My father committed suicide. How do I cope?

Five days ago, my father took his own life. Pain, despair, bitterness, guilt, anger—even shame... those are just a few of the things I’ve been carrying around. During the day, I can hold it together, but at night, the memory of what he did haunts me. I find myself constantly replaying it in my head. I’m actually scared to go to sleep because even when I finally drift off, I wake up thinking about it all over again. How can I help myself get through this?

granitesurfer36 said:Five days ago, my father took his own life. Pain, despair, bitterness, guilt, anger—even shame... those are just a few of the things I’ve been carrying around. During the day, I can hold it together, but at night, the memory of what he did haunts me. I find myself constantly replaying it in my head. I’m actually scared to go to sleep because even when I finally drift off, I wake up thinking about it all over again. How can I help myself get through this?

I strongly suggest that you head to the emergency room immediately. They can provide you with a referral so you can get to a crisis center or a psychiatric facility right away, regardless of the hour. If you happen to be in the Los Angeles area, there are specific crisis centers available, but if not, please just go to the nearest psychiatric hospital in your vicinity.

wiredfalcon21 said:I strongly suggest that you head to the emergency room immediately. They can provide you with a referral so you can get to a crisis center or a psychiatric facility right away, regardless of the hour. If you happen to be in the Los Angeles area, there are specific crisis centers available, but if not, please just go to the nearest psychiatric hospital in your vicinity.

You're talking like I'm some kind of psychiatric patient...

granitesurfer36 said:You're talking like I'm some kind of psychiatric patient...

Robert gave you solid advice. I don't get why there's such a massive fear or a weird stigma toward therapists, but honestly, the best way to move past things is to talk to a pro—even if it's just to vent. There isn't some magic, one-size-fits-all cure.

granitesurfer36 said:You're talking like I'm some kind of psychiatric patient...

My sincerest condolences.
I truly feel for you, and honestly, it’s easy for me to empathize because I went through something very similar a long time ago. The hell I endured is something I wouldn't wish on anyone.
I don't usually speak about this in public, so if you ever need to talk, we can always chat via private message. All I can say here is that an act like that is deeply personal; no one else carries the responsibility for it except the person who actually does it. Don't let this define your life.
Hang in there!

granitesurfer36 said:You're talking like I'm some kind of psychiatric patient...

I wouldn't go so far as to call you a psychiatric case in general, but given how you're reacting to everything right now, I can see why it feels that way—and I don't see why you're denying it. People seek out psychological or psychiatric support all the time, especially after being robbed or facing the kind of situation you're in. It isn't unusual at all for someone to look for mental health assistance after the sudden loss of a loved one.

Jonathan Hayes5 said:My sincerest condolences.
I truly feel for you, and honestly, it’s easy for me to empathize because I went through something very similar a long time ago. The hell I endured is something I wouldn't wish on anyone.
I don't usually speak about this in public, so if you ever need to talk, we can always chat via private message. All I can say here is that an act like that is deeply personal; no one else carries the responsibility for it except the person who actually does it. Don't let this define your life.
Hang in there!

Thanks for the kind words. I really don't want this label to follow me forever, and I know that's entirely up to me.

wiredfalcon21 said:I wouldn't go so far as to call you a psychiatric case in general, but given how you're reacting to everything right now, I can see why it feels that way—and I don't see why you're denying it. People seek out psychological or psychiatric support all the time, especially after being robbed or facing the kind of situation you're in. It isn't unusual at all for someone to look for mental health assistance after the sudden loss of a loved one.

I don't have an issue with seeing a psychiatrist or a psychologist. There's no shame in it. I've actually been before, but I just don't feel like they can really help me. Maybe I'm wrong...🤷

..most of what you're feeling will pass... even a nasty stomach flu won't hang around longer than five days...

Yeah. I’m just going to say it again: you'll get through this. But it takes time.
Time to process, time to understand, and time to actually accept it. It takes a lot of time.
It’s still a massive shock—just a heavy wave of grief, sadness, and endless questions.
It will pass. But it won't be instant.

In less intense situations, maybe a sleeping pill helps.
Or even just half, or a quarter of one.
Just be careful with that; you don't want to end up dependent on them.

Hang in there, Lady Gaga. Take care of yourself.

