Dealing with resentment toward my parents

I’ve been dealing with this issue for years now—I hate my parents. And honestly? That resentment just keeps growing day by day. It isn't that they're "evil" people, per se, but I can't get past the fact that they don't own a car. It sounds shallow, I know, but I can’t shake it. I feel an intense sense of shame whenever I'm out in public with them. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve had to lie to people when they ask why I didn't drive myself, or what kind of old clunker my folks are rolling around in. It’s embarrassing because, in my mind, they’re making me look bad in the city where we live. Even though I'm living on the other side of the country now, the discomfort still hits whenever someone asks why I'm hauling my stuff via Greyhound or Amtrak instead of having my parents help me move in their own vehicle. It’s infuriating because it feels like nobody even asks if you have a car anymore—it's just an unspoken rule in America that everyone owns one. But more than that, the car thing is just a symptom—a way to distract from the real issue, which is that my father is a total loser. He’s a man who's afraid of his own shadow and hasn't actually accomplished anything meaningful in his life, not for himself and certainly not for us. I'm deeply dissatisfied with him, both as a person and as a provider. I know I'm not perfect either—I've been incredibly rude and harsh lately—but it all stems from this massive well of frustration and disappointment toward them, especially my old man.
I could go on with endless examples, but I won't. I guess I'm just grieving the fact that I'll never be able to brag about my parents or tell people they're actually decent, successful human beings. When I see other people's families, it honestly makes me want to scream. Look, we aren't tethered to our parents by some unbreakable bond, but the reality remains: they are my parents, and I'm stuck carrying this pillar of shame. I don't think there is anything worse in this world than being disappointed by your own parents—to have them be the exact example of what a person should *not* be. 😢

I just can't wrap my head around certain things—like someone over 40 deciding to bike to work as if that’s a perfectly fine lifestyle choice. It makes zero sense to me. To my eyes, it just looks like a complete lack of ambition—modest, aimless, frankly, idiotic. Honestly, I find myself filled with such intense resentment toward people like that... it's hard to explain. And it isn't just some stranger, either; it's my own parent. I harbor this deep-seated hatred for them that goes all the way to the grave. I truly just want them gone. 😠

My parents never actually owned a car. They were incredibly frugal people—the kind who lived super modestly and barely spent a dime on themselves because they were always focused on making sure we kids had everything we needed. Because of that, they ended up footing the bill for all our driving tests and even chipped in to help us get our first rides. In my case, I ended up with an old beat-up Chevy, but hey, it got the job done.

I honestly feel like just giving up—I can't face life knowing the truth about who my parents actually are. Either I’m going to disappear somewhere far away where nobody knows my name or anything about my past, or maybe I'll just reinvent myself entirely. Because living like this? It’s just not sustainable anymore.

Dana Morales64 said:I honestly feel like just giving up—I can't face life knowing the truth about who my parents actually are. Either I’m going to disappear somewhere far away where nobody knows my name or anything about my past, or maybe I'll just reinvent myself entirely. Because living like this? It’s just not sustainable anymore.

Look, if you're under fifteen and just being dramatic, fine. But if you're older than that? You've got some serious issues to work through. 🙂
I get it, people have a hard time forgiving their parents when there was actual physical or verbal abuse involved, but I think you're kind of overdoing it with the whole "holier-than-thou" attitude here.

Give it a read. Pick up \"The Alchemist\" by Paulo Coelho.
And... just don't go thinking of it as some big Catholic recruitment pitch, okay? It isn't. But seriously, please, just give it a shot.

Oh, please. You actually hate your parents just because you don't have a car yet? That’s low, man—seriously. I’d love to hear your take if you’d had to grow up totally on your own, or even worse, if you were being raised by a single parent. Imagine having to pull a full-time job starting in middle school just to afford your textbooks, your supplies, and helping out with rent and utilities so your parent could actually keep a roof over your head... I don't have a car either, and I live with my mom, but I sure as hell don't hate her. She gave me life—she gave me everything, honestly. Sure, I've worked my tail off to earn most of what I have, but that's just made me more mature, you know? Life's a tough teacher. So, look, just sit down and talk to them like a decent human being and realize there are way worse situations out there than this little 😉
situation you're dealing with.

Dana Morales64 said:I’ve been dealing with this issue for years now—I hate my parents. And honestly? That resentment just keeps growing day by day. It isn't that they're "evil" people, per se, but I can't get past the fact that they don't own a car. It sounds shallow, I know, but I can’t shake it. I feel an intense sense of shame whenever I'm out in public with them. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve had to lie to people when they ask why I didn't drive myself, or what kind of old clunker my folks are rolling around in. It’s embarrassing because, in my mind, they’re making me look bad in the city where we live. Even though I'm living on the other side of the country now, the discomfort still hits whenever someone asks why I'm hauling my stuff via Greyhound or Amtrak instead of having my parents help me move in their own vehicle. It’s infuriating because it feels like nobody even asks if you have a car anymore—it's just an unspoken rule in America that everyone owns one. But more than that, the car thing is just a symptom—a way to distract from the real issue, which is that my father is a total loser. He’s a man who's afraid of his own shadow and hasn't actually accomplished anything meaningful in his life, not for himself and certainly not for us. I'm deeply dissatisfied with him, both as a person and as a provider. I know I'm not perfect either—I've been incredibly rude and harsh lately—but it all stems from this massive well of frustration and disappointment toward them, especially my old man.
I could go on with endless examples, but I won't. I guess I'm just grieving the fact that I'll never be able to brag about my parents or tell people they're actually decent, successful human beings. When I see other people's families, it honestly makes me want to scream. Look, we aren't tethered to our parents by some unbreakable bond, but the reality remains: they are my parents, and I'm stuck carrying this pillar of shame. I don't think there is anything worse in this world than being disappointed by your own parents—to have them be the exact example of what a person should *not* be. 😢

You're a jerk who needs a reality check if you ever want to snap out of it.

