Can you actually change your personality as an adult?

In my experience, most people change their look but never their nature. Of course, there are always exceptions.

In my experience, most people might change their look, but their core nature stays exactly the same. Of course, there are always exceptions.

People tend to change 🙂 especially when life throws them a curveball—you know, some kind of sudden trauma or a major shake-up—that forces their hand. 🙂 though, I suppose it really all comes down to the individual at the end of the day 😁

So you're talking nonsense again—thinking there are more of them?

That idea you probably heard about personality forming by age five is... well, I guess you aren't entirely wrong—but it has nothing to do with pop psychology. From what science suggests, kids follow pedagogical training up until maybe age four or five, where they just soak up their parents' advice and methods as absolute truth. After that, changing someone becomes an andragogical process—basically, we learn from others' experiences and only bother changing if it actually benefits us.

There’s a decent saying that goes something like this: we spend our youth learning prejudices and stereotypes, and then spend the rest of our lives trying to unlearn them.

And here you are—a perfect example of that (and trust me, I'm the same way sometimes, so don't sweat it)—making a comment just like this.

Patrick Wright2 said:Look, people just don't change, at least nothing massive enough for anyone to actually notice, and honestly, they might try to camouflage themselves or throw on some masks and play a part just to make it harder for you to see who they really are, but deep down that core personality is always sitting right there, totally constant and unshakeable, maybe just slightly polished around the edges, but that's really all there is to it.

People change, and big time at that!

Once you find out that cigarette in your mouth gave you cancer, you suddenly stop smoking. Funny how you "couldn't" quit until right then.

The desire to change is what matters. People rarely admit that spiritual laziness is actually part of their personality.

Change isn't just an option; sometimes it's the only way out. If you were subjected to the rigors of life in the US Army, you’d be a completely different person within a few months. It would be drastic.
People are capable of change, but there's a catch. We are defined by our habits, and most people simply lack the willpower to overhaul their lives, especially as they get older. Even when they try, they usually lack the stamina to stick with it, eventually retreating to their old routines because there's a certain comfort in them. Besides, forcing yourself to change is an uphill battle. Who is actually going to force themselves into a grueling military lifestyle? Nobody, obviously.
Is it difficult? Yes. Is it possible? Absolutely. If you have a desperate desire to change but can't find the strength to do it yourself, join the service. Change is guaranteed. 😁

Peter Wright3, you’re talking about behavior, but the actual topic here is whether personality itself can change—I guess. Most people just tweak their behavior to fit what everyone else expects if they feel they don't have a choice. Sure, you have those assertive types—people who are confident, stubborn, the ones who push back—who try to bend a demanding environment (like being in the military, for example) to suit them instead. But most people? They usually just adapt to the surroundings. They sort of put their true personality on standby and just wait for a less stressful environment to come along.

casualtrucker7 said:Peter Wright3, you’re talking about behavior, but the actual topic here is whether personality itself can change—I guess. Most people just tweak their behavior to fit what everyone else expects if they feel they don't have a choice. Sure, you have those assertive types—people who are confident, stubborn, the ones who push back—who try to bend a demanding environment (like being in the military, for example) to suit them instead. But most people? They usually just adapt to the surroundings. They sort of put their true personality on standby and just wait for a less stressful environment to come along.

Why isn't that the exact same thing? After serving in the Army, a person might become hardworking even if they were lazy before. They become responsible even if they were irresponsible. They become persistent even if they used to quit easily. That is personality change in a nutshell. It all comes down to repetition and habituation... until the new behavior becomes second nature. For most, the struggle is simply breaking old habits. But if it can be done, it absolutely can be done.
The military can also instill drive, confidence, and self-respect. We are all constantly evolving. The military is just a drastic example to prove that change is entirely possible. However, the reality remains that most people won't change. As old patterns become more ingrained, fighting against habit becomes increasingly difficult. But mark my words... it is possible. You just have to be a "soldier."

I feel like you can change an opinion once you realize you were wrong, but changing how you actually act? That’s a whole different story. Even when you really try and put in the effort, your true nature just kind of leaks out anyway. At least, that's how it works for me. I'll tell myself, "Okay, never again..." or "From now on, I'm doing this..." and it never sticks. Not even once...

rapidgull3 said:Is an adult's personality truly unchangeable because it’s a biological fact, or just because people lack the patience to try and retrain them? If the former is true, then the behaviors we picked up as kids are essentially set in stone for life. It would mean the old saying "a leopard can't change its spots" is actually right, reducing us to nothing more than our genetic programming. But if it's the latter—if we just stop trying—then that’s a pretty depressing thought.

It only happens if someone finds the willpower to smash through their own internal walls...
but that takes courage. Grit. Persistence.

