Dealing with difficult people?

I’m with Brenda Cooper3 on this one—most people just get annoyed by those "idiots" running up to them

I could never bring myself to be rude to someone like that

Wouldn't it be better to just explain that you can't just barge in? If they're really that obsessed with me, I wouldn't mind grabbing a coffee sometime in a month or so. Is it really that hard to make a little time if someone is genuinely interested?

Exactly. No matter how annoying someone might be, there’s really no need to go out of your way to humiliate them. I’ve always had a strong distaste for people who feel the need to kick those they perceive as "weaker" than themselves. Personally, I’ve always preferred taking on the "heavyweights"—you know, the ones who make a habit of mocking others. When it comes to people like that, I haven't been known to show much mercy, haha.

Lisa Baker6 said:I’m with Brenda Cooper3 on this one—most people just get annoyed by those "idiots" running up to them

I could never bring myself to be rude to someone like that

Wouldn't it be better to just explain that you can't just barge in? If they're really that obsessed with me, I wouldn't mind grabbing a coffee sometime in a month or so. Is it really that hard to make a little time if someone is genuinely interested?

Just to be clear, she was the first one to reach that conclusion; I simply found myself in agreement with her. 😁

Ever since I had my kids, those annoying types don't stand a chance against me... "Go Daddy, you got this!" (thanks, kiddo) 😉

Brenda Cooper3 said:What gives it away?
Is it their eyes? The way they phrase things?
Specifically, what is it?

As someone once put it, you're rejecting anyone who isn't an absolute carbon copy of the rest of the population.
Good grief, if you want a war of clones, why not just have everyone wear the same clothes, get the same haircuts, and follow a manual on "proper" behavior?
Give me a break... 🙏

Yeah, well, I'm one of those people who smells a bit off... my eyes wander when I talk and I'm terrible at small talk. I'm not "normal," alright?

At least I don't obsess over the Hollywood red carpet. I'm still doing okay on that front. 🤣

It feels like it’s been totally automated—it’s trying way too hard, and honestly, it's just kind of creepy...
I don't know, I guess I just have this intuition—I can actually feel when I'm becoming a bit much for someone—and my immediate reaction is to just step back and give them space. It’s easier that way, I suppose. On the other hand, you see people who just keep pushing and forcing things past any reasonable limit, and honestly, I can't tell if they're doing it on purpose or if there's some deeper social issue going on... maybe they just lack self-awareness? Either way, I'd much rather be seen as quiet or even a little antisocial than deal with being perceived as pushy or difficult.
I wouldn't say I'm one of those people who gets an ego boost when someone tries to assert dominance over me—it’s not really my thing—but I guess it just feels a bit intrusive sometimes? It can be a little uncomfortable, if that makes sense... maybe just a bit awkward for me personally.

My run-in with a total pest:

Calls at 7 AM, asking about coursework, study guides, even stuff about breaks and snacks... he keeps going until he finally gets his point, then reformulates everything. Honestly, he ended up using me for other favors too, so I just sat there and let him ramble for half an hour...

Second case: I couldn't make it somewhere, and this girl asks me why I didn't show up. I just tell her I couldn't make it—truth is, I wasn't feeling it and I really don't care—but she starts grilling me, like "Why? What happened?"...☕

Third case: worried classmates hitting me up with questions like, "How do you think you're actually gonna graduate?"☕ My plan? Just write the thesis and call it a day. Boom, graduated. 😁

People have just become exhausting lately. It's always some competition, who’s gonna finish first, who’s better at what, etc. But whatever, I usually just outrun them all...

Dana Morales64 said:If I analyze this situation, apparently I'm the villain and he's the victim.🙄 But it’s not going to happen that way—I am not going to let myself feel guilty over this. Even if you have a point in some places, it is what it is. And let's be clear: I am not the kind of person who wastes time justifying myself to anyone. It's just not worth it. There are very few people I actually make an effort for—truly rare ones—and those are my idols, the people I consider better than myself and learn from. I have a high opinion of myself and, frankly, I think 90% of people aren't even worth my time. I know, I sound conceited, but at least I'm being honest. Maybe to some people, I'm just a bad person.