Dana Morales64 said:I honestly feel like just giving up—I can't face life knowing the truth about who my parents actually are. Either I’m going to disappear somewhere far away where nobody knows my name or anything about my past, or maybe I'll just reinvent myself entirely. Because living like this? It’s just not sustainable anymore.

Look, if you aren't joking around or making this up for attention—and if you're over the age of 14—you need to go see a psychiatrist immediately. Some people online are being incredibly cruel, calling you names and saying you deserve to be punished, but frankly, I think you need serious, professional help. People with these kinds of dark impulses often spiral into becoming violent criminals by their late teens or early twenties☕.

Andrew Mendoza10 said:You're a jerk who needs a reality check if you ever want to snap out of it.

Don't play games with me unless you want to see how much trouble I can actually cause—and trust me, you don't. Just stop talking to me altogether. I've got nothing left to lose, so don't test me. Just get lost.

Come on, how old are you actually?

Dana Morales64 said:Don't play games with me unless you want to see how much trouble I can actually cause—and trust me, you don't. Just stop talking to me altogether. I've got nothing left to lose, so don't test me. Just get lost.

Why don't you take that bullet yourself and do the world a favor? Or better yet, stop acting like a complete bottom-feeder and realize there are plenty of people out there struggling far worse than you. Most would kill to be in your position if they understood that material things aren't everything in life.

Dana Morales64 said:Don't play games with me unless you want to see how much trouble I can actually cause—and trust me, you don't. Just stop talking to me altogether. I've got nothing left to lose, so don't test me. Just get lost.

Reminds me of a buddy of mine who told some guy if he didn't stop messing around, he'd call some people and that guy would just vanish in the Rockies and never be seen again.

OT: Give the guy a break—stop acting like an idiot. Either what you wrote is 🙂, or you're just some seriously insecure teenager.

Andrew Mendoza10 said:Why don't you take that bullet yourself and do the world a favor? Or better yet, stop acting like a complete bottom-feeder and realize there are plenty of people out there struggling far worse than you. Most would kill to be in your position if they understood that material things aren't everything in life.

Look, I get all that—really, I do—but there’s a difference between acknowledging that worse situations exist and actually accepting your own. That’s where the breakdown happens for me. I struggle with acceptance. If I just "accept" things as they are, I feel weak, vulnerable... I don't want to be just another face in the crowd, you know? And I'm not some petulant teenager throwing a tantrum here; it's just that right now, I can barely focus enough to type straight because I'm not exactly in a great place mentally.

This whole mess just proves my point: either you discipline your kids with an iron fist, or you cut your losses and kick them to the curb when they start turning into complete losers.

Seriously, what are you even talking about? You're actually complaining because some seniors don't have a car😕—are you even aware there are kids out there without a decent roof over their heads, living in run-down shacks where they can't even wash up and everyone’s crammed into one tiny room? And you're worried about elderly people lacking a vehicle. It might be time to step out of that little bubble you've built in your head and face reality—it isn't all sunshine and rainbows, but it's the world we actually live in, so you might as well get used to it.

I wish I had those kinds of problems to deal with—it would give me a chance to finally catch my breath...

Dana Morales64 said:Look, I get all that—really, I do—but there’s a difference between acknowledging that worse situations exist and actually accepting your own. That’s where the breakdown happens for me. I struggle with acceptance. If I just "accept" things as they are, I feel weak, vulnerable... I don't want to be just another face in the crowd, you know? And I'm not some petulant teenager throwing a tantrum here; it's just that right now, I can barely focus enough to type straight because I'm not exactly in a great place mentally.

My father passed away when I was a kid. But if I had to choose? I’d rather be the guy riding a bike to a low-paying job, watching every single cent in his bank account and living modestly, than be someone who ran over a hundred people to get ahead. You know the type—doing shady deals, dodging taxes, climbing the corporate ladder by exploiting everyone in sight just so they can afford every luxury imaginable. Sure, they might sleep better at night initially, but once that conscience starts clawing at you? That’s when it gets ugly. To live like royalty through honest means, you usually need a family empire built over generations—something that was nearly impossible here under the old socialist systems—or you need to be a literal genius, or just have some insane luck with a Powerball ticket.

BlackRock has far more significant issues on its plate.
(Just like everyone else, really.)
So this? This is just a minor detail, a footnote...
(because it’s frankly idiotic).

They need to chill out, take a breath, and try again.
Half the smartest people I know don't even own a car, nor do they plan on getting one.

Next time someone asks you about their car, just give them a straight answer: "They don't own one; they're committed to being eco-friendly." ☕ 😁😁

If this is really stressing you out, honestly, you’re being a bit of an idiot.

And regarding everything else—all this talk about people having "perfect" parents... 😂
I mean, I'll grant you there are exceptions, but I personally don't know a single soul who doesn't have at least a few grievances with their folks, nor do I know anyone who would actually want to turn out exactly like them.

So, instead of getting all worked up because they don't have a car, maybe try focusing on their actual character? I'm sure they have plenty of great qualities, and it's probably not the end of the world that they prefer riding bikes.