Pure Rage

Amy Grant45 said:How old are you, and what's your current situation regarding work? Do you honestly feel like things might be a bit easier for you if I decided to move out and get my own place away from my family?

I'm 21. Had a job until about three months ago. Honestly, yeah, probably. Most of the time we’re just fighting, though over the last year I barely even talk to them. Like, everything I say in a whole day can basically be summed up in maybe 20 sentences.

Look, you’re being harsh on yourself, and honestly, it feels like what you actually need is some kind of work—not just any job, but something where you can actually prove to yourself that you’ve got substance and aren't just "taking up space"
but even your own posts, which are actually pretty coherent if you think about it, seem to suggest otherwise
now, I’m the type of guy who usually tells people to take up martial arts, but for you, I’d suggest something else entirely, something meant to sharpen your focus and help you master some self-control
maybe a competitive shooting sport, or even woodworking...
as for the whole looks thing, trust me when I say you’re probably your own worst critic; most people out there couldn't care less about whether or not you're going to win some local beauty pageant
the reason people mess with you isn't because they're mean, it's because they can smell that you're unstable—they see how easy it is to knock you off balance, whether you shut down, fly into a rage, or just do something incredibly stupid
you really have to get it through your head that you have inherent value, and that shouldn't be subject to change based on the opinion of someone you barely even respect
once you wrap your head around that, you'll find that the world starts treating you a lot differently
because right now, you're acting like a total jerk—and if you keep that up, that’s exactly how everyone is going to see you

Raymond Fisher2 said:I'm 21. Had a job until about three months ago. Honestly, yeah, probably. Most of the time we’re just fighting, though over the last year I barely even talk to them. Like, everything I say in a whole day can basically be summed up in maybe 20 sentences.

Look, you’re at an age where you're more than capable of standing on your own two feet and carving out your own path. My best advice is to hunt for something steady—once you land a job that feels secure, go for it and see if life feels lighter. And please, when the time comes to pack your bags, don't be disrespectful to your family; just sit them down and calmly explain that you need to try navigating the world on your own. On a side note, I really think you should consider adopting a dog. It helps immensely with that sense of isolation, and it gives you a reason to get up and move instead of just sitting around the house all day.

boldwalker12 said:Do you have any actual clue what happens when someone just stops taking their medication? Do you realize that one of the potential consequences could literally be suicide? Seriously, go watch a documentary on the subject. ☕
Medication alone isn't going to magically fix the author, but telling someone facing these issues to just toss their meds is straight-up idiotic. Just because you think your buddies on meds are basically zombies doesn't give you the right to drop pearls of wisdom like this. Have you even stopped to consider what life might look like for them *without* that support? Or does that not cross your mind? Also, I’m assuming terms like social phobia or depression are completely foreign to you, otherwise you wouldn't have blurted out that nonsensical idea that meds shouldn't be taken because they "mess with socialization." Oh yeah, sure—because before the meds kicked in, everything was just sunshine and rainbows and everyone was throwing huge parties. ☕

Look, both him and you have a point, let me try to break it down like this...
All these medications have side effects—nausea, dizziness, whatever. Most of it hits you at the start, though some things stick around, just dialed back a bit.
I wouldn't ditch all of them if I were ever going to quit (not saying I want to, by the way), but I'd definitely keep the anxiolytics. They’re the only thing that actually keeps me level, and here's why... say I end up somewhere packed with strangers, like a crowded Starbucks or something, and that panic starts creeping in—that fear of looking like a total idiot where I feel like I have to monitor every single move I make. It comes with my hands and legs shaking uncontrollably. Honestly, it feels like being stuck outside in a blizzard wearing nothing but a thin T-shirt; that's the level of shivering I'm talking about, and it takes forever to settle down. But when I'm on an anxiolytic, that feeling just vanishes, or it's so faint I don't even notice it.

