Grading Freshmen

Lawrence Torres56 said:So seriously, stop taking everything you read online to heart and just wait until your little one actually starts school, then you'll see firsthand that it's really not that big of a deal 😁 ...you're stressing out for no reason and just building up this huge mental image in your head that has absolutely nothing to do with reality...
The whole homework situation when they start school isn't even more intense or difficult than what you're already doing with them now...
While they're busy scribbling through their assignments, you can easily whip up lunch, fold laundry, and all that... once they're done, glancing over their work isn't any harder than looking at a drawing your kid made for you today....and as for studying, you can totally turn that into a game while you're getting other things done; there isn't an overwhelming amount of material and it's not nearly as scary as it sounds, plus most of it is stuff your kid probably already knows, you might just need to frame it a slightly different way so they grasp it, you know... like... asking them what they did outside today, or talking about personal hygiene... like, what do we need to do to stay clean and tidy? Just let them tell you, and if they miss something, fill in the gaps... plenty of them struggle with breaking words down into syllables....if you ask them to do it, they act like they've never heard of it, but if you have them sing the word, they can do it perfectly....is it really that hard? Just tell them to sing it the same way... see? Problem solved....as for addition and subtraction, just tell them to imagine they're counting pieces of candy or dollars, and don't sweat it, they'll pick it up faster than you think....and reading assignments, how do you get them interested? I don't know, maybe when they want a cookie, some pancakes, or whatever, say, "Okay... I'll make that for you, but while I'm working, you read this book to me..." and trust me, they will read...

There are tons of tricks to get them motivated to learn and how to help them, anyway, most of them actually *want* to do it, especially in first grade... they all love it when they know something and get a little shout-out from their teacher...
Plus, from the very beginning, you're building those habits and encouraging them to learn, which is going to benefit both you and them down the road....
The key is just staying consistent, like spending a little time every day after school reviewing what they learned that day... and honestly, you'll never have a problem...

And, frankly, speaking as a parent (not that anyone take this the wrong way), I really don't get how first grade and studying is such a struggle for some parents...
I mean, since the moment they were born, we've been dedicated to them... if we had enough time to feed them every four hours and spend that much time changing diapers, how can we suddenly claim we don't have time for learning now? We taught these kids how to talk, walk, and wash their hands... all of that took time and we found it....now, all of a sudden, we just don't have it?😲

I think this is a pretty solid breakdown of how to handle homeschooling or helping with homework. That said, I suspect feralgardener33's whole philosophy on learning is worlds apart from what's described here. That's likely why she gets so defensive the moment anyone mentions "studying" with a child 😁. Half the time, you don't even need to sit down next to them to let them practice a skill or to get a sense of what they actually grasp (and how they process information). I truly hope Summernight ends up with a kid who breezes through everything and never needs a hand with homework—because those kids exist, even if they're rarer than parents would like 😁—but personally, I know my little one is going to need some guidance once school starts.
It's not about chasing straight A's; it's just that even now, before she's even hit the big school years, I can see certain gaps in her foundation that might make things tougher later on. We'll have to put in the work together until she finds her footing.

rowdypanther12 said:So, I get what you're saying. I'm also convinced that all of this is doable and that the curriculum isn't even harder than when we were kids—if anything, it's easier—so comments like this just really throw me off.
Since you're a teacher, could you please explain something to me?
I still have some time before school starts, but I'm a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to preparation.😂
When did it become "normal" to EXPECT parents to do the schoolwork alongside their kids? I was just talking to my neighbor about this; there are parents who push their kids to get straight A's and everything, yet the teachers themselves assign homework that basically assumes parents are going to step in and help!
Since when, and why?!
Isn't it reasonable to expect a 7-year-old girl who is mature and responsible to be able to handle her own school responsibilities?

Look, you won't always be tutoring your kid. But they're assigning more and more these research projects—like tracking nature cycles (a nature calendar), which means you'll have to remind her on specific dates to actually do/write/draw it. You'll have to check if she packed everything for tomorrow—teaching her how to follow a schedule, checking the school app every single day to see if there's an update from the teacher. Checking her homework after she writes it. Listening to her read, probably erasing things for her, telling her to write neater or fix mistakes. Math is a subject that requires constant practice; average kids need at least 10-15 extra problems based on what they're doing in class just to get it down to automaticity (I'm talking addition/subtraction up to 20 and multiplication/division tables—that needs to be muscle memory).
That’s the daily reality for parents of kids with good or even average abilities (90% of them) who expect their child to be an honors student. Sure, you might get lucky and end up with a 😁 prodigy who does everything independently (I haven't heard of one yet).

