How many misses are going to block you in the next link?

loneowl39 said:Sure, they’re looking for that specific type of person, but let’s be honest—they don't exactly walk around thinking they’re the best-looking people in the room.
It’s funny how that works. You see these women out there chasing after those kinds of results, and they genuinely walk around thinking they’re some kind of supermodel—even when, objectively speaking, they aren't quite there.
I am speaking about one’s own self-perception, not about what someone else happens to be looking for.
Overestimating one's own value—or in this specific instance, it seems—is ultimately a matter of distorted self-perception.
They might look identical on the surface, but don't let that fool you—the difference is massive.

Spot on. Though I've always felt that women who lead with those demands are just masking massive insecurities. Landing a guy they consider high-tier is basically their way of validating the ego trip.

loneowl39 said:Sure, they’re looking for that specific type of person, but let’s be honest—they don't exactly walk around thinking they’re the best-looking people in the room.
It’s funny how that works. You see these women out there chasing after those kinds of results, and they genuinely walk around thinking they’re some kind of supermodel—even when, objectively speaking, they aren't quite there.
I am speaking about one’s own self-perception, not about what someone else happens to be looking for.
Overestimating one's own value—or in this specific instance, it seems—is ultimately a matter of distorted self-perception.
They might look identical on the surface, but don't let that fool you—the difference is massive.

To put it bluntly: it gets worse. Men are completely delusional. Women at least have what you call a skewed perception of themselves, leading them to think they deserve what they want. Men are just 👎

It doesn't really matter how anyone perceives themselves—whether objective or subjective—if they are chasing something that is fundamentally unattainable.

granitefalcon26 said:Here’s the deal. I lived with my girlfriend for about six years without being married. Even after we split, we kept seeing each other for another year. I basically became her casual hookup.
I honestly don't think I'll ever love anyone like that again. Every girl I've dated since then? I just end up comparing them to my ex. It makes me feel like I'm totally broken when it comes to relationships, like I've lost the ability to actually care about someone.😢
I definitely agree that most women are out there looking for some fairy tale prince. Then reality hits, they realize they're getting older, and suddenly they find themselves alone.👎
Plus, those "bad boys"—the guys who kind of disrupt the status quo—are always the ones in high demand.
Being a genuinely nice guy just isn't trendy right now. 🙄

It isn't that you are incapable; you are simply taking the path of least resistance. You need to focus on personal growth.

Walter Peterson said:To put it bluntly: it gets worse. Men are completely delusional. Women at least have what you call a skewed perception of themselves, leading them to think they deserve what they want. Men are just 👎

It doesn't really matter how anyone perceives themselves—whether objective or subjective—if they are chasing something that is fundamentally unattainable.

Trying to pin down "truth" is a fool's errand.
Men aren't necessarily delusional; they just operate on a "low-effort, high-reward" system. If they can get away with it, they will—especially if they hold the power in the relationship.
Being unrealistic and being an opportunist are two different things.
Men are, first and foremost, opportunists.

Lawrence Patel9 said:Exactly. They don't interest me, and everything else feels dull by comparison. Not that I'm comparing them—it just isn't there. Honestly, the issue isn't them. It's me.

I moved past all that ages ago. I'm not seventeen anymore. I've been through enough that it all just feels confusing now. There are plenty of reasons. A whole chain of them that formed one big mess. I've analyzed it, dissected it, turned it over, and still, I have nothing concrete to say about it.

All I know is that after everything, nothing is ever the same.

And you think you're interesting to them?? This might sound a bit self-centered, but since we're being honest 😬...it actually happens to me more often that I find most of them fascinating, while they don't really do much for me.

- when we actually find each other mutually interesting, it rarely lasts (I have no idea why, feel free to roast me)
- or maybe he seems incredibly engaging to me, but I'm just totally meh to him

I honestly think the issue isn't them; it's me.

Man, now I'm starting to second-guess myself too... maybe there is something wrong with me. How do I figure it out? A therapist? 😁

loneowl39 said:That seems to be the consensus among individuals, yet anonymous surveys suggest the exact opposite is true.
http://www.webmd.com/article/1554/

I don't know what everyone else is saying (well, I could look, but... it would hurt my feelings)

Personally, I've been told I have great hair and eyes. Everything else is pretty much average.🙂

But I don't think we're on the same page. To me, looks are almost irrelevant... I've never been drawn to "models." Besides, I don't obsess over my own appearance for two reasons:

- because my looks have never been an issue when it comes to flirting, trying to start something, or even within a relationship. In fact, it's always been a plus.
- and I don't want to be judged or picked based on my exterior 🙂...I want someone to actually like who I am underneath.

I'm talking about personality traits here, not physical appearance.

Walter Peterson said:It isn't that you are incapable; you are simply taking the path of least resistance. You need to focus on personal growth.

