My boyfriend is an addict

Kenneth Brooks9 said:Alright, look... I’m in deep trouble here. I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years now, and we’re currently going through his methadone rehab—again. This is the second time. I’m right there with him at the psychiatrist appointments, trying my absolute best to wrap my head around this whole mess, but honestly? I’m terrified it’s just not working. I’ve never touched drugs myself—never even gone near them—so I have zero clue what it actually feels like, which makes it ten times harder to get where he's coming from. All I know is, seeing it firsthand, it is incredibly hard to walk away... at least mentally. Look, I love him, and I always will, regardless of everything, but I am just so sick of the constant lying. I really, truly want to help him and stay by his side, but I’m lost. I know he wants to quit—he really does—but then he’ll stay clean for a year, and then boom, it’s back to square one. I can't help but feel like he just doesn't have the backbone for this, and his "friends" keep dragging him right back into it... I’m begging anyone who’s dealt with this before to please give me some advice. What do I do? Do I walk away, or do I keep fighting for him???

Look, being brutally honest here? Your chances of a happy ending are less than 1%. First off, he probably won't ever fully quit. Or if he does, he'll relapse at least once a year. That's just a fact. Very few people actually make it; most people just screw themselves over completely and take everyone around them down with them.
You can sacrifice your entire life trying to "help" him, but nobody can help him except himself.
And again, being totally blunt: just walk away. Let go of this need to save him. Sure, everyone deserves a second chance, but after 3 years, I guess he's had plenty of them. You're young, you've got your whole life ahead of you—just dump him and move on. It simply isn't worth it, because he'll be a prince on a golden throne long before he's a prince on a white horse. Dammit.

coppernomad28 said:Look, it's basically a movie about junkies in the USA.
It stars Obi-Wan Kenobi—wait, no, sorry, I mean Ewan McGregor (back when he was actually young, shot in '96, right around the time you finally ditched the cartoons 🙂).

Here's the link for you:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0117951/

Fair warning though! The movie is brutally realistic.

Actually, not really. It's more like a "cool" depiction of a drug addict's life with a few gritty scenes thrown in. Kind of like how Guy Ritchie doesn't really make realistic movies about criminals.😉
Try Requiem for a Dream.

Idiots... everyone here...

Look... you said it yourself—he actually wants to quit. But methadone therapy, or whatever else a doctor prescribes, isn't going to work. It’s not even in their interest to get someone off heroin; they just want to swap one addiction for another. Trust me on this...

The only way out of that cycle is Ibogaine....

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ibogaine

There's some info there, and if you look into it, there are even specialized centers over in Canada that take people in specifically to administer Ibogaine...

I'm not an addict or anything, but I dabble in researching the world of psychedelics, and this really is the only shot. Nature has already created the antidote; it's just being suppressed. Do your own research, look into it yourselves—you'll definitely find information... Ibogaine completely wipes out any physical craving for drugs, though the mental struggle remains. But since you say he's had enough, this is your

ONLY way...
peace

You guys honestly don't have a clue what you're talking about, let alone giving advice. I've known addicts—and really, how do we even define that label?—who actually function just fine
They’re successful members of this broken system, and their partners often have no idea who they're actually living with. Look, there’s a much bigger tragedy than falling for someone struggling with addiction. Everyone deserves a shot at a better life, and when love gets involved, those stakes get even higher. The experience of navigating both sides of that coin is impossible to measure. Every single day is a fight. Sometimes you lose a battle but win the war; sometimes you don't even get a fighting chance. All of this is something they have to go through. If they make it out, nothing will ever stand in their way again. If they don't, it'll be one of those hard-learned life lessons their souls were meant to face. The road to hell is paved with good intentions, Kenneth Brooks9. Just listen to your heart and trust your gut. Stay positive and try to help your guy break free from those chains—do it with pure intentions and tons of love, because so many things are stacked against you. And hey, if it doesn't work out, at least you'll never have to live with the "what ifs"
Just pour all your love into him. Ignore the comments, ignore the judgment from society and your own family. Only a truly brave, strong soul can attempt to change something like this. But you have to be ready for the labels and the criticism coming from everyone, even your inner circle. You're the only one with the right to decide to try and liberate his soul. Kenneth Brooks9, nothing happens by accident. Maybe this post seems a bit out there, but I'm not one of those people who claims love conquers all. Only *real* love can conquer anything, and that means you need the wisdom to listen to yourself and believe in your own strength if you want to reach his soul. At the end of the day, he's the only one who can truly save himself. You're just the lighthouse in the pitch-black darkness of his abyss. The stronger your love, the better that light guides him home. The further you drift away, the dimmer that light gets, until eventually, it just goes out completely.

