Dealing with difficult people?

Do you have any specific types of exhausting, socially oblivious people that you go out of your way to avoid? Here’s an example from today—I’m grabbing coffee with a buddy, and this incredibly annoying guy just wanders over and sits right down with us. We finish our drinks and head off in our own direction, but the second we stand up, he starts interrogating us about where we're going. I tell him I'm heading home, so he follows up with "Oh yeah? Why?" Then, "What are you doing at home?" Then, "Doing what kind of work?" 🙄 And then comes the best part—as soon as we get to our bikes, he actually starts pedaling after us 🤣 He chases us for maybe a couple hundred yards before he finally gives up because he ran out of steam. To top it all off, he tried calling my cell afterward—of course, I didn't pick up.
This is just one instance of the absolute weirdos roaming this planet. What is actually wrong with people like this? Are they even sane? How low can someone sink to act like that? I mean, look, we've known this guy for a while; he isn't quite as unhinged as my friend, but he is painfully draining because he needs to know everything about everyone. He has zero boundaries—he doesn't know how to sit still, and he clearly doesn't know how to behave in public. When we run into him, he doesn't know when to leave or when enough is enough. That's exactly why we steer clear. Is there a permanent way to deal with these special cases? And the worst part? It's not even some random teenager; we're talking about a grown man in his 20s.

I’ve got one right in my life—been dealing with this since he turned 34.🙄🙄 🙏

It's a straight-up sickness.☕
Nothing ever changes. He’ll be exactly like this for the rest of his life.

Dana Morales64 said:Do you have any specific types of exhausting, socially oblivious people that you go out of your way to avoid? Here’s an example from today—I’m grabbing coffee with a buddy, and this incredibly annoying guy just wanders over and sits right down with us. We finish our drinks and head off in our own direction, but the second we stand up, he starts interrogating us about where we're going. I tell him I'm heading home, so he follows up with "Oh yeah? Why?" Then, "What are you doing at home?" Then, "Doing what kind of work?" 🙄 And then comes the best part—as soon as we get to our bikes, he actually starts pedaling after us 🤣 He chases us for maybe a couple hundred yards before he finally gives up because he ran out of steam. To top it all off, he tried calling my cell afterward—of course, I didn't pick up.
This is just one instance of the absolute weirdos roaming this planet. What is actually wrong with people like this? Are they even sane? How low can someone sink to act like that? I mean, look, we've known this guy for a while; he isn't quite as unhinged as my friend, but he is painfully draining because he needs to know everything about everyone. He has zero boundaries—he doesn't know how to sit still, and he clearly doesn't know how to behave in public. When we run into him, he doesn't know when to leave or when enough is enough. That's exactly why we steer clear. Is there a permanent way to deal with these special cases? And the worst part? It's not even some random teenager; we're talking about a grown man in his 20s.

Perhaps he is simply attempting to forge a deeper friendship with you both, and since you aren't reciprocating, he becomes even more persistent in his efforts. But strictly speaking, what is his actual personality like... aside from being incredibly taxing?

Gerald Hernandez5 said:Perhaps he is simply attempting to forge a deeper friendship with you both, and since you aren't reciprocating, he becomes even more persistent in his efforts. But strictly speaking, what is his actual personality like... aside from being incredibly taxing?

Look, someone who actually wants to be your friend doesn't act like this—this is just pathological. As for what they're like? I mean, sure, you can have a conversation with them, but they're relentless. They don't know when to quit—just a constant barrage of questions like "where are you going?" "why are you going there?" "who are you meeting?" "what are you doing?" It's too much. Any normal person would have run for the hills by now.

Dana Morales64 said:Look, someone who actually wants to be your friend doesn't act like this—this is just pathological. As for what they're like? I mean, sure, you can have a conversation with them, but they're relentless. They don't know when to quit—just a constant barrage of questions like "where are you going?" "why are you going there?" "who are you meeting?" "what are you doing?" It's too much. Any normal person would have run for the hills by now.