I actually gave it a shot a few times. It just wouldn't happen. I feel terrible for her.😢

From the intro, I’m curious—what exactly constitutes these "wrong" types, and why does the author view them as such?

copperfox22 said:And you think you're interesting to them?? This might sound a bit self-centered, but since we're being honest 😬...it actually happens to me more often that I find most of them fascinating, while they don't really do much for me.

- when we actually find each other mutually interesting, it rarely lasts (I have no idea why, feel free to roast me)
- or maybe he seems incredibly engaging to me, but I'm just totally meh to him

I honestly think the issue isn't them; it's me.

Man, now I'm starting to second-guess myself too... maybe there is something wrong with me. How do I figure it out? A therapist? 😁

I don't know what everyone else is saying (well, I could look, but... it would hurt my feelings)

Personally, I've been told I have great hair and eyes. Everything else is pretty much average.🙂

But I don't think we're on the same page. To me, looks are almost irrelevant... I've never been drawn to "models." Besides, I don't obsess over my own appearance for two reasons:

- because my looks have never been an issue when it comes to flirting, trying to start something, or even within a relationship. In fact, it's always been a plus.
- and I don't want to be judged or picked based on my exterior 🙂...I want someone to actually like who I am underneath.

I'm talking about personality traits here, not physical appearance.

Not a chance. It doesn't even get to that stage. A couple of coffees, a walk, and I'm done. I just bail. Even when things seem to be moving in the right direction—they call me, tell me I'm interesting—it's a hard no from my end. Just pure resistance. I won't budge.

Seems like we're dealing with the exact same issue.

wiredmoose3 said:From the intro, I’m curious—what exactly constitutes these "wrong" types, and why does the author view them as such?

I guess they're considered wrong because things either don't last very long or there isn't any mutual interest.

copperfox22 said:And you think you're interesting to them?? This might sound a bit self-centered, but since we're being honest 😬...it actually happens to me more often that I find most of them fascinating, while they don't really do much for me.

- when we actually find each other mutually interesting, it rarely lasts (I have no idea why, feel free to roast me)
- or maybe he seems incredibly engaging to me, but I'm just totally meh to him

I honestly think the issue isn't them; it's me.

Man, now I'm starting to second-guess myself too... maybe there is something wrong with me. How do I figure it out? A therapist? 😁

I don't know what everyone else is saying (well, I could look, but... it would hurt my feelings)

Personally, I've been told I have great hair and eyes. Everything else is pretty much average.🙂

But I don't think we're on the same page. To me, looks are almost irrelevant... I've never been drawn to "models." Besides, I don't obsess over my own appearance for two reasons:

- because my looks have never been an issue when it comes to flirting, trying to start something, or even within a relationship. In fact, it's always been a plus.
- and I don't want to be judged or picked based on my exterior 🙂...I want someone to actually like who I am underneath.

I'm talking about personality traits here, not physical appearance.

I experience this as well. I've begun to suspect that a significant portion of the problem lies within me. Those unfortunate criteria again...

We all carry a mental blueprint of an "ideal" partner (with specific criteria), and when we encounter someone who fits that mold, the chemistry hits and we fall in love. Therefore, the key is to shift those internal criteria if we want to fall for a different type of person—especially since the previous ones haven't exactly yielded much luck.

granitefalcon26 said:I actually gave it a shot a few times. It just wouldn't happen. I feel terrible for her.😢

Attempting to date various women in the hopes that one might finally stick isn't "self-improvement." Real self-work would be seeing a therapist if nothing else seems to be working. That applies to anyone struggling with self-sabotage.

Walter Peterson said:I experience this as well. I've begun to suspect that a significant portion of the problem lies within me. Those unfortunate criteria again...

We all carry a mental blueprint of an "ideal" partner (with specific criteria), and when we encounter someone who fits that mold, the chemistry hits and we fall in love. Therefore, the key is to shift those internal criteria if we want to fall for a different type of person—especially since the previous ones haven't exactly yielded much luck.

Don't sweat it; I'm sure time will magically fix your standards for you.😂(dry, sarcastic laugh)

Lawrence Patel9 said:Not a chance. It doesn't even get to that stage. A couple of coffees, a walk, and I'm done. I just bail. Even when things seem to be moving in the right direction—they call me, tell me I'm interesting—it's a hard no from my end. Just pure resistance. I won't budge.

Seems like we're dealing with the exact same issue.

Should we head to the spa together? 🤣

The recent stuff really wiped me out. I actually started getting interested (I barely let myself let it get under my skin), but then he wasn't 😢

Someone once pointed out that we go hunting for the physically perfect partner because we’re basically just looking for "ideal DNA" to produce a beautiful, smart kid.
Most women would be thrilled to land a guy who's both handsome and brilliant, and honestly, it’s the exact same deal for men.
But as the years tick by, those standards tend to shift. A friend of mine—who isn't unattractive by any means, she's just feeling the pressure of her biological clock—told me she’s narrowed her list down to just two requirements.
1. He’s a man.
2. He’s sane.😁

Quote: Baby blues

copperfox22 said:Should we head to the spa together? 🤣

The recent stuff really wiped me out. I actually started getting interested (I barely let myself let it get under my skin), but then he wasn't 😢

Look, you're basically a California girl at heart. Fine by me. You bring the brushes, I'll grab the paint, and we'll go tag the walls to show everyone exactly what kind of mess we're dealing with.

