For kids of religious fanatics

Dennis Collins38 said:Look, just realize one thing: you aren't sharing a bed with your mother or your conservative relatives—you're sharing it with your future wife. If you cave to all that pressure now, you're going to ruin your entire life. You have to be clear and unapologetic about this. Whichever woman you actually like, tell those "perfect matches" your mom keeps trying to set you up with to get lost. You only get one shot at this life, and wasting it on a miserable marriage is the ultimate sin.

To be honest, I don't really care who I end up marrying. I'd be perfectly fine just marrying a maid for all I care. 😁 All this talk about true love feels incredibly shaky to me—it lasts a little while, then comes the divorce, then a new relationship, then a new marriage. It’s a cycle. Mostly, I just listen to these miserable stories from people back in college who aren't even particularly idealistic.
I don't really have much contact with my extended family anyway. If my mom suggests some girl who happens to be pretty, educated, and smart, why not? 😁 But honestly, the women I see at church are usually plain and dull. They spend their time studying until they're 30, they lack any sense of self-confidence, and—if I haven't made it clear yet—they are religious fanatics. 😍 My mother doesn't have much sway over me; if she did, I'd probably be that obedient child, behaving perfectly within the traditional mold. In reality, we mostly just bicker. I don't pay much attention to the dynamic between my parents, as my dad is much more liberal than she is. My mom is constantly trying to coax me into things, though. For example, today she told me I shouldn't eat meat because it's Lent; I immediately started eating meat, grabbed a deli slice, and ate it right in front of her. Even though I wasn't even craving it, I did it just to spite her, just to show her she can't control me. 😁

gentlefalcon said:To be honest, I don't really care who I end up marrying. I'd be perfectly fine just marrying a maid for all I care. 😁 All this talk about true love feels incredibly shaky to me—it lasts a little while, then comes the divorce, then a new relationship, then a new marriage. It’s a cycle. Mostly, I just listen to these miserable stories from people back in college who aren't even particularly idealistic.
I don't really have much contact with my extended family anyway. If my mom suggests some girl who happens to be pretty, educated, and smart, why not? 😁 But honestly, the women I see at church are usually plain and dull. They spend their time studying until they're 30, they lack any sense of self-confidence, and—if I haven't made it clear yet—they are religious fanatics. 😍 My mother doesn't have much sway over me; if she did, I'd probably be that obedient child, behaving perfectly within the traditional mold. In reality, we mostly just bicker. I don't pay much attention to the dynamic between my parents, as my dad is much more liberal than she is. My mom is constantly trying to coax me into things, though. For example, today she told me I shouldn't eat meat because it's Lent; I immediately started eating meat, grabbed a deli slice, and ate it right in front of her. Even though I wasn't even craving it, I did it just to spite her, just to show her she can't control me. 😁

You do run into some attractive people at church, but you're right, most of them are airheads. Probably just a lack of self-esteem that they compensate for with faith, using the church as a psychological crutch.

Dennis Collins38 said:You do run into some attractive people at church, but you're right, most of them are airheads. Probably just a lack of self-esteem that they compensate for with faith, using the church as a psychological crutch.

It’s a rare occurrence, honestly. When I actually do run into someone who's in decent shape, they're usually just plain boring—the type that wouldn't be caught dead stepping foot inside a Gold's Gym. And even if you do stumble upon someone with a bit of muscle, they’re mostly just skinny little things, like they've never seen a barbell in their life, only showing up to grab a drink at a local dive bar after a Saturday night out. 😁

It’s an undeniable reality that once kids get swept up in religious fanaticism, their entire perspective shifts upward toward the heavens. They start looking to God or some higher power to bail them out of everything—whether it's passing a midterm, staying healthy, or just navigating life's hurdles. It becomes this total reliance on divine intervention to solve earthly problems. My mother brings this up all the time, too; she’ll point out how she sees people my age hanging out around the Stone Gates, living their lives and going wherever they want, while I just don't feel that pull. To be honest, I’ve never really had any interest in wandering around Old Town or being part of that scene at all. 🙄
When you find yourself talking to a girl who grew up in that heavy religious bubble—you know, the kind where everything is filtered through a lens of extreme modesty and this hyper-idealized view of existence—it feels like stepping into a completely different dimension. Everything is framed as this beautiful, sacred masterpiece: love, relationships, faith. It’s all so polished and perfect; they talk about how much they adore life and how wonderful everyone around them is. It’s honestly surreal. But then reality hits, and it hits hard. Once they step out from under that protective canopy and face the actual world, they get absolutely blindsided by the grit of real life. They haven't developed the survival instincts needed to navigate things on their own. Because of that vulnerability, they often end up falling right into the traps set by people just like them, or worse, they attract those "players" who look for someone exactly like that—someone they can treat like a saint behind closed doors while they live out their real, messy lives with other women on the side. It's a predictable cycle.

