Would you date someone with mental health issues?

gentletiger20 said:Look, if the healthy folks don't care about those who are suffering, then it's perfectly fine for the sick to have zero regard for the healthy... He’ll only admit it once he actually falls in love 😁—which is just as fair as someone walking away from you before they even catch feelings, simply because you're ill and they want to avoid the risk of falling in love later. That’s just how love works; that’s just human nature.

I couldn't agree more! 👍

For me, the specific diagnosis really matters. There’s a massive difference between dealing with someone who’s a pathological liar, a narcissist, someone with schizophrenia, or a literal killer. 🙄

Look, with depression, there's this one specific thing: I'm super sensitive to my environment. I'm easily swayed by the "vibe" of a room, the people around me, or how a relationship is going. I’ve honestly tried to push through it more times than I can count, but sometimes it just gets to you. It completely undermines your foundation. In the situation I was in, I felt like my choices were basically either walking away or jumping off a building right along with him. We all have a right to live, and I was fully prepared to fight for my life. I was struggling just as much as he was, but I never truly gave up on myself—there was always that tiny one percent left in me. It was such a gut-wrenching decision, and even now, I still love him (in a different way, obviously)... But that doesn't mean I'm okay with just taking a beating from someone I care about when they're hitting rock bottom. We all go through crises; we all carry these nasty memories that leave scars. And when that happens, I'm willing to stand in the trenches for the people I love. But if it's the start of a relationship—like what happened with my ex—and they aren't even meeting me halfway? I was literally tearing myself apart trying to pull him up while I was drowning myself. In those moments, I think it's more important to just save your own skin. So, I did. Nowadays, I'm in a relationship with someone who deals with their own struggles, just like I do, but we actually *want* to help each other. If someone doesn't want to do the work, why on earth should I kill myself trying to do it for them and destroy my own soul in the process? 🤷

I totally get why you’re asking that, and honestly, I’ve been staring at the same dilemma myself... It really just comes down to the individual, you know? If someone strikes me as having that inner strength, then yeah, maybe. But if they seem fragile—like, if I sense they might just crumble or spiral when things get heavy—then I’m out. But if they're solid? I'd definitely give them a shot.

Take this friend of mine, for example... both her parents passed away from cancer, which means statistically speaking, she’s looking at a massive risk of facing the same thing way too early in life. She’s ended up staying with this guy who deals with diabetes, mostly because she’s convinced herself that nobody else would ever want her... and honestly, he feels pretty much the same way about her too.

Me? I want to be with someone who isn't going to bail the second life gets messy... someone who stays even if I get hit by a car and end up paralyzed, or if I struggle with something like schizophrenia. Maybe my expectations are way too high, but I’ve spent my whole life trying to build myself into the kind of person who wouldn't walk away from a partner just because they got sick. I wouldn't do it, there's just no way.

I wouldn't have walked away... That's what I was thinking anyway...

Did she just convince herself, or did life actually beat it into her head? I mean, do those two even want kids at this point? There is no way her odds aren't significantly lower than 90%... seriously, the math just doesn't add up.

Ronald Ramos5 said:I totally get why you’re asking that, and honestly, I’ve been staring at the same dilemma myself... It really just comes down to the individual, you know? If someone strikes me as having that inner strength, then yeah, maybe. But if they seem fragile—like, if I sense they might just crumble or spiral when things get heavy—then I’m out. But if they're solid? I'd definitely give them a shot.

Take this friend of mine, for example... both her parents passed away from cancer, which means statistically speaking, she’s looking at a massive risk of facing the same thing way too early in life. She’s ended up staying with this guy who deals with diabetes, mostly because she’s convinced herself that nobody else would ever want her... and honestly, he feels pretty much the same way about her too.

Me? I want to be with someone who isn't going to bail the second life gets messy... someone who stays even if I get hit by a car and end up paralyzed, or if I struggle with something like schizophrenia. Maybe my expectations are way too high, but I’ve spent my whole life trying to build myself into the kind of person who wouldn't walk away from a partner just because they got sick. I wouldn't do it, there's just no way.