Raymond Fisher2 said:Look, both him and you have a point, let me try to break it down like this...
All these medications have side effects—nausea, dizziness, whatever. Most of it hits you at the start, though some things stick around, just dialed back a bit.
I wouldn't ditch all of them if I were ever going to quit (not saying I want to, by the way), but I'd definitely keep the anxiolytics. They’re the only thing that actually keeps me level, and here's why... say I end up somewhere packed with strangers, like a crowded Starbucks or something, and that panic starts creeping in—that fear of looking like a total idiot where I feel like I have to monitor every single move I make. It comes with my hands and legs shaking uncontrollably. Honestly, it feels like being stuck outside in a blizzard wearing nothing but a thin T-shirt; that's the level of shivering I'm talking about, and it takes forever to settle down. But when I'm on an anxiolytic, that feeling just vanishes, or it's so faint I don't even notice it.

Side effects from antidepressants are usually short-lived, though they can change depending on which one you're on. For instance, someone might absolutely hate Prozac but find that Zoloft works wonders, or vice versa. Anxiolytics help manage the symptoms, but antidepressants are better at tackling the root issue.

Since I don't know your specific diagnosis or why you were prescribed Lithium—which, from what I've heard, can pretty much numb you out—my best advice is to probably find a different doctor. Honestly, you'd be better off seeing a psychotherapist who can set up weekly sessions. That’s really the gold standard for actually facing whatever is eating at you while working on tapering off the meds. Real medication combined with solid therapy is incredibly effective, and I truly think it would make a massive difference for you. Getting ten minutes of attention once a week isn't nearly enough; you need 45-minute sessions where the doc isn't doing all the talking, but instead guiding you to open up about your problems or whatever situation is stressing you out.

Whatever you do, don't just stop taking your pills on your own whim. The withdrawal side effects are nasty, and the rebound effect on your mental state can be even worse. Just go get a second opinion from another doctor.

Man, this is absolutely wild. I seriously can't believe it—I finally found someone who’s basically my twin. So, you just want to watch the whole world go up in flames, huh? Hahahhahaha (total Joker vibes here). Honestly, I was exactly where you are about seven years ago. Just thinking back to all that rage simmering inside me... ugh, gives me the chills. Back in high school, I felt like I wanted to crawl out of my own skin every single day, just tear it off alive. And yeah, the urge to hit things was there, but I wasn't punching concrete walls; I was smashing lamps and furniture, which pretty much trashed my room. Eventually, I pivoted to stuff that didn't break things—push-ups, sit-ups, and every year I'd spend splitting massive loads of firewood, running, and going on miles and miles of walks. I don't know what specifically set you off, but for me, it was all the stuff I kept bottled up. I just stayed quiet and took everything, until this one thing happened back in '98, but I'm not gonna go there. Then in '03, I almost died in a logging accident along with some other guys. I was the only one who walked away with nothing more than a few scratches—not even worth a Band-Aid. When I went back to school, nobody gave a damn, even though they'd heard about the accident. That daily feeling of being ignored, people laughing, acting like you're just some ant that doesn't matter... ugh, just remembering that fury makes me feel like I'm burning up. And the dreams? Man, I swear they were intense enough to shame Quentin Tarantino. I even got into a scrap with this one guy once; I saw stars right then and there. He was one of those "cool" funny types, hahahha, but I actually terrified him. It wasn't a big deal after, though; I calmed down eventually. As the years passed, I started finding my peace through meditation, working out, and just getting used to life. Now, I can honestly say I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that I've never had a girlfriend and probably never will, because I just don't have the right hardware. Everyone else seems to be running on an AMD Athlon or a Pentium 4, while I'm still stuck on a 486. As for being ugly? Man, I got over that. It actually works in my favor sometimes; guys hesitate twice before trying to pick a fight with me, and girls just cross the street, hahahahha, that always cracks me up. I've also made peace with the fact that people who aren't even half as smart as me, yet managed to graduate from college, are making way more money than I am. But hey, I'm a college dropout, and that's fine. Nothing lasts forever, right?

boldwalker12 said:Side effects from antidepressants are usually short-lived, though they can change depending on which one you're on. For instance, someone might absolutely hate Prozac but find that Zoloft works wonders, or vice versa. Anxiolytics help manage the symptoms, but antidepressants are better at tackling the root issue.