I suppose you're right... all this overstepping is really just a byproduct of being somewhat naive. It seems the young man perhaps places far too much trust in others—something you often observe in children, particularly those with more extroverted personalities—while modern society has become so incredibly narrow-minded that people feel immediately threatened by anything even slightly "different" or unconventional.

Gerald Hernandez5 said:I suppose you're right... all this overstepping is really just a byproduct of being somewhat naive. It seems the young man perhaps places far too much trust in others—something you often observe in children, particularly those with more extroverted personalities—while modern society has become so incredibly narrow-minded that people feel immediately threatened by anything even slightly "different" or unconventional.

I wouldn't call it that, though. I’d say that aggressive approach just pushes people away. Why? Because frankly, it feels invasive when someone is constantly breathing down your neck or tracking your every move—it feels like my freedom is being stripped away. Who actually enjoys being watched? Who wants to feel like they have to hide from someone? There's a difference between being a naive person who trusts too easily and this—this is just a total lack of substance in one's own life. It's like they need to know what everyone else is doing because their own existence isn't interesting enough. I want someone to hang out with, not a shadow. I'm nobody's shadow, and I don't want anyone being mine.

It’s not even a sickness, honestly. It’s just people who have zero clue how to actually talk to others!

I honestly just feel bad for them!

Maybe they don't have many friends, so they try way too hard to force a connection with everyone they meet.

Or maybe they're just socially awkward because they never really learned how to navigate a conversation, or they spent too much time stuck at home instead of being out in the world.

And about that guy asking you where you're headed or what you do for work—I do that with my buddies all the time! I don't see anything weird about it at all.

Aaron Anderson72 said:It’s not even a sickness, honestly. It’s just people who have zero clue how to actually talk to others!

I honestly just feel bad for them!

Maybe they don't have many friends, so they try way too hard to force a connection with everyone they meet.

Or maybe they're just socially awkward because they never really learned how to navigate a conversation, or they spent too much time stuck at home instead of being out in the world.

And about that guy asking you where you're headed or what you do for work—I do that with my buddies all the time! I don't see anything weird about it at all.

It’s strange—you tell him exactly where you’re headed and what your plans are, and he just hits you with that, "Oh, you don't have anything better to do? Why head home already? Let's go somewhere else." The guy is relentless. And then he has the nerve to try and convince you that your schedule is wide open—as if he’s the one running my life. Honestly, what kind of idiot does that? When I finally told him he’d be catching hands if he ever showed up on my doorstep again, he suddenly went quiet. Look, I’m not usually the type to pick fights—I consider myself a pretty tolerant person—but when I feel threatened, I can get incredibly blunt and disrespectful. Sometimes, you just have to be harsh with certain people. There really isn't any other way to handle it.

Look, I don't mean to be harsh, but honestly, you two just hopping on your bikes while this guy is mid-sentence trying to talk to you? That was seriously pathetic.
It feels like maybe you weren't even the "cool kid" in your group growing up, or you were always trailing behind the popular crowd, right? You and your little sidekick. Now you’re both overcompensating by acting like jerks to some lonely guy who’s just trying to make a friend, all because you need someone beneath you just to feel like you're actually on top. Am I wrong?

Seriously, go back and read what you wrote. Do you really think a guy would sound that miserable if his conversation partner—you—had just said, "Hey, sorry, I gotta head out, got some personal stuff to take care of"? You could have even added, "I'd love to stay, but I'm running late." It's called basic courtesy, you know? It keeps people from feeling like total trash.
But hey, it works for you, doesn't it? You actually prefer him feeling like garbage so you can keep pushing him to ask more questions. It's twisted.

If you guys actually hate the guy, just be straight with him when he sits down: "Look, we're talking about something pretty heavy right now and I'm not really looking to share this with everyone," or something like that... he'll get the hint.

