be more driven to chase success just to impress everyone else—to graduate fast, land some high-powered corporate job, and act like the young, ambitious, slightly arrogant girl my family expects me to be. But every time I start thinking about wanting that life, I stop. I think about all the "successful" people I know. I see how they treat others, or how they've treated me. I see their worldview. And that desire to be like them just vanishes. Because to get everything they have, you have to be at least a little bit like them—and I could never be that arrogant or cold-hearted.

I spend most of my life stuck in this constant tug-of-war. On one side, there’s what society defines as success—that relentless pressure to climb the ladder and accumulate status. On the other, there’s my own definition of success, which feels far too small for most people because it focuses on actually being a decent human being. The problem is, every single time I’ve tried to take the high road—even when people were throwing stones at me—I ended up looking like a complete fool. I forgave, I backed down, I played nice. And you know what? Those exact same people are now considered "more successful" than I am by every superficial metric out there. They have the bigger bank accounts, the fancy degrees, and the social standing. It’s infuriating. It isn't fair. There are moments when I feel this intense urge to just be arrogant, to go out there and aggressively prove that I can play their game better than they can, just so they can't laugh behind my back. But then reality hits. I know deep down that true happiness doesn't come from winning some hollow competition or stacking up wealth and accolades. Even if I had all that material stuff, I wouldn't be happy without peace of mind. That's the part they don't understand.
The whole concept of "struggling to make it" is just absurd. I can’t even wrap my head around it at home, and whenever I try to bring up the topic, people look at me like I've lost my mind. I get why, though. They don't actually contemplate life—they don't see its breadth or its depth. To them, life is just what's happening right this second; it’s one endless, exhausting grind. I absolutely despise this way of living and these shallow values. Honestly, day by day, I’m losing my will to live or even bother fighting for anything, because I feel like I have nothing worth fighting for. People spend their entire lives clawing for existence, chasing possessions, and then trying to build a life around those things. I couldn't care less. And I refuse to be some "outcast" surrounded by people who will judge me for the rest of my life just because I lack that specific brand of ambition. Let me be clear: I am not lazy. I love working. At home, I’m the one doing all the cleaning, tidying, and cooking, and I actually take pride in it. I enjoy working at the local florist—anything, really. But when it comes to college and the motivation to actually graduate? It's zero. I am terrified of stepping into that world of corporate lions, constant rivalry, and forced politeness where you have to play nice with a boss who is clearly a total jerk, someone who does nothing but chase profit and wants to exploit you for the lowest possible wage.

I would never do anything drastic; that’s just not who I am. But I'll admit, there are plenty of mornings where I wish I hadn't woken up at all.
The fallout from all this is that I simply don't trust anyone. Most of my friendships feel fake and insincere, mostly because I’m not being sincere with them either. I have this nagging feeling that every time I show even a hint of vulnerability, people are just waiting for the chance to gloat or lecture me, just so they can feel better about themselves—like, "Oh, she's having a harder time than I am." I don't trust anyone, and lately, it's getting out of hand. I have no desire to socialize anymore. It’s all just exhausting and pointless.

Look, you aren't exactly in the majority, but you aren't so alone that you have to carry the "weirdo" label either. Whether that label sticks—meaning whether it bothers you or not—is entirely up to you. Your own value system would probably feel a lot more sustainable if you could just find a bit of self-confidence. But then again, how does one actually get there?😁

It's only natural that mental health struggles bleed into every other part of your life, especially your social circles.

I’ve found myself nodding along to quite a few of your posts lately—it’s almost unsettling how much I recognize my own thoughts in your words—so I don't really have anything groundbreaking to contribute here. I just wanted to say: don't let them get to you. Keep fighting. Believe me, I know exactly how heavy this all feels because I'm right there in the trenches with you... so just keep pushing forward!