Since I don't know your specific diagnosis or why you were prescribed Lithium—which, from what I've heard, can pretty much numb you out—my best advice is to probably find a different doctor. Honestly, you'd be better off seeing a psychotherapist who can set up weekly sessions. That’s really the gold standard for actually facing whatever is eating at you while working on tapering off the meds. Real medication combined with solid therapy is incredibly effective, and I truly think it would make a massive difference for you. Getting ten minutes of attention once a week isn't nearly enough; you need 45-minute sessions where the doc isn't doing all the talking, but instead guiding you to open up about your problems or whatever situation is stressing you out.

Whatever you do, don't just stop taking your pills on your own whim. The withdrawal side effects are nasty, and the rebound effect on your mental state can be even worse. Just go get a second opinion from another doctor.

How am I supposed to switch doctors? I just went to my primary care physician and they sent me there. If I get the chance, I'll definitely switch.

Kate Peterson2 said:Man, this is absolutely wild. I seriously can't believe it—I finally found someone who’s basically my twin. So, you just want to watch the whole world go up in flames, huh? Hahahhahaha (total Joker vibes here). Honestly, I was exactly where you are about seven years ago. Just thinking back to all that rage simmering inside me... ugh, gives me the chills. Back in high school, I felt like I wanted to crawl out of my own skin every single day, just tear it off alive. And yeah, the urge to hit things was there, but I wasn't punching concrete walls; I was smashing lamps and furniture, which pretty much trashed my room. Eventually, I pivoted to stuff that didn't break things—push-ups, sit-ups, and every year I'd spend splitting massive loads of firewood, running, and going on miles and miles of walks. I don't know what specifically set you off, but for me, it was all the stuff I kept bottled up. I just stayed quiet and took everything, until this one thing happened back in '98, but I'm not gonna go there. Then in '03, I almost died in a logging accident along with some other guys. I was the only one who walked away with nothing more than a few scratches—not even worth a Band-Aid. When I went back to school, nobody gave a damn, even though they'd heard about the accident. That daily feeling of being ignored, people laughing, acting like you're just some ant that doesn't matter... ugh, just remembering that fury makes me feel like I'm burning up. And the dreams? Man, I swear they were intense enough to shame Quentin Tarantino. I even got into a scrap with this one guy once; I saw stars right then and there. He was one of those "cool" funny types, hahahha, but I actually terrified him. It wasn't a big deal after, though; I calmed down eventually. As the years passed, I started finding my peace through meditation, working out, and just getting used to life. Now, I can honestly say I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that I've never had a girlfriend and probably never will, because I just don't have the right hardware. Everyone else seems to be running on an AMD Athlon or a Pentium 4, while I'm still stuck on a 486. As for being ugly? Man, I got over that. It actually works in my favor sometimes; guys hesitate twice before trying to pick a fight with me, and girls just cross the street, hahahahha, that always cracks me up. I've also made peace with the fact that people who aren't even half as smart as me, yet managed to graduate from college, are making way more money than I am. But hey, I'm a college dropout, and that's fine. Nothing lasts forever, right?

Why do you think you can't get a girlfriend? Look, I’ve never actually had one, but I’ve been damn close, and I know I’m gonna get there. It’s just a matter of time. We live in the 21st century—you’ve got the whole internet right there to meet someone. I’ve met a few girls that way, though I only almost made it official with one. Honestly, meeting people online is way easier for me because I’m pretty withdrawn and shy and all that, but typing behind a screen? No problem. That’s basically how it went down with this girl; we met online, swapped numbers, and before I knew it, we were talking on the phone for four or five hours a day. That went on for about a month, and man, I was absolutely dying to finally meet her in person. So, I did. I was nervous as hell, obviously, but I showed up. I brought her flowers and gave her a hug. She showed up with a friend, which made things a little awkward and embarrassing, but whatever. In the end, I realized I wasn't into her at all. Online, she was sweet, fun, and easy to talk to, but in real life? Total opposite. Aggressive, constant swearing, the whole bit. I eventually told her I was sorry but it just wasn't working out, and of course, she went off on me, calling me a jerk and a scumbag and all sorts of stuff. I never actually told her the real reason why I didn't like her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings even more. The point is, you should try it too. Why not? You’ve got nothing to lose. And if I'm being totally honest, during that short time we were talking, I felt amazing. I don't know, maybe I was even falling for her... as stupid as that sounds. Every time we hung up the phone, I felt like I had lost twenty pounds or like I was literally floating. I can't even describe it, but it was incredible. Thinking back on it now, I really miss that feeling. But hey, that's just life.

