Workplace harassment/bullying

feralcobra92 said:I really hope you're right about this! A colleague who’s been at the company for ten years told me straight up that my only real mistake was being the new kid on the block.
Honestly, working at this government agency is such a trip because the bosses just couldn't care less about anything; they don't lift a finger to intervene even when things are going sideways. Most of the people I've had to deal with have been there for over thirty years, so they're totally set in their ways. I'm not even angry, I'm just genuinely heartbroken about it all. I used to show up to work every morning with such a huge smile on my face, but now? Now I honestly wish I could just close my eyes and never have to face this reality again. I actually tried to sit down and have a heart-to-heart with the person who makes my life a total nightmare, but she completely shut me out; she just stays stuck in her own little world and treats everything I say like a blatant lie. It's like I'm speaking a foreign language to her! If things don't turn around soon, I'm definitely going to start looking for a new job elsewhere. What a complete mess.

well—if that's the case—I guess eventually someone even greener will show up and suddenly all your problems will just evaporate.

feralcobra92 said:They aren't going to get me in trouble with their manager because their boss is actually a close friend of mine, and she’s firmly of the opinion that intervening would only cause unnecessary drama for both of us! Plus, my own supervisor only swings by the office once every couple of months and honestly couldn't care less about what happens here. That said, if things really kick off and escalate, I guess we'll just have to see how it plays out.
The thing is, there’s hardly any actual specialized talent at my company, so the support staff basically runs the whole show—especially those veterans who have been there since the dawn of time.

maybe that's the catch right there 🤷
it's probably just the resentment—you got in through a connection, plus you're pulling in way more cash for doing less work. 🤷
jealous people always assume everyone else has it easy and lives some perfect, charmed life.

I didn't land this job through some shady connection or anything, we just happened to become close friends down the road! And honestly, my paycheck isn't three times higher than anyone else's either, since they work different shifts which really adds up over time.
Anyway, I’ve got a whole new "situation" on my hands because apparently, I'm supposedly dating a coworker now. Just when I thought everything was finally settling down and going great, out comes the rumors about cheating! I seriously can't deal with this anymore; it is such a wild situation. People are constantly digging around trying to find some juicy little scandal about me, but I am honestly such a boring person that there is absolutely nothing scandalous to find! I am just so exhausted by all of it.

feralcobra92 said:I really hope you're right about this! A colleague who’s been at the company for ten years told me straight up that my only real mistake was being the new kid on the block.
Honestly, working at this government agency is such a trip because the bosses just couldn't care less about anything; they don't lift a finger to intervene even when things are going sideways. Most of the people I've had to deal with have been there for over thirty years, so they're totally set in their ways. I'm not even angry, I'm just genuinely heartbroken about it all. I used to show up to work every morning with such a huge smile on my face, but now? Now I honestly wish I could just close my eyes and never have to face this reality again. I actually tried to sit down and have a heart-to-heart with the person who makes my life a total nightmare, but she completely shut me out; she just stays stuck in her own little world and treats everything I say like a blatant lie. It's like I'm speaking a foreign language to her! If things don't turn around soon, I'm definitely going to start looking for a new job elsewhere. What a complete mess.

I didn't read the rest yet, but until I do, here is some advice. That support staff that hates your guts and constantly undermines you? You need to bury them in work. Give them tasks. Assign them projects, find a legitimate reason to dump a massive, complicated workload on their desks that requires all their focus. Once they don't have the spare time to gossip, the drama will stop. And once they think they've gotten back on your good side? Hand them more work. Watch how quickly they start listening to you once they realize you can keep them busy. 😁

Look, I’m not their boss or anything. I just focus on getting my own work done, but at the end of the day, I need at least a tiny bit of cooperation from them just to stay afloat.
It sounds a little pathetic when I say it out loud, but honestly, I wish I could just be like Felix the Cat and squeeze my eyes shut so I wouldn't have to witness this absolute disaster. My stomach is doing somersaults—and trust me, it isn't because I caught some weird flu.

At the end of the day, you’re just more intelligent than they are, so find a way to get them involved. You can't actually get anything done without some level of cooperation. Just give them a task to focus on and everything should fall into place.

feralcobra92 said:I didn't land this job through some shady connection or anything, we just happened to become close friends down the road! And honestly, my paycheck isn't three times higher than anyone else's either, since they work different shifts which really adds up over time.
Anyway, I’ve got a whole new "situation" on my hands because apparently, I'm supposedly dating a coworker now. Just when I thought everything was finally settling down and going great, out comes the rumors about cheating! I seriously can't deal with this anymore; it is such a wild situation. People are constantly digging around trying to find some juicy little scandal about me, but I am honestly such a boring person that there is absolutely nothing scandalous to find! I am just so exhausted by all of it.

What people say doesn't matter. As for those rumors about workplace affairs and other nonsense, everyone knows they aren't true. Look, I'm a man with principles. When I first started out as an intern, people tried to walk all over me. I didn't let them, so it ended without much trouble. Later, I was the new guy again at a different firm. Things weren't quite as messy as what you're dealing with since I'm a man, but certain guys with less education who were unfairly placed in similar roles felt threatened. They tried to belittle me or even insult me. But I "killed" them with sheer expertise. Sometimes I had to be blunt—really blunt—because I can't stand pushback or being mocked. Once they realized they were dealing with a hard nut to crack, they backed off. Now, they just avoid me, and honestly, I'm happy about that. We don't have to like each other, but we have to maintain a professional relationship. I won't allow anything beyond that. I'll admit, though, I did mess with them a bit and kept them on their toes just to make sure they never forget who they're dealing with...😁

