Would you date someone with mental health issues?

Honestly, it would be a total nightmare. If my husband had schizophrenia, I wouldn't want us to have kids.

Angela Bailey7 said:silentpilot6, I honestly think you’re just slapping a schizophrenia diagnosis on this girl when she’s probably perfectly healthy and fine. And besides—what about all those other medical issues that can be way more serious than mental health struggles? When you're looking at a woman as potential life partner, shouldn't you first ask for a full medical history of her immediate and extended family to ensure your kids don't inherit some bad genes? Even if you do end up with "bad" genetic material, it doesn't mean a disease will actually manifest.

The real issue here is the prejudice in our society; people act like those with mental illnesses are somehow "lesser." But the truth is, there are probably more people struggling with mental health issues who haven't been officially diagnosed than those who have. And one more thing—how on earth do you think you'll make a "good choice" by picking someone without a diagnosis, only to find out later she was hiding her true nature and turns out to be a malicious, manipulative gold-digger?

According to your logic, people with mental health struggles don't even deserve a partner or to be loved—which is ridiculous, because they likely need support even more than "perfectly healthy" people do. It also seems totally foolish to suggest you should pick a partner based solely on cold logic rather than your heart. My mother always used to say it's better to walk through thorns with the one you love than to build a castle with someone you despise. All this over-analyzing won't do you any good; life is going to happen to you regardless. You think you've mapped everything out, but life always has an unexpected curveball waiting for you. Don't complicate your existence by trying to plan for a future that hasn't happened yet while ignoring the reality of today. And as my mom used to say: if you aim for the rose and miss, you're still gonna hit the dirt...

To me, these comments aren't just romantically utopian—they're just plain nonsensical (and I'm quoting you, though you aren't the only one with this view) 😕

But let me be brutally honest. 😁

It isn't prejudice to say people with mental illnesses aren't "normal."
I don't think it's unreasonable to look for certain traits—parameters, characteristics, physical appearance, education, etc.—in a partner, whether short-term or long-term, including mental health. 🤷
Look, I don't see any reason why I'd want to be with someone with schizophrenia who is seeing and hearing things or talking nonsense... occasionally.
Honestly, what would that even bring to my life?
Let's be real. Completely real.

Why would someone who has schizophrenia and is aware of their condition—the hallucinations, the aggression (as mentioned in the schizophrenia thread😁)—want to burden someone they supposedly love with that? Because it *is* a burden.
If they truly love them (since love is often used as an argument for why one should stay with someone "crazy") 😉
When I love someone, I want them to live a happy life with someone who can provide things I can't, neither today nor ten years from now, rather than watching me periodically chase imaginary crows around the apartment.
Isn't that right?
Anything else is just pure selfishness. 😁

I should also comment on the part about how "you believe people with mental illnesses don't have the right to a partner or love."
silentpilot6 never said that.
The question was:Would you ever date someone struggling with mental illness?
I guess Legicon wouldn't—and I wouldn't either—but that doesn't mean that person doesn't deserve to be with someone who actually cares for them and shows them affection.
Honestly, I find it kind of bizarre how people act so shocked when someone says they wouldn't choose that path.

I don't find it particularly surprising that people are reacting this way... there are all sorts of personalities out there.
Some might be personally involved with someone like this, while others might be struggling with their own mental health issues that make this topic hit close to home. Then you have the hopeless romantics who still believe love can conquer anything (I used to believe that myself, though I've grown out of it 😁), those just trying to make an impression, and those who simply follow the crowd. It goes on and on.

A hundred different people means a hundred different perspectives.

So, what happens when someone you actually care about gets sick? 🤷

Everyone’s entitled to their opinion, I guess, but I highly doubt most of you could even tell if someone was dealing with depression and taking meds, or struggling with anxiety or panic attacks (even if they just say it's asthma or allergies). 😁

And if someone is living with schizophrenia and on medication, how are you even supposed to notice that right away? 😉

My dad’s first cousin has schizophrenia, though there aren't any other cases in my family tree. So, I actually know what that looks like—the behavior, the reactions, all of it. Honestly, being in a relationship with someone dealing with that just sounds... unrealistic? Looking at how she acts, I don't think I could even fall for someone like that in the first place. But if it did happen, I wouldn't discriminate. Love is stronger than anything, I guess, and maybe some things would just shift in my head; I'd probably take a completely different stance.
So, yeah, the possibility of a relationship is definitely there. I don't think you can really say, "No, I won't," because life has a way of surprising you.
And if someone got sick while we were already together? Well, again, love wins out. I'd be right there by their side.
You can never truly say "never" because, honestly, you just never know what's going to happen.😉

I already made my stance clear, but honestly, what strikes me as excessive here is the idea that silentpilot6 wouldn't date someone perfectly healthy if she had schizophrenia in her DNA.🙄 I mean, who actually knows what we’re all carrying in our genes? We all have something; there's probably some mental health issue lurking in most of us. No one here has a perfectly untouchable psyche that's just guaranteed to never crack.
What I find even less appealing is the fact that silentpilot6 comes from a family of psychiatrists. You'd think they, of all people, would see more than just a diagnosis—that they might actually offer some positivity or acceptance. To me, his line of reasoning feels pretty superficial: "She's got schizo in her blood, run!"
I don't want to judge his father's professional competence, but it seems like there was a lot of negativity and condescension toward mental illness in that household.👎
It’s just a shame for the people who rely on those professionals as their sole support system.

