I can't believe "Nikom" anymore...

Kevin Rivera61 said:Back in mid-August, an old colleague added me on Facebook. She actually tracked me down

We’ve known each other for about 17 years, though we hadn't really been in touch for the last decade
- We hadn't seen each other, and she had found a boyfriend—once they got serious, they lived together

Basically, they were renting, moving from one place to another quite often, and that boyfriend is her husband now... he isn't in the States at the moment, but he should be coming back sometime soon

She’s living in the same city as me now...
She was staying just a few streets away, so she invited me over twice to see her place. We caught up on everything, and then she asked if I could lend her some money because she was in a real bind with her rent and had nowhere else to turn. I went ahead and helped her out with $133, and she managed to cover the rest. She didn't want to get kicked out since she had nowhere to go, especially with all her unpaid bills... she was almost "out on the street" by September

She has three little kids to look after, and I know things haven't been easy for her, so I stepped up because of our history. About two months ago, she finally found a new apartment because their debts had piled up so high she couldn't keep up with the bills and was forced to move out

After that, she started looking for a new place, and by total coincidence, she stumbled upon an ad for an apartment in my neighborhood—in my actual building, on the same floor where I live! I thought, "That's great, we'll be neighbors," but then she was short on cash again to pay the deposit $133—so once again, I helped her out. Even though those $133 would have been useful for me, helping her was the priority because otherwise, she’d be stuck on the street with her kids
Her husband couldn't send any money from abroad at the time either, who knows why...

A little while later, she asked me for $33 so the kids would have something to eat. Okay, so I lent her those $33 too, even though I didn't really have extra for myself; I just made ends meet somehow

I asked her if she could translate a text from English to American for me, but she won't respond. Plus, since my optical mouse stopped working, I asked if I could borrow hers for a couple of hours, or if she wouldn't lend it, if I could just use her computer to handle some stuff online—but she doesn't want to hear it
The thing is, I pass by her door every single day, and our windows face each other. Every time I walk past her door, I can't help but think about what kind of colleague and neighbor she is

For the last 14 days, she's been exclusively "Off" on FC, but I can tell she's online because she occasionally leaves messages for people... she just won't react to me, even when I send her a private message on FC

P.S. As for the money I lent her, her husband is supposed to pay me back once he returns to the US. Hopefully, I'll see it eventually, but for now... we'll see. I'm not helping her anymore, and we aren't even in contact. I just want things to be right—for her to act properly toward me and appreciate the person who stepped up to help

I'd love to hear your thoughts or if anyone has advice... how do you get someone like this to come back down to earth and actually value the people who help them? Or if anyone has gone through something similar, please share your story

Andrew Sullivan8 said:Why all the hostility toward him? He was just trying to help, and he picked up a few things along the way...

Anyway, my advice is to never lend money to friends. In most cases, it’s the quickest way to kill a friendship.

James Diaz59 said:Look, honestly... I don't think you should trust your own judgment right now, but feel free to believe that coworker if you want. 😁

Want me to translate that for you? She’s cunning and knows how to play the game—meanwhile, you're just being a naive sucker who got played perfectly. She keeps trying to tell you exactly what's going on, but you're too dense to see through it.

And now you're actually asking for help on her behalf... hoping SHE understands???!!! 😲 😂🤣

Whatever, man. Just hit us up once you get your money back! 🥳 🤣

PS. The whole thing smells fishy to me—honestly, this "foreign country" might just be some small town in Ohio. 😁 (Please, just don't reply telling me that a small town in Ohio isn't abroad! 🙂)

silverwalker27 said:You all are truly something else. He genuinely wanted to lend a hand—to help someone out—and it ends up being a complete and utter disaster. And that con artist? She’s clever and cunning. Though, if she were truly that smart, she wouldn't have ended up living like white trash, hovering on the edge of panhandling where her entire existence depends on a few bucks. James Diaz59, you need to get a grip. Don't insult good-natured people like him🙂

Lending money to a friend is fine—I don't see the issue there. If they don't pay you back, well, that's that. At least they'll never be able to borrow a dime from you again, even if they had to sell a kidney to a baby. It's done. Look at the bright side—you "tested" a "friend" with something relatively minor. They could have betrayed you on something much more significant. Now you know where you stand. Forget that thousand dollars. Those people will just avoid and screw you over now anyway. Let them go. Move on.

