Is love really blind?

cosmictinker21 said:Eh, you see these people who stay trapped in miserable marriages for years, clinging to all these convenient little excuses they feed themselves and everyone else. It’s always the same script: the kids are too young, we’ve put in too much time together, what will the neighbors think, or the nightmare of splitting up assets in court... then there's the classic line: "we've been together forever, how could I just leave now?" Or maybe they're waiting until the kids finish school, or until the daughter is married off or the son is settled, and *then* they'll finally be free to live their lives—to find a lover or whatever. They act like they can't make a single decision because of work, aging parents, the house, or money...

And don't even get me started on the ones who aren't just dealing with emotional cruelty, but actual physical abuse, yet they still manage to stay in the relationship...🤷

I really wonder what the actual drivers are behind this self-deception—this turning a blind eye to reality and dragging out decisions indefinitely... Is it pure fear? Just spiritual inertia? Or are they just holding out for someone better, only to end up just moving from one seat to another?🙄

Motives for self-deception?
There isn't an alternative. Or rather, there is no viable alternative.

In fact, most marriages from our parents' generation—take those unions formed back in the 1960s, for example—largely shared the characteristics of infidelity and dysfunction. The only difference was that people didn't divorce at the rates we see today; back then, it was considered perfectly normal for the man to hold all the power while the woman simply kept quiet.

hollowbadger17 said:Motives for self-deception?
There isn't an alternative. Or rather, there is no viable alternative.

In fact, most marriages from our parents' generation—take those unions formed back in the 1960s, for example—largely shared the characteristics of infidelity and dysfunction. The only difference was that people didn't divorce at the rates we see today; back then, it was considered perfectly normal for the man to hold all the power while the woman simply kept quiet.

I suspect it’s actually fear—fear of their own choices, wondering if they’ll trip up if they venture out into the unknown waters of freedom. Or maybe they're terrified things will just get worse. There's also that dread of the emotional void you feel when you walk away from whatever "object" you've been obsessing over; once you leave, you stop being a mere pawn in someone else's little drama, only to realize you haven't really existed as an independent subject all this time anyway. So yeah, I guess they're waiting for an alternative... which usually just shows up in an even uglier form...🤣

silentpilot6 said:Alright, we’re drifting off-topic again, but I have one final thought regarding Pelín... the man simply lacks any real literary talent. Honestly, plenty of bottom-feeders write more engagingly than he does. On top of that, he actually admitted to making about half of it up, and even if his posts weren't so unbelievable that nobody would take them seriously in the first place—well, if what he writes actually *is* true, then compared to him, a major fraud is just a complete amateur.
The conclusion is simple: either Pelín is lying, or he’s "embellishing" the story just to play the role of the main villain... and even if he is telling the truth (which I doubt, but let's assume), he is incredibly delusional. Plus, he's got such a thin skin that the moment he reads anything critical, he feels the need to write an 874-sentence manifesto trying to explain, clarify, and argue with everyone.

Whether she replied to you or not, I have nothing more to say on the matter.

That's a matter of taste. Personally, I thought his writing was the best. He didn't just invent 50%; he applied poetic license to dry facts—that's what made his work superior to others. Sure, others added flair too, but they lacked his skill and talent. And you're right—he was the biggest player in the game. That's exactly why they targeted him; every big shot wants to be the biggest shot.

As for Pelín, he's sensitive. He can't stand injustice. He's also quite young; maybe experience will toughen him up.

You know, I’ve been giving these kinds of relationships some thought. I haven't had the time to dig through this entire thread, but I’ve gathered enough from what’s been posted here to form an opinion. Initially, I was inclined to view this as some sort of S&M dynamic, but something about that logic just doesn't sit right with me. In a true S&M relationship, both parties are actually satisfied with their roles. That clearly isn't the case here. I've come to a different conclusion: the abuser manipulates the victim into believing they are the one at fault for everything happening. It's the same reason why victims of domestic violence in the States often struggle to leave their abusers. It's primarily driven by fear, sure, but also because they are being psychologically dismantled. Honestly, psychological abuse can be far more devastating than physical violence. It’s a form of brainwashing that strips a person of their will to live, let alone the strength to walk away—all while they remain convinced that they are the cause of their own suffering. Or, quite simply, it boils down to the sunk cost fallacy; people feel they've invested so much into the relationship that they feel obligated to see it through.

I don't think you can simply draw direct parallels between domestic violence and those typical extramarital affairs, especially when the people involved aren't even living under the same roof.
Sure, there might be some minor overlaps, but the fundamental differences between the two are massive.

Look, you don't necessarily have to live under the same roof with someone for them to harass you. Of course, every single case is different, and we can only really understand what’s happening in any given instance by looking at the specifics. But is that actually the point of this thread?

Love's got a blind spot

Sean Cruz said:You know, I’ve been giving these kinds of relationships some thought. I haven't had the time to dig through this entire thread, but I’ve gathered enough from what’s been posted here to form an opinion. Initially, I was inclined to view this as some sort of S&M dynamic, but something about that logic just doesn't sit right with me. In a true S&M relationship, both parties are actually satisfied with their roles. That clearly isn't the case here. I've come to a different conclusion: the abuser manipulates the victim into believing they are the one at fault for everything happening. It's the same reason why victims of domestic violence in the States often struggle to leave their abusers. It's primarily driven by fear, sure, but also because they are being psychologically dismantled. Honestly, psychological abuse can be far more devastating than physical violence. It’s a form of brainwashing that strips a person of their will to live, let alone the strength to walk away—all while they remain convinced that they are the cause of their own suffering. Or, quite simply, it boils down to the sunk cost fallacy; people feel they've invested so much into the relationship that they feel obligated to see it through.