The topic is solid, so I’ve decided to join the conversation.
I’ve posted before about feeling constantly isolated, but seeing this thread makes me realize I’m far from alone; there are plenty of people here navigating the exact same struggles. Like most of you, I’ve lost significant years of my life to recurring bouts of depression and anxiety. A few people know what I'm dealing with—mostly family and one close friend—but whenever I've tried to open up to anyone else, I usually just hit a wall of misunderstanding. For instance, I met someone through a former college acquaintance. She seemed perfectly fine, so over coffee, I opened up. I explained that when colleagues claim I’m avoiding them, it isn't intentional; I was simply going through a depressive episode where I couldn't leave the house. After that coffee, she vanished. Charming, isn't it? I finally try to break down a barrier only to pick the wrong person. It happens, I suppose... though for me, it seems to happen in almost every area of life.
So, first, there's the social circle—acquaintances and friends. My relationship with my family is complicated, to say the least. I have a boyfriend, but I've told him several times he’d be better off finding someone else, because I honestly don't know if I'll ever stop crying. I feel terrible about it. I fight, but it always comes back. As for empathy, I often find myself overextending and helping others just out of a desperate need to be liked, which usually results in being taken advantage of. I end up alone again, often feeling like a fool. 🙂
Work—heaven help me, I can't imagine dealing with workplace toxicity ever again. That was my breaking point three years ago. I wasn't perfect before then, but since that incident, everything just fell apart.
I used to be active in sports, but I can't manage that now. My heart races, and I'm constantly haunted by the fear that something is going to happen to me. It likely won't, but fear is a difficult thing to shake.
There are silver linings, too. I've started cutting out toxic people whom I used to tolerate, likely out of a fear of rejection. I don't have that problem anymore. I've learned to appreciate the small things that most people overlook; I try to find beauty to offset my internal gloom—the morning sun, a sunset, birdsong, wildflowers, autumn colors, even a gray cloud. I capture all of it with my small camera. In this phase of my life, I'm discovering interests I didn't know I had. Even though it's difficult, I believe in a better tomorrow. I hope that one day, regardless of everything, I might find a circle of people I don't feel the need to run away from.

Here’s a damn good practical example: harvesting grapes—for me, it’s just a massive crowd of people laughing incessantly, whether there’s a reason for it or not. Mostly it's the former; they're loud, acting like they're having the time of their lives (usually fueled by booze), gossiping, prying, and commenting on everything... it’s incredibly stressful for me. Plus, I feel this crushing guilt toward my parents if I don't show up—even though they can handle the work without me—because then the guilt trips start, especially from my dad, who can be brutal, saying things like: "I guess you'll finally visit us when we're in the grave."
Honestly, I am so over these internal battles about what I should or shouldn't do—it's pure s t r e s s!!!

fadedbear92 said:Here’s a damn good practical example: harvesting grapes—for me, it’s just a massive crowd of people laughing incessantly, whether there’s a reason for it or not. Mostly it's the former; they're loud, acting like they're having the time of their lives (usually fueled by booze), gossiping, prying, and commenting on everything... it’s incredibly stressful for me. Plus, I feel this crushing guilt toward my parents if I don't show up—even though they can handle the work without me—because then the guilt trips start, especially from my dad, who can be brutal, saying things like: "I guess you'll finally visit us when we're in the grave."
Honestly, I am so over these internal battles about what I should or shouldn't do—it's pure s t r e s s!!!

But can't you just set a boundary there?
I mean, taking a firm stance like, "This is where I stand on this, and I would appreciate it if you respected that."

For instance, yesterday I was sent to pick up my mother's belongings from her old place. The car was packed to the brim—bags and boxes everywhere. Once I finally unloaded everything, I was apparently expected to sift through it all right then and there, deciding what to keep and what to toss or donate. They expected me to just handle it, because at the end of the day, all those things have to be dealt with eventually.

And I simply could not do it.
First, I just "froze up"—that's my defense mechanism when I'm overwhelmed—and they asked me what was wrong since I wasn't showing any outward emotion. It would have been convenient if I had just burst into tears or complained, but I couldn't cry. Instead, I felt a wave of anger and genuine nausea just looking at her things. It actually irritated me that they were pushing this on me.
In the end, I was blunt with them about how I felt—absolutely revolted and nauseous. Even if they didn't quite grasp why I was acting that way, I feel bad, but I refuse to act against my own nature just because a situation is emotionally heavy. Essentially, they need to deal with my decision and my reaction however they see fit. I refuse to betray myself just to meet their expectations of how I "should" behave. That expectation is exactly what creates the stress for me. So, I am setting a boundary. When (and if) I am ready, I will do what they expect, but not a moment before.

fadedbear92 said:Here’s a damn good practical example: harvesting grapes—for me, it’s just a massive crowd of people laughing incessantly, whether there’s a reason for it or not. Mostly it's the former; they're loud, acting like they're having the time of their lives (usually fueled by booze), gossiping, prying, and commenting on everything... it’s incredibly stressful for me. Plus, I feel this crushing guilt toward my parents if I don't show up—even though they can handle the work without me—because then the guilt trips start, especially from my dad, who can be brutal, saying things like: "I guess you'll finally visit us when we're in the grave."
Honestly, I am so over these internal battles about what I should or shouldn't do—it's pure s t r e s s!!!

