My boyfriend is an addict

Kenneth Brooks9 said:Hehe, whatever, I was just messing around. Everyone's "normal" I guess—it’s just that some people vibe together and others just don't... that's basically the whole secret to life right there. 😉

And you think this one fits? That explains why you started such a cheery thread on this forum.

Look, you've received plenty of advice, and everyone is in agreement on one thing—run from people like that.
The choice is yours now; there isn't much deep philosophy involved here.

Lock this thread!

Megan Barnes3 said:@tatinaprincezo don't listen to those people pushing outdated rims or anyone who clearly hasn't a clue what they're talking about... just follow your gut. If you've got the willpower, you can overcome an addiction like this. Just stay steady and stick by him. But if you see that he truly DOESN'T want to change? Then walk away. But if he actually wants to? Just be there for him. You guys can take on anything together.

You have to think about the end game here. What is the ultimate result? You'll just be stuck in a miserable cycle together, all because one person is too cowardly to make the hard choice to get clean. I personally knew someone whose mother passed away because he was high the entire time; even when she was on her deathbed pleading with him to stop, he refused. Everything is possible if there is actual intent.

Those who successfully recover are rare, but perhaps we should ask ourselves why they actually succeeded—it certainly wasn't because it was easy, but because they genuinely wanted to change.

Unfortunately, I have to side with most of what’s been said here, and honestly, once an addict, always an addict. It’s pretty rare to find someone who actually manages to kick the habit for good. I’ve spent enough time around people in that cycle to know that their entire world shrinks down to one single thing: how to get high and how to get high as fast as possible. They don't care about the consequences or the methods they use to get there.
Some of them aren't even around anymore...
Living life alongside people like that can be a total nightmare. You also have to remember that you're putting yourself at risk for all kinds of health issues just by being in their orbit.
So, keep your head up, turn the page, and just keep moving forward..

crimsonnomad29 said:You have to think about the end game here. What is the ultimate result? You'll just be stuck in a miserable cycle together, all because one person is too cowardly to make the hard choice to get clean. I personally knew someone whose mother passed away because he was high the entire time; even when she was on her deathbed pleading with him to stop, he refused. Everything is possible if there is actual intent.

Those who successfully recover are rare, but perhaps we should ask ourselves why they actually succeeded—it certainly wasn't because it was easy, but because they genuinely wanted to change.

Solid post... but it bugs me how the default advice is always just to walk away. You literally said it yourself: everything is possible if you actually want it. That means there's still hope, right? You shouldn't just give up so easily.

Lawrence Palmer3 said:Unfortunately, I have to side with most of what’s been said here, and honestly, once an addict, always an addict. It’s pretty rare to find someone who actually manages to kick the habit for good. I’ve spent enough time around people in that cycle to know that their entire world shrinks down to one single thing: how to get high and how to get high as fast as possible. They don't care about the consequences or the methods they use to get there.
Some of them aren't even around anymore...
Living life alongside people like that can be a total nightmare. You also have to remember that you're putting yourself at risk for all kinds of health issues just by being in their orbit.
So, keep your head up, turn the page, and just keep moving forward..

😕Those two points of yours kind of clash. But you're right, they're rare, but they exist. Leaving isn't always the answer... you shouldn't just dump someone the second things get messy. Sometimes you have to fight for a person a little bit.

Megan Barnes3 said:Solid post... but it bugs me how the default advice is always just to walk away. You literally said it yourself: everything is possible if you actually want it. That means there's still hope, right? You shouldn't just give up so easily.

😕Those two points of yours kind of clash. But you're right, they're rare, but they exist. Leaving isn't always the answer... you shouldn't just dump someone the second things get messy. Sometimes you have to fight for a person a little bit.

Fair enough, maybe saying "once an addict, always an addict" sounds a bit harsh, but the reality is that addiction lingers in the subconscious even after rehab, therapy, or some supposed "recovery." I'm not saying it's impossible to change, but escaping that hell is incredibly difficult. An addict needs to find something that makes them happy again—something that gives them actual hope and a reason to connect with people..
I agree with you that we should give people a chance, especially those we care about. And not just one chance, either. But like I said, they often have nothing else on their mind, so they really need to find a genuine motivation to live a life without all that crap..

Megan Barnes3 said:Solid post... but it bugs me how the default advice is always just to walk away. You literally said it yourself: everything is possible if you actually want it. That means there's still hope, right? You shouldn't just give up so easily.

😕Those two points of yours kind of clash. But you're right, they're rare, but they exist. Leaving isn't always the answer... you shouldn't just dump someone the second things get messy. Sometimes you have to fight for a person a little bit.

Standing up for someone is certainly one thing if she were married to him or had kids together... but in her case, in the prime of her youth, burying herself in battles that are almost impossible to win 😢.... I have an example right near me, a woman with three kids and he's stuck on heavy narcotics..... a child who never grows up.... she was once such a beauty, but now, barely forty, she looks like an old woman... that smile vanished from her face a long time ago ...it seemed like such a massive love when they first started dating..... everyone knew he had drug issues.... but over time, his struggle didn't shrink, it just grew larger as life's hardships hit them hard ..... the usual stuff, really ..... for anyone who actually knows how to deal with them.... I wonder what she would decide now if she could turn back the clock... to you, girl, who started this thread, I just hope your emotions don't cloud your vision 🙂

Honestly, what I really want is to hear from someone actually going through treatment—and maybe get some perspective from someone who isn't even in that world to begin with...

Stop wasting your energy wondering if he’ll spiral back into drugs if you walk away.

He will. Of course he will. He’ll use that to try and guilt you into staying, making it seem like he can't survive without you.

Honey, there is one person in this world who matters more than whether or not he relapses.

That person is you.

