Can a life ever truly be considered a failure?

Could people actually function without negative role models to learn from? 🤔
If they could, would those cautionary tales even have a point...

What was said above is so beautifully articulated... and so profoundly true. Lately, I’ve been gripped by this indescribable fear that one day, I might end up serving as a cautionary tale for someone else...
It is heartbreaking to tell someone they have wasted their life, but sometimes that stinging truth is impossible to ignore. At least, I can see it. Personally, I think very few people actually live a fulfilled life. By that, I mean doing what you truly love, what makes you happy, what fills your soul—not just accumulating things. In the end, material possessions are utterly irrelevant, yet so many of us don't realize that until we've already gathered them all. I know an acquaintance (let's just call him that) who never married—he’s nearly fifty now—has no children, earns a meager paycheck, lives in a house that looks like it might collapse at any moment, and he’s usually drunk whenever I run into him—yet that man is genuinely happy. You can just see it in him. that man is happy no matter how incomprehensible that seems to the rest of us. 😕
On the other hand, there is his contemporary, a man who is married, has two grown children (who are in just as much trouble as the first guy), owns a beautiful home, has a career... and that is essentially all he has. He’s also drinking from dawn till dusk, but not like the first man; he drinks because his life is so suffocatingly pleasant that he has to forget... the reality of the life he leads. Pitiful, empty, and wasted.
In my own lifetime, I have encountered only two people who can truly say they are living exactly as they always dreamed, living their passion, and you can see it in them too. People can say whatever they want, but you can see it and feel it. The first is a guy who fled the USA during the war; he was sixteen then, and thirty when I met him. Actually, it doesn't matter—the point is, he has traveled the entire world, taking whatever jobs come his way without complaint, because he’s already spent five years in the States (both North and South), three years in Asia, and when I met him, he had just arrived from Mexico where he was working as a window washer😁—his motto is "carpe diem," and he literally lives it.
The second person traveled from the Midwest through Austria, then eventually through Japan, finally landing in Hawaii where she now works as a life coach🙄(I mean, you can be anything you want there). What I’m trying to get at is the energy people radiate—that charisma that some are born with, some earn, and some simply never find.
I believe life can either be fulfilling or wasted; which one it becomes depends almost entirely on us. Not everyone has the guts to do what they truly desire. I dared once—at eighteen, I packed my bags and just left, traveling all across Europe (though I didn't really "see" anything because I wasn't sightseeing) and now I am right back where I started🙄I remember it as a fantastic experience that I wouldn't repeat ever.☕But it was worth it.
Nowadays, I have a job (one I don't enjoy), I'm engaged (though I have my own thoughts on that too), life is throwing its usual punches at me... and every single day I ask myself: is this how I want to spend the rest of my life? 😱
My other option is to pack my belongings once again (except I'm not eighteen anymore) and just hit the road... Where to? I have no idea—anywhere better, as long as it lasts longer😁 But I know it would be madness. I think it would be madness. Or perhaps I just don't have the courage I used to? I suspect that last part is the deciding factor😳
Well, perhaps in time, I will get there after all.

Jason Booth25 said:If you’re feeling this way, you really need to reach out for some professional support. It’s incredibly difficult to pull yourself out of that kind of headspace on your own. I’d suggest heading to your primary care doctor to get a referral for a therapist, or if you have the means, maybe look into seeing someone privately. I'm sorry if I'm overstepping by offering advice, but when you say you're feeling this low, I just can't stay silent...

I appreciate the advice, truly, but I don't know how to put it into words—it isn't that I feel "bad," it's that I feel nothing at all. And honestly, that feels much worse. It's total apathy; everything is just indifferent to me. It's not as if I've completely let myself go; I'm still going through the motions and doing everything I usually do, so you wouldn't even realize it. On the outside, everything looks fine, but on the inside, it's just hollow. To make matters worse, I absolutely loathe self-pity, which is why I suppose this forum is the only place where I can actually vent...
And to steer us back to the main topic: while an individual's perspective on their life is subjective, I suspect most people don't view their lives as complete failures. I highly doubt there are many others who feel quite like I do...

Mine is a total lost cause... I could get it notarized and stamped right now if I wanted to😁

but honestly, over time I've just come to terms with it—or rather, I've learned how to live with it. I find myself thinking that when the day inevitably comes that I'm six feet under, it won't even matter, because at the end of the day, we all end up the same way.