White lab coats, obviously. We’re in the middle of an epidemic here. 😉

Walter Peterson said:I experience this as well. I've begun to suspect that a significant portion of the problem lies within me. Those unfortunate criteria again...

We all carry a mental blueprint of an "ideal" partner (with specific criteria), and when we encounter someone who fits that mold, the chemistry hits and we fall in love. Therefore, the key is to shift those internal criteria if we want to fall for a different type of person—especially since the previous ones haven't exactly yielded much luck.

That’s easy for you to say😁, but how am I supposed to force myself to change my criteria? It isn't about whether I'm looking for someone blonde, short, or tall... it's about character traits, temperament, lifestyle, and ways of thinking. I can't just ignore those things or suddenly develop an affinity for someone who is fundamentally different 😕... I just can't, because mentally, they just don't click with me.

copperfox22 said:That’s easy for you to say😁, but how am I supposed to force myself to change my criteria? It isn't about whether I'm looking for someone blonde, short, or tall... it's about character traits, temperament, lifestyle, and ways of thinking. I can't just ignore those things or suddenly develop an affinity for someone who is fundamentally different 😕... I just can't, because mentally, they just don't click with me.

Look, you don't need to change, but let's be real: the older we get, the harder it gets to find someone who actually meets our criteria—and it goes beyond that. Finding someone who fits our actual life. We have responsibilities now. Constant obligations.

Maybe that's the trick. Not lowering the bar, but being more tolerant. When you're 20, you still have time to mold yourself alongside a partner. By 30, you've already built your own version of happiness.

So the real question is: what happens to those of us closer to 30 than 20?

We've already settled on the looks. It's a done deal div>

Walter Peterson said:I experience this as well. I've begun to suspect that a significant portion of the problem lies within me. Those unfortunate criteria again...

We all carry a mental blueprint of an "ideal" partner (with specific criteria), and when we encounter someone who fits that mold, the chemistry hits and we fall in love. Therefore, the key is to shift those internal criteria if we want to fall for a different type of person—especially since the previous ones haven't exactly yielded much luck.

Look, Walter Peterson—are you out of your mind?🤣 ...that's really all I have to say to that...🤣
copperfox22, interesting choice of words... though incorrect... it implies that the Real One is somehow flawless—just thinking aloud... I know some psychologists find those kinds of associations fascinating...

Lawrence Patel9 said:Look, you don't need to change, but let's be real: the older we get, the harder it gets to find someone who actually meets our criteria—and it goes beyond that. Finding someone who fits our actual life. We have responsibilities now. Constant obligations.

Maybe that's the trick. Not lowering the bar, but being more tolerant. When you're 20, you still have time to mold yourself alongside a partner. By 30, you've already built your own version of happiness.

So the real question is: what happens to those of us closer to 30 than 20?

We've already settled on the looks. It's a done deal div>

Well put. One really should start practicing tolerance toward certain things—provided they are manageable.

What I was suggesting applies to anyone facing this dilemma. My final point regarding standards isn't merely a personal obsession; it is an interpretation provided by a psychiatrist. I am unsure if I am permitted to promote literature here, but I intend to read a book specifically addressing this subject and suggest it to everyone: Miller - Formula 1 for Love, or how not to ruin your life searching for "the one."

Lawrence Patel9 said:Look, you don't need to change, but let's be real: the older we get, the harder it gets to find someone who actually meets our criteria—and it goes beyond that. Finding someone who fits our actual life. We have responsibilities now. Constant obligations.

Maybe that's the trick. Not lowering the bar, but being more tolerant. When you're 20, you still have time to mold yourself alongside a partner. By 30, you've already built your own version of happiness.

So the real question is: what happens to those of us closer to 30 than 20?

We've already settled on the looks. It's a done deal div>

This is my first real roadblock. 🙂
I honestly don't know if there are many people out there who would even be willing to deal with my current life situation. Maybe that's already bleeding into how I act without me even realizing it—I might be subconsciously writing people off before they even get a chance.

Maybe that’s the trick. It isn't about lowering your standards, but rather increasing your tolerance.

.

Now, I consider myself pretty damn tolerant. Especially when it comes to the people I actually care about. I’m the type where, if I let you get close, "everything goes"—hyperbole aside, of course. What I mean is, I’m not shallow or half-hearted when it comes to relationships. I either aim for something deep and meaningful, or I don't bother at all.

That's why, when I commit, I go all in.

So now the question is, what happens to those of us who are closer to 30 than 20?

????

Let the smart ones weigh in. 😁