That’s a totally different ballgame, and hey, it’s your life—you have every right to expect that kind of loyalty. But there's a massive difference between having an ideal and being stuck in the middle of it. It’s one thing when you're dating, but it's a whole other beast when you're married and you've made those "in sickness and in health" vows, only to find out your partner is struggling with a serious illness. Then you've got this internal war—your hormones fighting against common sense... and honestly, the fallout can be devastating, potentially even leading to suicide.

silentpilot6 said:I’ll admit this topic feels a bit discriminatory, but I also find it incredibly real and, frankly, quite an interesting question to pose.

To give you a specific example... I have a neighbor who is a lovely, attractive woman 🙂, but she has two cases of schizophrenia in her immediate family—her mother and her uncle. Since we know this condition can be hereditary in many instances, would I enter a relationship with someone like her? To be honest, I wouldn't... both because of her own potential struggles and the risk that our children (if we ever reached that stage 😁) might inherit it too.
With all due respect to those living with the illness, I wouldn't knowingly start a relationship with someone who is either currently struggling or faces a very high probability of developing it.
Of course, I realize it's a completely different story if I were already in a committed relationship where we were deeply in love 😍 and then discovered these facts later on...

Look, if we are talking about someone who is potentially mentally ill for whatever reason, but they aren't acting out—meaning they aren't doing anything bizarre (like running naked down the street, seeing or hearing things that aren't there, obsessively counting steps, washing their hands 3,000 times in half an hour, or swinging between extreme euphoria and suicidal ideation)—then I really don't care.

But if they have some kind of mental illness—any kind at all—then no.

For some reason, this thread immediately brought a certain quote to mind:

Mr and Mrs Smith, of number four, Maple Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much.

😬

silentpilot6 said:I’ll admit this topic feels a bit discriminatory, but I also find it incredibly real and, frankly, quite an interesting question to pose.

To give you a specific example... I have a neighbor who is a lovely, attractive woman 🙂, but she has two cases of schizophrenia in her immediate family—her mother and her uncle. Since we know this condition can be hereditary in many instances, would I enter a relationship with someone like her? To be honest, I wouldn't... both because of her own potential struggles and the risk that our children (if we ever reached that stage 😁) might inherit it too.
With all due respect to those living with the illness, I wouldn't knowingly start a relationship with someone who is either currently struggling or faces a very high probability of developing it.
Of course, I realize it's a completely different story if I were already in a committed relationship where we were deeply in love 😍 and then discovered these facts later on...

Good grief, there's no Huntington's here, for crying out loud 🙏

This sounds just like that old logic where if your dad was an alcoholic, you're definitely going to be one too—totally out of line. 👎

lonegardener said:For some reason, this thread immediately brought a certain quote to mind:

Mr and Mrs Smith, of number four, Maple Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much.

😬

When you put it that way, I have to say there isn't a chance in hell I'd want to be that "normal." 😬

I heard today that getting a divorce might be impossible if you're married to someone struggling with mental illness, since under Family Law, you aren't supposed to just abandon someone in that state.

To put it simply: absolutely NOT.

I love how brutally honest this question is, seriously... Most people are just gonna act all shocked and judgmental, but there’s hardly anyone actually willing to give a straight answer.

So, look, speaking for myself, I’d probably end up getting sucked into a relationship with someone like that, but honestly? It’s mostly because I have this massive, annoying issue where I feel like I always need to be some kind of hero, constantly trying to rescue or fix everyone in my life. But let’s be real—once things actually go south and the chaos starts hitting the fan, my survival instinct would kick in hard, and I’d be out of that mess before you could blink.

The bottom line is this—I don't think anyone with even a shred of a healthy, stable ego would ever consciously choose to date someone like that. But then again, there aren't exactly many people out there with balanced egos, so I guess those types can still find partners... it's just a matter of what kind 🙂

Jerry Morales4 said:I heard today that getting a divorce might be impossible if you're married to someone struggling with mental illness, since under Family Law, you aren't supposed to just abandon someone in that state.

Look, I'm no legal expert or anything, but honestly? That sounds kind of insane... I really don't think that's how things work at all!

Actually, it's the opposite. Even in the church, you can get an ANNULMENT if you can prove your spouse had those issues before you ever said "I do" and you had no clue... basically, if you can show you were kept in the dark about it when you signed up for the whole marriage thing.

And hey, if the church won't grant you an annulment for that, then well... I guess you've got your answer.

Jerry Morales4 said:I heard today that getting a divorce might be impossible if you're married to someone struggling with mental illness, since under Family Law, you aren't supposed to just abandon someone in that state.