Karen Adams2 said:What was said above is so beautifully articulated... and so profoundly true. Lately, I’ve been gripped by this indescribable fear that one day, I might end up serving as a cautionary tale for someone else...
It is heartbreaking to tell someone they have wasted their life, but sometimes that stinging truth is impossible to ignore. At least, I can see it. Personally, I think very few people actually live a fulfilled life. By that, I mean doing what you truly love, what makes you happy, what fills your soul—not just accumulating things. In the end, material possessions are utterly irrelevant, yet so many of us don't realize that until we've already gathered them all. I know an acquaintance (let's just call him that) who never married—he’s nearly fifty now—has no children, earns a meager paycheck, lives in a house that looks like it might collapse at any moment, and he’s usually drunk whenever I run into him—yet that man is genuinely happy. You can just see it in him. that man is happy no matter how incomprehensible that seems to the rest of us. 😕
On the other hand, there is his contemporary, a man who is married, has two grown children (who are in just as much trouble as the first guy), owns a beautiful home, has a career... and that is essentially all he has. He’s also drinking from dawn till dusk, but not like the first man; he drinks because his life is so suffocatingly pleasant that he has to forget... the reality of the life he leads. Pitiful, empty, and wasted.
In my own lifetime, I have encountered only two people who can truly say they are living exactly as they always dreamed, living their passion, and you can see it in them too. People can say whatever they want, but you can see it and feel it. The first is a guy who fled the USA during the war; he was sixteen then, and thirty when I met him. Actually, it doesn't matter—the point is, he has traveled the entire world, taking whatever jobs come his way without complaint, because he’s already spent five years in the States (both North and South), three years in Asia, and when I met him, he had just arrived from Mexico where he was working as a window washer😁—his motto is "carpe diem," and he literally lives it.
The second person traveled from the Midwest through Austria, then eventually through Japan, finally landing in Hawaii where she now works as a life coach🙄(I mean, you can be anything you want there). What I’m trying to get at is the energy people radiate—that charisma that some are born with, some earn, and some simply never find.
I believe life can either be fulfilling or wasted; which one it becomes depends almost entirely on us. Not everyone has the guts to do what they truly desire. I dared once—at eighteen, I packed my bags and just left, traveling all across Europe (though I didn't really "see" anything because I wasn't sightseeing) and now I am right back where I started🙄I remember it as a fantastic experience that I wouldn't repeat ever.☕But it was worth it.
Nowadays, I have a job (one I don't enjoy), I'm engaged (though I have my own thoughts on that too), life is throwing its usual punches at me... and every single day I ask myself: is this how I want to spend the rest of my life? 😱
My other option is to pack my belongings once again (except I'm not eighteen anymore) and just hit the road... Where to? I have no idea—anywhere better, as long as it lasts longer😁 But I know it would be madness. I think it would be madness. Or perhaps I just don't have the courage I used to? I suspect that last part is the deciding factor😳
Well, perhaps in time, I will get there after all.

I really hope her fiancé actually knows the answers to all these questions... I’d hate to see her waiting until their fifth wedding anniversary to find out he wasn't on the same page. 😬

Or even worse—never.

velvetcobra23 said:Could people actually function without negative role models to learn from? 🤔
If they could, would those cautionary tales even have a point...

Haha, sure they could, but that doesn't mean those cautionary tales don't serve a purpose.
It's like this forum—you can survive just fine without it, but it still has its place.
To stay alive, you really only need the basics: water, oxygen, some food, shelter, and protection from whatever's coming for you...

lonegardener said:I really hope her fiancé actually knows the answers to all these questions... I’d hate to see her waiting until their fifth wedding anniversary to find out he wasn't on the same page. 😬

Or even worse—never.

Honestly, I think it would be much better to handle this just a day before the wedding.🙄

I wouldn't dare label anyone else's life as a failure; those are far too heavy words to throw around. Everything ultimately comes down to perspective and individual standards. What might seem completely unfulfilling to me could be exactly what makes someone else feel deeply satisfied and happy. The reverse is just as true.

So, whether a life is considered "wasted" or not, we can really only draw conclusions about ourselves.

Most people fall into this category, though you can break them down further. They’re far more pathetic than those who simply lacked the guts to chase their dreams or live by any real principles—even if they knew they were failing. There's also the group that never had any ideals at all, or worse, pursued goals that were completely hollow and meaningless.