Raymond Fisher2 said:

man, that's why people end up thinking you're just some loose cannon. 🤷
dammit, your reaction is weirdly extreme. instead of just blowing off steam bit by bit, you just go and pull this massive shitshow. you've basically got the potential to be a killer 😁
but whatever, if you were young and just spiraling, fine. I know what it's like dealing with family drama and fighting with your sister and all that crap...
but seriously, you gotta learn how to rein it in and channel that negative energy into something better, or at least handle it differently next time... :/

Man, I was pretty much in the mix back in high school too, but either girls were way too shy or I was just straight-up awkward and couldn't make a move to save my life. Honestly, though, that’s all ancient history now, and you can't pay the bills with nostalgia. I was actually out walking through downtown today, scouting some spots to hopefully launch a new business venture, and I didn't even think about looking at anyone. It's like, dating isn't even on my radar anymore—one less thing to stress about, right? Once you reach a point where you can't even picture yourself having a girlfriend, you know it's time to officially retire those daydreams. My focus has shifted completely; right now, I just need to find the right business opportunity and run with it.

Do you guys seriously pop pills every single time you feel a regular human emotion—like fear, sadness, or anger? 🍿

Look, anger is negative, destructive, intense energy.
But more than anything, it’s just energy.
Don’t choke it out—channel it instead.
Get physical, hit the gym, write, whatever helps push it outward and toward something productive rather than turning it inward on yourself.

For a long time, I carried all this rage toward my "friends," my mom, my dad—people who were never there for me, never sacrificed a thing for me, even though I did plenty for them.
Back then, I’d be screaming, swearing, smashing plates...
Because of my "unstable" behavior, I ended up seeing a therapist, and they put me on Lexapro.
So, I started suppressing everything.
I kept telling myself I just had to calm down.
Then came the depression, the anxiety, the panic attacks.
Eventually, I just hit a wall where I couldn't do it anymore.
And the people around me? They were the exact same ones triggering those emotions in the first place.
Basically, there was no bottom to the pit.
I spent three years stuck in bed, terrified of everything, losing 15 pounds... just like that.
And in those three years, not one person even asked if I needed a glass of water.
If I’d died, nobody in my own house would have even noticed, and I live with six people.
So, I finally just said "screw it."
Why shouldn't I be angry?
Why can't I show my negative emotions?
Who am I doing this for?
Is it for today's collective mindset that says showing any emotion is "crazy"? That we aren't allowed to be pissed off, sad, or bitter?
Or is it for the people I'm forced to look out for, even though they weren't there for me when they were actually healthy and sane?
I ditched the Lexapro. I don't hold anything back anymore. No more bottled-up rage, no panic, no depression, no anxiety—just ME.
I'd rather have ten broken plates than a wrecked psyche and suppressed anger.
I'm not suppressing it with pills, consciously or otherwise, and not for anyone.
Not at all.
When I'm sad, I'm sad. When I'm happy, I'm happy. If I'm frustrated, I'm frustrated.
I'm a human being with feelings. I want to manage them, sure, but I refuse to suppress them.
At the start, I mentioned the people who trigger these emotions in you or me.
That's not their fault—it's yours.
Because YOU allowed them to trigger that reaction in you.
So, look inward, love yourself, and be selfish with people who treat you poorly.
It's not about hate or revenge; it's just that you don't need people in your life who don't love you while you're busy loving them. In those dynamics, you're just the victim.
And you don't need to be a victim.
And NOBODY else is required for you to be happy. You don't have to hunt for happiness in a girlfriend, a mom, a dad, a sister, or whoever—everything you need is already inside you. Don't doubt yourself; you have massive strength within you, just like everyone else, and you don't need anyone else to find your own happiness.
You were born alone and you'll die alone—and I don't mean you have to be isolated, but that you should be independent, especially emotionally.
Wishing you guys the best. Your behavior isn't "abnormal."