It might not mean much coming from me, but what you described above—that specific feeling of pressure, the weight on your shoulders, and that heavy knot in your stomach—is something everyone experiences. You captured the whole situation perfectly. Back when I was navigating through three different major banks, that sense of "guilt toward my parents" gradually evolved into a progressive, deep-seated desire to actually help them navigate the entire circus themselves, because I know they aren't exactly enjoying all of this either.🙄😁 Once I shifted my perspective toward helping them, everything became somewhat easier... well, easier nonetheless.🙂

edit: I'm not particularly fond of the title; "handicapped" feels like too heavy a word, even if carrying someone else's mental burden while trying to fit into various circumstances feels that way. Usually, the term "handicapped" refers to those facing more severe physical challenges, and beyond mental health struggles, there are plenty of much tougher situations out there. Life may be different, but it isn't handicapped, and it shouldn't be labeled that way. It's definitely different, though.

Sarah Wilson95 said:It might not mean much coming from me, but what you described above—that specific feeling of pressure, the weight on your shoulders, and that heavy knot in your stomach—is something everyone experiences. You captured the whole situation perfectly. Back when I was navigating through three different major banks, that sense of "guilt toward my parents" gradually evolved into a progressive, deep-seated desire to actually help them navigate the entire circus themselves, because I know they aren't exactly enjoying all of this either.🙄😁 Once I shifted my perspective toward helping them, everything became somewhat easier... well, easier nonetheless.🙂

edit: I'm not particularly fond of the title; "handicapped" feels like too heavy a word, even if carrying someone else's mental burden while trying to fit into various circumstances feels that way. Usually, the term "handicapped" refers to those facing more severe physical challenges, and beyond mental health struggles, there are plenty of much tougher situations out there. Life may be different, but it isn't handicapped, and it shouldn't be labeled that way. It's definitely different, though.

So, I suppose the actual point isn't specifically about harvesting grapes or whatever, but rather how most situations that seem totally normal to everyone else feel like an overwhelming amount of stress and anxiety to her.🤣

No matter how hard I try to dodge those stressors, I just can't. For instance, a family member just got out of the hospital. I really ought to go visit them. You wouldn't believe how much my stomach is already turning just thinking about it. But then I start worrying—what if I don't do it? Then I'm antisocial, or crazy, or whatever else people will say.

I totally get that whole internal struggle, that constant tug-of-war over what you should or shouldn't be doing, and then having to force yourself to actually follow through. Honestly, there are times when I'm just completely done with all of it.

Man, life is kind of a bummer sometimes... no matter which way you slice it, it's tough.

gentlesailor25 said:So, I suppose the actual point isn't specifically about harvesting grapes or whatever, but rather how most situations that seem totally normal to everyone else feel like an overwhelming amount of stress and anxiety to her.🤣

No matter how hard I try to dodge those stressors, I just can't. For instance, a family member just got out of the hospital. I really ought to go visit them. You wouldn't believe how much my stomach is already turning just thinking about it. But then I start worrying—what if I don't do it? Then I'm antisocial, or crazy, or whatever else people will say.

I totally get that whole internal struggle, that constant tug-of-war over what you should or shouldn't be doing, and then having to force yourself to actually follow through. Honestly, there are times when I'm just completely done with all of it.

Man, life is kind of a bummer sometimes... no matter which way you slice it, it's tough.

Ultimately, it all comes down to the fact that certain things are treated as expected requirements, like a scheduled task or a duty—especially when family is involved. Honestly, almost everything I read here feels like a source of pressure and stress to me too; there are times when it feels genuinely repulsive or just completely drains me. To make matters worse, I am someone who isn't always in the best mental headspace, which adds another layer of anxiety because I constantly worry, "Am I capable of this?" and I dread the thought of missing the moment where I realize I've hit my limit. I think the real psychological hurdle is managing energy distribution—trying to protect yourself externally while simultaneously trying to hoard enough inner strength to keep everything from falling apart and staying functional.
I just wanted to mention that, more often than not, this isn't easy for anyone. That's why I, fadedbear92, felt compelled to write this; it might not come across as some profound insight, but it's coming from a very honest place🙄😁 and is deeply rooted in my own experience.