It is what it is? Hmm. Well, fine. At the end of the day, I suppose your stance is fair in the sense that you make it very clear to people quite quickly whether they even have a chance at being your friend. I assume you're the same way with women who approach you? There is something I actually like about that—within reason, obviously—because it keeps things straightforward, without all the dragging things out or playing games. Assuming, of course, that's actually how it works. But the question lies in your method. See, the issue isn't what you ultimately decide to do (like letting someone know you aren't interested in socializing and cutting contact), but rather *how* you go about doing it—whether it's handled with grace, elegance, and dignity, or if it's just... low. It leads to this somewhat funny irony where you, someone who strives for excellence in everything, don't actually offer any excellence in this. And that whole bit about only caring about 10% of people while the other 90% is trash—well, we all find that about 10% of our surroundings interesting, and the other 90% falls away because they just didn't catch our attention. But if you truly treated that 90% the way you treated this guy, you'd probably be considered socially questionable or potentially aggressive—just poorly adjusted, I guess. So, I still suspect you just enjoy making these bold claims and waiting for the fallout from a safe distance—like right here on this thread. You hit "Post Reply" or "New Topic" and then, well, who cares? But that shouldn't really be how it works. And if it gets even more ridiculous, it turns out you didn't actually know how to handle yourself with a pushy individual, you just reacted however you felt in the moment. Meanwhile, the consensus here was that *he* was the one who didn't know how to behave... (though that doesn't mean the guy wasn't actually annoying in his own right, or acting that way toward you and your friend for some reason).

I guess I'd be curious to see how you'd react if someone on this forum sent you a casual DM because they liked your posts and wanted to chat, or if a regular girl approached you somewhere out in the world? Just a normal girl, mind you, but someone who doesn't immediately start showering you with praise for your genius.

Lisa Hernandez3 said:It is what it is? Hmm. Well, fine. At the end of the day, I suppose your stance is fair in the sense that you make it very clear to people quite quickly whether they even have a chance at being your friend. I assume you're the same way with women who approach you? There is something I actually like about that—within reason, obviously—because it keeps things straightforward, without all the dragging things out or playing games. Assuming, of course, that's actually how it works. But the question lies in your method. See, the issue isn't what you ultimately decide to do (like letting someone know you aren't interested in socializing and cutting contact), but rather *how* you go about doing it—whether it's handled with grace, elegance, and dignity, or if it's just... low. It leads to this somewhat funny irony where you, someone who strives for excellence in everything, don't actually offer any excellence in this. And that whole bit about only caring about 10% of people while the other 90% is trash—well, we all find that about 10% of our surroundings interesting, and the other 90% falls away because they just didn't catch our attention. But if you truly treated that 90% the way you treated this guy, you'd probably be considered socially questionable or potentially aggressive—just poorly adjusted, I guess. So, I still suspect you just enjoy making these bold claims and waiting for the fallout from a safe distance—like right here on this thread. You hit "Post Reply" or "New Topic" and then, well, who cares? But that shouldn't really be how it works. And if it gets even more ridiculous, it turns out you didn't actually know how to handle yourself with a pushy individual, you just reacted however you felt in the moment. Meanwhile, the consensus here was that *he* was the one who didn't know how to behave... (though that doesn't mean the guy wasn't actually annoying in his own right, or acting that way toward you and your friend for some reason).

I guess I'd be curious to see how you'd react if someone on this forum sent you a casual DM because they liked your posts and wanted to chat, or if a regular girl approached you somewhere out in the world? Just a normal girl, mind you, but someone who doesn't immediately start showering you with praise for your genius.