Michael Diaz4, thanks for the advice, but I have absolutely no interest in sucking anyone dry just to feel better, because honestly, I’d just end up feeling sorry for myself. Once I start getting that bitter and nasty, I realize how pathetic that whole situation actually is (and I bet you feel it too, even if you're too much of a man to admit it), so there's really no point in going down that road.
I'm not out here hunting for unconditional love or total devotion either; a perfectly normal, professional relationship would be more than enough for me.
I just can't stand living this way, constantly dragging work drama home with me. When my kids try to tell me about their day at school, I find myself tuning them out and thinking, "Oh, give me a break, now they're gonna blame me for this or that too." Look, I know I might be part of the problem because I tend to be a bit too soft and struggle with my self-confidence sometimes, but this is just the reality of it. So, how do you all deal with all the absolute nonsense at your jobs?

feralcobra92 said:Michael Diaz4, thanks for the advice, but I have absolutely no interest in sucking anyone dry just to feel better, because honestly, I’d just end up feeling sorry for myself. Once I start getting that bitter and nasty, I realize how pathetic that whole situation actually is (and I bet you feel it too, even if you're too much of a man to admit it), so there's really no point in going down that road.
I'm not out here hunting for unconditional love or total devotion either; a perfectly normal, professional relationship would be more than enough for me.
I just can't stand living this way, constantly dragging work drama home with me. When my kids try to tell me about their day at school, I find myself tuning them out and thinking, "Oh, give me a break, now they're gonna blame me for this or that too." Look, I know I might be part of the problem because I tend to be a bit too soft and struggle with my self-confidence sometimes, but this is just the reality of it. So, how do you all deal with all the absolute nonsense at your jobs?

Same as you—I overthink everything and give way too much weight to things🙄
In my rather long career, I’ve dealt with something pretty similar to what you’re describing. Because of something that had absolutely nothing to do with my job—strictly my private life—people at work started gossiping, then straight-up slandering me, even accusing me of doing something illegal. Looking back now, it seems ridiculous. But back then? It sucked. Just thinking about how I went through all that because someone was jealous—because I had something they didn't and they viewed it as the ultimate prize—it's wild. I used to think people acting out of pure envy like that was just stuff from those cheap daytime soap operas.😁
At one point, I honestly thought it was over... everything... that I'd lose my job or end up getting into a physical fight with someone.😁 Then I remembered my philosophy—that karma eventually catches up with everyone, and that living in this constant state of tension is garbage for my health and my family. I figured things would just work themselves out eventually...
Do I even need to mention that a few months later, the whole situation flipped completely—and obviously, in my favor? The person who worked so hard to stab me in the back ended up falling right into the hole they dug for me—and thanks to some sort of cosmic intervention, they got buried under a mountain of dirt. Not that I'm exactly celebrating,😁 but man, I am incredibly relieved that everything blew up in their face without me even lifting a finger.
Honestly, I never intended to share this story on a forum, but you really poked the bear, so here we are.😁

feralcobra92 said:Michael Diaz4, thanks for the advice, but I have absolutely no interest in sucking anyone dry just to feel better, because honestly, I’d just end up feeling sorry for myself. Once I start getting that bitter and nasty, I realize how pathetic that whole situation actually is (and I bet you feel it too, even if you're too much of a man to admit it), so there's really no point in going down that road.
I'm not out here hunting for unconditional love or total devotion either; a perfectly normal, professional relationship would be more than enough for me.
I just can't stand living this way, constantly dragging work drama home with me. When my kids try to tell me about their day at school, I find myself tuning them out and thinking, "Oh, give me a break, now they're gonna blame me for this or that too." Look, I know I might be part of the problem because I tend to be a bit too soft and struggle with my self-confidence sometimes, but this is just the reality of it. So, how do you all deal with all the absolute nonsense at your jobs?

We deal with it by jumping ship!

For me, I'm already on my fifth job in record time,
and I honestly don't see myself sticking around here until retirement.

Maybe it's just this whole mess we're all stuck in right now,
referring to the current recession-depression-mass psychosis,
or maybe it's just me.🤷

feralcobra92 said:Michael Diaz4, thanks for the advice, but I have absolutely no interest in sucking anyone dry just to feel better, because honestly, I’d just end up feeling sorry for myself. Once I start getting that bitter and nasty, I realize how pathetic that whole situation actually is (and I bet you feel it too, even if you're too much of a man to admit it), so there's really no point in going down that road.
I'm not out here hunting for unconditional love or total devotion either; a perfectly normal, professional relationship would be more than enough for me.
I just can't stand living this way, constantly dragging work drama home with me. When my kids try to tell me about their day at school, I find myself tuning them out and thinking, "Oh, give me a break, now they're gonna blame me for this or that too." Look, I know I might be part of the problem because I tend to be a bit too soft and struggle with my self-confidence sometimes, but this is just the reality of it. So, how do you all deal with all the absolute nonsense at your jobs?

Don't waste your energy feeling sorry for people because of how they act. That's just who they are. Period. So many people are just shady, envious, or straight-up rotten to the core. You can't fix them. And when I let their behavior get to me, I end up feeling stuck in these categories:😁
Disorder Rating
Paranoid Disorder Rating: High

High Schizoid: Low

Low Schizotypal: Low

Low Antisocial: Low

Low Borderline: Low

Low Histrionic: Moderate

Moderate Narcissistic: High

Low Avoidant: Low

Low Dependent: Low

Obsessive-Compulsive: High

You never know what kind of idiot you're going to run into, and I certainly ran into my fair share back in the day.😁

Poor souls. Sometimes, I actually do feel bad for them. 😂