Everyone seems to be obsessed with nothing but schoolwork and getting through college. Sure, there’s value in having a solid moral compass and looking out for what’s right, but we need to face reality here. If you hit your thirties without ever actually experiencing intimacy or even a single meaningful relationship, you aren't just "focused"—you're heading toward a psychological breakdown. It feels like this generation is perpetually terrified of everything. They shy away from challenges, too scared to even sit for an exam if they haven't spent the last six months buried in textbooks. Their entire concept of what "fun" looks like is completely warped; instead of actually living, they just sit around watching soap operas. It’s a distorted view of love and life. Honestly, they’re just living in a total fantasy land.
I suppose I could find a way to tolerate them if they were at least halfway decent—you know, attractive, sharp, well-educated, and actually comfortable in their own skin. Honestly, I wouldn't even mind if they were some kind of religious fanatic, as long as they didn't drag me into their personal crusades. 😁

I always find myself telling my mom something along these lines: "Look, if things are actually that wonderful where you are, why aren't you just sitting there soaking it all in by yourself? What am I supposed to do about it? And honestly, if life is truly as great as you claim it is, you’d be acting a whole lot more cheerful than you are right now." 😁"

It’s been about five or six years now, and things have shifted completely. I honestly can't put my finger on what changed, but she started attending these low mass services constantly. It isn't like there's some underlying health issue—she isn't sick, her dad isn't sick, and none of the rest of the family is dealing with any medical struggles either. It just happened.
Her mother was a fanatic too, though she was a pretty bitter person at heart. 🙄 I haven't even set foot in there. 🤣

There are a handful of women in my neighborhood who have formed this sort of influential clique within our local church. They spend all their time running various humanitarian foundations or organizing those tedious little community projects—you know the type, like those repetitive charity bake sales or food drives that seem to go on forever. It’s become such a thing that my mom actually feels awkward about me showing up to service with them. She’s worried that if I walk into the sanctuary alongside this group, the pastor is going to look me dead in the eye and demand an explanation for where on earth I’ve been for the last six or seven years. 😛 I'm sure my mom tells those women that I'll probably end up heading over to the other church, just because I have a whole group of friends hanging out there. 🤣 To be honest, I don't really know anyone who actually makes an effort to go to church anymore. Even back when I used to attend, I never felt like I truly knew a single soul in the congregation. It always felt like being a stranger in a room full of people who already had their own established circles.

My experience has been the complete opposite... It’s wild how kids and parents can be so different, almost like they aren't even cut from the same cloth.😂

If this is some kind of troll, then they’ve got quite the imagination—honestly, I have to hand it to them... 🤣

But if it isn't a troll, it's just living proof that sometimes having too much information actually does more harm than good—especially when your brain starts lagging and glitching out like an old PC... 🙂

Just a little piece of advice for the OP: nobody is coming to save you, you really can only rely on yourself... sometimes being polite doesn't cut it, and you might actually need a bit of shock therapy... yeah, it's uncomfortable, sure, but maybe then people will finally leave you alone regarding your faith...

gentlefalcon said:My family wouldn't be too thrilled if my wife turned out to be an atheist or followed some other religion. 😁
I honestly find those hypocritical girls—the ones who claim they are "saving themselves" for someone special when nobody has even approached them by age thirty—to be totally fake. My mom wouldn't necessarily dictate who I marry in the sense of saying, "You must pick this specific person," but she definitely has a very specific "type." For her, physical beauty or education isn't the priority; it's all about being devout and smart. ☕
For me, the criteria are different: I want someone attractive, intelligent, educated, and capable of running a household.