So sorry for your loss!

granitesurfer36 said:I don't have an issue with seeing a psychiatrist or a psychologist. There's no shame in it. I've actually been before, but I just don't feel like they can really help me. Maybe I'm wrong...🤷

I felt the exact same way after some heavy stuff happened to me. (And let's be real, what I went through was nowhere near as intense as yours). Eventually, things got so out of hand that I had to check myself into FEMA. I’m not saying you’ll hit that point, but honestly, it wouldn't hurt to go talk to someone now just as a precaution. They could really help you process everything without it wrecking you, or at least give you some tools to handle it on your own.

granitesurfer36 said:Five days ago, my father took his own life. Pain, despair, bitterness, guilt, anger—even shame... those are just a few of the things I’ve been carrying around. During the day, I can hold it together, but at night, the memory of what he did haunts me. I find myself constantly replaying it in my head. I’m actually scared to go to sleep because even when I finally drift off, I wake up thinking about it all over again. How can I help myself get through this?

You can be certain your father is in a better place now. You can talk to him in your heart... he must have been struggling immensely, and you aren't to blame. No one is. Talk to your family or friends. If you need to, seek professional help... just don't bottle this pain up inside. I don't know how else to help, but hang in there.

Forget calling FEMA; they need to start long-term psychotherapy instead.

Hi there. I think you’ll need at least one, if not three years, to work through this. And that is perfectly normal. Don't expect any overnight miracles; your mind will go through plenty of dark moments and nightmares, but keep in mind that THIS IS NORMAL. If you didn't feel these things, then you would actually be MENTALLY ILL, not because you are feeling them.

But look, the human psyche is an incredibly resilient and brilliant thing. The entire human organism has the capacity to heal itself if you simply allow it to happen. If you believe professional help will assist you (it did for my mother when her son was dying of cancer), then seek it out. If you don't think it will help, don't go, because you'll only end up more frustrated (I didn't go because I felt there was nothing smart left to hear). It all depends on your personality—some people can push through alone, while others need a little outside support. Figure out what kind of person you are and head in that direction. For me, my best friend helped, and perhaps you have someone like that too. However, if you have no one, then you really should see a psychiatrist, because being completely alone is too much... just think about what I've said.

As for that endless question regarding why he did what he did—look, it was simply his choice, or rather, the choice of his soul. Every soul chooses its own path. Perhaps the poor man saw no other way out; sometimes people fall into a psychosis where trivial problems become insurmountable. Maybe he was just miserable. You can be angry and insulted, but you must accept that it was his path and his choice, and he had the right to make it. Just as you have the right to yours.

I highly recommend the book "Lady Gaga," I believe it was written by The German. I think it will help lighten your burden significantly. It certainly helped me, and I've been calmer since.

And forget about the shame. Anyone trying to impose it on you is an imbecile, and you should feel free to send them straight to FEMA without mercy. People like that have no place in your life.

I am sorry you went through that. I can't claim to understand, because I haven't lived it, and anyone who hasn't will never truly grasp it. Don't expect them to, either. Well-meaning people might offer sympathy, but actual understanding? That's rare. Just keep moving forward. This is simply another hurdle in your own journey of self-growth. Perhaps you even chose this path yourself. Be brave and focus on the result.

I remember about four years ago, I was walking through downtown with a friend from college after we’d spent the afternoon checking out an exhibit at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. As we were heading out, we started getting into this heavy, aimless conversation about why people take their own lives. It was just one of those random, dark discussions you have when you aren't really thinking about the weight of it.
The next day, she didn't show up to class. Someone else in our group messaged me saying her dad had passed away.
Later on, I found out he had committed suicide, right around the same time we were talking about it.
How? Why? For what reason? Honestly, I don't think she knows the exact truth to this day. She has her theories, but I doubt anyone truly does. All she knows is that he struggled with deep depression, and since he served in the military, she figures maybe that played a part too.
She was never much of a student to begin with, but after that, her college career basically ground to a halt. It seems like she's been stuck in place ever since, probably because of the mental toll it took. On the bright side, she eventually found a boyfriend—an expat—and has a solid circle of friends around her now.
As for me, my father passed away too, though it was from illness.
Any death in the family is a tragedy.
You have to realize that your dad likely fell into some private, hellish cycle inside his own head. If he wasn't asking for help, wasn't complaining, and wasn't giving anyone a hint that he might do something like this, then there was nothing you or your family could have done. Even if you had tried, you probably wouldn't have changed the outcome.
Unfortunately, it was just how it had to be.
Don't let pride make you feel ashamed; those feelings are hollow. And don't carry any guilt, because you aren't to blame. What you're actually feeling is pure grief over the loss; everything else is just a byproduct of that pain.