Everyone deserves a second chance, even a third 😁 but if I'm reading this correctly, he's already burned through his first two... honestly, it is incredibly easy for him to blow that third one too... and then what? Eventually, you'll realize you've wasted years of your life on an addict... Will he return to drugs if you leave him? That isn't really the question... the real question is whether he will actually quit drugs if you stay by his side.
If you are certain he will... go for it 👍 but if you aren't—and it seems like you aren't—it’s better to walk away now.
As for what happens next... if he has any sense at all, he'll get clean. If he doesn't, then it won't matter whether you're there or not... it's the hallmark of a weakling to escape their problems by retreating into some other "reality" 😵... though, in my opinion, all addicts are weaklings. 🤷

You have to understand that fighting this is a long, grueling, uncertain battle with slim odds of success... Are you prepared for that risk? You've been together for three years now... I can't even imagine the quality of your relationship, but I doubt it's exactly thriving.
In my view, he needs a dose of shock therapy.
Leave him and tell him to reach out once he's sober... and if he doesn't 👋... maybe that will be the wake-up call he needs. Put him in a position where he has to choose: the drugs or you. Let's see what he picks.

Good luck 👍

There is also one more thing I would find interesting to explore regarding the "quality of connection" I mentioned earlier.
What is it actually like to be in a relationship with an addict?

To be honest, I have some personal experience with this because a few people I once considered part of my inner circle ended up falling into drug use... and even a guy I was quite close with got pulled into that lifestyle. Truthfully, all of them eventually drifted away from their old circles to hang out with people just like themselves—other addicts—and at that point, I had already written them off.
You can't even grab a simple coffee with someone struggling with addiction, let alone anything else... though I did cut ties with everyone who started using, I still run into some of them occasionally. We might exchange a few words in passing, and I even went out for coffee once with someone I used to be close to... though looking back, I probably shouldn't have 😢... I realized they simply aren't the same people anymore, and I have no desire to be involved with them. Their world is just not my world.

Anyway, that’s just my perspective and my own experience... and while I know not every addict is the same, I am genuinely curious: what is it really like to be in a relationship with someone like that?

A buddy of mine went through this... he picked up HPV and has been dealing with genital warts for almost two years now. Just constant treatment

As far as I'm aware, HPV isn't particularly closely linked to drug addiction...

Megan Barnes3 said:Solid post... but it bugs me how the default advice is always just to walk away. You literally said it yourself: everything is possible if you actually want it. That means there's still hope, right? You shouldn't just give up so easily.

😕Those two points of yours kind of clash. But you're right, they're rare, but they exist. Leaving isn't always the answer... you shouldn't just dump someone the second things get messy. Sometimes you have to fight for a person a little bit.

The truth is that while anything is possible if there's enough will, after three years of being together—especially when he spent that entire time cycling in and out of rehab—it suggests she's the one who wants this, not him. And ultimately, it's his choice to make.

While I agree we shouldn't give up too easily, I honestly think three years is a massive amount of time for someone to decide whether they actually intend to fix their life or not. I have a friend who was on leave for eight years and has been trying to get clean for five, yet he hasn't made any real progress because, deep down, he doesn't actually want to change. He just plays the part of someone trying to recover because he knows his inner circle would walk away from him if he were truly lost, and losing that support system wouldn't serve his interests.

Drugs are pure hell, and I firmly believe that if a man is already living in that hell, he shouldn't drag a decent woman down into it with him; frankly, I don't think it's fair.

Carol Thompson55 said:I'm with you on this one!

Here’s my checklist:
- Single
- Has a steady job
- Doesn't drink like a fish—lol
- Zero drug issues or mental health baggage whatsoever
- Lives in or near New York City
- Done playing games with pointless flings that lead nowhere
......

Just write down exactly what you need and start the hunt.😂

People like that don't exist in Chicago.

Looking at the whole mess, it’s obvious he’s never gonna quit,
if he even tries one day—you’ll always be looking over your shoulder, wondering if he’s already slipped back into his old ways.
It’s pretty damn clear the drugs aren't going anywhere and he’s just gonna screw you over like some clueless kid.😢
Just walk away from that loser, he isn't worth the headache.😉

A close friend of mine went through the exact same thing you're dealing with right now..
She wasn't even an addict herself, she never touched those hard drugs...
But she stood by him through everything, absolutely everything
When his family kicked him out, she was the one who gave him a place to stay and a roof over his head..
Then, when he finally decided to get clean, he actually left her. He told her he needed to go figure things out on his own and live life solo
It completely broke her.. and that’s when it hit him (only then 🙄) that he basically owned her, so he crawled back after a while
From there, he just started using her for money. He took everything she had, used her car, it was a total nightmare.. We kept telling her she had to walk away, but he always knew exactly what to say to twist things around and make her feel guilty
Eventually, he slipped back into using, and he even ended up stealing from elderly people
Even then, she couldn't bring herself to leave.. She’d always find some ridiculous excuse to stick by his side, claiming that nobody else would ever put up with him because everyone else had abandoned him, blah blah
Fast forward about a decade of this "relationship," and they somehow ended up having a child together
It’s only now that she’s finally waking up to the reality that she can't do this anymore, mostly because she doesn't want her kid growing up in that kind of environment
As for him, he’s worse than ever.. He isn't using drugs anymore, but the mental toll is devastating.. He’s psychologically destroying her
So, yeah.. that’s probably what your life will look like ten years down the road. Good luck!

silentpilot6 said:Ugh... just another one with that whole savior complex thing going on...