I don't see these girls at the local church, but I see them everywhere during parish fundraisers. And whenever I see one, my mom immediately jumps in with, "See how polite and well-behaved she is!" To which I usually respond that she’s probably just some lonely loser who goes to church because she has absolutely no social life.
Besides, kids hanging around priests seem incredibly dull; some of them are even considering entering the priesthood, which adds this weird, stifling layer of youth to the environment.

Let's be real: my mother tries to manipulate me constantly. That is a fact.
It’s subtle, too. It sounds like: "You can make your own decisions, obviously; nobody is forcing you. It's just that if someone like you were part of our family, things would be different. We are traditional people, after all."

It’s that cult-like recruitment style: "Why don't you try reading just one passage from the Bible a day? Go to religious ed at the parish, join the choir... you'll see, they travel so much and have so much fun together." 🤣

And what kind of "fun" are we talking about? Five hours spent with three priests, two seminarians, and ten altar servers who are constantly giggling, all while sipping rosehip tea and eating store-bought cookies. ☕

Back when they used to host youth retreats and young people would visit from other countries, my mom suggested I host a few kids overnight and show them around town. They told everyone in the parish that if anyone had the space or the means, they should take them in. I told her straight up: "Fine, you host all ten of them, you take them out for ice cream, I couldn't care less." She hit me with, "Well, I'm working, and you have all this free time." I told her: "I want to use my free time how I please. I’d much rather lounge around the house than play tour guide to some kids from Poland or the Czech Republic."

It’s honestly ridiculous, these manipulative phases. And it definitely damages the relationship. The fanatics look at you like you're the enemy because you're "defiling" the upbringing they provided, which mostly consisted of "you can't do this" and "you can't do that." 😂 I started tuning out that kind of conditioning back in my early school days. In the world of fanatics, the rule is that a child must be obedient and humble because the elders always know better. 🙂 When you dare to disagree, they pull the "Honor thy father and mother" card from the Bible. You can never bring actual logic to the table or have even 30% of your arguments accepted, let alone talk about equality. Luckily, I don't have grandparents around to turn me into their personal hobby for psychological games.🙂

Mom and Dad were watching the Pope’s Angelus broadcast from the Vatican, and my mom turns to me and says, "Look at how many young people are there—it's like the Vatican is right in our own backyard." Most of them seemed to be young folks from developing nations, like Ecuador, Paraguay, or the Philippines 🙂
It’s a completely different worldview. Then, the moment I jokingly suggested changing the name of the "Urbi et Orbi" blessing to "Ubi et orobi," everyone immediately lost their minds 🙂

Earlier this year, they were busy spreading this whole story about some guy who wasn't religious enough, so the devil supposedly appeared to him and started smashing everything in sight 🙂

Man, you are a total legend... Honestly, I haven't laughed this hard in ages. :-)

gentlefalcon said:It’s a rare occurrence, honestly. When I actually do run into someone who's in decent shape, they're usually just plain boring—the type that wouldn't be caught dead stepping foot inside a Gold's Gym. And even if you do stumble upon someone with a bit of muscle, they’re mostly just skinny little things, like they've never seen a barbell in their life, only showing up to grab a drink at a local dive bar after a Saturday night out. 😁

It’s an undeniable reality that once kids get swept up in religious fanaticism, their entire perspective shifts upward toward the heavens. They start looking to God or some higher power to bail them out of everything—whether it's passing a midterm, staying healthy, or just navigating life's hurdles. It becomes this total reliance on divine intervention to solve earthly problems. My mother brings this up all the time, too; she’ll point out how she sees people my age hanging out around the Stone Gates, living their lives and going wherever they want, while I just don't feel that pull. To be honest, I’ve never really had any interest in wandering around Old Town or being part of that scene at all. 🙄
When you find yourself talking to a girl who grew up in that heavy religious bubble—you know, the kind where everything is filtered through a lens of extreme modesty and this hyper-idealized view of existence—it feels like stepping into a completely different dimension. Everything is framed as this beautiful, sacred masterpiece: love, relationships, faith. It’s all so polished and perfect; they talk about how much they adore life and how wonderful everyone around them is. It’s honestly surreal. But then reality hits, and it hits hard. Once they step out from under that protective canopy and face the actual world, they get absolutely blindsided by the grit of real life. They haven't developed the survival instincts needed to navigate things on their own. Because of that vulnerability, they often end up falling right into the traps set by people just like them, or worse, they attract those "players" who look for someone exactly like that—someone they can treat like a saint behind closed doors while they live out their real, messy lives with other women on the side. It's a predictable cycle.