First off, I’ve had a few people reach out via DM lately—asking for advice, looking for tips, or just wanting to chat. I’ve reached back out to some of them too. There’s no issue there; honestly, I enjoy meeting new people. If you’ve read my posts, you might have walked away thinking I’m some arrogant, self-important jerk—but that isn't the case. Maybe I come across as a bit detached at times? Sure. I value my solitude, but I also genuinely enjoy being social. As for that 90/10 ratio I mentioned earlier—it wasn't meant to be some grand statement about humanity. I was strictly talking about the people in my immediate circle.
Regarding the girls who were hitting on me—I turned a few of them down right off the bat because they just weren't my type. I was blunt about it; basically told them they didn't stand a chance with me. Honestly, I’ve been on the receiving end of rejection plenty of times myself, so I don't see why it's such a big deal. Why should it be any different now?
The thing is, I need my downtime—period. Even if it’s just an hour a day to myself—and honestly, people who try to barge in on that really get under my skin. It feels like a direct violation of my personal space. As for whether someone is a genius or not, I don't go around judging people right out of the gate. Whether I think someone is sharper or a bit slower than me, I'm never going to mock them for it. That's just not how I operate. What I actually care about—and what I truly can't stand—is superficiality. That has nothing to do with intelligence, though. Why would I ever make fun of someone just because they might not know as much as I do? If they're a decent person, there's no issue. But if they're shallow? Then I'm done. I have zero tolerance for superficiality. Sure, we can hang out while things are easy and everything is fine, but the second real problems roll around, I'm out. I don't do "fair-weather" connections.
Look, the person who prompted me to start this thread isn't exactly a bad individual—not by any stretch of the imagination—but they’re just incredibly grating. They simply aren't my cup of tea, which means there's zero chance of them ever being a friend of mine. I have no interest in hanging out with people who make me feel like I’m constantly under interrogation; why would I want that? I prefer people where everything feels easy, relaxed, and spontaneous. I’ve never been the type to force a connection or chase people down just to feel included—honestly, not a chance. If I get the vibe that I’m not truly welcome, I just step back. When I meet new people, I try to let things develop naturally, without any underlying sense of obligation. That’s the only way a real friendship actually forms. Being pushy or trying too hard? It always backfires.

anyone else feeling me on this

Dana Morales64 said:First off, I’ve had a few people reach out via DM lately—asking for advice, looking for tips, or just wanting to chat. I’ve reached back out to some of them too. There’s no issue there; honestly, I enjoy meeting new people. If you’ve read my posts, you might have walked away thinking I’m some arrogant, self-important jerk—but that isn't the case. Maybe I come across as a bit detached at times? Sure. I value my solitude, but I also genuinely enjoy being social. As for that 90/10 ratio I mentioned earlier—it wasn't meant to be some grand statement about humanity. I was strictly talking about the people in my immediate circle.
Regarding the girls who were hitting on me—I turned a few of them down right off the bat because they just weren't my type. I was blunt about it; basically told them they didn't stand a chance with me. Honestly, I’ve been on the receiving end of rejection plenty of times myself, so I don't see why it's such a big deal. Why should it be any different now?
The thing is, I need my downtime—period. Even if it’s just an hour a day to myself—and honestly, people who try to barge in on that really get under my skin. It feels like a direct violation of my personal space. As for whether someone is a genius or not, I don't go around judging people right out of the gate. Whether I think someone is sharper or a bit slower than me, I'm never going to mock them for it. That's just not how I operate. What I actually care about—and what I truly can't stand—is superficiality. That has nothing to do with intelligence, though. Why would I ever make fun of someone just because they might not know as much as I do? If they're a decent person, there's no issue. But if they're shallow? Then I'm done. I have zero tolerance for superficiality. Sure, we can hang out while things are easy and everything is fine, but the second real problems roll around, I'm out. I don't do "fair-weather" connections.
Look, the person who prompted me to start this thread isn't exactly a bad individual—not by any stretch of the imagination—but they’re just incredibly grating. They simply aren't my cup of tea, which means there's zero chance of them ever being a friend of mine. I have no interest in hanging out with people who make me feel like I’m constantly under interrogation; why would I want that? I prefer people where everything feels easy, relaxed, and spontaneous. I’ve never been the type to force a connection or chase people down just to feel included—honestly, not a chance. If I get the vibe that I’m not truly welcome, I just step back. When I meet new people, I try to let things develop naturally, without any underlying sense of obligation. That’s the only way a real friendship actually forms. Being pushy or trying too hard? It always backfires.