Kenneth Brooks9 said:Honestly, what I really want is to hear from someone actually going through treatment—and maybe get some perspective from someone who isn't even in that world to begin with...

I totally get where you're coming from, you just want someone to give you the green light to keep moving forward, but honestly, I'm worried that the only people who would actually tell you that are the ones who are completely immature and reckless... because what's waiting for you on the other side isn't some paradise, it's more like walking straight into hell...

amberbear02 said:Stop wasting your energy wondering if he’ll spiral back into drugs if you walk away.

He will. Of course he will. He’ll use that to try and guilt you into staying, making it seem like he can't survive without you.

Honey, there is one person in this world who matters more than whether or not he relapses.

That person is you.

I mean, I guess that's probably true... 😉 But honestly? I'm still stuck in the exact same spot I was in before... hehehe
It's time to finally make a real decision about taking that huge leap...

Megan Barnes3 said:@tatinaprincezo don't listen to those people pushing outdated rims or anyone who clearly hasn't a clue what they're talking about... just follow your gut. If you've got the willpower, you can overcome an addiction like this. Just stay steady and stick by him. But if you see that he truly DOESN'T want to change? Then walk away. But if he actually wants to? Just be there for him. You guys can take on anything together.

Seriously, you should take her advice. 😂

Have some common sense—you can't expect mutual understanding if you don't get on the same page first!

amberbear02 said:Stop wasting your energy wondering if he’ll spiral back into drugs if you walk away.

He will. Of course he will. He’ll use that to try and guilt you into staying, making it seem like he can't survive without you.

Honey, there is one person in this world who matters more than whether or not he relapses.

That person is you.

And damn right she is! 🤣

So many girls fall into that exact trap when they're young and naive, just like you are right now.

Most of them end up completely wrecking their own lives for losers like that, and it doesn't just hurt them—it destroys their parents, too.

They won't listen when someone tries to help, and then they're left crying to their folks once everything has already gone south. 👎

Ashley Chase83 said:Have some common sense—you can't expect mutual understanding if you don't get on the same page first!

Honestly, you’re being a complete moron. I don't even think you belong here—if you can't contribute anything useful or just act like a normal human being, I don't get why you even bother posting. Thank God not everyone is as clueless as you; most people actually have the maturity to hold a decent conversation instead of acting like a five-year-old. But hey, thanks for the comment anyway... really helpful stuff right there...

Don't go catching some Joan of Arc complex and start thinking you're God or something, tasked with saving his soul.
Look, let's be clear—I never actually said it was impossible for him to change, but the odds are so slim that I’d personally already be halfway across the country running the other way...

And kid, you wouldn't even be hanging out on this forum if your life were going smoothly... but making a call is always a hell of a lot easier when something (metaphorically) hits you over the head with it...

As for Megan Barnes3, she's being kind, sure, but she's being totally unrealistic about it... it's almost like saying a diabetic can just wish their disease away if they want it bad enough.

Kenneth Brooks9, do you have cable or satellite TV with the A&E channel?
They’ve got this show called Intervention that dives into addiction in general—it isn't just about drugs, either.
It's a massive eye-opener! And hey, I think I mentioned Trainspotting before...

coppernomad28 said:Kenneth Brooks9, do you have cable or satellite TV with the A&E channel?
They’ve got this show called Intervention that dives into addiction in general—it isn't just about drugs, either.
It's a massive eye-opener! And hey, I think I mentioned Trainspotting before...

I've just got DirecTV... maybe they have that one??? Trainspotting???

Kenneth Brooks9 said:I've just got DirecTV... maybe they have that one??? Trainspotting???

Look, it's basically a movie about junkies in the USA.
It stars Obi-Wan Kenobi—wait, no, sorry, I mean Ewan McGregor (back when he was actually young, shot in '96, right around the time you finally ditched the cartoons 🙂).

Here's the link for you:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0117951/

Fair warning though! The movie is brutally realistic.

@tatinaprinceza:

Honestly, even just your handle gives you away—if you ask me, anyway:
- I’m guessing your folks really went all out for you growing up, you know? Like, they poured everything into your schooling and made sure you had the best childhood possible, both emotionally and, well, financially.
- But here’s the thing—they probably did you a massive disservice by shielding you from the real world. They kept you safe from every little hardship or rough patch, which I think is why you get so tripped up by stuff that seems obvious to everyone else. It’s probably why those chaotic, unstable guys catch your eye too (and yeah, age plays a part, I guess)—you basically grew up in a bubble. Sure, it’s secure, but man, it gets boring after a while.

Because of that whole setup, you just don't get how some people's heads actually work. You can't wrap your mind around the idea that someone could look you straight in the eye, lie to your face, and then just reach into your wallet and snatch $67 right out of it while swearing they love you. To you, that kind of darkness is just some foreign concept you're only starting to stumble upon...

Grace Flores4 said:@tatinaprinceza:

Honestly, even just your handle gives you away—if you ask me, anyway:
- I’m guessing your folks really went all out for you growing up, you know? Like, they poured everything into your schooling and made sure you had the best childhood possible, both emotionally and, well, financially.
- But here’s the thing—they probably did you a massive disservice by shielding you from the real world. They kept you safe from every little hardship or rough patch, which I think is why you get so tripped up by stuff that seems obvious to everyone else. It’s probably why those chaotic, unstable guys catch your eye too (and yeah, age plays a part, I guess)—you basically grew up in a bubble. Sure, it’s secure, but man, it gets boring after a while.

Because of that whole setup, you just don't get how some people's heads actually work. You can't wrap your mind around the idea that someone could look you straight in the eye, lie to your face, and then just reach into your wallet and snatch $67 right out of it while swearing they love you. To you, that kind of darkness is just some foreign concept you're only starting to stumble upon...

then again, she did spend three years with that guy, so she probably knows him well enough...