Everyone seems to be obsessed with nothing but schoolwork and getting through college. Sure, there’s value in having a solid moral compass and looking out for what’s right, but we need to face reality here. If you hit your thirties without ever actually experiencing intimacy or even a single meaningful relationship, you aren't just "focused"—you're heading toward a psychological breakdown. It feels like this generation is perpetually terrified of everything. They shy away from challenges, too scared to even sit for an exam if they haven't spent the last six months buried in textbooks. Their entire concept of what "fun" looks like is completely warped; instead of actually living, they just sit around watching soap operas. It’s a distorted view of love and life. Honestly, they’re just living in a total fantasy land.
I suppose I could find a way to tolerate them if they were at least halfway decent—you know, attractive, sharp, well-educated, and actually comfortable in their own skin. Honestly, I wouldn't even mind if they were some kind of religious fanatic, as long as they didn't drag me into their personal crusades. 😁

I always find myself telling my mom something along these lines: "Look, if things are actually that wonderful where you are, why aren't you just sitting there soaking it all in by yourself? What am I supposed to do about it? And honestly, if life is truly as great as you claim it is, you’d be acting a whole lot more cheerful than you are right now." 😁"

It’s been about five or six years now, and things have shifted completely. I honestly can't put my finger on what changed, but she started attending these low mass services constantly. It isn't like there's some underlying health issue—she isn't sick, her dad isn't sick, and none of the rest of the family is dealing with any medical struggles either. It just happened.
Her mother was a fanatic too, though she was a pretty bitter person at heart. 🙄 I haven't even set foot in there. 🤣

There are a handful of women in my neighborhood who have formed this sort of influential clique within our local church. They spend all their time running various humanitarian foundations or organizing those tedious little community projects—you know the type, like those repetitive charity bake sales or food drives that seem to go on forever. It’s become such a thing that my mom actually feels awkward about me showing up to service with them. She’s worried that if I walk into the sanctuary alongside this group, the pastor is going to look me dead in the eye and demand an explanation for where on earth I’ve been for the last six or seven years. 😛 I'm sure my mom tells those women that I'll probably end up heading over to the other church, just because I have a whole group of friends hanging out there. 🤣 To be honest, I don't really know anyone who actually makes an effort to go to church anymore. Even back when I used to attend, I never felt like I truly knew a single soul in the congregation. It always felt like being a stranger in a room full of people who already had their own established circles.

I agree with the first part: if church and faith and all those activities actually fulfilled her, she would be more content and upbeat. But clearly, she isn't.

As for the second part: I also suspect something happened to your mother—but what? Some kind of major life shift?

Nicole Morales3 said:Man, you are a total legend... Honestly, I haven't laughed this hard in ages. :-)

Same here. 😁 Even if the guy is trolling, he's entertaining. 😂

gentlefalcon said:Believe me, they’re giving me more information than I could ever possibly need. 😁 I wouldn't go so far as to call myself an atheist. It’s not that I have some deep-seated ideological grudge against religion; honestly, I’m just too lazy to deal with all that ritualistic baggage. I never find myself cursing God, unlike certain people who make a show of attending Mass every single Sunday just to prove how pious they are. For me, it’s simpler than that—I just can't be bothered to show up.

Take my mom, for instance. She’s absolutely sucked into shows like Big Brother, The Farm, or those trashy segments in In Magazine—it's basically a masterclass in how to strip away every ounce of civilization. When I call her out on it and suggest she should probably steer clear of that nonsense, regardless of what the Catholic Youth might say about it, she just gives me this look and says, "Who, me? I'm not watching for fun! I'm just sitting here observing how incredibly clueless everyone is."

She’s constantly tearing into those Villains and that whole Good Night show, especially after catching Bozanica in a swimsuit applying tanning lotion to Renata Sopek.