Sadly, we live in such a high-pressure society where people end up killing themselves over debt, unrequited love, losing someone they care about, feeling rejected or lonely, or feeling trapped by financial or personal circumstances and overwhelming guilt.

Just because someone suggests seeing a psychiatrist doesn't mean you're crazy. Real lunatics go to the asylum; normal people see a psychiatrist. A psychiatrist is for anyone who is self-aware enough to feel crushed by this massive, merciless world we live in.

I’m resisting seeing a psychiatrist myself, even though plenty of people tell me I should. Some say it because I’m struggling, while others say it because they think I’m starting to act like a sociopath or losing my mind, all due to the pressure from society and my environment.

Nowadays in the USA, everyone has their own therapist... and therapists have therapists of their own... unfortunately, that's just how it is.
I really hope you start feeling better. This happened recently, and it takes time to process and find some peace. Talk to your friends, talk to your family, and whatever you do, don't bottle it up inside.

You mentioned you aren't sure if a psychologist or psychiatrist will actually help. Sometimes, the whole point is just having someone to talk to about what happened. It can't get worse than where you are now; at worst, you go talk to a professional and things stay exactly the same.

No one can be held responsible if someone spirals into a deep depression and feels like there’s absolutely no way out.
What I find most infuriating are the people who sit in judgment over suicide. If someone reaches that point, it's a clear sign they are desperate for actual help
and genuine support from their family and loved ones. By judging them, you aren't helping—you're just pushing them further into the abyss.

granitesurfer36 said:Five days ago, my father took his own life. Pain, despair, bitterness, guilt, anger—even shame... those are just a few of the things I’ve been carrying around. During the day, I can hold it together, but at night, the memory of what he did haunts me. I find myself constantly replaying it in my head. I’m actually scared to go to sleep because even when I finally drift off, I wake up thinking about it all over again. How can I help myself get through this?

I am so sorry for your loss.

The feelings you're describing, and the way you're reacting overall, are "normal" given the trauma of what happened and how little time has passed. This is an acute stress reaction; it isn't a permanent state of being. That said, none of this means you have to white-knuckle it alone. In fact, it would be wise to seek out professional counseling. It could help you navigate this period more smoothly and reduce the risk of developing long-term issues like PTSD.
You aren't "mentally ill"—you're just human.

It’s pretty clear there’s a lot of dramatic advice floating around here—which, honestly, isn't surprising. When someone is under massive amounts of stress, they tend to project that onto everyone else, and people are just human; they struggle to handle that kind of energy too.

Just based on what you’ve shared, it doesn't mean you need a formal diagnosis, intensive therapy, or anything of the sort. What you likely need is acute support and some symptom management, mostly as a preventative measure. After that, you'll just go through a standard period of grieving, which isn't something you "treat." It’s just life. That’s it.
If any complications actually arise, you can deal with them down the road... if they even happen. There's no point in stressing over those possibilities right now.
Reach out to someone you actually trust, talk to your primary care physician so they can refer you if necessary, or contact a crisis hotline if things get heavy...

Anthony Hayes27 said:..most of what you're feeling will pass... even a nasty stomach flu won't hang around longer than five days...

It’s never going to fully go away...
I’m speaking from my own lived experience here.
The pain won't just vanish, but you have to learn how to live alongside it. It is absolutely vital—and I mean crucial—to shut down any sense of guilt or shame. This might sound a bit blunt, but if we're being honest, it's the reality of the situation.🙂Regardless of the fact that he was your father, he was still his own person, an individual who made a massive, life-altering decision without considering how that choice would ripple out and impact the lives of those closest to him.
What I mean is, I've walked a similar path, and the one thing you really need to hold onto is this: after everything settles, you should try to view this tragedy as a compass. Use it as a guide to become an even better, more complete, and stronger version of yourself. Isn't that ultimately what your father would have wanted for you? Try to find that inner strength on this journey... I promise you, it is definitely there. Rem.