Look, please... because of my parents' profession, I've personally seen more people dealing with mental illness than probably 99% of the people posting on this forum. As I mentioned before, quite a few patients—or even their immediate family members—have actually become close family friends over the years. Because of that, my household tends to speak about mental health issues with openness rather than negativity, but it’s precisely because I've witnessed so much firsthand that I hold these views.
With all due respect, someone who has only encountered mental illness through books, or perhaps just has a neighbor like Mary living three floors up with schizophrenia (and I suspect there are plenty of people like that on this thread), simply cannot understand what it's really like...

I'm not claiming to be some top-tier expert—far from it—but I have certainly seen certain things with my own eyes. Plus, one good friend of mine struggled with schizophrenia, another dealt with anxiety and depression, and a female friend lived with bipolar disorder... how many of you actually have that kind of "firsthand" 😁 experience? And that's not even counting our various family friends...

If I had a choice, I wouldn't be with someone when I know they're dealing with a disease like that.

Honestly, that kind of thing just isn't an attraction for me. Even people with much smaller issues—like anxiety or depression—don't really do it for me 😁 . As soon as I saw the first red flags, I’d shut down. Period.

Now, if we're talking about someone who has a family history of it but isn't showing any symptoms themselves? I don't know. I honestly don't have an answer for that one.

As a friend, though? No issue either way.👍

Look, isn't running away from someone just because of their DNA a bit much? I mean, we all carry various baggage in our genes, so maybe this approach of yours leans a little toward discrimination.
I don't have any close friends dealing with schizophrenia or anything, but I know enough people who have it in their families to know I've never once looked at them and thought, "there goes a future patient."🤷

Paul Campbell3 said:If I had a choice, I wouldn't be with someone when I know they're dealing with a disease like that.

Honestly, that kind of thing just isn't an attraction for me. Even people with much smaller issues—like anxiety or depression—don't really do it for me 😁 . As soon as I saw the first red flags, I’d shut down. Period.

Now, if we're talking about someone who has a family history of it but isn't showing any symptoms themselves? I don't know. I honestly don't have an answer for that one.

As a friend, though? No issue either way.👍

this hits different since depression is probably going to be the biggest issue of the 21st century😁

Schizophrenia is hereditary... the more cases there are in your immediate family, the higher the odds. If both your mother and an uncle have it... well, you're essentially dealt a bad hand.
Fair enough... I figured that specific example might get under your skin. Maybe I should have just kept it general instead of getting so specific 🙂

Sure, if it's hereditary you might have a better shot, but that's about it. 😁

🙄
I guess looking for something that doesn't exist is just discrimination.

You’ve got higher odds for cancer if it runs in the family, or blood clots, heart issues, obesity, diabetes... 🙄

Look, you're entitled to your opinion, and you're definitely entitled to avoid anyone you think isn't a match, but... you can't predict everything. You can't control it all.

Sometimes two perfectly healthy people have a child born with an illness, and then you're left wondering whose fault it even was. 😕

Those are some pretty bold questions coming from someone at your level...

Honestly, silentpilot6, this whole debate is just spinning its wheels at this point... you asked the question, you already made it clear you aren't looking to date someone struggling with mental illness, and frankly—given how much you seem to know about psychological disorders both theoretically and practically—you’ve got all the data you need. You have arguments for and against right here in front of you. So, what's the move? What happened with that girl from the beginning of your story? This entire forum basically just validated your gut feeling that she’d likely develop schizophrenia. And by the way—don't forget that certain psychiatric conditions don't even show up until much later in life—so your odds of running into someone dealing with insanity are basically a coin flip at 50:50... though I suppose I can't say for sure if those odds jump higher if you come from a medical family like 🙂

I've already got one wild card living under my roof 😬... though they haven't received an official diagnosis yet 🤣

hiddenhawk3 said:this hits different since depression is probably going to be the biggest issue of the 21st century😁

Well, look, what can I even say? I’ve been sentenced to community service. 🤣

Look, here’s the reality: depression basically boils down to two main causes. And honestly? You can fix both of them without touching a single pill—as long as you're willing to do a little bit of mental reprogramming.

Hey, let's not spam silentpilot6's thread. 🙂.

Alright, look—I’ll admit this topic leans a bit toward being discriminatory, but let’s be honest, it’s also incredibly real, and I truly believe it’s a "fascinating" question to unpack.