Dennis Hernandez52, I have to wonder if this state of mind you're describing is something that has been lingering over you for quite some time now, or if it was triggered by some specific sense of loss. You claim to be treating everyone around you poorly and feeling equally repulsed by your own self, which strikes me as both deeply melancholy and rather unsettling. Surely, in a life as complex as ours, there must be at least one small thing that brings you a flicker of joy, or perhaps a hobby or pursuit that offers you even a modicum of genuine satisfaction?

And just how many of us actually dare to live out our wildest dreams?

Dreams are one thing; reality is quite another. More often than not, life’s rough patches or those sudden, unpredictable curveballs pull us far away from our original visions. Personally, I suspect only a tiny fraction of people actually live the life they truly desire—it just comes down to how many are willing to admit it to themselves.

Look, you can't really put a finger on one universal truth here. It’s all about how you see things from your own little corner of the world, and at the end of the day, it just boils down to personal perspective.

Life is either a total bust or a massive win depending entirely on how you choose to play it.

silverwalker said:Dreams are one thing; reality is quite another. More often than not, life’s rough patches or those sudden, unpredictable curveballs pull us far away from our original visions. Personally, I suspect only a tiny fraction of people actually live the life they truly desire—it just comes down to how many are willing to admit it to themselves.

But that is precisely the point. Honestly, the whole thing is a bit terrifying to me. It isn't some profound piece of wisdom to simply "do what you want"; the real challenge is having the guts to actually follow through with it.

It doesn't have to be scary. It all comes down to how well someone can adapt and reshape their dreams to fit their actual circumstances in life.

stormycanyon11 said:Dennis Hernandez52, I have to wonder if this state of mind you're describing is something that has been lingering over you for quite some time now, or if it was triggered by some specific sense of loss. You claim to be treating everyone around you poorly and feeling equally repulsed by your own self, which strikes me as both deeply melancholy and rather unsettling. Surely, in a life as complex as ours, there must be at least one small thing that brings you a flicker of joy, or perhaps a hobby or pursuit that offers you even a modicum of genuine satisfaction?

Maybe that's just how I perceive myself. I know the issue lies within me, but I have no idea how to fix it... I've basically accepted that I'm unhappy, even if the people around me don't see it. I realize I'm far too young to be thinking like this, but it's beyond my control. I'll be blunt: I view my life as a total failure.

velvetcobra23 said:Sure, you could call it a wasted life...
for example, the existence of some serial killer or absolute monster is nothing more than a total failure—they just headed down the wrong path.🤷

It all boils down to how you see things... unless you think science has already wrapped this one up and called it a day?

Hannah White2 said:It all boils down to how you see things... unless you think science has already wrapped this one up and called it a day?

Right, so for him it wasn't a failure, but for everyone dealing with the fallout, it was...
How exactly are we supposed to define a failed life here?🙂

Hey everyone.

I don't think you can establish any universal "metrics" to decide if someone's life is a failure, especially since we have no clue what our actual purpose is supposed to be.
Life can be "subjectively failed," meaning that's simply how a person feels.

For instance, I’ve felt this way for years regarding every single aspect of my existence. Yet, from an objective standpoint, nobody would look at my life and call it a failure.
I feel as though I've taken entirely wrong turns—paths that didn't lead to a destination, but rather a loop that keeps bringing me back to the same spot.
Worst of all, I can't even define what my "correct path" should have been, nor can I pinpoint which decisions were the mistakes. Sometimes it feels like everything, from choosing my high school to my college major, was off.
Based on what I've just written, someone might assume I'm miserable or depressed, but I'm not. I am completely indifferent.
I feel totally "failed," yet I take zero action to change it because I honestly don't know what there is to do to make the feeling vanish.
Nothing excites me; nothing truly interests me. I read about everything and dabble in everything, but without any passion or spark.
I'm mostly just forcing myself through life rather than being fulfilled by it. Nothing makes sense.
I'm just indifferent to everything, existing in a sort of "standby mode."
And practically all my existential questions are already settled.
I've been in a long-term relationship; my partner is great and I love him deeply, but on the other hand, I'm essentially asexual, except for rare occasions.

A few years ago, I was the complete opposite of how I am now.
I can't point to a specific cause—it wasn't that I picked the wrong career, or I'm unhappy with my job or my relationship. I just became... numb.
It's not that I'm emotionless, but for years now, I haven't felt genuine excitement for anything.
If someone asked me what kind of life would make me feel good, I wouldn't have an answer.
I get the feeling there is nothing in this world that could snap me out of this.

Maybe I have some underlying mental health issues, but when people talk about a "failed life," for me, it's exactly what I described. It's this feeling.