Are we just living like butterflies, following a pre-written destiny?

I’ve finally embraced this state of complete neutrality—no reactions, no expectations, no highs, no lows, and certainly no fear. I don't expect anything from life because, frankly, it’s all just fleeting; the time we’re granted is such a
tiny blip in the vastness of the universe that it’s hardly worth making a fuss about.
Don't mistake me for being a pessimist or someone struggling with depression; it’s more of a simple realization. This brief existence we have is a gift, really, and it should be lived through without the weight of massive expectations—much like how a butterfly lives out its few days and then simply vanishes. Our fate is already written, and since we are essentially condemned to pass through this world, we might as well accept that reality without letting emotions get in the way.

I’m with you on this.🙂 Respect.👍

I guess I just haven't quite managed to shake all these feelings yet.😢

For sure.

Is suicide even an exit at this point? Or is death just the inevitable fallout from thinking like this?
(It’s basically a self-fulfilling prophecy / tempting fate)

Charles Richardson50 said:I’ve finally embraced this state of complete neutrality—no reactions, no expectations, no highs, no lows, and certainly no fear. I don't expect anything from life because, frankly, it’s all just fleeting; the time we’re granted is such a
tiny blip in the vastness of the universe that it’s hardly worth making a fuss about.
Don't mistake me for being a pessimist or someone struggling with depression; it’s more of a simple realization. This brief existence we have is a gift, really, and it should be lived through without the weight of massive expectations—much like how a butterfly lives out its few days and then simply vanishes. Our fate is already written, and since we are essentially condemned to pass through this world, we might as well accept that reality without letting emotions get in the way.

Out of that entire opening post, the only part that resonates with me is that bolded section. Total apathy toward everything. I haven't quite decided yet if this state of being is acceptable, though I'm not entirely sure what actions could even be taken to change it if it isn't.

Charles Richardson50 said:I’ve finally embraced this state of complete neutrality—no reactions, no expectations, no highs, no lows, and certainly no fear. I don't expect anything from life because, frankly, it’s all just fleeting; the time we’re granted is such a
tiny blip in the vastness of the universe that it’s hardly worth making a fuss about.
Don't mistake me for being a pessimist or someone struggling with depression; it’s more of a simple realization. This brief existence we have is a gift, really, and it should be lived through without the weight of massive expectations—much like how a butterfly lives out its few days and then simply vanishes. Our fate is already written, and since we are essentially condemned to pass through this world, we might as well accept that reality without letting emotions get in the way.

Would you mind if I asked you a few things?

If you were in a car accident and ended up with a permanent disability, would everything still feel the same to you? Would you really be indifferent?
How would you handle a condition that isn't fatal, but is chronic—something like dealing with agonizing headaches every single day?
And would it truly not matter to you if, by some twist of fate, your loved ones left you and you found yourself mostly alone?

I'm not trying to be provocative here, I promise; I am genuinely curious, given that you claim to fear nothing and feel no sadness.

Donna Hill8 said:Would you mind if I asked you a few things?

If you were in a car accident and ended up with a permanent disability, would everything still feel the same to you? Would you really be indifferent?
How would you handle a condition that isn't fatal, but is chronic—something like dealing with agonizing headaches every single day?
And would it truly not matter to you if, by some twist of fate, your loved ones left you and you found yourself mostly alone?

I'm not trying to be provocative here, I promise; I am genuinely curious, given that you claim to fear nothing and feel no sadness.

These weren't directed at me, but I feel compelled to respond.
Regarding the middle point—chronic illness—I have dealt with similar struggles. While there was initial anger and grief, it eventually gave way to total apathy.
Perhaps it is due to the sheer volume of issues I have faced across nearly every facet of my life; currently, I simply feel nothing.

As for the first and third points—you have every right to ask.

Donna Hill8 said:Would you mind if I asked you a few things?

If you were in a car accident and ended up with a permanent disability, would everything still feel the same to you? Would you really be indifferent?
How would you handle a condition that isn't fatal, but is chronic—something like dealing with agonizing headaches every single day?
And would it truly not matter to you if, by some twist of fate, your loved ones left you and you found yourself mostly alone?

I'm not trying to be provocative here, I promise; I am genuinely curious, given that you claim to fear nothing and feel no sadness.

alright, my turn to weigh in

How would you react if you were in a car wreck and ended up disabled—would everything still be the same to you, would you just not care?

man, I'd be freaking out, but my community would look after me, I'd be popping painkillers, and maybe even scrape enough together for some medical weed...
I'd be on cloud nine, honestly, because I wouldn't have to worry about a single damn thing anymore.
who's gonna want someone as wrecked as me anyway?
I’d probably just overdose on the meds....
the way things are, I at least hope something actually changes, but until I change myself, nothing's gonna move, so the consequences are exactly the same.

and that's why people like me—patients like me—aren't gonna see any change at all
yeah, I'm tempting fate here, because frankly, I don't have the balls to deal with all those traditional methods.