🤣

But what was her reaction when she saw Jurković and Batifiac dressed in robes, speaking on behalf of Dikan, Vlatka, and the holy Lambaša?

gentlefalcon said:Believe me, they’re giving me more information than I could ever possibly need. 😁 I wouldn't go so far as to call myself an atheist. It’s not that I have some deep-seated ideological grudge against religion; honestly, I’m just too lazy to deal with all that ritualistic baggage. I never find myself cursing God, unlike certain people who make a show of attending Mass every single Sunday just to prove how pious they are. For me, it’s simpler than that—I just can't be bothered to show up.

Take my mom, for instance. She’s absolutely sucked into shows like Big Brother, The Farm, or those trashy segments in In Magazine—it's basically a masterclass in how to strip away every ounce of civilization. When I call her out on it and suggest she should probably steer clear of that nonsense, regardless of what the Catholic Youth might say about it, she just gives me this look and says, "Who, me? I'm not watching for fun! I'm just sitting here observing how incredibly clueless everyone is."

She’s constantly tearing into those Villains and that whole Good Night show, especially after catching Bozanica in a swimsuit applying tanning lotion to Renata Sopek.

This is honestly disgusting👎. My mom acts like this big believer, yet she watches Big Brother and rants about how Marijana is such a BB drolja. I don't care what she watches, but she always has something to say, even though our faith is supposed to forbid judging others. And she does it constantly.🙄 Real Christian behavior there.🙄 The hypocrisy is insane, not to mention all the prejudice. She used to lecture me about going to church all the time, but the worst part is that when she actually comes home from service, she's all worked up instead of being peaceful and relaxed...

gentlefalcon, if I were in your shoes, I would simply take everything your father says and turn it into a joke or some lighthearted banter rather than getting dragged into an argument with him. Just nod along to whatever he says, confirm his point, and then quietly go right back to doing things your own way.

wanderingnomad53 said:My experience has been the complete opposite... It’s wild how kids and parents can be so different, almost like they aren't even cut from the same cloth.😂

In what sense, though? In what way do you mean "opposite"?

velvetranger16 said:gentlefalcon, if I were in your shoes, I would simply take everything your father says and turn it into a joke or some lighthearted banter rather than getting dragged into an argument with him. Just nod along to whatever he says, confirm his point, and then quietly go right back to doing things your own way.

How exactly am I supposed to validate her wishes when I’m not moving an inch toward the church? I don't attend services, I don't say grace before meals, and I've even lied about going to Mass when I was actually just sitting on my couch at home.

How can I possibly pretend to be on the same page as her when I don't even show up for Sunday service, or for the holidays, or ever go to confession.

Can I really just sit there and say, "Yeah, you should go to confession," while I'm staying home myself? 🤣
Even the most clueless idiot wouldn't buy that, let alone her. ☕

VeronikaN said:None of this is actually a religious topic...

How is it not? If people are trying to force me to sit in church pews, observe religious holidays, and go through confession, then it's religious.
It isn't a topic for psychology either, I'm certain of that; I’d appreciate being placed in the appropriate section, because I don't feel comfortable under the umbrella of psychology—I feel labeled and judged there.

So, if a child refuses to go somewhere, they must have a psychological issue. That's the logic, right?
The word "psyche" comes from the Greek for soul. My situation is being imposed from the outside; it doesn't originate from my own inner self. I would much rather be over in the Religion subforum than in Psychology.
I am asking to be moved back to Religion, because psychology is a science that deals with the human interior, whereas religious topics can't fall under science since they are rooted in faith. At the very least, put me under Spirituality. Labeling people like this just triggers a backlash in me. This kind of labeling is one of the evils of the 21st century. 👍

It feels as though my path is predetermined and others get to dictate where I belong.

