I'm too polite (old-school manners)

Ever had this dream of living in some refined, civilized utopia populated exclusively by decent people?🙄

I’m just too polite—too well-bred, really. In today’s world, that seems to be a liability, a fact I've learned the hard way.
My parents raised me this way, and frankly, I can't seem to shake it—even though part of me wishes I could.
For instance, if there's even a slight misunderstanding with a neighbor, my first instinct is to extend an olive branch—to check if *I* was the one in the wrong and offer them a drink to smooth things over.
I always greet acquaintances on the street, I always give up my seat on the subway, I actually use silverware (yes, even for watermelon), and I have a genuine distaste for any form of crudeness...
I was just heading down to the corner store. In those ten short minutes, I witnessed absolute chaos: people blocking the crosswalk while they chatted (forcing me to walk through the grass just to get past), some guy spitting right on the sidewalk, and some idiot flying through a red light and splashing pedestrians with a puddle...

The rude ones always seem to come out on top, but I simply don't have it in me to change...

Don’t get me wrong, but whether someone fares better or worse in these situations has nothing to do with "culture" or manners. It really just comes down to how much backbone you actually have. It isn't about those rude people shouting on a street corner in Chicago—they're just talking. The real issue is that you lack the courage to calmly and politely tell them to move out of your way. 🤷

Look, if I see someone trying to eat a watermelon with a fork, I’m calling them an idiot, not "cultured."
Respect to you for being classy, though. I try to keep things polite myself, but there’s a limit before it just gets ridiculous.

I’d suggest the author drops by my place for a summer—maybe then they’ll finally stop trying to eat watermelon with a knife and fork. They'd realize pretty quickly that if you actually want a piece, you have to move fast—and at that point, etiquette becomes an afterthought. 😁

There are foods you just don't eat with a knife and fork—fruit being a prime example—so this whole debate is honestly ridiculous. And like boldjackal10 said, there’s no need to overthink everything...

It seems a bit silly to label people "uncultured" just because they're standing around chatting. Should they be forced onto the lawn or kept walking while they talk every time they cross paths? If you're trying to get through and there's no room, you just ask them to move or say, "Excuse me?" 🤷

You're also stressing over things that don't matter. Who random strangers are or how they behave is completely irrelevant if you actually have your own life to worry about. 😉

Look, being polite is great and all, but there’s a fine line between manners and just being extra. Chill out, man. 🙂

So, I gotta know—do you actually sit there using a knife and fork to eat stuff like Mars or Twix bars? 😁
And are you always this buttoned-up, or is this just a performance for the crowd?

Robert Martinez6, you’ve lost your marbles here.

It’s all well and good to be polite, well-mannered, and civil (like Ban), but at some point, being overly cautious starts to feel more like being completely repressed. Not my style.🤷

slywolf45 said:Robert Martinez6, you’ve lost your marbles here.

It’s all well and good to be polite, well-mannered, and civil (like Ban), but at some point, being overly cautious starts to feel more like being completely repressed. Not my style.🤷

I picture him as one of those neighborhood busybodies—you know, the type where you see them coming down the sidewalk and you desperately want to duck behind a bush to avoid the chat, but you can't because he’s already power-walking toward you with this overly friendly grin. 😁

But hey, whatever. It's nice to know there are still people with actual class out there, even if you sound a little salty about it. Maybe you're just getting fed up with your own high standards?

I’m dying to know what kind of music someone as sophisticated as you actually listens to.

Robert Martinez6, can I throw a bit of a "provocative" question your way?
What would actually happen if you just... stopped being polite? Like, what if you completely ditched all the social graces? Imagine if you were out in public and decided to eat a whole watermelon with your bare hands, or if you just stayed seated and didn't offer up your spot to someone else on the subway. Can you even picture that scenario? Walk us through it—how would that play out, and more importantly, how would it make you feel?

Wait, you eat a burger with a knife and fork?😁>

I’m actually really curious about your music taste too, just like my fellow forum members here.

boldjackal10 said:I’m dying to know what kind of music someone as sophisticated as you actually listens to.

Mostly rock-blues, jazz, some Bob Dylan, classical, and maybe some old-school standards.

Eric Gray2 said:Robert Martinez6, can I throw a bit of a "provocative" question your way?
What would actually happen if you just... stopped being polite? Like, what if you completely ditched all the social graces? Imagine if you were out in public and decided to eat a whole watermelon with your bare hands, or if you just stayed seated and didn't offer up your spot to someone else on the subway. Can you even picture that scenario? Walk us through it—how would that play out, and more importantly, how would it make you feel?