Your intentions were good, but the execution was poor. First off, you were overextending yourself. You didn't even have enough for your own needs, yet you were giving to someone who isn't immediate family—or someone you *consider* family. You can only help within the limits of your own resources; there's no shame in not donating five pints of blood. Second, regarding trust—you can't go through life acting like a sucker and handing out your trust to practically strangers. Life will just kick you for it. When you meet someone new, the trust level should be at 0%. You have absolutely no reason to believe anything; you shouldn't rely on any promises made by strangers. God forbid your livelihood ever depends on a stranger's word. The title doesn't hold water—you can only trust those who have actually proven themselves worthy of it.

// And third, this is off-topic but unavoidable: damn Facebook! That garbage has diluted the term "friend" so effectively that it makes me sick.

That's all I have to say about what was written. Now, let's talk about what wasn't written.

OP, why don't you tell us why you were hovering around her so much? "My computer died," huh? You dropped a thousand bucks on someone else's wife, but you don't have fifty bucks for a new mouse? Besides, who even lends a mouse? Is this a bad translation? Google Translate? Are you stalking her on Facebook? Man, what were your actual intentions? Were you trying to buy her, and now you're selling us this "heavenly benevolence" as your primary motive?

Kevin Rivera61 said:Back in mid-August, an old colleague added me on Facebook. She actually tracked me down

We’ve known each other for about 17 years, though we hadn't really been in touch for the last decade
- We hadn't seen each other, and she had found a boyfriend—once they got serious, they lived together

Basically, they were renting, moving from one place to another quite often, and that boyfriend is her husband now... he isn't in the States at the moment, but he should be coming back sometime soon

She’s living in the same city as me now...
She was staying just a few streets away, so she invited me over twice to see her place. We caught up on everything, and then she asked if I could lend her some money because she was in a real bind with her rent and had nowhere else to turn. I went ahead and helped her out with $133, and she managed to cover the rest. She didn't want to get kicked out since she had nowhere to go, especially with all her unpaid bills... she was almost "out on the street" by September

She has three little kids to look after, and I know things haven't been easy for her, so I stepped up because of our history. About two months ago, she finally found a new apartment because their debts had piled up so high she couldn't keep up with the bills and was forced to move out

After that, she started looking for a new place, and by total coincidence, she stumbled upon an ad for an apartment in my neighborhood—in my actual building, on the same floor where I live! I thought, "That's great, we'll be neighbors," but then she was short on cash again to pay the deposit $133—so once again, I helped her out. Even though those $133 would have been useful for me, helping her was the priority because otherwise, she’d be stuck on the street with her kids
Her husband couldn't send any money from abroad at the time either, who knows why...

A little while later, she asked me for $33 so the kids would have something to eat. Okay, so I lent her those $33 too, even though I didn't really have extra for myself; I just made ends meet somehow

I asked her if she could translate a text from English to American for me, but she won't respond. Plus, since my optical mouse stopped working, I asked if I could borrow hers for a couple of hours, or if she wouldn't lend it, if I could just use her computer to handle some stuff online—but she doesn't want to hear it
The thing is, I pass by her door every single day, and our windows face each other. Every time I walk past her door, I can't help but think about what kind of colleague and neighbor she is

For the last 14 days, she's been exclusively "Off" on FC, but I can tell she's online because she occasionally leaves messages for people... she just won't react to me, even when I send her a private message on FC

P.S. As for the money I lent her, her husband is supposed to pay me back once he returns to the US. Hopefully, I'll see it eventually, but for now... we'll see. I'm not helping her anymore, and we aren't even in contact. I just want things to be right—for her to act properly toward me and appreciate the person who stepped up to help

I'd love to hear your thoughts or if anyone has advice... how do you get someone like this to come back down to earth and actually value the people who help them? Or if anyone has gone through something similar, please share your story

Andrew Sullivan8;30306644 said:Why such an attack on the guy? He was just trying to do the right thing—and he actually picked up a lesson along the way.

Generally speaking, you shouldn't lend money to friends, because more often than not, that’s exactly how a friendship ends up being destroyed.[/QUOTE]

I don't quite see how lending money ruins a friendship if you're dealing with someone you actually trust—someone you know is going to pay you back every cent. 🤷

Otherwise, what are you supposed to do? Just sit there and watch a friend struggle through a crisis or go hungry? 🤷

Keith Lewis said:A while back, I lent a buddy of mine $200 some cash for a piece of tech equipment. He promised me he’d have it back within a month, tops. Needless to say, six years later, he finally paid me back half of what he owed—and that only happened at the end of last year. ☕
I don't think he's a bad person, per se, but man, he is incredibly flaky, lazy, and just generally careless.
You really have to steer clear of people like that. But honestly, I’ve been a "nice guy" since kindergarten, so here we are...