But whatever. I forgot you actually *love* having him sit there just so you can feel superior. 🙂

And that whole bike scene? I have to bring it up again. Did you honestly think you looked cool? Sorry to burst your bubble, but you looked completely classless. Pedaling away from someone you were literally grabbing coffee with fifteen minutes ago while they're still mid-sentence—even if they're just saying "uhh"—is just plain rude.

Oh yeah, and about that question of yours on how to finally get rid of those absolute freaks for good.
Look, just be blunt and tell him he's getting on your nerves. Go ahead and insult him straight up and make sure he knows dead serious exactly what you think of his pathetic self.
I mean, I honestly don't know how you guys are even going to function without him 😉

And besides, let’s be real, there are plenty of annoying, soul-sucking people out there—trust me, I've run into my fair share.

Dana Morales64 said:It’s strange—you tell him exactly where you’re headed and what your plans are, and he just hits you with that, "Oh, you don't have anything better to do? Why head home already? Let's go somewhere else." The guy is relentless. And then he has the nerve to try and convince you that your schedule is wide open—as if he’s the one running my life. Honestly, what kind of idiot does that? When I finally told him he’d be catching hands if he ever showed up on my doorstep again, he suddenly went quiet. Look, I’m not usually the type to pick fights—I consider myself a pretty tolerant person—but when I feel threatened, I can get incredibly blunt and disrespectful. Sometimes, you just have to be harsh with certain people. There really isn't any other way to handle it.

Honestly, that's exactly how I talk to my girlfriends: "Come on, why stop here? Let's hit another spot!" Everything you're describing isn't actually that strange. That's just how friends chat!
He clearly hasn't picked up on the vibes, so maybe just be direct: "Look, we don't really want to hang out anymore. We aren't really clicking as friends, so please stop calling."
The only thing I take from this is that he thinks he's part of the inner circle, so he acts like it. He probably thinks you guys are closer than you actually are!

And go back and read what granitemason8 wrote...
There's some truth there!

There are better ways to handle this. Like, when someone is being genuinely obnoxious, you can deal with that normally without resorting to mockery or threats. You can actually have a conversation with a decent person!

The way you guys are reacting feels a little immature...

Hey, I just have to say this!

This totally reminds me of those girls back in middle school!
They act exactly like that!
If they don't want to hang out with someone, they won't just be upfront about it. Instead, they start all this drama and gossip behind their backs. Then, when that girl asks, "Are you mad at me?" they just shrug and say, "No, everything's fine," while still talking trash!
I was watching this documentary on school bullying recently, and honestly, the way people are acting here feels just like those middle school cliques.

Come on, man, just be a man. Grow some balls and tell the guy, "I don't want to be friends," and call it a day!

I'm not trying to be rude or pick a fight, I'm just being honest. Isn't that what this forum is for anyway?

Honestly, you’ve got it easy if it’s just some friend you're dealing with. Imagine having someone like that in your immediate family... I don't even know how you'd begin to shut them down without causing a massive scene.

My sister has absolutely zero concept of privacy, and she’s somehow convinced herself that my sole purpose in life is to act as her personal entertainer because she has nothing better to do with her own time. I’ll walk through the front door after a long day at work only to find her standing right there at the entrance... she follows me around my own apartment constantly, rambling about things that have absolutely no business being my concern. It doesn't even stop when I try to take a shower; she’ll actually sit in the bathroom while I'm in there... and it goes on like that until I finally go to bed. There was even one instance where she tried to sleep in my bed... and this is a thirty-six-year-old woman. When I finally try to push her away, she just turns it back on me, asking what I'm going to do now or where I think I'm going. It’s the same cycle, every single day.

And then, during those stretches when she actually has a boyfriend, she completely ghosts me, acting like I don't even exist.

They're truly unwell.☕

Joshua Anderson17 said:Honestly, you’ve got it easy if it’s just some friend you're dealing with. Imagine having someone like that in your immediate family... I don't even know how you'd begin to shut them down without causing a massive scene.