Morgan Bishop4 said:

man, that's why people end up thinking you're just some loose cannon. 🤷
dammit, your reaction is weirdly extreme. instead of just blowing off steam bit by bit, you just go and pull this massive shitshow. you've basically got the potential to be a killer 😁
but whatever, if you were young and just spiraling, fine. I know what it's like dealing with family drama and fighting with your sister and all that crap...
but seriously, you gotta learn how to rein it in and channel that negative energy into something better, or at least handle it differently next time... :/
man, that's why people end up thinking you're just some loose cannon. 🤷
dammit, your reaction is weirdly extreme. instead of just blowing off steam bit by bit, you just go and pull this massive shitshow. you've basically got the potential to be a killer 😁
but whatever, if you were young and just spiraling, fine. I know what it's like dealing with family drama and fighting with your sister and all that crap...
but seriously, you gotta learn how to rein it in and channel that negative energy into something better, or at least handle it differently next time... :/
That was forever ago when I was just a kid, like 10 years old. As far as that goes, he was always picking on me and beating me up. What was a 10-year-old supposed to do against someone almost twice his age and way stronger? It wasn't my intention to hurt him, and I told him straight up—like, enough already, I'm done with you and your bullying just because you're bored or whatever. That's it. Looking back, he's caused me way more bullshit in my life than I could ever cause him, so I can't say I love him. But I'm still a bigger brother to him than he is to me because I always helped him out when things got messy (I even lied to our parents for him and never even got a thank you... I just feel like he doesn't even see me as a brother because I'm younger and weaker, but what he doesn't know is that the first chance I get to move out, if God forbid he ever needs my help, he probably won't get it.)
And about what they think, the old man is the main issue... even though he'd never admit it, I'm convinced he has PTSD (he spent 3 years deployed in the military and who knows what kind of hell he saw there), so we all suffered around him, and we still do, at least mentally (he's the boss, he's the smartest, he's always right even when he's dead wrong, etc.).

Raymond Fisher2 said:man, that's why people end up thinking you're just some loose cannon. 🤷
dammit, your reaction is weirdly extreme. instead of just blowing off steam bit by bit, you just go and pull this massive shitshow. you've basically got the potential to be a killer 😁
but whatever, if you were young and just spiraling, fine. I know what it's like dealing with family drama and fighting with your sister and all that crap...
but seriously, you gotta learn how to rein it in and channel that negative energy into something better, or at least handle it differently next time... :/

That was forever ago when I was just a kid, like 10 years old. As far as that goes, he was always picking on me and beating me up. What was a 10-year-old supposed to do against someone almost twice his age and way stronger? It wasn't my intention to hurt him, and I told him straight up—like, enough already, I'm done with you and your bullying just because you're bored or whatever. That's it. Looking back, he's caused me way more bullshit in my life than I could ever cause him, so I can't say I love him. But I'm still a bigger brother to him than he is to me because I always helped him out when things got messy (I even lied to our parents for him and never even got a thank you... I just feel like he doesn't even see me as a brother because I'm younger and weaker, but what he doesn't know is that the first chance I get to move out, if God forbid he ever needs my help, he probably won't get it.)
And about what they think, the old man is the main issue... even though he'd never admit it, I'm convinced he has PTSD (he spent 3 years deployed in the military and who knows what kind of hell he saw there), so we all suffered around him, and we still do, at least mentally (he's the boss, he's the smartest, he's always right even when he's dead wrong, etc.).
hmm... yeah, I totally get where you're coming from with the whole brother situation. I've been like that with my sister my entire life. There was even one moment where I seriously considered pushing her off the balcony, but thankfully I didn't... :/
but hey, who knows, maybe it actually shaped me for the better, since it taught me how to stand my ground🤷
and I think you just need to find a way to channel all that energy somewhere where nobody gets hurt, and then everything might turn out fine. You into sports or anything like that?
I know someone else who loses their cool super easily and has all this pent-up energy, and they tend to snap and do things they don't even mean, but they stay busy with different sports to blow off steam. :/ I think the absolute worst thing you can do is just sit there letting the rage build up inside you. For me, drawing, writing, or just messing around with art or music helps clear my head...