Well, look at that—you've described yourself a bit more sympathetically now, actually. Although, I doubt there are enough people that persistent to bother you every single day or threaten your personal freedom. Probably not. And I suspect the guy was lonely, as others on this thread suggested; he clearly wanted to socialize with you all. But why did he go so far as to chase after you while you were out cycling, and why did you all wait until he was exhausted before finally shaking him off 😬? I'm not sure. He goes a bit too far in humiliating himself, and maybe you guys weren't clear enough with your answers before you hopped on your bikes, or perhaps you just enjoy a little bit of teasing, or something else entirely. In principle, I agree that you can't force anything—you shouldn't chase people (literally or figuratively), nor should you let people walk all over you. On the other hand, it's probably not great to be arrogant either, and maybe it's worth reflecting on why someone might view you as a "bad" or "stuck-up" person (if that's indeed the case). For instance, you mentioned that superficiality bothers you—but maybe you'll pass up a beautiful girl because she seems superficial at first glance, when she might actually just be nervous or insecure. It might be similar with the guy in your story. Even if, based on your description, he's the type who lacks self-respect, I might still tolerate him for a quick coffee if he isn't rude to me. I know a guy who fits your description perfectly—he invites everyone out for coffee, acts all touchy-feely with everyone, is a bit of a closeted gay man, but essentially he's just a gossip and a troublemaker. I went to grab coffee with him once, and afterward, he kept trying to corner me for more meetings every time we crossed paths. We exchanged numbers (mostly because he pressured me into it) and he'd reach out about various "business opportunities." I tolerated him and stayed polite, but I never initiated anything, and honestly, I prayed he wouldn't contact me. Well, he eventually moved on and found other people, I guess. Again, in these social interactions, sometimes people don't mean harm—in his case, I think his nature is just inherently dishonest and gossipy—they just make poor decisions or approach situations the wrong way. Sometimes we might misjudge someone entirely because of hearsay, because we relied on surface-level traits, or because we were perhaps a bit haughty ourselves—and later realize we were just too lazy to think more deeply. Still, regardless of those possibilities, I personally prefer to trust my intuition and decide quickly if someone is worth my time, but I wouldn't want people to think I view myself as superior to them right from the start. That's what bothered me about your earlier post.

That’s all I have to say—and please excuse the length of this post. I suppose I'm just rambling because I can't quite seem to organize my thoughts properly. Good luck to all of us, both in how we deal with others and how we handle ourselves. 😁

Look, I’m just gonna ask you one more time: when exactly did you tell this guy you weren't interested in grabbing coffee or hanging out?
No matter how I spin it, or how many times I re-read your opening post, I just don't see this dude as some kind of villain.
He was just asking questions—stuff friends are allowed to ask. He was poking his nose into things where he had a right to, provided you actually considered him a friend. And here I go again with the same question: since you never once told him you don't view him that way... instead, you basically despise him and then start threads about him using those rolling eye emojis in parts of the text where you think you're being especially "cool" (that bit about the bike is just overkill, honestly, it says way more about you than it does about him).

Are there annoying people? Hell yeah, there are. We've all dealt with them. I've got a perfect example from work: a coworker walks into my office while I'm absolutely drowning in tasks, trying to figure out how the hell I'm going to hit my deadline, and she just sits down and starts rambling about how she burnt her lunch. So, I TELL her, "Man, I'm in a total bind, I have to finish this in fifteen minutes because my boss is breathing down my neck for this report, I'm slammed." And she goes, "Oh, I wouldn't want to bother you, but about that lunch..." and then she just stands there talking for fifteen straight minutes while I fail to get my work done. Then, she finally glances at her watch and goes, "Oops, I have a conference call, gotta run!"
But I don't find any of that funny. Personally, I'd call that behavior downright rude rather than just "annoying."