My sister has absolutely zero concept of privacy, and she’s somehow convinced herself that my sole purpose in life is to act as her personal entertainer because she has nothing better to do with her own time. I’ll walk through the front door after a long day at work only to find her standing right there at the entrance... she follows me around my own apartment constantly, rambling about things that have absolutely no business being my concern. It doesn't even stop when I try to take a shower; she’ll actually sit in the bathroom while I'm in there... and it goes on like that until I finally go to bed. There was even one instance where she tried to sleep in my bed... and this is a thirty-six-year-old woman. When I finally try to push her away, she just turns it back on me, asking what I'm going to do now or where I think I'm going. It’s the same cycle, every single day.

And then, during those stretches when she actually has a boyfriend, she completely ghosts me, acting like I don't even exist.

They're truly unwell.☕

Things aren't exactly rosy at my house either. That's why we have local pubs. The second my wife starts talking, I'm already putting my shoes on to head out! 😁

It sounds like she's just doing this because she's lonely. Everyone needs some company! Just give her maybe 15 minutes of your time, then go make up an excuse to leave. I know how it feels when I've been stuck at home all day with nobody to talk to!

Oh, absolutely! She just keeps going... and going... following you around even when you’re practically running for the hills... just rambling on without giving you a single word in response. It’s endless. She’ll go into exhaustive detail about exactly what she picked up at Target, what time she was there, how many items were in her cart, everyone she ran into in the aisles, who that lady working the register is, her mom, her aunt... honestly, the sheer volume of useless information is enough to drive anyone insane...😢(

Aaron Anderson72 said:Honestly, that's exactly how I talk to my girlfriends: "Come on, why stop here? Let's hit another spot!" Everything you're describing isn't actually that strange. That's just how friends chat!
He clearly hasn't picked up on the vibes, so maybe just be direct: "Look, we don't really want to hang out anymore. We aren't really clicking as friends, so please stop calling."
The only thing I take from this is that he thinks he's part of the inner circle, so he acts like it. He probably thinks you guys are closer than you actually are!

And go back and read what granitemason8 wrote...
There's some truth there!

There are better ways to handle this. Like, when someone is being genuinely obnoxious, you can deal with that normally without resorting to mockery or threats. You can actually have a conversation with a decent person!

The way you guys are reacting feels a little immature...

If I analyze this situation, apparently I'm the villain and he's the victim.🙄 But it’s not going to happen that way—I am not going to let myself feel guilty over this. Even if you have a point in some places, it is what it is. And let's be clear: I am not the kind of person who wastes time justifying myself to anyone. It's just not worth it. There are very few people I actually make an effort for—truly rare ones—and those are my idols, the people I consider better than myself and learn from. I have a high opinion of myself and, frankly, I think 90% of people aren't even worth my time. I know, I sound conceited, but at least I'm being honest. Maybe to some people, I'm just a bad person.

Dana Morales64 said:If I analyze this situation, apparently I'm the villain and he's the victim.🙄 But it’s not going to happen that way—I am not going to let myself feel guilty over this. Even if you have a point in some places, it is what it is. And let's be clear: I am not the kind of person who wastes time justifying myself to anyone. It's just not worth it. There are very few people I actually make an effort for—truly rare ones—and those are my idols, the people I consider better than myself and learn from. I have a high opinion of myself and, frankly, I think 90% of people aren't even worth my time. I know, I sound conceited, but at least I'm being honest. Maybe to some people, I'm just a bad person.

Oh, please, you definitely don't need to be friends with everyone!

I'm just saying, a person should be able to walk away and know where they stand.
And this whole thing you guys are doing... I don't know, it feels kind of childish. One person runs away while the other keeps chasing them down. Last time I saw that, I was in preschool!