If that’s actually true—and I mean, is it also illegal to leave someone who’s physically ill?—then you’d just skip that part entirely. You wouldn't list it as the reason; you’d just go with something standard like "irreconcilable differences" or "breakdown of the marriage." It's basically just legal shorthand.

As for my own take on the matter? Look, I could probably handle certain types of mental health struggles in a partner, but anyone characterized by total callousness and a complete lack of empathy? Yeah, absolutely not. No way.

Jerry Morales4 said:I heard today that getting a divorce might be impossible if you're married to someone struggling with mental illness, since under Family Law, you aren't supposed to just abandon someone in that state.

That isn't true—not even close.☕

Look, if I had my way, I’d find myself a partner who’s gorgeous, young, brilliant, highly educated, loaded, physically and mentally fit, sweet, hilarious, charming, head-over-heels obsessed with me, and—bonus points—has a mom I actually get along with. But, you know, life isn't exactly a Hollywood rom-com.

When you're in that early stage of meeting someone you might actually want to build a future with, I guess I’d probably steer clear of people dealing with severe mental health struggles. Same goes for major physical disabilities. It’s not that I wouldn't be capable of loving someone in that situation, it's just that while I still have my wits about me and things feel under rational control, I tend to avoid stuff that’s obviously going to make my life a massive uphill battle.

I actually live with someone who deals with their own psychological issues, so I know firsthand the huge gap between saying "that doesn't bother me at all" and actually living through the reality of it. That first part? Easy as pie. It takes zero effort to type out or say out loud. But the second part? Man, that is incredibly hard.

Already did. ☕ How was it? Easy enough 🥳

Jack Hernandez said:Look, if I had my way, I’d find myself a partner who’s gorgeous, young, brilliant, highly educated, loaded, physically and mentally fit, sweet, hilarious, charming, head-over-heels obsessed with me, and—bonus points—has a mom I actually get along with. But, you know, life isn't exactly a Hollywood rom-com.

When you're in that early stage of meeting someone you might actually want to build a future with, I guess I’d probably steer clear of people dealing with severe mental health struggles. Same goes for major physical disabilities. It’s not that I wouldn't be capable of loving someone in that situation, it's just that while I still have my wits about me and things feel under rational control, I tend to avoid stuff that’s obviously going to make my life a massive uphill battle.

I actually live with someone who deals with their own psychological issues, so I know firsthand the huge gap between saying "that doesn't bother me at all" and actually living through the reality of it. That first part? Easy as pie. It takes zero effort to type out or say out loud. But the second part? Man, that is incredibly hard.

Hmm... personally, I think I could settle for someone who can lecture me on wind speeds, the mysteries of the cosmos, planetary power, or the magic of the stars... honestly, they could look like a grizzly bear living in a cave for all I care. 🙄

silentpilot6, I honestly think you’re just slapping a schizophrenia diagnosis on this girl when she’s probably perfectly healthy and fine. And besides—what about all those other medical issues that can be way more serious than mental health struggles? When you're looking at a woman as potential life partner, shouldn't you first ask for a full medical history of her immediate and extended family to ensure your kids don't inherit some bad genes? Even if you do end up with "bad" genetic material, it doesn't mean a disease will actually manifest.

The real issue here is the prejudice in our society; people act like those with mental illnesses are somehow "lesser." But the truth is, there are probably more people struggling with mental health issues who haven't been officially diagnosed than those who have. And one more thing—how on earth do you think you'll make a "good choice" by picking someone without a diagnosis, only to find out later she was hiding her true nature and turns out to be a malicious, manipulative gold-digger?

According to your logic, people with mental health struggles don't even deserve a partner or to be loved—which is ridiculous, because they likely need support even more than "perfectly healthy" people do. It also seems totally foolish to suggest you should pick a partner based solely on cold logic rather than your heart. My mother always used to say it's better to walk through thorns with the one you love than to build a castle with someone you despise. All this over-analyzing won't do you any good; life is going to happen to you regardless. You think you've mapped everything out, but life always has an unexpected curveball waiting for you. Don't complicate your existence by trying to plan for a future that hasn't happened yet while ignoring the reality of today. And as my mom used to say: if you aim for the rose and miss, you're still gonna hit the dirt...