My boyfriend is an addict

Matthew Rodriguez9 said:It's pretty obvious you're still pretty young and haven't seen how this works yet. 🙂

Look, honey, heroin is his number one priority, regardless of all those empty promises he’s feeding you... addicts are world-class liars... whatever comes out of their mouths is usually a fabrication...

To him, those other drugs are just a backup plan for when he can't get to his "princess," aka the heroin.

If you honestly believe he's been off heroin for six months while he's still shooting up, then you are being seriously naive! 👎

👍

I’ve said it before: once an addict, always an addict.

Princess, everything you’re typing here—trying to defend him, trying to justify what he does—it’s all the same old script we've seen a thousand times.

I don't want to lecture you, really, I know you've heard enough preaching from your parents to last a lifetime, but just look at the facts: what if everyone in AA and all those old-timers are actually right? Do you really want to be the one person fighting against the wind, hoping to be that tiny fraction of a percent—maybe even less—who actually beats this addiction, just so you can come back in a few years and say, "Aha! I told you so"?
Are you brave enough—or maybe just crazy enough—to actually take those odds?

Here’s the most likely scenario of how this plays out:
He’ll stick with therapy for a bit.
Maybe he'll feel a little better.
His personality might shift slightly.
But he’ll lie just like he always has.
Something "terrible" will happen, and he won't be able to handle the weight of it.
And then, he'll go right back to Elvis Presley, because that's his supposed "salvation."
Eventually, you’ll hopefully hit some kind of breaking point where you finally wake up and ask yourself: why did I swallow all this bullshit for so long?
You might even spiral into a deep depression because you spent so much time blinded by him, just wasting your life away...

Just cut that dead weight loose and choose something better for yourself.

Choose life (have you ever seen Trainspotting?)

Cheers!

Kenneth Brooks9 said:Stuff like that is super easy to verify, so...

But hey, why don't you go verify it yourself instead of just taking some random guy from down the street at face value! 😉

The issue isn't the needle. The issue is him.
A psychiatrist or detox center won't be able to fix this man. His only hope is rehab—and not just any random facility. Recovery has to be his own choice, not some performance to appease others. Typically, that shift only happens when someone hits rock bottom across the board: financially, socially, morally, and physically.
Even if he goes, you’ll be waiting a lifetime. Are you truly prepared for that at twenty-one? I'm not telling you what to do, I'm simply asking. Forget about those "instant fixes" for getting off Elvis Presley. That isn't how reality works. Withdrawal is a long, brutal marathon, and most people drop out halfway through.
And even after he leaves rehab, he will still be an addict; he’ll just be abstinent (hopefully). Or, to use medical terminology: he might manage the symptoms, but he isn't cured. In other words, the risk of relapse is always looming.

As for his old crowd—he needs to cut them off entirely. No more nodding to them on the street corner.
Every single interaction is a massive risk.

If he can't make life-altering decisions for the sake of your love, why on earth should you have to endure this?

Raymond Wilson4 said:The issue isn't the needle. The issue is him.
A psychiatrist or detox center won't be able to fix this man. His only hope is rehab—and not just any random facility. Recovery has to be his own choice, not some performance to appease others. Typically, that shift only happens when someone hits rock bottom across the board: financially, socially, morally, and physically.
Even if he goes, you’ll be waiting a lifetime. Are you truly prepared for that at twenty-one? I'm not telling you what to do, I'm simply asking. Forget about those "instant fixes" for getting off Elvis Presley. That isn't how reality works. Withdrawal is a long, brutal marathon, and most people drop out halfway through.
And even after he leaves rehab, he will still be an addict; he’ll just be abstinent (hopefully). Or, to use medical terminology: he might manage the symptoms, but he isn't cured. In other words, the risk of relapse is always looming.

As for his old crowd—he needs to cut them off entirely. No more nodding to them on the street corner.
Every single interaction is a massive risk.

If he can't make life-altering decisions for the sake of your love, why on earth should you have to endure this?

Yeah, I'm 100% with you on that...

Kenneth Brooks9 said:Most people here probably agree with you—that his head is just spinning with how he’s gonna relapse again—but I’m not so sure. He’s actually been clean from heroin for six months now. His biggest mess-up is the needle addiction; he’s still shooting up even when he's on meth. In these last three years, he’s only touched heroin a handful of times—though, yeah, when he does, he gets hooked fast. It’s really the needle that’s killing him.

Six months???? I remember seeing a thread about this on a recovery forum once. Look, people can stumble back into usage even after YEARS of sobriety. You're really calling this guy "recovered" after only six months??

I actually read someone's personal story once where they argued that you are NEVER truly "cured." Addiction follows you until the day you die. Honestly, leave the guy alone; he’s just going to end up hurting himself. It’s tough at the start, sure, but just imagine how much worse things could get.

@Raymond Wilson4

Honestly, checking into rehab doesn't mean much if the guy doesn't have that inner grit to actually kick the Elvis Presley habit for good.
I’ve seen plenty of people go through this where they come out after two or three years looking pretty solid—maybe they put on a few pounds, look healthy, everything seems great for a minute—but then life hits them with one little setback and they're right back to their old crew and those old habits.

I’m not saying everyone is like that, but man, so many people end up sliding right back into the cycle...back to the drugs, back to rehab, just spinning in this endless loop while the years slip away and their lives pass by in treatment centers.

At some point, you really have to stop and ask yourself: Is it actually worth spending your whole life with someone like that, just holding onto this tiny hope that they might eventually turn into a stable person?

So, I’ve been doing a ton of reading... Most people seem to be on the same page here, which sucks because—unfortunately—the call is basically up to me. We'll see how much more of this crap I can actually take before I lose it... This is pretty much his last shot anyway... At least if you ask me...