I dealt with that exact same type of personality back in the day—which is precisely why I packed my bags and moved two states away. The guy is fundamentally lonely, but if he keeps acting out like this, he’s just going to dig that hole even deeper and end up completely isolated. Honestly, what he really needs is some genuine, open communication instead of all this nonsense.

Dana Morales64 said:Do you have any specific types of exhausting, socially oblivious people that you go out of your way to avoid? Here’s an example from today—I’m grabbing coffee with a buddy, and this incredibly annoying guy just wanders over and sits right down with us. We finish our drinks and head off in our own direction, but the second we stand up, he starts interrogating us about where we're going. I tell him I'm heading home, so he follows up with "Oh yeah? Why?" Then, "What are you doing at home?" Then, "Doing what kind of work?" 🙄 And then comes the best part—as soon as we get to our bikes, he actually starts pedaling after us 🤣 He chases us for maybe a couple hundred yards before he finally gives up because he ran out of steam. To top it all off, he tried calling my cell afterward—of course, I didn't pick up.
This is just one instance of the absolute weirdos roaming this planet. What is actually wrong with people like this? Are they even sane? How low can someone sink to act like that? I mean, look, we've known this guy for a while; he isn't quite as unhinged as my friend, but he is painfully draining because he needs to know everything about everyone. He has zero boundaries—he doesn't know how to sit still, and he clearly doesn't know how to behave in public. When we run into him, he doesn't know when to leave or when enough is enough. That's exactly why we steer clear. Is there a permanent way to deal with these special cases? And the worst part? It's not even some random teenager; we're talking about a grown man in his 20s.

You're doing it too, though... you could have just shut him down. With people like that, you really have to tell them exactly what you're thinking to your face. I guess it's not anyone's fault if you don't know how to set boundaries, and then you end up blaming others for being socially awkward. Maybe your own social skills aren't exactly perfect either.

Perhaps we shouldn't be so quick to mock people like that; if anything, I suppose we might even be inadvertently encouraging their behavior. People often engage in such mockery without ever realizing that they themselves have played some part, however small, in shaping that person's actions.
I say this because, unfortunately, I found myself in a similar position for a while—not quite as extreme, perhaps, but... well, I hit my thirties and suddenly found myself completely isolated. Everything just fell apart. I didn't have a partner, and the loneliness became overwhelming. During that period, before I could truly find my footing and work through things on my own, all I really wanted was someone to talk to, someone to grab a coffee with, or just someone to tell about how my day had gone (in my case, that was my sister). I was truly on the edge; I simply didn't know how to exist within my own company.
Once I began to pick up on the nonverbal cues—realizing that my presence was no longer something she particularly enjoyed—I slowly started to withdraw. Nowadays, I almost never reach out first. If she initiates contact, fine; if she doesn't... well, that's just how it is.

But... looking back at that critical period of profound isolation, I realize now that other people are often just as much to blame for the whole situation. They won't tell you clearly or in a timely manner that you're bothering them, or that they aren't interested in socializing with you. Instead, they’ll agree to grab coffee, they might even be the ones calling you, only to avoid you later in ways that can be deeply hurtful to a person.
Personally, I find that being entirely alone is far preferable to being in the company of people to whom I don't belong, because there is something inherently humiliating about that dynamic. However, just because I managed to pull myself out of that phase on my own doesn't mean it couldn't have been resolved much faster if someone had simply been honest with me about where things stood.

In this particular situation, I honestly don't understand why you would sit down for coffee with this person in the first place. Believe me, he doesn't understand what's happening; he thinks you are friends, and his reactions are likely driven by a sense of loneliness and a simple desire for companionship. Please, don't lead him on by sitting for coffee only to resort to such childishly evasive maneuvers later. Just have a conversation. Tell him, in a kind and decent way, that you won't be hanging out anymore because you aren't a good match. Given enough time, he will accept it. Anything is better than this cycle of pretending to socialize and then running away... either spend time with him or leave him be entirely. This current approach is far worse, both for him and for yourselves.