Let me give you a concrete example... one of my neighbors—a really attractive, genuinely sweet girl who's practically family—has two cases of schizophrenia in her immediate bloodline (her mother and her uncle)... and since we all know this is a biological condition (at least in most instances where heredity is established), would I actually enter a relationship with a girl like that? I have to be honest: I wouldn't... partly because of her specifically, and partly because of the looming chance that our children (if things even get to that stage, of course) might also suffer from it.
With all due respect to those currently battling the illness, I simply wouldn't knowingly enter a relationship with someone who is either sick herself or has an extremely, extremely high probability of becoming so. Now, OK, I suppose it’s a completely different story if you’re already in a relationship—you fall in love, everything is going great, and then suddenly certain facts come to light... ...

silentpilot6, walk me through your logic here—you say you wouldn't enter a relationship because of *her*? I mean, if you're already considering a relationship and the attraction is mutual, wouldn't you want to protect her from yourself? Like, maybe she’d be better off without you? Or maybe she'd be happier alone... I don't know, I'm probably just being dense and not following your train of thought.

Do you honestly think that with people who don't have an official diagnosis, it never happens that some disorder manifests later in their lives?

The scenario would be this: you’re with a girl, you fall in love, everything is perfect, and then she tells you—"I'm ill"—and in that specific case, would you stay because you've already fallen for her, making the diagnosis irrelevant at that point? But then what's the actual difference? If she's honest and tells you upfront, you wouldn't be with her; but if she plays it close to the vest and tells you later, you *would* be... I mean, what is the distinction there? The illness was present from the very beginning, just as much as it was at the moment you found out... so, you wouldn't consciously enter the relationship, but you'd enter it unconsciously???

I see you're quite well-versed in medical terminology, so just a quick correction—it isn't "hereditary" used as a noun like that; the term is heredity.

And as for the kids... in this day and age, it’s much harder to protect them from the environment they are surrounded by than from whatever they carry in their own DNA...

I wouldn't consider dating someone with mental health struggles unless I were so incredibly wealthy that I had nothing left to do but seek out extreme entertainment. If I ever hit that level of success and fulfilled every whim, perhaps I might choose an eccentric personality for the sake of excitement—since those types often dance on the edge of a disorder—but I simply can't afford that luxury right now. Dealing with my own less-than-perfect temperament is enough 😁 while managing the usual daily grind; therefore, I need a partner who is stable, dependable, and grounded. When it comes to friends, however, I am much more flexible. 🙂 Of course, that holds true as long as they don't become a liability or try to dictate how I live my life.

Roger Rodriguez said:Honestly, if I had the choice, I’d much rather be with someone managing schizophrenia than someone battling an incurable, terminal illness that can't be controlled with medication. It makes me wonder: why are people so adamant about avoiding relationships with those struggling with mental health issues? Is it the fear of the responsibility, like making sure they stay on their meds, or is there a deeper fear of being harmed? After all, you don't need a diagnosis to hurt someone, do you?

This is such an interesting topic. 🙂

To be honest, I know very little about mental illness, and I don't actually know anyone with a diagnosed condition (well, maybe I do, but I wouldn't know because they never told me or I didn't notice).

Since my knowledge is pretty limited, I really wouldn't know how to react if that person suddenly experienced paranoia, hallucinations, an episode... or even a more severe manifestation of their condition.

There would also be a certain level of fear present—fear that they might hurt themselves, or that they might hurt me.

I once had a college classmate that I was quite close with during our studies, though we eventually lost touch. Back at school, he seemed completely "normal"—not a single sign of unusual behavior. Then, I ran into him one evening downtown while I was heading to a coffee shop. I asked if he wanted to join me, and even right there on the street, it felt a little off because he barely even acknowledged me. He stayed silent all the way to the cafe, and once we sat down, he didn't say a word. It wasn't even an "awkward silence" type of thing; he was just staring blankly ahead. I kept talking, trying desperately to find common ground, and I felt terrible because I could tell something was wrong, but I had no idea how to handle him. 😢

Later on, I found out he actually did struggle with mental health issues and was seeing a psychiatrist. It shocked me, mostly because he wasn't the same person I knew back in college, but what shocked me most was that I didn't know how to act toward him. Should I pity him? Should I pretend I didn't notice? I just felt like he was physically there, but spiritually so absent that it was as if he didn't even know where he was or who he was with—it was like he didn't recognize me. 🤷

I have to admit, I think it would be incredibly difficult for me to be in a relationship with someone like that. I'm just not used to dealing with such extreme shifts in behavior, and I honestly can't imagine what a relationship would look like if my partner was constantly shutting down like that or how we would even communicate.

It's true that those of us who don't know much about mental illness tend to mystify it (perhaps unnecessarily), but I don't think anyone should be attacked for their stance on this.

For instance, I wouldn't date an alcoholic or a drug addict, or even someone who just smokes weed, because those are dealbreakers for me. Is that considered discrimination? And how many of you would date someone struggling with addiction? Addiction is a disease too, even if it isn't categorized the same way as a mental illness, but it is still a disease.

That’s a fair question... especially considering the whole "discrimination" debate. Let's look at it.
I wouldn't date someone struggling with drug addiction or alcoholism—there is just no way. I'm sorry, but I feel that way. To me, those issues carry much more weight than mental illness. A person suffering from a mental health condition isn't responsible for what they're going through, whereas people dealing with addiction are making choices. I don't think anyone in this day and age can claim they "didn't know what they were getting into." 😕
If a girl occasionally makes a mistake or messes up a little 😁... I see that as being on par with having a drink every now and then like everyone else does. 😁