Matthew Rodriguez9 said:@Raymond Wilson4

Honestly, checking into rehab doesn't mean much if the guy doesn't have that inner grit to actually kick the Elvis Presley habit for good.
I’ve seen plenty of people go through this where they come out after two or three years looking pretty solid—maybe they put on a few pounds, look healthy, everything seems great for a minute—but then life hits them with one little setback and they're right back to their old crew and those old habits.

I’m not saying everyone is like that, but man, so many people end up sliding right back into the cycle...back to the drugs, back to rehab, just spinning in this endless loop while the years slip away and their lives pass by in treatment centers.

At some point, you really have to stop and ask yourself: Is it actually worth spending your whole life with someone like that, just holding onto this tiny hope that they might eventually turn into a stable person?

I never claimed rehab was a magic bullet, though it certainly increases the odds. Success depends entirely on his actual motivation and the quality of the facility; even then, nothing is guaranteed.
Upon reentry, he needs a job (which is difficult given the stigma), a partner from outside that subculture, and complete removal from the environments and people associated with his past life. He needs a low-stress environment to prevent his entire foundation from collapsing.
I know countless current and former addicts, both personally and professionally, and only one remains sober (so far, for about four or five years). He understands that every single day is a fresh battle and a hard-won victory.

My own experience is limited "only" to nicotine. I have been smoke-free for 13 years and 10 months. You can imagine my frustration when I count the days since November 15, 1995, and realize how much easier things were back when cigarettes were as common as Elvis Presley.

Kenneth Brooks9, you really need to think about how this could blow up on your whole family.

Because once someone like that walks into a stable household, they can just wreck everything that was actually working fine before they showed up.

It’s such a messy, complicated situation, honestly, and there’s probably enough to write a whole book about.

I’m really hoping you’ll take what we’re saying to heart, even if we’re all just random people on the internet to you... but that’s honestly why I love these forums so much, seeing people lay out their struggles and knowing that every bit of advice helps. 👍

Huge thanks to everyone... both the optimists and the "doomsayers"... 🙂

Greetings.

Kenneth Brooks9, get away from him. You cannot fix him, nor can you offer any real help.
You are still young; surely you believe you deserve a stable, mature, and responsible partner who will actually respect and love you with honesty. Someone you can go to the movies or out on the town with without constantly worrying about whether he’s cleaned himself up. Furthermore, have you even considered the risks regarding hepatitis or HIV?
Believe me, I know what I am talking about because my profession involves working with addicts.
Run like hell!🙂

Yeah, I’ve been obsessing over all this—like, seriously, a ton—and honestly? I’m still stuck in the exact same spot. Call me stupid if you want, but whatever, it is what it is. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see how much more of this we can actually take.

Look, ladies—if you want to be actually smart and stay true to yourselves, there's only one move here: GET OUT OF THERE ASAP!!!

There are plenty of great guys out there—normal dudes who are finishing college or working steady jobs.
But the druggies, the alcoholics, and all that other nonsense? Hard pass. Honestly, his behavior just screams one of two things: either his life is so incredibly boring that he’s acting out just to feel something, or he’s too much of a coward to actually face his problems head-on. Instead of stepping up and handling business like an adult, he’d rather just bolt like a frightened horse than actually deal with what's eating him.

Seriously though, while we're on the subject... where does one even find decent guys anymore???

I have a friend who claims to be in recovery, yet he keeps relapsing back onto Elvis Presley every so often, essentially resetting the clock, and this cycle has persisted for thirteen years now; despite my endless attempts to offer sound advice and standing by him through everything, I eventually had to step back because it felt like there was simply no cure for someone like him. If your boyfriend’s approach to getting clean follows this same pattern, then I fear there might truly be no hope for him...

My advice to you would be to walk away as quickly as your heart allows, though perhaps you could mention that once he has actually achieved sobriety, he is more than welcome to reach out and find you again—that way, you provide him with a genuine incentive to commit to his recovery.
I have dealt with individuals like this for many years, and in all that time, I have never once witnessed anyone successfully quit without eventually sliding back into old habits...
There is really no point in trying to save someone who isn't actually interested in being saved.

Kenneth Brooks9 said:Seriously though, while we're on the subject... where does one even find decent guys anymore???

Girl, you just gotta get out there! Hit up some downtown spots, find a cute little bistro, or just grab your besties and tell them to introduce you to their crew... honestly, there are like a million ways to make it happen!

Jack Torres said:Girl, you just gotta get out there! Hit up some downtown spots, find a cute little bistro, or just grab your besties and tell them to introduce you to their crew... honestly, there are like a million ways to make it happen!

Hehe, whatever, I was just messing around. Everyone's "normal" I guess—it’s just that some people vibe together and others just don't... that's basically the whole secret to life right there. 😉

Well, hey, just go ahead and find someone who actually works for you!

Jack Torres said:Well, hey, just go ahead and find someone who actually works for you!

I'm with you on this one!

Here’s my checklist:
- Single
- Has a steady job
- Doesn't drink like a fish—lol
- Zero drug issues or mental health baggage whatsoever
- Lives in or near New York City
- Done playing games with pointless flings that lead nowhere
......

Just write down exactly what you need and start the hunt.😂

@tatinaprincezo don't listen to those people pushing outdated rims or anyone who clearly hasn't a clue what they're talking about... just follow your gut. If you've got the willpower, you can overcome an addiction like this. Just stay steady and stick by him. But if you see that he truly DOESN'T want to change? Then walk away. But if he actually wants to? Just be there for him. You guys can take on anything together.