Dana Morales64 said:Do you have any specific types of exhausting, socially oblivious people that you go out of your way to avoid? Here’s an example from today—I’m grabbing coffee with a buddy, and this incredibly annoying guy just wanders over and sits right down with us. We finish our drinks and head off in our own direction, but the second we stand up, he starts interrogating us about where we're going. I tell him I'm heading home, so he follows up with "Oh yeah? Why?" Then, "What are you doing at home?" Then, "Doing what kind of work?" 🙄 And then comes the best part—as soon as we get to our bikes, he actually starts pedaling after us 🤣 He chases us for maybe a couple hundred yards before he finally gives up because he ran out of steam. To top it all off, he tried calling my cell afterward—of course, I didn't pick up.
This is just one instance of the absolute weirdos roaming this planet. What is actually wrong with people like this? Are they even sane? How low can someone sink to act like that? I mean, look, we've known this guy for a while; he isn't quite as unhinged as my friend, but he is painfully draining because he needs to know everything about everyone. He has zero boundaries—he doesn't know how to sit still, and he clearly doesn't know how to behave in public. When we run into him, he doesn't know when to leave or when enough is enough. That's exactly why we steer clear. Is there a permanent way to deal with these special cases? And the worst part? It's not even some random teenager; we're talking about a grown man in his 20s.

🤣🤣🤣
The funniest part... hahaha, absolutely gold. 🤣

The second I visualize the ending, I'm done... 😂😂😂

Honestly, I kinda feel bad for the guy. He’s just pathetic, constantly forcing this idea of "community" on people who are clearly trying to avoid him.

I know a few people like that... man... what can I say? They're exhausting. But hey, they aren't even the worst kind of people out there. There are much worse groups than that... but that's a whole different story.

and honestly, just imagine the chaos if you actually managed to get four or five people like that in the same room at once🤣

I find myself in agreement with the sentiments expressed by keks.
The core of the issue, I suppose, is quite elementary: one simply cannot claim to be social with individuals whom they subsequently describe as exhausting, gossip about, mock, or actively avoid...
The solution seems rather straightforward, if one is willing to face it—just don't associate with such people. It would likely be for the best for them as well, as they would no longer be subjected to embarrassment and might finally grasp the reality of their situation. I suspect the young man in this particular scenario believes you all consider yourselves his friends, largely because no one ever bothered to communicate your true feelings with any degree of clarity, which I imagine was a significant oversight.
Unless, of course, there is some sort of perverse satisfaction to be found in avoiding him... in which case, we are dealing with an entirely different and rather grim matter. I am merely suggesting that if his presence is truly bothersome, the remedy is simple: help him out by being direct and making it clear that he is no longer welcome in your circle.

So I’ve got this friend who is a total narcissist—she genuinely thinks everyone in her orbit revolves entirely around her, when in reality, we’re all just busy dealing with our own lives 🤣. Look, obviously everyone is wrapped up in their own drama, but I try not to dump it all on people. I say what’s on my mind, move on, and then ask about you or someone else—that’s how a normal conversation works, right?
But with her, it’s an absolute nightmare. She drags every single person in the group into her trivial little dilemmas that aren't even worth worrying about. When she moved into her new apartment, we were forced to hear every single granular detail—the floor tiles, the wall paint, the chairs, the TV, everything. We know every tiny play-by-play of her job too (it's always some long-winded story like, "so I told him this, and he adjusted his glasses, and gave me this look, and then I said..." — seriously? who cares? just get to the point and shut up 😠). Now there's this wedding coming up and I finally hit my limit. I've tried dropping subtle hints that I don't care about the minutiae, but she either doesn't get it or she gets it and just can't help herself. It feels like she does it just to hunt for validation from everyone around her—like she needs us to constantly go, "Oh wow, you're so smart," or "You're so resourceful." She has this pathological need to prove herself to everyone. Her ego is so massive it’s actually nauseating.
We aren't talking right now. We didn't have some big blowout fight, I just distanced myself so much that she's actually blaming me for it. It sucks because she’s actually a good person deep down and has real qualities—she's the kind of person you'd call a true friend—but the mental tax of dealing with her is just too high.
Anyway, that's my definition of an exhausting person.