I'm currently in the process of sourcing some barbiturates 🙂

and if I definitely end up dying, my reaction would just be: "Yeah, okay, I wanted this, goodbye world"

How would you handle an illness that isn't fatal but is chronic, like if you had a massive headache every single day?

I've got a few of those
I won't get into the weeds right now, but yeah, I suffer through that.

Would it matter to you if, by some twist of fate, your loved ones left you and you were left more or less alone?

they already have, and with these last three people left—whether they stay or go, I feel ALONE anyway!
and I'm celebrating New Year's ALONE too!
there you go.
I'm getting used to it.

These questions aren't meant to provoke, I'm genuinely curious since you say you aren't afraid of anything and nothing upsets you?

absolutely. the only thing I'm scared of is institutions and bars, ending up in a state where I can't even take my own life.

mistyseal11 said:alright, my turn to weigh in

How would you react if you were in a car wreck and ended up disabled—would everything still be the same to you, would you just not care?

man, I'd be freaking out, but my community would look after me, I'd be popping painkillers, and maybe even scrape enough together for some medical weed...
I'd be on cloud nine, honestly, because I wouldn't have to worry about a single damn thing anymore.
who's gonna want someone as wrecked as me anyway?
I’d probably just overdose on the meds....
the way things are, I at least hope something actually changes, but until I change myself, nothing's gonna move, so the consequences are exactly the same.

and that's why people like me—patients like me—aren't gonna see any change at all
yeah, I'm tempting fate here, because frankly, I don't have the balls to deal with all those traditional methods.

I'm currently in the process of sourcing some barbiturates 🙂

and if I definitely end up dying, my reaction would just be: "Yeah, okay, I wanted this, goodbye world"

How would you handle an illness that isn't fatal but is chronic, like if you had a massive headache every single day?

I've got a few of those
I won't get into the weeds right now, but yeah, I suffer through that.

Would it matter to you if, by some twist of fate, your loved ones left you and you were left more or less alone?

they already have, and with these last three people left—whether they stay or go, I feel ALONE anyway!
and I'm celebrating New Year's ALONE too!
there you go.
I'm getting used to it.

These questions aren't meant to provoke, I'm genuinely curious since you say you aren't afraid of anything and nothing upsets you?

absolutely. the only thing I'm scared of is institutions and bars, ending up in a state where I can't even take my own life.

Fair enough.

at Walter Peterson:
so how did you actually come to terms with it?
did you just move past it, or did you eventually learn how to live with it?

at mistyseal11:
are you basically saying you want to die? like, you don't want to live? why?
I don't think I could ever even consider that unless I was in a situation where chronic pain was physically destroying me and the painkillers weren't doing a damn thing...
and why wouldn't I consider it?
well, because when you're healthy, you can do whatever you want, go wherever you want, or completely flip your life upside down—it just takes a little effort and willpower, right?

Donna Hill8 said:at Walter Peterson:
so how did you actually come to terms with it?
did you just move past it, or did you eventually learn how to live with it?

at mistyseal11:
are you basically saying you want to die? like, you don't want to live? why?
I don't think I could ever even consider that unless I was in a situation where chronic pain was physically destroying me and the painkillers weren't doing a damn thing...
and why wouldn't I consider it?
well, because when you're healthy, you can do whatever you want, go wherever you want, or completely flip your life upside down—it just takes a little effort and willpower, right?

Are you referring to the illness? It was more of a relentless string of health issues—compounded by other life's little tragedies—leaving me stuck on a single question: "why me, why doesn't this happen to everyone else?" Because I felt I hadn't earned it. That feeling eventually passed, though it left behind a certain indifference. Perhaps that is simply my current state of being. 🤷

Donna Hill8 said:at Walter Peterson:
so how did you actually come to terms with it?
did you just move past it, or did you eventually learn how to live with it?

at mistyseal11:
are you basically saying you want to die? like, you don't want to live? why?
I don't think I could ever even consider that unless I was in a situation where chronic pain was physically destroying me and the painkillers weren't doing a damn thing...
and why wouldn't I consider it?
well, because when you're healthy, you can do whatever you want, go wherever you want, or completely flip your life upside down—it just takes a little effort and willpower, right?

I don't know, I just don't have the energy for it.

I would never even think about doing that, unless I was in a situation where chronic pain was just absolutely destroying my body and even the heavy-duty painkillers weren't touching it...

Look, I'm not gonna sit here and list out every single thing I'm dealing with or try to explain myself, because honestly, I just don't have the will to fight to prove anything when it doesn't even matter for this conversation.

Well, it's because when you're healthy, you can do whatever you want,
go wherever you feel like, and completely turn your life around.

That's true, but I'm not healthy, read what I said above.