Morgan Bishop4 said:hmm... yeah, I totally get where you're coming from with the whole brother situation. I've been like that with my sister my entire life. There was even one moment where I seriously considered pushing her off the balcony, but thankfully I didn't... :/
but hey, who knows, maybe it actually shaped me for the better, since it taught me how to stand my ground🤷
and I think you just need to find a way to channel all that energy somewhere where nobody gets hurt, and then everything might turn out fine. You into sports or anything like that?
I know someone else who loses their cool super easily and has all this pent-up energy, and they tend to snap and do things they don't even mean, but they stay busy with different sports to blow off steam. :/ I think the absolute worst thing you can do is just sit there letting the rage build up inside you. For me, drawing, writing, or just messing around with art or music helps clear my head...

Never really been an athlete. Did Muay Thai for a year, though. Been overthinking all this lately and realized it’s not even that typical "rage." Like, I'm not the type to go out on the street and smash storefront windows or pick fights with random people. It's more internal. I'm just pissed at myself because I can't change certain things or certain people, and that's what's eating me alive. As for venting, I guess I should find a way to dump that negative energy, but that feels like a temporary fix—just a distraction. I want a real solution. I wasn't always like this... honestly, it probably just piled up over time from everything going on, and now I'm stuck like this. 😢

Everyone just needs a little bit of care and affection, just like anyone else.
There’s probably a reason why you're dealing with such an insensitive environment right now.
It’s never pretty when people take their frustrations out on others, but nobody is born a villain. Most people acting unfairly toward you are actually dealing with their own issues—maybe they had a rough upbringing or they're just insecure. They try to highlight your flaws to mask their own or to get a quick hit of attention to feed their ego. It's honestly pretty pathetic, and their lack of self-awareness is what makes it so tough on you.
The whole situation is just messy and sad. In relationships like this, there isn't much to do besides looking at them with pity, almost like looking at someone with a disability. You don't get angry at someone with a physical disability because they can't help how they are.
Next time someone snaps at you or says something mean, try to wonder why they did it. You'll quickly see it's just coming from a place of weakness. They aren't really attacking you; they're just projecting their own internal chaos onto people they think won't fight back. Once you realize this, you can handle them calmly, like you would an emotional invalid. Just ask them why they feel the need to act that way and state your perspective clearly. You might get a harsher reaction, but just respond with a simple, "I truly feel for you," and walk away or go back to what you were doing.

Check out this video. It's short, but it's a total mood booster from a wonderful person (hope you speak English).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vlELG...layer_embedded

Also, lose that signature.
Like they say, a crooked shoe finds a crooked foot.
But eventually, you'll realize there's no such thing as a crooked shoe—just different shapes.

Honestly, you just need someone with a bit of sunshine in their soul to talk to. 😁
Maybe someone who’s a total cinephile like you, just so you actually have something to geek out about.
Not everyone out there is a complete jerk—just look at how many people have reached out to you here. Take that as a win, if nothing else. 😁
I mean, if life really isn't worth it to you, then just end it; we’re all heading to the grave eventually anyway, so why even bother fighting the current?
Try doing some origami or whatever helps you chill out... knitting, maybe, or just heading out to some ranch in Montana to watch the sheep. That sounds pretty peaceful to me. 🙂

Raymond Fisher2 said:How am I supposed to switch doctors? I just went to my primary care physician and they sent me there. If I get the chance, I'll definitely switch.

I'm not sure if you're working or still in school, but if you're a student, you should totally check out the campus counseling center—you have rights to that help. Also, maybe ask if there’s another psychiatrist or psychologist available within the hospital system itself.