"You have to go to school, you have to go to Church, you have to get vaccinated at school, you have to eat leeks, you have to shower regularly, you have to go to the Psychology forum"—it's a vicious circle, if you ask me. 🙂

@ gentlefalcon - I totally get where you're coming from 🙂

The constant ignoring, that whole phlegmatic attitude, the blatant lying... all of that just works perfectly for 🙏
Honestly, I find myself constantly lying to my own mother about believing in God and stuff like that just to keep the peace.
There is really no point in trying to explain things rationally to someone who has an irrational mind ☕

It’s honestly kind of funny how religious zealots look at me and see some sort of hardcore atheist😁
Well, what can I even say? Sometimes just flashing a smile and nodding along with an "aha, if you say so" works wonders... I mean, when you're dealing with someone who has such narrow vision, how are you supposed to show them the bigger picture anyway?...

edit: I’m actually quite lucky that my parents aren't religious fanatics—they let me carve out my own path without any interference whatsoever... but having had the chance to encounter those types of extremists before, I've learned that trying to argue with them is just a complete waste of energy...

Sam Hayes said:It’s honestly kind of funny how religious zealots look at me and see some sort of hardcore atheist😁
Well, what can I even say? Sometimes just flashing a smile and nodding along with an "aha, if you say so" works wonders... I mean, when you're dealing with someone who has such narrow vision, how are you supposed to show them the bigger picture anyway?...

edit: I’m actually quite lucky that my parents aren't religious fanatics—they let me carve out my own path without any interference whatsoever... but having had the chance to encounter those types of extremists before, I've learned that trying to argue with them is just a complete waste of energy...

That's actually exactly what I was getting at, even though I wouldn't call myself an atheist.

Total mess.
I know plenty of people who have had their brains completely scrubbed by religion—there’s zero actual choice involved, right? Everything is just "destiny" 🤣, and you have to act this way or that way, get married because it’s "time," because it aligns with what the church says, and all that nonsense.
The whole thing totally ignores individual choice, personal stance, or any sense of actual freedom.
It’s honestly depressing, so I totally get why you're stuck in this spot.
If you want a rational way out, here’s my take: until you finish your degree and land a solid job, try making some tiny, minimal compromises just to keep the peace. Once you’ve got that diploma and a paycheck, move out and get away from them for good. In the meantime, maybe give things another shot with that old friend of yours—you mentioned they’re pretty neutral—and find some hobby or something to keep you busy, ideally something that gets you out of the house more often.
Put 100% of your energy into finishing school and finding work—and I mean 100%, no half-assing it.

gentlefalcon

To be completely honest, if I were in your shoes, I would have absolutely lost my mind by now.
You hold your ground and you don't let anyone sway you. If you didn't, you would have been brainwashed ages ago. People like her are best handled by simply ignoring them. My family isn't particularly religious or active in a church, but they do believe in God. It didn't bother them one bit when I came out as an atheist three years ago.
I honestly wonder what your mother would say if she could see how things are now; there are hardly any believers left. There are over 1,500 people here who aren't religious and don't practice any faith. Everything feels much easier without all that pressure. Granted, you still run into the occasional zealot spitting venom, but generally, those types are just ignored.
I think it would be best for you to just move on.😁

Brandon Adams46 said:gentlefalcon

To be completely honest, if I were in your shoes, I would have absolutely lost my mind by now.
You hold your ground and you don't let anyone sway you. If you didn't, you would have been brainwashed ages ago. People like her are best handled by simply ignoring them. My family isn't particularly religious or active in a church, but they do believe in God. It didn't bother them one bit when I came out as an atheist three years ago.
I honestly wonder what your mother would say if she could see how things are now; there are hardly any believers left. There are over 1,500 people here who aren't religious and don't practice any faith. Everything feels much easier without all that pressure. Granted, you still run into the occasional zealot spitting venom, but generally, those types are just ignored.
I think it would be best for you to just move on.😁

🙂
If I were in your position, I’d certainly give some thought to the kind of advice you're handing out here.
The reality is simple: regardless of whatever issue is at hand or what the circumstances are, a 23-year-old is perfectly capable of leaving their parents' house and putting in the work to survive on their own.
And frankly, it doesn't matter whether they have an apartment waiting for them, whether they need to work to make ends meet, or if they have to sacrifice certain luxuries along the way.
Thousands of college students and young adults prove every single day that this is entirely doable!
Independence—or even the desire for it—hasn't actually been expressed by the OP based on everything they've written so far.
It seems to me that the mother's religious fanaticism is nothing more than a convenient excuse for the author to avoid taking charge of their own life!