If you have a kid with average abilities and you don't put in any extra work at home, the result is going to be average. It’s basic math. They’ll be a decent student, mostly pulling Cs.
That’s perfectly fine if the kid is happy with it—and I’m talking about the KID here, because I haven’t met a single parent who actually is 😛. It’s pathetic, really. Parents force their kids into things they aren't built for, and in the end, all you get is a miserable child and an angry parent 😢... for what?
Just so you can brag to the neighbors or family about having a straight-A student? Let's be real, that's all anyone cares about these days ☕. Then, once that kid hits their ceiling and no amount of daily grinding can push them any further, suddenly it's the school's fault, or the teachers, or the damn kids themselves 🙂

feralgardener33 said:Now you've gone and twisted half of what I said, but whatever, it doesn't matter. You don't know me, you don't know my kid, and you don't know how I parent, so you're forgiven. 😁 Look, I'm not attacking you, nor am I saying teachers are to blame. I jumped into this debate (even though I don't have kids in school yet and have zero clue what the day-to-day looks like) simply because all I hear from the parents around me is constant complaining about their kids' schooling. It made me think everyone was probably exaggerating (though, really, can everyone be exaggerating at once?). I'm holding onto hope that they *are* exaggerating and it won't actually turn out that bad.
As a parent, I make sure we go to the theater, museums, and field trips; we're regulars at the local library and all that. I'd like to actually have the time for those things once school starts. It's not that I don't want to help my child—which is what you keep insisting—but I do feel like they should be able to handle most things on their own (with just a little guidance). Based on the teacher posts here, it sounds like it's either unrealistic or not even worth expecting an average student to master the material independently. (Maybe I'm being subjective since I was one of those straight-A students who thought everything was easy—it's a philosophy, I guess: learn the stuff, get the A).
And no, I don't think my kid is some genius, nor do I think they're always right. I'm not one of *those* parents.

The post you quoted wasn't even about you. I was talking to summernight... I already gave you my answer in a different thread.

Karen Richardson3 said:So, you're telling me that out of all the tools a parent has—from hiking through the woods to hitting up a science museum, from watching smart documentaries to browsing encyclopedias at the local library or checking out cool educational websites—none of that actually matters during the preschool years?

If that's the case, what exactly are parents teaching their kids these days? Is it just which seasonal sales are happening or what the newest iPhone model is?

I honestly don't get it.

Actually, I do get it, but it's probably too rude to say it out loud.

How many parents can actually afford to take their child to the theater, a museum, or the zoo on a regular basis? Even if those things are at the top of their priority list. Of course, there are also those who simply don't prioritize it, so they don't go, even if they have the cash. Sure, we like to maintain this polite little illusion that all parents are signed up for library cards, frequenting museums, borrowing encyclopedias, and going on nature hikes... but that isn't the reality for most modern parents. You have a mountain of nine-year-olds with smartphones and tablets, yet they haven't set foot in the National Science Foundation museum. A handful might know their way around Manhattan, but everyone knows where the Mall of America is 😁.

And then we act surprised when kids don't even recognize terms like street, road, lane, or sidewalk until they hit first grade. Times have changed.

By summer, first grade feels like this massive life pivot for them. In June, they’re still basically in preschool, just playing around and singing songs. Then suddenly, by September, they have to grow up overnight. They're expected to sit at desks, stay quiet, and actually listen to the teacher.