That whole idea of dividing things into "what is normal for others" is somewhat arbitrary. For example, it’s perfectly normal for me to be throwing feathers at an ACAB concert, even though I suspect 90% of Americans wouldn't see that as particularly normal. On the flip side, there are plenty of things that most people around me consider standard behavior—or quietly support—that feel completely abnormal to me, ranging from daily life and politics to culture, hobbies, and general reasoning. So, well, that's just how it is.

fadedbear92 said:Here’s a damn good practical example: harvesting grapes—for me, it’s just a massive crowd of people laughing incessantly, whether there’s a reason for it or not. Mostly it's the former; they're loud, acting like they're having the time of their lives (usually fueled by booze), gossiping, prying, and commenting on everything... it’s incredibly stressful for me. Plus, I feel this crushing guilt toward my parents if I don't show up—even though they can handle the work without me—because then the guilt trips start, especially from my dad, who can be brutal, saying things like: "I guess you'll finally visit us when we're in the grave."
Honestly, I am so over these internal battles about what I should or shouldn't do—it's pure s t r e s s!!!

I mentioned this earlier in the thread, but I keep coming back to these exact same feelings. It’s the same situation for me, except there aren't actually many people around. Nobody wants to help out with the vineyard, so my parents feel terrible letting it go to waste. They work so hard to maintain it and keep asking for my help, even though I’ve made it clear several times that I’d rather they just let me be and stop stressing me out with farm work.

Every single time I step in to help, I end up completely burning myself out. Sometimes I wonder if it's even necessary, but then that crushing guilt just eats me alive.🙂

I've been working my main job for years, helping my dad with his private business on my days off, and studying full-time on top of all that. Now that I'm finally reaching the end of college (after stretching out my studies a bit...), I need to focus on finishing and defending my thesis, but I can't find the time because of the vineyard and everything else. 🤷

The pressure is just immense. Constant guilt... sometimes I feel like nothing I do is ever enough.😂

p.s. The worst part is that we actually have enough money. We have a good standard of living, so neither I nor my parents really *need* to be working this hard, but it's like, "well, we have to do it." And nobody else will step up. The rest of the extended family doesn't have these responsibilities, but they sure aren't going to help with the farming or the vineyard either.

First off, this is a killer topic to dive into 😁
I find myself constantly chewing on the idea of whether there’s actually an upside (?) to the mental struggles I deal with—especially when they hit me hard. And honestly, that word "handicapped" in the title rubs me the wrong way too, just like someone else mentioned, though I get why some people might genuinely feel that way.
If my own mental "handicap" shows up as this whole spectrum of neurotic symptoms—those little flares that pop up here and there and trip my internal alarm bells—then I truly believe those symptoms are worth digging into. They mean something. We can actually flip them into an advantage if we’re willing to lean into it and really want to. (I know, sounds super optimistic, but if I didn't believe there was a fight worth winning, I’d be feeling legitimately handicapped, no quotes needed, just like the title says.)

So, what are the perks?
The real advantage is giving yourself permission to actually get to know who you are through psychotherapy and by finally becoming conscious of all those messy problems and negative loops in your head. The perk is the hope that one day I’ll actually live life to the fullest once I can shake off all that self-inflicted garbage—you know, the guilt, the self-loathing, and the shame. It’s a double-edged sword, really: I have this ability to feel the heavy weight of existence, which allows me to build incredibly intense connections with people where I give everything and receive just as much back.
Another plus is the fact that I keep fighting, even when it’s brutal and I stumble, because I hold onto this hope that it’ll all somehow "pay off." And honestly, a massive upside could be the creative stuff that pours out of these struggles—that deep, raw processing of emotions and life itself. I truly believe that, and it’s how I cope, even though most days I’d much rather just be some shallow, mindless person living a totally banal, easy life.