Bradley Wood3 said:Do you guys seriously pop pills every single time you feel a regular human emotion—like fear, sadness, or anger? 🍿

Look, anger is negative, destructive, intense energy.
But more than anything, it’s just energy.
Don’t choke it out—channel it instead.
Get physical, hit the gym, write, whatever helps push it outward and toward something productive rather than turning it inward on yourself.

For a long time, I carried all this rage toward my "friends," my mom, my dad—people who were never there for me, never sacrificed a thing for me, even though I did plenty for them.
Back then, I’d be screaming, swearing, smashing plates...
Because of my "unstable" behavior, I ended up seeing a therapist, and they put me on Lexapro.
So, I started suppressing everything.
I kept telling myself I just had to calm down.
Then came the depression, the anxiety, the panic attacks.
Eventually, I just hit a wall where I couldn't do it anymore.
And the people around me? They were the exact same ones triggering those emotions in the first place.
Basically, there was no bottom to the pit.
I spent three years stuck in bed, terrified of everything, losing 15 pounds... just like that.
And in those three years, not one person even asked if I needed a glass of water.
If I’d died, nobody in my own house would have even noticed, and I live with six people.
So, I finally just said "screw it."
Why shouldn't I be angry?
Why can't I show my negative emotions?
Who am I doing this for?
Is it for today's collective mindset that says showing any emotion is "crazy"? That we aren't allowed to be pissed off, sad, or bitter?
Or is it for the people I'm forced to look out for, even though they weren't there for me when they were actually healthy and sane?
I ditched the Lexapro. I don't hold anything back anymore. No more bottled-up rage, no panic, no depression, no anxiety—just ME.
I'd rather have ten broken plates than a wrecked psyche and suppressed anger.
I'm not suppressing it with pills, consciously or otherwise, and not for anyone.
Not at all.
When I'm sad, I'm sad. When I'm happy, I'm happy. If I'm frustrated, I'm frustrated.
I'm a human being with feelings. I want to manage them, sure, but I refuse to suppress them.
At the start, I mentioned the people who trigger these emotions in you or me.
That's not their fault—it's yours.
Because YOU allowed them to trigger that reaction in you.
So, look inward, love yourself, and be selfish with people who treat you poorly.
It's not about hate or revenge; it's just that you don't need people in your life who don't love you while you're busy loving them. In those dynamics, you're just the victim.
And you don't need to be a victim.
And NOBODY else is required for you to be happy. You don't have to hunt for happiness in a girlfriend, a mom, a dad, a sister, or whoever—everything you need is already inside you. Don't doubt yourself; you have massive strength within you, just like everyone else, and you don't need anyone else to find your own happiness.
You were born alone and you'll die alone—and I don't mean you have to be isolated, but that you should be independent, especially emotionally.
Wishing you guys the best. Your behavior isn't "abnormal."

That kind of rage isn't fixed at the gym. In fact, it might make things worse, because having great physical conditioning won't magically blow off deep-seated trauma. People love the "healthy body, healthy mind" mantra, but in cases like this, it's seriously overrated.
Look, meds aren't some magic fix, but sometimes they're absolutely necessary just to make sure someone doesn't end up hurting themselves or anyone else—especially when we're talking about those out-of-control rage fits. That's high-stakes territory right there. Honestly, the fact that the OP is actually self-aware enough to recognize their own emotions is a huge win. If they jump into therapy ASAP, they’ll probably see progress way faster because they already have that level of insight into their own headspace.

Smashing plates, screaming, and getting aggressive isn't a "fair" response to being mistreated by someone else, but let's be real: it's abnormal behavior that requires psychiatric attention. At the same time, nobody who's been a victim of verbal or physical abuse is responsible for how they react in the moment. Learning how to actually manage and steer those reactions takes a ton of psychotherapy sessions. You don't just wake up one day suddenly "chill" unless you're just burying everything deep down—which, looking at the OP's outbursts, is clearly what's happening here. And suppressing stuff like that won't be solved by smashing a plate, or worse, hitting another person (I mean, where does it stop once you cross that line?...)