At our local elementary school, the first graders are out on the big playground during recess with all the older kids—which is something I’d honestly ban. It's such a huge jump for them because they’re still little. Just a few months ago, they had daycare teachers watching their every move, so they aren't used to being thrown into a crowd like that without constant supervision. It leaves them feeling a bit overwhelmed or even intimidated. While they're trying to adjust to that, the schoolwork starts piling up too. I stepped in to help my daughter quite a bit during her first year.
If she hit a tough math problem, I never used phrases like, "Okay, you need to add these two numbers and then subtract that one."
Instead, I'd say, "You guys already did this in class and it wasn't hard, you know how to do it... just read it again." Then I'd just wait by her side while she worked through it until she figured it out herself. As time went on, she got way more independent. By the second half of second grade, I'd check her homework, and if there was a mistake, I’d just make a note of it so she could fix it herself. Before a big test, I'll give her some practice problems or a mock quiz to see how she's doing. She studies (I don't get those people who claim kids in grades K-4 shouldn't have to study and should just absorb everything in class). Sure, they pick up a lot during school hours, but they really need to review at home, especially for science. Once she thinks she knows it, she comes to me, and I'll tell her if she's ready or if she needs to keep going.

I suppose I should probably address Miss Daisy, though I can’t quite say what to expect from her input on this particular matter... It feels like we’re all just circling the same drain, waiting for someone to make sense of the chaos, yet here we are, still drifting without much direction... It’s almost funny, in a weary sort of way, how we keep searching for clarity in all the wrong places... kaže:
...
Let’s just be honest about what’s actually happening here: everyone is absolutely convinced their kid is some kind of once-in-a-generation genius who inherently deserves a perfect score, but the reality of the classroom is always much more grounded... you end up with a handful of high achievers, a few kids who struggle to stay on track, and then the vast majority sitting right in that middle ground...

...

I find myself nodding along with this sentiment... I honestly can't wrap my head around how we reached a point where it’s become perfectly acceptable for something like 95% of elementary school classes to just breeze through those first four grades with a C average... It feels like we've completely lost our way regarding academic standards...
So, where exactly did the average and Gauss go...? 🤷

I suppose I should mention that I’ve been following the discussions regarding Miss Daisy lately... though, looking back at everything being said, one can't help but feel a certain sense of déjà vu. It seems like we keep circling the same arguments without ever truly landing on anything substantial, much like those endless debates you see over at the Mall of America during the holiday rush... just a lot of noise and very little progress. Still, there is something to be said for the persistence of these viewpoints, even if they feel a bit tired after a while... I noticed that...
It’s not that simple, really... a bright kid will breeze through the elementary school curriculum without breaking a sweat, whereas if you have a parent who isn't quite as sharp, they're going to find themselves doing a whole lot more heavy lifting at home...

...

I’m signing on to this again... I honestly have this nagging feeling that the real issue here lies with the parents. You have all these folks who, let's be honest, have children who are perfectly average, yet they seem completely unable to stomach those mediocre grades. It turns into this endless, daily cycle of nagging about studying and constant pressure to perform, which just creates such a heavy atmosphere for everyone involved...

I have no idea what the future holds, but I suspect my level of involvement once my little one starts school will probably hover somewhere around that intensity Adam Evans62 describes...

Regarding those "out of left field" questions they throw at kids... I remember back in my day, it was incredibly rare—maybe once or twice a year at most—that a teacher would suddenly drop some curveball question that had never been mentioned in class or that nobody could possibly have an answer to. And honestly, it didn't matter to anyone. No one ever got a failing grade because of them; in the absolute worst-case scenario—if you want to call it drama, though I don't—maybe someone might see a slightly lower mark on that specific assignment, but the teacher was more like a friend than a drill sergeant... 😬She definitely knew why it was happening, and honestly, that was fine. But I remember clearly how there would be these little waves of parental rebellion here and there over things they found incredibly bizarre—especially when it came to the whole "getting stuck" situation and stuff like that. Yet, all of us (including the kids whose parents were making such a scene) were perfectly aware that we had already covered the topic in class or had it assigned as homework... so I’d just end up providing the right answer on my exams. It wasn't exactly a one-dimensional situation...
It would be truly ideal if a parent could have—and I mean actually earn—a genuine sense of trust in their teacher, but it feels like we’ve completely lost that mutual ground in this day and age, on both sides of the desk...