It’s not some "syndrome." When you actually, genuinely love someone, this stuff just happens—it's automatic. Thank God most of you have never been stuck in the exact situation I’m in right now, because, honestly? I wouldn't wish it on anyone... It's painful, it's exhausting, and I don't *want* to be doing this, but my heart—and whatever shred of humanity I have left—keeps pulling me toward helping this guy. I just have this feeling he can pull through... Whatever happens, this is his absolute last shot. I really hope he takes it and makes the most of it, because, man, I am falling apart inside here...
If we blow it this time, I'll know I did everything humanly possible....

It’s a textbook case of someone trying to play the "savior" and force everyone onto the right path... those types always end up getting burned, but it's inevitable...

No one is standing by him 😢, he's been completely abandoned :_(, it's honestly heartbreaking... she hasn't realized that there are probably very heavy reasons why everyone walked away from him in the first place... 😵

Kenneth Brooks9 said:It’s not some "syndrome." When you actually, genuinely love someone, this stuff just happens—it's automatic. Thank God most of you have never been stuck in the exact situation I’m in right now, because, honestly? I wouldn't wish it on anyone... It's painful, it's exhausting, and I don't *want* to be doing this, but my heart—and whatever shred of humanity I have left—keeps pulling me toward helping this guy. I just have this feeling he can pull through... Whatever happens, this is his absolute last shot. I really hope he takes it and makes the most of it, because, man, I am falling apart inside here...
If we blow it this time, I'll know I did everything humanly possible....

If I may ask, how did you even end up in a relationship with an addict? 🤔

And that "syndrome" definitely exists... the love is just a consequence, not the cause.

silentpilot6 said:It’s a textbook case of someone trying to play the "savior" and force everyone onto the right path... those types always end up getting burned, but it's inevitable...

No one is standing by him 😢, he's been completely abandoned :_(, it's honestly heartbreaking... she hasn't realized that there are probably very heavy reasons why everyone walked away from him in the first place... 😵

Easy to talk, right? And even easier to just throw in the towel—you clearly know a thing or two about that...

Kenneth Brooks9 said:It’s not some "syndrome." When you actually, genuinely love someone, this stuff just happens—it's automatic. Thank God most of you have never been stuck in the exact situation I’m in right now, because, honestly? I wouldn't wish it on anyone... It's painful, it's exhausting, and I don't *want* to be doing this, but my heart—and whatever shred of humanity I have left—keeps pulling me toward helping this guy. I just have this feeling he can pull through... Whatever happens, this is his absolute last shot. I really hope he takes it and makes the most of it, because, man, I am falling apart inside here...
If we blow it this time, I'll know I did everything humanly possible....

Yeah, that's classic Savior Complex right there.

Kenneth Brooks9 said:Easy to talk, right? And even easier to just throw in the towel—you clearly know a thing or two about that...

Look, this is just pure ego right here—you just can't admit to yourself that you're hitting a wall, or that there's actually something at stake that you might lose.

So, is giving up the easiest path? Yeah, sure is... but hey, that's just how he—your guy—operates, I guess. From what I can tell, he's been playing it that way for three years now.

Grace Flores4 said:Look, this is just pure ego right here—you just can't admit to yourself that you're hitting a wall, or that there's actually something at stake that you might lose.

So, is giving up the easiest path? Yeah, sure is... but hey, that's just how he—your guy—operates, I guess. From what I can tell, he's been playing it that way for three years now.

It hasn't been constant for three years. He went hard once three years ago, and everything else since then has just been "recreational." Basically, every six months he'll go on a 3 or 4-day bender and then stop. That’s why this whole thing is so frustrating—it's not like the classic addict who's been hitting it for ten years straight and is totally gone...

It isn't even about the breakup; it’s just that, honestly, anyone with half a brain wouldn't start a relationship with an addict, let alone fall in love with one. I know they say love is blind, but sometimes it’s just plain foolish. No offense intended.
The surrender part... 😵 I would never put myself in a position like that. If I had a girlfriend dealing with a serious illness or other life struggles—of course I would fight for her, support her, and stay by her side when she needs me. But please, don't try to tell me addiction is just another "illness." Sure, I agree it is, but it's a "disease" I want absolutely nothing to do with. Keep it far away from me.
To be blunt, I view addicts as having less integrity. It sounds harsh and ugly, but that's how I feel. I have no interest in hearing laments about their difficult upbringing, unloving parents, or the bad crowd they fell in with. Those are all just excuses...
Anyway, let's lower the tension a bit... you didn't answer my question regarding the quality of your relationship?

Wait, did you actually skip over everything I just wrote?
And yeah... she really thought she was doing him a favor by stepping in
But hey, believe what you want