As for feeling "handicapped," it’s mostly about how hard it is for me to open up to anyone. I operate in extremes—it’s all or nothing with me. I bottle everything up and become a pro at dodging people or uncomfortable situations. I’m basically living a double life: there's the healthy version of me, and then there's the neurotic side that I try to keep buried deep under the surface, though of course, it always bubbles up eventually 🙂. Plus, I’m terrified of everything, and even when things are going great, my brain manages to cook up the absolute worst-case scenarios for the future. My family dynamics aren't exactly stellar, and socially, I feel like I'm failing, especially since I'm naturally an extrovert—even though in reality, I act like a total introvert because I'm so guarded, vulnerable, and anxious. But if you want the bottom line on my biggest handicap, it’s the total lack of EASE in my daily life and this constant, nagging state of worry.
Oh, and yeah, a very real, tangible handicap is my smoking habit and just generally living an unhealthy lifestyle 😢

But hey, I’m keeping my fingers crossed for both myself and all of you that we can navigate these hurdles and keep fighting. I just really hope my romanticized vision of all this doesn't end up being a total bust 😁 Since I'm still pretty young, I'm genuinely curious to see how this all plays out in the end 🍿

I used to absolutely love just walking down the street and soaking in all the greenery, those gorgeous sunsets, and whatever else was beautiful. Honestly, these days? I’m just genuinely happy when I can cross the street without spiraling into a total panic, and I’m actually pretty proud of how far I’ve come. Even something as simple as making it to the local bakery felt like such a win 🙂and it just goes on like that forever
It makes me wonder, though—in what other ways are we just constantly being let down? I guess if there were a competition for who struggles more than everyone else, we’d definitely take home the gold. We live in a culture where mental health is basically a taboo subject unless you’re talking to a tiny circle of close friends, and even then, they don't really get it. Maybe we aren't cut out for certain jobs, our energy levels completely tank, or we start noticing hair thinning... eventually, you become a bit of a burden to your own friends. They think you just need to "decide" to be okay and suddenly everything is fixed. Because I care about them, I end up pulling away and saying less and less. And so it goes, indefinitely. During my worst bouts of anxiety, I didn't even have the strength to cook, eat, or just *exist*, which led to this awful cycle of self-loathing because I felt like I wasn't being a "real woman" or a decent mother and all that nonsense🙂
But hey, I guess it could be worse...

gentleraven90 said:I used to absolutely love just walking down the street and soaking in all the greenery, those gorgeous sunsets, and whatever else was beautiful. Honestly, these days? I’m just genuinely happy when I can cross the street without spiraling into a total panic, and I’m actually pretty proud of how far I’ve come. Even something as simple as making it to the local bakery felt like such a win 🙂and it just goes on like that forever
It makes me wonder, though—in what other ways are we just constantly being let down? I guess if there were a competition for who struggles more than everyone else, we’d definitely take home the gold. We live in a culture where mental health is basically a taboo subject unless you’re talking to a tiny circle of close friends, and even then, they don't really get it. Maybe we aren't cut out for certain jobs, our energy levels completely tank, or we start noticing hair thinning... eventually, you become a bit of a burden to your own friends. They think you just need to "decide" to be okay and suddenly everything is fixed. Because I care about them, I end up pulling away and saying less and less. And so it goes, indefinitely. During my worst bouts of anxiety, I didn't even have the strength to cook, eat, or just *exist*, which led to this awful cycle of self-loathing because I felt like I wasn't being a "real woman" or a decent mother and all that nonsense🙂
But hey, I guess it could be worse...

😢 You think this is permanent? 😕
How long does this phase usually last?
For me, back two years ago, I was in a coma-like state for six months, then everything went back to normal for a year, and now I've been struggling for about three or four months. It feels like these waves just hit me periodically and then everything settles back down, so that's why I'm asking...

Andrew Lopez10 said:😢 You think this is permanent? 😕
How long does this phase usually last?
For me, back two years ago, I was in a coma-like state for six months, then everything went back to normal for a year, and now I've been struggling for about three or four months. It feels like these waves just hit me periodically and then everything settles back down, so that's why I'm asking...

I really, really hope it's not permanent.

quietgull75 said:Yeah, tell me about it. I try to joke around, but it’s tough—people always tell me I’m way too serious (even when I'm not actually in a bad mood, just... intense). I try to play along, but I just can't find the rhythm, so I mostly just stay quiet. And if there are a bunch of strangers around? Forget it—I get even more on edge.

I wouldn't call myself depressed, because honestly, it feels wrong to use that word when there are people out there dealing with actual clinical depression. But reading your post, I totally get it—not every social scene or environment is going to click with you every single time. Leaving an event early without making a big deal out of it doesn't mean anything is "wrong" with you; it just means you're honest. You're basically just signaling that you aren't feeling the vibe. I bet at least 40% of the people in those rooms feel the same way, they just force themselves to stay and pretend they're having fun...