Thinking back to how grading worked during our elementary school days... it really was a different world, wasn't it? Everything felt so much more straightforward then, almost deceptively simple... though looking back, I wonder if we actually understood the weight of those marks at the time. It’s funny how much pressure you could feel from a single letter on a report card, even when you were just a kid playing on the playground... 😁 At the end of the school year, we’d receive this descriptive evaluation for completing the grade along with a formal statement saying we had successfully finished the year. But I distinctly remember that throughout the term, we had all sorts of assessments—everything from standardized tests to reciting poetry or even just drawing—for which we were given these quasi-descriptive marks. In my mind, those descriptions were essentially interchangeable with actual grades... something like "excellent," "proficient," or "satisfactory," which mapped directly onto an A, B, or C. I can't quite recall if there was an official bureaucratic link between those descriptions and the numerical grading system, but in my head, they were one and the same, so for all intents and purposes, I always viewed them as my official grades...

Generally speaking, regarding school and those easy, participation-trophy grades... okay, look, I was one of those perennial honor roll students. But looking back, I have this nagging feeling that a lot of my marks were handed out far too easily—and mind you, I wasn't exactly coasting through the easiest classes on campus... I really don't think that's a healthy way to build anyone's self-esteem or sense of worth. When I earned an A because I truly worked for it, I felt a genuine sense of pride, but when it was just handed to me for nothing, it meant absolutely nothing at all. I felt that same way all the way through grad school, too. On the flip side, getting a bad grade actually motivated me to go back and do better next time. So, in terms of actual knowledge and developing a healthy attitude toward responsibilities, I gained so much more from the teachers and professors who gave grades based on merit rather than just handing them out to avoid bruising a student's fragile ego. And I’m talking about my entire academic journey, from elementary school all the way through my PhD... Not to mention how incredibly grateful I am today for the educators who took me seriously and actually taught me something, compared to how angry I used to get with the ones who let me slide, only for me to struggle later on because I hadn't actually mastered the material. As for those who hand out easy grades, regardless of what level they're teaching, I truly believe they aren't doing their jobs properly; it’s just the path of least resistance. That kind of "work ethic" requires so much less effort than actually committing yourself to teaching someone using every tool at your disposal...

Richard Perez3 said:Listen, for the stuff mentioned above, there wasn't some big school system—it was just us.

But where schools actually exist, who the hell am I supposed to be for them?

Plus, if the public school curriculum is designed so that any average kid can pass, yet your average kid is already struggling... I mean, how are they even teaching this "average" curriculum if the average parent has to work a full-time job just so their average kid can get through an average program?

The thing is, at least in my opinion, even a kid who's performing below average wouldn't have such a hard time if someone just took a little extra time to reach them... but when you're looking at a classroom setting where the teacher spends half the period just trying to settle down the troublemakers, isn't it obvious they don't have the luxury of giving every single kid that individual attention? On top of that, you've got kids starting first grade who can barely read a sentence or recognize letters, making it nearly impossible for them to grasp what they've just read—which means they never even realize they actually *do* know the material...

And honestly, I highly doubt any parent of one of those more "energetic" kids would ever agree to having their child pulled out into a separate class filled with nothing but kids like that... plus, does the Department of Education even have the budget to take a fourth-grade class of 25 students and split it into ten different small groups of 10? Not a chance.

So, who the hell are you going to turn to?... because let's be real, nobody cares more about whether your kid is happy and feeling successful than you do...😉

Richard Perez3 said:Listen, for the stuff mentioned above, there wasn't some big school system—it was just us.

But where schools actually exist, who the hell am I supposed to be for them?

Plus, if the public school curriculum is designed so that any average kid can pass, yet your average kid is already struggling... I mean, how are they even teaching this "average" curriculum if the average parent has to work a full-time job just so their average kid can get through an average program?

This attitude is completely useless. ☕
An average kid will have average results—meaning they'll be a decent student and pass the grade with good marks. That's perfectly fine and exactly what you'd expect.
The issue only starts when people expect someone average to be exceptional without putting in any extra effort.🙄

restlessskipper8, I think you’re spot on here! 🙏

Lawrence Torres56 said:The thing is, at least in my opinion, even a kid who's performing below average wouldn't have such a hard time if someone just took a little extra time to reach them... but when you're looking at a classroom setting where the teacher spends half the period just trying to settle down the troublemakers, isn't it obvious they don't have the luxury of giving every single kid that individual attention? On top of that, you've got kids starting first grade who can barely read a sentence or recognize letters, making it nearly impossible for them to grasp what they've just read—which means they never even realize they actually *do* know the material...