Peter Wright3 said:Why isn't that the exact same thing? After serving in the Army, a person might become hardworking even if they were lazy before. They become responsible even if they were irresponsible. They become persistent even if they used to quit easily. That is personality change in a nutshell. It all comes down to repetition and habituation... until the new behavior becomes second nature. For most, the struggle is simply breaking old habits. But if it can be done, it absolutely can be done.
The military can also instill drive, confidence, and self-respect. We are all constantly evolving. The military is just a drastic example to prove that change is entirely possible. However, the reality remains that most people won't change. As old patterns become more ingrained, fighting against habit becomes increasingly difficult. But mark my words... it is possible. You just have to be a "soldier."

That doesn't necessarily hold water. If someone was lazy before joining the Army, they probably won't be hardworking after. They'll just be hardworking while they're in uniform because they have to be. Once they get out (which they'll likely be itching to do😁), they'll probably just go right back to being lazy. 🤷

Lawrence Moore78 said:I feel like you can change an opinion once you realize you were wrong, but changing how you actually act? That’s a whole different story. Even when you really try and put in the effort, your true nature just kind of leaks out anyway. At least, that's how it works for me. I'll tell myself, "Okay, never again..." or "From now on, I'm doing this..." and it never sticks. Not even once...

Too familiar.😵

I know someone who used to lie constantly—all the time, for no reason at all. Eventually, he hit a wall, decided he was done with it, and actually managed to turn things around. Now, he’s honest, whether it’s convenient or not😁.
He says he doesn't even have to think about whether to tell the truth anymore; it’s just his default mode. He still finds habitual liars absolutely revolting.

Is this a fundamental shift in personality, or just a change in behavior?

George Newman11 said:I know someone who used to lie constantly—all the time, for no reason at all. Eventually, he hit a wall, decided he was done with it, and actually managed to turn things around. Now, he’s honest, whether it’s convenient or not😁.
He says he doesn't even have to think about whether to tell the truth anymore; it’s just his default mode. He still finds habitual liars absolutely revolting.

Is this a fundamental shift in personality, or just a change in behavior?

I guess I’d say it's just a change in behavior. Especially if it seems so deliberate.😁
But maybe not. We probably don't know him well enough. I wonder if anything else about him changed.

Look, he’s done the work on himself. But nearly a decade has passed—it’s only natural that people change. He had his share of other questionable habits, including lying, but he moved past those too (even some petty theft back when he was just a kid) 😁

Great news for your friend👍.
It seems like his conscience finally kicked in, and maybe the change is genuine. Or maybe it isn't, because maybe nothing actually needed to change.
I'm about 99% sure he isn't some psychopath lacking a moral compass; I think he was just a kid or a young man whose conscience was dormant or poorly conditioned. Conscience is learned, I guess—people teach you why certain things should feel right or wrong. There could be a million reasons why he pushed honesty and integrity to the back burner.
To act "on conscience," sometimes you need maturity, or courage, or just a new set of motivations or life events.
The way I see it, he’s matured in some ways. But he already had these qualities inside him, even if they were just budding. He didn't change his core nature, I suppose; he just directed it toward something more noble.
We all have good and bad in us. That's just how it is. So, a total personality shift probably isn't necessary. We aren't that bad. 😁 It feels like we're just trying to invent ourselves. We just need to be who we are—to unlock and develop what's there. "Change" is really just a process of letting go. 🙂

I'm glad you see it as a fundamental shift in personality. They really have become a different person—someone better. Sure, there’s a lingering insecurity, but they're improved nonetheless. If they can somehow root out that self-doubt 😢, they might actually have a shot at being truly brilliant 😁

rapidgull3 said:Is an adult's personality truly unchangeable because it’s a biological fact, or just because people lack the patience to try and retrain them? If the former is true, then the behaviors we picked up as kids are essentially set in stone for life. It would mean the old saying "a leopard can't change its spots" is actually right, reducing us to nothing more than our genetic programming. But if it's the latter—if we just stop trying—then that’s a pretty depressing thought.

I honestly think people don't really change at their core. Throughout life, people get good at playing along with social norms and masking who they really are just to fit in better... but that fundamental nature you develop as a kid? That stays there. It never truly goes away, and eventually, it always finds a way to slip through the cracks...

Laura Gonzalez7 said:I honestly think people don't really change at their core. Throughout life, people get good at playing along with social norms and masking who they really are just to fit in better... but that fundamental nature you develop as a kid? That stays there. It never truly goes away, and eventually, it always finds a way to slip through the cracks...

People change their whole lives, though. I guess the "pedagogical" phase—where you soak up values and behaviors from parents and surroundings—mostly happens in those first few years. After that, it’s more about adult learning; we tend to adapt only when we see someone worth imitating. Like, maybe realizing through observation that staying calm during a confrontation works better than just blowing up emotionally.