Dana Morales64 said:Do you have any specific types of exhausting, socially oblivious people that you go out of your way to avoid? Here’s an example from today—I’m grabbing coffee with a buddy, and this incredibly annoying guy just wanders over and sits right down with us. We finish our drinks and head off in our own direction, but the second we stand up, he starts interrogating us about where we're going. I tell him I'm heading home, so he follows up with "Oh yeah? Why?" Then, "What are you doing at home?" Then, "Doing what kind of work?" 🙄 And then comes the best part—as soon as we get to our bikes, he actually starts pedaling after us 🤣 He chases us for maybe a couple hundred yards before he finally gives up because he ran out of steam. To top it all off, he tried calling my cell afterward—of course, I didn't pick up.
This is just one instance of the absolute weirdos roaming this planet. What is actually wrong with people like this? Are they even sane? How low can someone sink to act like that? I mean, look, we've known this guy for a while; he isn't quite as unhinged as my friend, but he is painfully draining because he needs to know everything about everyone. He has zero boundaries—he doesn't know how to sit still, and he clearly doesn't know how to behave in public. When we run into him, he doesn't know when to leave or when enough is enough. That's exactly why we steer clear. Is there a permanent way to deal with these special cases? And the worst part? It's not even some random teenager; we're talking about a grown man in his 20s.

God, I am dying here. 😂🤣😂🤣😂

I have one of those "friends" myself, but she’s genuinely unstable. I can't bring myself to be harsh with her; I actually feel bad. 🤷
But when it comes to the "normal" ones who act like total nuisances? I don't feel a shred of remorse about cutting them loose. ☕

I happen to be one of those individuals who finds it quite difficult to let people get too close, primarily because I have this deep-seated fear of
becoming an imposition on others. Based on my past experiences socializing with certain types of people
who simply weren't a good fit for me, I would consistently walk away feeling terrible—not because I was being unkind, but because I wasn't being honest, neither with myself
nor with them. In an earnest attempt to give someone a fair shake even if I felt they were just "okay," I often found myself
entangled in social dynamics or relationships that quickly turned into an exhausting chore. Once
those connections inevitably dissolved, I would spiral into a period of regret and intense guilt, worrying about having bruised
that person's feelings. Because of that heavy emotional baggage from failed friendships,
I am now incredibly selective about who I invite into my inner circle. I realize that by being this guarded, I may have inadvertently overlooked
some truly wonderful people who didn't immediately resonate with me, but that is simply because I’ve been burned before and I know
just how complicated these things can become. It turns out you sometimes give someone a chance only for them to eventually become
an absolute drain on your energy. I believe there really should be a middle ground when dealing with strangers,
where one takes their time getting to know them.
In my case, nobody ever felt burdensome right off the bat; rather, it was always after spending a significant amount of time with them. And honestly, isn't it true that we all end up being a bit much for someone at some point? Even to our best friends, a partner, or even our parents, if we're being totally candid 😁 And conversely, we've all had moments where someone else felt like a burden to us... 😉

I have a friend just like that, and I've learned the hard way that if you give people like them even one or two small concessions—maybe buying them a coffee, a beer, or covering a night out—you'll never be able to shake them off for the rest of your life. I guess you just learn from your mistakes, 🙂

I mean, if you're planning on marrying them for life, why not just go ahead and commit? 😲
😁

Lately, the only ones I find truly exhausting are those people calling with all those random telemarketing sales pitches.

Honestly, my coworkers are such a massive headache. I can’t even finish a quick read of the news or grab a bite to eat without them breathing down my neck with some mindless question. It drives me nuts, but I guess I just have to deal with it since finding a new gig isn't exactly looking likely right now. In my case, I'm working with a bunch of expats, so we don't really have much in common anyway.