And honestly, I highly doubt any parent of one of those more "energetic" kids would ever agree to having their child pulled out into a separate class filled with nothing but kids like that... plus, does the Department of Education even have the budget to take a fourth-grade class of 25 students and split it into ten different small groups of 10? Not a chance.

So, who the hell are you going to turn to?... because let's be real, nobody cares more about whether your kid is happy and feeling successful than you do...😉

Of course they wouldn't agree.
We’ll probably never see anything like that happen, because, well, heaven forbid we actually label a student in such a way! 😲
The parents would probably start a massive uproar, backed by the full support of every school counselor and psychologist in the district.

So, I guess we're just stuck wasting our time, energy, and sanity trying to integrate people who simply aren't going to integrate, no matter what we do.☕

Lawrence Torres56 said:The thing is, at least in my opinion, even a kid who's performing below average wouldn't have such a hard time if someone just took a little extra time to reach them... but when you're looking at a classroom setting where the teacher spends half the period just trying to settle down the troublemakers, isn't it obvious they don't have the luxury of giving every single kid that individual attention? On top of that, you've got kids starting first grade who can barely read a sentence or recognize letters, making it nearly impossible for them to grasp what they've just read—which means they never even realize they actually *do* know the material...

And honestly, I highly doubt any parent of one of those more "energetic" kids would ever agree to having their child pulled out into a separate class filled with nothing but kids like that... plus, does the Department of Education even have the budget to take a fourth-grade class of 25 students and split it into ten different small groups of 10? Not a chance.

So, who the hell are you going to turn to?... because let's be real, nobody cares more about whether your kid is happy and feeling successful than you do...😉

Tanita, your exact words were actually:

it's our mistake as parents, thinking someone else should handle everything regarding school instead of us doing it ourselves...

Someone else should handle EVERYTHING regarding school, rather than us doing it ourselves

I don't get why we even bother with school if I personally have to handle everything about it.

You can't compare learning to walk, washing your hands, or getting dressed to actual schooling.

What's the point of school if a parent has to (to use your words) handle everything about it themselves.

And hey, the fact that the teacher is busy dealing with brats and doesn't have time to explain things one-on-one... sorry, I've got nothing for you there. At my job, nobody does my work for me at home just because I'm too slammed with other tasks.

See the dilemma?

Edit. Okay, fine, I'm totally splitting hairs here over that word "everything" and being extra for no reason (honestly, idk what's gotten into me 😁 lately), so maybe that's not fair of me.

All I mean is, obviously we'll help where we think it's necessary (even though, personally, the absolute worst part of my life was having my dad grill me with math problems every single weekend from 5th to 7th grade and it did zero good for me), but I don't exactly consider myself capable of "teaching" anyone. If I did, I'd be a teacher (like my mom was for 35 long years). But I just don't have the knack for it—I might have the will, but without the skill, I'd probably just cause more damage (my own self-assessment). So, logically, as a parent, helping might mean paying for a tutor or something similar, but me sitting down to teach elementary school curriculum just because the teacher is busy managing unruly kids? Give me a break. 😁

I didn't actually intend for her to handle everything on her own to the point where I wouldn't even know which grade she's in.
If she hits a wall, of course I'll step in and help her try to figure out the solution herself.
But as for correcting her homework... I'm really not sure how she'd feel about that.
Since I've already proven myself wrong more than a few times in my life, I'll just admit I don't know.
For now, my take is that if she gets it wrong, she gets it wrong. It's her lesson to learn.