Period.

silentpilot6 said:I don't think you can simply draw direct parallels between domestic violence and those typical extramarital affairs, especially when the people involved aren't even living under the same roof.
Sure, there might be some minor overlaps, but the fundamental differences between the two are massive.

That huge gap comes down to one critical factor: financial dependency. It’s simple math. If you have nowhere to live, no place to run to, and zero savings, you’re trapped. You could be psychologically liberated all you want, but if you lack the resources, your room to maneuver is nonexistent. I hear this constantly. If Americans were in better financial standing, divorce rates would likely skyrocket.

silentpilot6 said:There you go again... please realize that victims aren't the majority 😬... most people have never been victims and never will be... your influence theory just doesn't hold up.
You seem to have this sick 😬 urge to pick on me 🤣 and sarcastically imply that I wouldn't know how to handle things... of course I have weaknesses, everyone does... but I know how to use my head—at least sometimes, haha—and refuse to turn a blind eye to reality.

silentpilot6 - definitely not a broken man. 😉

Sean Cruz said:You know, I’ve been giving these kinds of relationships some thought. I haven't had the time to dig through this entire thread, but I’ve gathered enough from what’s been posted here to form an opinion. Initially, I was inclined to view this as some sort of S&M dynamic, but something about that logic just doesn't sit right with me. In a true S&M relationship, both parties are actually satisfied with their roles. That clearly isn't the case here. I've come to a different conclusion: the abuser manipulates the victim into believing they are the one at fault for everything happening. It's the same reason why victims of domestic violence in the States often struggle to leave their abusers. It's primarily driven by fear, sure, but also because they are being psychologically dismantled. Honestly, psychological abuse can be far more devastating than physical violence. It’s a form of brainwashing that strips a person of their will to live, let alone the strength to walk away—all while they remain convinced that they are the cause of their own suffering. Or, quite simply, it boils down to the sunk cost fallacy; people feel they've invested so much into the relationship that they feel obligated to see it through.

Convince them? Really? Like, would anyone actually believe you if someone like Drita told them they were responsible for their own broken leg or an earache? Yeah, probably... maybe they should've said a prayer before leaving the house every morning. 🙄
The absolute worst part, like silentpilot6 was saying, is that these abusers aren't even geniuses. Most of them are actually pretty dimwitted. And that’s what makes it even more infuriating! 😍

Man, looking back on it now... it’s not even stupidity. It's just total aimlessness. Pure laziness. I mean, you can actually put some brainpower into things if you try...

It all really boils down to how thick the sheet is.🙄

Gerald Ward61 said:Convince them? Really? Like, would anyone actually believe you if someone like Drita told them they were responsible for their own broken leg or an earache? Yeah, probably... maybe they should've said a prayer before leaving the house every morning. 🙄
The absolute worst part, like silentpilot6 was saying, is that these abusers aren't even geniuses. Most of them are actually pretty dimwitted. And that’s what makes it even more infuriating! 😍

I mentioned earlier that I hadn't read the thread, but you've definitely piqued my interest. 🤣 There is everything under the sun, but you hit the nail on the head here:

Now that I think about it, it isn't just stupidity—it's a total lack of substance. Pure laziness. One can only think so much, after all.

Sean Cruz said:I spent a lovely afternoon soaking up the sun regardless. 🙂

I'm not without my flaws, but I know when being open or honest is misplaced. (At least, that's my take.) Luckily, I'm not easy to read, since I tend to lean on irony and various metaphors—again, in my opinion. But if I miss the mark, I own it, no questions asked.

🤣 I am brutally honest, just like everything else you've written. That is simply a core part of my character. 😁 However, some people just can't handle my level of sincerity, so occasionally, I hold back. 😉

Ehh, but saying "sorry" actually carries weight; it isn't just empty words. Trust ethics and morality, if you aren't going to trust God. (Just teasing a little).

I don't see much point in apologies, nor do I particularly enjoy being coddled. Just admit you messed up and move on. 🙂

I'm not one to praise those close to me, but what can I say when we're on the same wavelength? 😍 What you wrote is the whole point. 😉 (There, I'm giving you a wink—you know I love a good wink. 🤣)

😂 There’s nothing quite like a dose of pure pessimism to kick off the morning before my first cup of coffee. 🤣

Do you actually like blondes?
God forbid I ever become a moderator, but if I do, I'll start a thread just for you.😉

Jonathan Mendoza31 said:Vess,

I'm right there with you on this. I get what you're saying, I really do, but I'm just stuck on the "how." How do you actually build that? That rock-solid sense of inner security? Honestly, I feel like even talking to a therapist in Manhattan wouldn't touch that kind of deep-seated stuff. It feels like the only way left is to find that one person who’s actually going to stick by my side through everything...

Honestly, I think it’s better to find yourself first. Once you’ve "found" yourself... you’ll have more than just "your only option." Basically, you'll be way less likely to screw up by picking the wrong person.😉