It feels somewhat uncivilized—if you can even call it that—to eat without utensils. Watermelon is just too watery and messy; it’s sweet and sticky, and frankly, eating stuff like that with my hands is just revolting—at least in my case.

Quincy:

Or when you simply refuse to stand up for someone on the subway?

Why bother? I’m still young—and thank God I'm healthy—so I can easily step aside for someone who actually needs the space—you know, like pregnant women, the elderly, or kids.

Betty Chase54 said:Wait, you eat a burger with a knife and fork?😁>

I’m actually really curious about your music taste too, just like my fellow forum members here.

Mostly, yeah. And what’s so strange about that? I just can't stand eating with my hands—it's frankly revolting.

Seriously, how can you eat corn like that? 😕

With a knife and fork 😕

Robert Martinez6 said:Ever had this dream of living in some refined, civilized utopia populated exclusively by decent people?🙄

I’m just too polite—too well-bred, really. In today’s world, that seems to be a liability, a fact I've learned the hard way.
My parents raised me this way, and frankly, I can't seem to shake it—even though part of me wishes I could.
For instance, if there's even a slight misunderstanding with a neighbor, my first instinct is to extend an olive branch—to check if *I* was the one in the wrong and offer them a drink to smooth things over.
I always greet acquaintances on the street, I always give up my seat on the subway, I actually use silverware (yes, even for watermelon), and I have a genuine distaste for any form of crudeness...
I was just heading down to the corner store. In those ten short minutes, I witnessed absolute chaos: people blocking the crosswalk while they chatted (forcing me to walk through the grass just to get past), some guy spitting right on the sidewalk, and some idiot flying through a red light and splashing pedestrians with a puddle...

The rude ones always seem to come out on top, but I simply don't have it in me to change...

Look, making broad strokes about groups—whether it's dozens or thousands of people—is kind of a necessary evil of how we process things; but taking one single person, especially yourself, and using them to define an entire category? That’s just plain wrong.
Quincy:

The rude ones always seem to come out on top, but I guess I'm just stuck being who I am...

It isn't about how much "culture" someone has; it's really just about who can navigate whatever mess they find themselves in more effectively.

And honestly, you aren't going to change anything as long as you keep telling yourself it's impossible; once you actually start believing that growth is even on the table... well, then it becomes possible.

Bradley Gonzalez4 said:Seriously, how can you eat corn like that? 😕

With a knife and fork 😕

I mean, probably with a knife and spoon; using a spoon is way more efficient if you're in a rush, right?😉

What would actually happen if someone forced you to eat a slice of watermelon with just your fingers? What if you ended up making a mess? Or what if you turned to a lady on the bus and said, "I am so sorry, my legs really ache—I've had a rough day and I just can't manage to stand up for you"? I’m asking because it feels to me like there’s this underlying layer of anxiety baked right into your "culture." See, there is a massive difference between being polite and being so obsessed with rigid rules that you lose all flexibility.

Robert Martinez6 said:Ever had this dream of living in some refined, civilized utopia populated exclusively by decent people?🙄

I’m just too polite—too well-bred, really. In today’s world, that seems to be a liability, a fact I've learned the hard way.
My parents raised me this way, and frankly, I can't seem to shake it—even though part of me wishes I could.
For instance, if there's even a slight misunderstanding with a neighbor, my first instinct is to extend an olive branch—to check if *I* was the one in the wrong and offer them a drink to smooth things over.
I always greet acquaintances on the street, I always give up my seat on the subway, I actually use silverware (yes, even for watermelon), and I have a genuine distaste for any form of crudeness...
I was just heading down to the corner store. In those ten short minutes, I witnessed absolute chaos: people blocking the crosswalk while they chatted (forcing me to walk through the grass just to get past), some guy spitting right on the sidewalk, and some idiot flying through a red light and splashing pedestrians with a puddle...

The rude ones always seem to come out on top, but I simply don't have it in me to change...

And honestly, why even bother changing?
Just stay true to yourself. I don't see the issue. 😉

@Robert Martinez6:

honey, are you gay?

everything's pointing that way (and I just know the crowd's gonna start dogpiling me with comments now).

you're basically an elitist—kind of acting like some young prep school kid. You're too good for finger foods, I guess, because heaven forbid you get a little grease on your hands. You spend all your time listening to "classics"—honestly, I don't know a single straight guy who listens to classical music. And you look down on people on the street like they're uneducated primitives, for no real reason—like, maybe someone didn't move out of your way fast enough.

just go to the 😕

Kimberly Scott5 said:just go to the 😕

Alright, alright! 😂

You actually got a laugh out of me there... telling them to head to New York City. 👍