I wanted to pick the brains of the experts here (since you're all gathered :-) ). What should I make of a kid who nails the heavy lifting but constantly trips up on the simple stuff? Yesterday, I was messaging Klokanica about her work, and she missed four problems. The "meat and potatoes" math was perfect, but she messed up where she had to flip a shape to compare it, count triangles, or count squares. Basically, whenever it required visual recognition, she stumbled. She’s pulling almost straight A's in math and catches on really fast in class. Before any tests, we review together—I don't give her extra practice at home unless there's an upcoming exam—but whatever homework she does, she gets basically 100% right.
On her last assignment—not a test, but still graded—she got a C. Even though her calculations were spot on for the last two problems, she mixed up the terminology for multiplication and division. She actually mastered those concepts practically overnight, but then on the test, she swapped them; she called the division terms the multiplication ones and vice versa. She tells me she just gets confused; she’ll look at one question and accidentally write the answer for another. Honestly, sometimes her grades drive me crazy because I see exactly where she slips up. On the other hand, I'm happy because I know she actually understands the material. She flew through the first three multi-step problems without a single mistake. During the first semester, she got a B on a test. We didn't really prep for that one since topics like length and lines always felt more like a joke to her than serious math, but she still lost points because she forgot to use a dash between two letters representing length, and then used lowercase instead of uppercase somewhere else. The rest of the test was flawless, but those tiny errors dragged her down. At the end of the day, I just care that she knows the material, but it's frustrating when she keeps making these silly little mistakes...

Adam Evans62 said:The post you quoted wasn't even about you. I was talking to summernight... I already gave you my answer in a different thread.

I just happen to agree with everything Summer wrote, so I quoted your reply to her because that’s what I wanted to comment on.
Ultimately, it feels like everything hinges on the teacher. Some are great, some aren't (and since I don't really know what kind of teacher you are, it's hard to say), so depending on that, how much help I need to step in will vary. Of course, the kid plays a role too.
The kind of support Tanita mentioned is fine by me, but anything beyond that is overkill. That's all I was trying to get across.

Summer, if I notice she nailed ten invoices perfectly but messed up the eleventh one, I don't point out the exact error. I just flag the column where things went sideways, and she figures out what happened and fixes it herself. Most of her mistakes happen there, but even if she slips up on those multi-part projects—you know, the ones with all the little sub-tasks—I still don't give her the answer. I just mark the specific task. She has to hunt down the mistake and correct it. It honestly takes her maybe a minute or two tops.

feralgardener33 said:I just happen to agree with everything Summer wrote, so I quoted your reply to her because that’s what I wanted to comment on.
Ultimately, it feels like everything hinges on the teacher. Some are great, some aren't (and since I don't really know what kind of teacher you are, it's hard to say), so depending on that, how much help I need to step in will vary. Of course, the kid plays a role too.
The kind of support Tanita mentioned is fine by me, but anything beyond that is overkill. That's all I was trying to get across.

So, it isn't even remotely true that everything rests solely on the teacher.🙂

Richard Perez3 said:Tanita, your exact words were actually:

it's our mistake as parents, thinking someone else should handle everything regarding school instead of us doing it ourselves...

Someone else should handle EVERYTHING regarding school, rather than us doing it ourselves

I don't get why we even bother with school if I personally have to handle everything about it.

You can't compare learning to walk, washing your hands, or getting dressed to actual schooling.

What's the point of school if a parent has to (to use your words) handle everything about it themselves.

And hey, the fact that the teacher is busy dealing with brats and doesn't have time to explain things one-on-one... sorry, I've got nothing for you there. At my job, nobody does my work for me at home just because I'm too slammed with other tasks.

See the dilemma?

Edit. Okay, fine, I'm totally splitting hairs here over that word "everything" and being extra for no reason (honestly, idk what's gotten into me 😁 lately), so maybe that's not fair of me.

All I mean is, obviously we'll help where we think it's necessary (even though, personally, the absolute worst part of my life was having my dad grill me with math problems every single weekend from 5th to 7th grade and it did zero good for me), but I don't exactly consider myself capable of "teaching" anyone. If I did, I'd be a teacher (like my mom was for 35 long years). But I just don't have the knack for it—I might have the will, but without the skill, I'd probably just cause more damage (my own self-assessment). So, logically, as a parent, helping might mean paying for a tutor or something similar, but me sitting down to teach elementary school curriculum just because the teacher is busy managing unruly kids? Give me a break. 😁

But look, Smart_bitch, as much as this might sound ridiculous to you right now, you’re going to end up doing exactly what the rest of us do—you’re going to focus exclusively on your own kid... and once that kid hits first grade, you'll see for yourself that neither the teacher can do everything, nor is it your job to be the one to explain every little "thing" to your kid...
Honestly, there's just unnecessary drama being stirred up here, especially regarding first grade... and maybe I'm wrong, but I get the impression that certain people (and I don't mean anyone specifically on this forum, please don't take this the wrong way) are just spreading panic because their own kids feel like a burden, so they're looking for an excuse to justify themselves... and believe me, there are just as many parents like that as there are those who bully kids just because they didn't get an A... people who assign homework just so they can head out for coffee earlier...