Maybe you just haven't found your "thing" yet. Just a theory, but maybe you're more of a nature person—like, heading out to a trail or just chilling in a field somewhere. Why should grabbing coffee, hitting a concert, or some other typical social outing be the benchmark for whether you're having a good time or not?

Society pushes these specific ways of "having fun" on us so hard that we don't even realize what actually makes us happy until we take the time to look. You know? There are so many different settings and experiences that we can't even imagine because of all the social rules and conventions we're expected to follow, even though the simple stuff is right there...

I don't know if you have a formal diagnosis or anything, but I think a lot of us just fall into that low-energy, "depressive" state sometimes, and it's really not a big deal. We aren't broken or different from anyone else; it's just harder to find our place when we don't fit into those standard social boxes...

I’m doing better, I guess, but the depression is always lurking somewhere in the shadows... there's this constant fear of the fear itself, and honestly, that's the hardest part to deal with. Sometimes I don't even understand my own head, so I don't really bother looking for understanding from anyone else.

We’re all just hyper-intelligent beings here, aren't we? Spending way too much energy trying to decode the "meaning of life" because we can't stomach some fairy tale or mindless myth. Instead, we overanalyze everything. We dissect every single interaction, second-guessing every word said to us... that's just how we're wired. And because of that, we're more sensitive, more empathetic. We go looking for purpose in other people, because at least for me—there’s zero point to my life if it’s just me alone. Just working, eating, sleeping, working, repeat.
Looking back with a bit of empathy, I remember when emotions actually hit hard. Laughter used to be real, deep, from the gut. Crying was even heavier; I could break down just thinking about certain things. But now? Nothing. The tears won't come. Any laughter is just a mask to fit in. Even sadness doesn't feel like sadness anymore... just total emotional numbness.
...and the kicker is, we're never going to find that "purpose" anyway. It isn't there.

Jeremy Alvarez5 said:1. The mindset aspect—you know, how someone struggling with mental health might fall into these harmful thought patterns, which then trickles down into their psychological state and eventually even physical health; though I guess it works both ways too...

2. The social side of things. It’s interesting how public perception of mental illness just kind of swings back and forth depending on how much media attention certain extreme cases get during some weekend news cycle or when Hollywood decides to use a condition as a plot device. Once someone is labeled as having a specific issue, all that info floating around the scene starts to shape how everyone—from their inner circle to the general public—views them, regardless of what they're actually going through...

3. The professional sphere. On one hand, you have pharmaceutical companies setting up all these rules to protect themselves from liability, and on the other, there are plenty of jobs where you basically need a psychologist or psychiatrist to sign off on whether you're actually fit for the role or if you can handle the pressure.

I suppose there's a potential upside here. If a person can finally wrap their head around why they feel the way they do, or if they learn to recognize those red flags before they hit a breaking point, they might build up a sort of "immunity." Like, maybe they could develop better self-control or gain enough insight to actually help out friends or family members who end up facing similar struggles later on...

4. Finally, I honestly feel like psychology and psychiatry still don't have a full grasp on all these moving parts and how to actually resolve them. That might be why people talk about certain conditions being "incurable," when really we're just stuck using limited ways to manage them. I mean, some part of the "disability" might actually come from the people who are supposed to be helping—whether it's family, therapists, doctors, clergy, or even spiritual healers—if they use the wrong approach. They might help to a degree, but sometimes they might actually make things worse. This is especially tricky because of how much influence the media and entertainment have; since those sources carry so much authority, it's way harder to spot the misconceptions. It creates this situation where a person's actual, valid understanding of themselves gets swept under the rug along with all the more irrational stuff...

I actually intended to start a new thread, but since dustytrucker02 brought it up, I hadn't fully realized the extent to which mental health stigma still dominates the American workforce. Apparently, the trend is actually increasing.

Basically, I was offered a job where the owner requested—and quite frankly, had every right to request—a medical clearance from an occupational health specialist. I naively assumed this would just be a standard physical where you get a basic sign-off, but it turns out that because of my "F-code" diagnosis, I can't get cleared for work. I've approached five different occupational doctors, and they all just redirected me elsewhere, claiming that "oversight on F-diagnoses has been tightened" and that they "don't have the necessary specialists on staff."🤷
As if I'm some medical anomaly that requires an entire board of experts just to study me.
In what way am I unfit for work if I'm managing my condition with regular medication? This feels completely illegal.🙂
Anyone else dealt with this?