You made some good points; people need to express their reactions somehow, but definitely not in such a wild, uncontrolled way. That's a skill you learn in therapy. Otherwise, you just end up feeling even more frustrated and powerless after the dust settles. Sometimes, screaming doesn't even provide any release; it's all about your internal mindset, and honestly, yelling can often just be a sign of pure helplessness.

Raymond Fisher2 said:Never really been an athlete. Did Muay Thai for a year, though. Been overthinking all this lately and realized it’s not even that typical "rage." Like, I'm not the type to go out on the street and smash storefront windows or pick fights with random people. It's more internal. I'm just pissed at myself because I can't change certain things or certain people, and that's what's eating me alive. As for venting, I guess I should find a way to dump that negative energy, but that feels like a temporary fix—just a distraction. I want a real solution. I wasn't always like this... honestly, it probably just piled up over time from everything going on, and now I'm stuck like this. 😢

That’s some seriously deep thinking right there, and I think you hit the nail on the head regarding what you're going through. Honestly, you probably just need some solid psychotherapy to really tackle those traumas that have caused you to turn all that rage inward on yourself.

Quincy:

You just need a little attention and love, just like anyone else.

Probably, but for some people (like me), getting that is hard or basically impossible depending on the environment you're stuck in.

Quincy:

There’s probably a reason why you’re surrounded by such insensitive people.

Don't know, but yeah, probably.

Quincy:

It sucks when people take their issues out on others, but nobody is inherently evil. All those people doing you wrong actually have some kind of defect—either they were raised poorly or they’re just insecure. They highlight your flaws to mask their own or just to get instant attention to feed their egos. It's pathetic, really. Their lack of self-awareness regarding what they're doing to you is just idiotic. And the whole thing is just gross and plain pathetic. In relationships like that, there's no choice but to watch them with pity, like you're looking at someone with a disability. You don't get mad at someone with a disability; it's not their fault they turned out that way.

I dunno, maybe, maybe not... maybe they're just pointing out things I should change (even if I can't change how I look, but whatever).

Next time someone says something nasty or does something shitty, just stop and think about *why* they did it. You'll see nothing but misery and sadness behind it. Nobody is actually attacking you; they're just projecting their own nonsense onto people who aren't wired to strike back. Think about it, I'm right. Once you realize that, just calmly ask them why they're doing it, treating them like the emotional invalids they are. Expect them to lash out harder, obviously, but just hit them with a "Honestly, I feel bad for you," then turn around and walk away or just go back to what you were doing like they don't even matter.

Check out this video. It's short, but it'll give you an instant boost from a great guy (hope you speak English)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vlELG...layer_embedded

Quincy:

And lose that signature. Like they say, a crooked shoe finds a crooked foot. Eventually, you'll realize there's no such thing as a crooked shoe, just differently shaped ones.

So what am I supposed to write instead? If you've got an idea, let me know...

You just need someone upbeat to talk to 😁
Like anyone, maybe some movie buff or something. Someone you actually vibe with.

Probably, but where do you even find someone like that... without all the baggage based on how they look, their bank account, or whatever else people judge you on?

Not everyone is a total loser. Look how many people responded to you. At least take that win, if nothing else.😁

Isitno. Honestly, I wish we were talking about something else. Something lighter. This whole thing is getting a bit dark, but hey, it is what it is.

If you don't want to live, just end it. We're all dying anyway, so why bother putting in the effort?

Believe me, I've thought about that a lot. Maybe too much, if I'm being real... but then again, maybe I'm just an idiot hoping things get better.

Try doing origami or something relaxing... knitting, or go hang out in a field and watch sheep. That works. 🙂

Origami? Yeah, no. I'm terrible at folding paper and I definitely don't have the patience for that kind of stuff. Knitting? No clue. Maybe when I'm like 70, no offense. I can go to a field, sure, but I'd be useless at watching sheep. Though, if I actually was a sheep—or a ram—maybe it wouldn't be so bad.😉