Studying with kids in first grade really boils down to exactly what I wrote, Yin Yang.... and sorry if that's a problem for some, but what else is there to say besides

it's a mistake we make as parents when we assume someone else should handle everything involving school instead of us doing it ourselves...

Of course, that’s just my personal take, and I'll leave everyone else to draw their own conclusions...

As a parent, personally, I don't care if my kid gets nothing but straight A's, and I don't care about them being labeled any particular way... above average, average, below average—it doesn't matter to me. The only thing I actually care about is that my kid is happy and content, and I want that for all kids, really... just that, and nothing more... and I also think it's our duty as parents to make sure we provide that environment for them... again, I'm just emphasizing that this is my opinion, which others can agree or disagree with...

urbantinker8 said:So, it isn't even remotely true that everything rests solely on the teacher.🙂

Are you kidding me? It's all on the school—on the teacher. All parents have to do is actually show up to the school. That's it. 😵🤦

Richard Perez3 said:Listen, for the stuff mentioned above, there wasn't some big school system—it was just us.

But where schools actually exist, who the hell am I supposed to be for them?

Plus, if the public school curriculum is designed so that any average kid can pass, yet your average kid is already struggling... I mean, how are they even teaching this "average" curriculum if the average parent has to work a full-time job just so their average kid can get through an average program?

Look, like we've already gone over this a million times, they *can* pass, they just end up with mediocre grades.

That’s really what parents get worked up about—if you look at the forums, it’s never about the kid getting an F; it’s about them getting a C or a B. 😱

And then, of course, we have this collective obsession with diagnosing everything as ADHD. Suddenly, every precious little one is just "restless" or a "tiny explorer" (who, let's be real, doesn't actually know the basics of anything 😬), and apparently, sitting down to read or study is just too boring for them, so we all have to just accept it. It’s not a lack of discipline or a parenting fail; no, they're just "spirited" 😍
.

frozenrider15 said:How many parents can actually afford to take their child to the theater, a museum, or the zoo on a regular basis? Even if those things are at the top of their priority list. Of course, there are also those who simply don't prioritize it, so they don't go, even if they have the cash. Sure, we like to maintain this polite little illusion that all parents are signed up for library cards, frequenting museums, borrowing encyclopedias, and going on nature hikes... but that isn't the reality for most modern parents. You have a mountain of nine-year-olds with smartphones and tablets, yet they haven't set foot in the National Science Foundation museum. A handful might know their way around Manhattan, but everyone knows where the Mall of America is 😁.

And then we act surprised when kids don't even recognize terms like street, road, lane, or sidewalk until they hit first grade. Times have changed.

So what does that make them, low income or not? 😁

Sure, there’s definitely a segment of the population that is living paycheck to paycheck.

But for everyone else, it’s perfectly valid to say, "I hate books, museums, and science; it’s all boring, I’d rather just head to the mall and buy a bunch of cheap junk."

But if that's your vibe, why on earth do you care if your kid becomes a straight-A student, goes to a top-tier university, and becomes a PhD?

You know why—it’s pure vanity. They just want to show off. They buy the latest iPhone to flex on the neighbors, and they push their kids to get perfect grades just so they can brag to the folks next door that their little genius is so bright.

Susan Nguyen54 said:By summer, first grade feels like this massive life pivot for them. In June, they’re still basically in preschool, just playing around and singing songs. Then suddenly, by September, they have to grow up overnight. They're expected to sit at desks, stay quiet, and actually listen to the teacher.