Just a little effort and some willpower, right?

For what, though? What's the point?
What am I even aiming for?

I just don't see any light at the end of the tunnel.

Maybe.
And maybe that sense of total indifference will eventually fade away.
Personally, I don't really buy into the whole idea of indifference, which is exactly why I threw those questions her way. I’m genuinely curious to see how she responds—assuming everything mentioned in my first post actually holds water.

But there’s a significant distinction here: you aren't a butterfly. ☕

Donna Hill8 said:Maybe.
And maybe that sense of total indifference will eventually fade away.
Personally, I don't really buy into the whole idea of indifference, which is exactly why I threw those questions her way. I’m genuinely curious to see how she responds—assuming everything mentioned in my first post actually holds water.

That just means you haven't actually met her.

Donna Hill8 said:Maybe.
And maybe that sense of total indifference will eventually fade away.
Personally, I don't really buy into the whole idea of indifference, which is exactly why I threw those questions her way. I’m genuinely curious to see how she responds—assuming everything mentioned in my first post actually holds water.

When life hits you hard enough, repeatedly, you simply lose consciousness. There is a certain hollow comfort in realizing that life is merely a game of chance and luck—the hope that things might finally turn around without any specific reason. And perhaps then, the indifference fades.

Walter Peterson said:When life hits you hard enough, repeatedly, you simply lose consciousness. There is a certain hollow comfort in realizing that life is merely a game of chance and luck—the hope that things might finally turn around without any specific reason. And perhaps then, the indifference fades.

That’s an interesting way to look at it. Honestly, I’d love to believe that, but I have this nagging feeling that everything is already set in stone. Like we're just following a script. Fate, I guess.

Brenda Cooper3 said:But there’s a significant distinction here: you aren't a butterfly. ☕

And honestly, both sides of the coin are just as fleeting when you look at the vastness of the universe... life for a butterfly is basically the same countdown as it is for a human.

Anyway, all this talk about illnesses and whatever else... I mean, what's even the point? Obviously, if some disaster hits—God forbid—you’d have to adapt to a "new normal" just to survive. But that doesn't change the fact that right now, given how things are, you can just be totally indifferent toward life and the future as a concept. How your emotions shift over time? Who knows... we'll just have to wait and see.

Me? I’ve been successfully keeping my emotions on a flatline for a long while now. I’ve already cycled through those phases of pure nihilism and wanting to throw in the towel on life entirely. Now, I’m just chill. Almost like James Bond.

gentletiger20 said:And honestly, both sides of the coin are just as fleeting when you look at the vastness of the universe... life for a butterfly is basically the same countdown as it is for a human.

Anyway, all this talk about illnesses and whatever else... I mean, what's even the point? Obviously, if some disaster hits—God forbid—you’d have to adapt to a "new normal" just to survive. But that doesn't change the fact that right now, given how things are, you can just be totally indifferent toward life and the future as a concept. How your emotions shift over time? Who knows... we'll just have to wait and see.

Me? I’ve been successfully keeping my emotions on a flatline for a long while now. I’ve already cycled through those phases of pure nihilism and wanting to throw in the towel on life entirely. Now, I’m just chill. Almost like James Bond.

The only thing is, a butterfly won't live long enough to hit 75 and ask, "Man, where did my youth go?" since its entire existence is basically one single season, if it's lucky. ☕

Plus, we have to deal with memory, conscience, and all that other nonsense. It would be a blessing if we were butterflies or even just ordinary dogs... though even then, it wouldn't be simple.
Once you cross 40, the midlife crisis hits you hard... and don't even get me started on 50. We've all seen what happened to Madonna. By 70, you're practically a ghost, and when you try to recall your 20s through the fog, you'll find two things: either a hazy memory of a wild night out with good friends, or just the memory of staring at a crappy computer screen with your fingers tapping away at a keyboard. 👎

Maybe you wouldn't even think to ask those questions when you're 75... but hey, maybe three months from now it'll hit. Not that he’s even asking. Honestly? If I wasn't human, I'd rather be nothing at all. I don't see any real upside to being a dog or a butterfly—other than, I guess, things being shorter and maybe a little easier on the brain from this perspective...

There's a big difference between feeling like something specific is missing from your life—like friends or just having a good time—and something else entirely. I know you probably didn't mean it literally, but if you can actually picture yourself out grabbing drinks with buddies and feeling fulfilled, then you've already given that desire a shape... which means you can actually start making it happen. Then there's the other thing: that deep, general sense of pointlessness. That's when you can't even begin to imagine a single scenario that would feel worth your time or actually make you feel whole.

Maybe someone would find some twisted sense of purpose if they were shot in the leg, left with a few scraps of food, and hit with sepsis until the limb had to be amputated... forcing them to spend the rest of their lives dragging themselves along without a leg.

What do I know?
I just think some people fail to see the bigger picture.