At our local elementary school, the first graders are out on the big playground during recess with all the older kids—which is something I’d honestly ban. It's such a huge jump for them because they’re still little. Just a few months ago, they had daycare teachers watching their every move, so they aren't used to being thrown into a crowd like that without constant supervision. It leaves them feeling a bit overwhelmed or even intimidated. While they're trying to adjust to that, the schoolwork starts piling up too. I stepped in to help my daughter quite a bit during her first year.
If she hit a tough math problem, I never used phrases like, "Okay, you need to add these two numbers and then subtract that one."
Instead, I'd say, "You guys already did this in class and it wasn't hard, you know how to do it... just read it again." Then I'd just wait by her side while she worked through it until she figured it out herself. As time went on, she got way more independent. By the second half of second grade, I'd check her homework, and if there was a mistake, I’d just make a note of it so she could fix it herself. Before a big test, I'll give her some practice problems or a mock quiz to see how she's doing. She studies (I don't get those people who claim kids in grades K-4 shouldn't have to study and should just absorb everything in class). Sure, they pick up a lot during school hours, but they really need to review at home, especially for science. Once she thinks she knows it, she comes to me, and I'll tell her if she's ready or if she needs to keep going.

Going back to the whole "studying with your child" thing:

A kid needs to learn how to learn. Not be taught how to memorize a specific answer or how to recite facts like a robot.

So, here’s how I think you actually handle things when working through schoolwork with a kid:
- fighting that urge to rush—you have to read it carefully, then read it again, tackle the problem, and double-check everything before moving on.
- once the kid repeats a sentence back to you, don't just let them move on—explain what it actually means. You aren't some recording device; use your own words to make sure it clicks.

That’s the real way to sit down with a child. It shouldn't be about racing to the finish line just so you can check a box; it’s about truly grasping the material. Read for comprehension, and if something doesn't make sense, go ask the teacher, ask a parent, or look it up online.
If a word is unfamiliar, stop and ask what it means instead of just repeating it blindly without a clue.

Honestly, ever since I became a parent, I've realized why so many people walk around thinking their kids are geniuses just because they can parrot off phrases they picked up somewhere without having the slightest idea what they're actually saying. It’s such a common trap to fall into.😁

edit: sweetheart 07, I was quoting you because I actually think the way you work with your kid is great, and I didn't want you thinking I was trying to say your methods were wrong.😁

Karen Richardson3 said:Look, like we've already gone over this a million times, they *can* pass, they just end up with mediocre grades.

That’s really what parents get worked up about—if you look at the forums, it’s never about the kid getting an F; it’s about them getting a C or a B. 😱

And then, of course, we have this collective obsession with diagnosing everything as ADHD. Suddenly, every precious little one is just "restless" or a "tiny explorer" (who, let's be real, doesn't actually know the basics of anything 😬), and apparently, sitting down to read or study is just too boring for them, so we all have to just accept it. It’s not a lack of discipline or a parenting fail; no, they're just "spirited" 😍
.

So what does that make them, low income or not? 😁

Sure, there’s definitely a segment of the population that is living paycheck to paycheck.

But for everyone else, it’s perfectly valid to say, "I hate books, museums, and science; it’s all boring, I’d rather just head to the mall and buy a bunch of cheap junk."

But if that's your vibe, why on earth do you care if your kid becomes a straight-A student, goes to a top-tier university, and becomes a PhD?

You know why—it’s pure vanity. They just want to show off. They buy the latest iPhone to flex on the neighbors, and they push their kids to get perfect grades just so they can brag to the folks next door that their little genius is so bright.

Going back to the whole "studying with your child" thing:

A kid needs to learn how to learn. Not be taught how to memorize a specific answer or how to recite facts like a robot.

So, here’s how I think you actually handle things when working through schoolwork with a kid:
- fighting that urge to rush—you have to read it carefully, then read it again, tackle the problem, and double-check everything before moving on.
- once the kid repeats a sentence back to you, don't just let them move on—explain what it actually means. You aren't some recording device; use your own words to make sure it clicks.

That’s the real way to sit down with a child. It shouldn't be about racing to the finish line just so you can check a box; it’s about truly grasping the material. Read for comprehension, and if something doesn't make sense, go ask the teacher, ask a parent, or look it up online.
If a word is unfamiliar, stop and ask what it means instead of just repeating it blindly without a clue.

Honestly, ever since I became a parent, I've realized why so many people walk around thinking their kids are geniuses just because they can parrot off phrases they picked up somewhere without having the slightest idea what they're actually saying. It’s such a common trap to fall into.😁

edit: sweetheart 07, I was quoting you because I actually think the way you work with your kid is great, and I didn't want you thinking I was trying to say your methods were wrong.😁

Exactly. 👍