Nobody wants to be alone

Casey Ramos78 said:So I was supposed to head downtown today to pick some stuff up—that was the plan, anyway—but then total panic set in. Just this overwhelming dread at the thought of walking through the city streets all by myself again. It drags all those old memories right back to the surface. Honestly, I’ve changed so much lately and I don't feel like that pathetic version of myself anymore, but heading out alone feels like admitting nothing has actually changed. I’m terrified of being alone. Is it just me haunted by the past, or does nobody actually enjoy their own company?

I’ve had these "identity crises"—which is really just code for those moments where it hits you like a freight train that you have absolutely nobody, zero real friends, and you just want to end it all because the loneliness is too much. It hurts. Loneliness is hands down the most painful thing in the world.

A quick thought on everyone else: Why are people so terrified of ending relationships that clearly don't work? They just can't face being alone. That’s my take, anyway. I honestly don't get how some people on this forum could look me in the eye a year ago and say, "Hey, why not just be single? It’s great! You can do this and that!" How can anyone find loneliness "good"? I seriously don't get it, because I can't stand it for another second.

Lately, I've been trying to convince myself that I'm not actually alone, so now I'm scared that if I go downtown solo, it'll prove that this whole past year was just a wash. The truth is, I still don't have anyone to go out with, which just confirms I'm still isolated despite all these imaginary friends I've managed to make.

p.s. When I say "downtown," I just mean hitting the mall—there's no other reason I'd be forced to wander around town.

I hear you, but I honestly think everyone either goes through that feeling or will eventually move past it; you simply have to face the truth. That's how I see it. ☕

Casey Ramos78 said:So I was supposed to head downtown today to pick some stuff up—that was the plan, anyway—but then total panic set in. Just this overwhelming dread at the thought of walking through the city streets all by myself again. It drags all those old memories right back to the surface. Honestly, I’ve changed so much lately and I don't feel like that pathetic version of myself anymore, but heading out alone feels like admitting nothing has actually changed. I’m terrified of being alone. Is it just me haunted by the past, or does nobody actually enjoy their own company?

I’ve had these "identity crises"—which is really just code for those moments where it hits you like a freight train that you have absolutely nobody, zero real friends, and you just want to end it all because the loneliness is too much. It hurts. Loneliness is hands down the most painful thing in the world.

A quick thought on everyone else: Why are people so terrified of ending relationships that clearly don't work? They just can't face being alone. That’s my take, anyway. I honestly don't get how some people on this forum could look me in the eye a year ago and say, "Hey, why not just be single? It’s great! You can do this and that!" How can anyone find loneliness "good"? I seriously don't get it, because I can't stand it for another second.

Lately, I've been trying to convince myself that I'm not actually alone, so now I'm scared that if I go downtown solo, it'll prove that this whole past year was just a wash. The truth is, I still don't have anyone to go out with, which just confirms I'm still isolated despite all these imaginary friends I've managed to make.

p.s. When I say "downtown," I just mean hitting the mall—there's no other reason I'd be forced to wander around town.

Hmm. Why aren't you making an actual effort to meet new people? You need to put yourself in positions where meeting folks happens naturally—it can't be forced. I get it, though; after high school, my own circle pretty much evaporated. But I managed to find real friends in other cities. Of course, eventually, everyone gets busy, gets married, and moves on, leaving you solo again... that's just how the game is played.

Casey Ramos78 said:So I was supposed to head downtown today to pick some stuff up—that was the plan, anyway—but then total panic set in. Just this overwhelming dread at the thought of walking through the city streets all by myself again. It drags all those old memories right back to the surface. Honestly, I’ve changed so much lately and I don't feel like that pathetic version of myself anymore, but heading out alone feels like admitting nothing has actually changed. I’m terrified of being alone. Is it just me haunted by the past, or does nobody actually enjoy their own company?

I’ve had these "identity crises"—which is really just code for those moments where it hits you like a freight train that you have absolutely nobody, zero real friends, and you just want to end it all because the loneliness is too much. It hurts. Loneliness is hands down the most painful thing in the world.

A quick thought on everyone else: Why are people so terrified of ending relationships that clearly don't work? They just can't face being alone. That’s my take, anyway. I honestly don't get how some people on this forum could look me in the eye a year ago and say, "Hey, why not just be single? It’s great! You can do this and that!" How can anyone find loneliness "good"? I seriously don't get it, because I can't stand it for another second.

Lately, I've been trying to convince myself that I'm not actually alone, so now I'm scared that if I go downtown solo, it'll prove that this whole past year was just a wash. The truth is, I still don't have anyone to go out with, which just confirms I'm still isolated despite all these imaginary friends I've managed to make.

p.s. When I say "downtown," I just mean hitting the mall—there's no other reason I'd be forced to wander around town.

If you're asking whether it's true that nobody wants to be alone, I'd say yes.
Not that we need a massive circle of friends or to be out every night, but humans are social creatures and everyone needs connection at some point.
"No man is an island"
It's completely natural.
In my view, the most important distinction is whether we are okay with ourselves when we are alone, or if we only feel okay when we "have" someone else.
Sometimes solitude is useful; it allows people to learn to love themselves and eventually realize that the most important relationship you have is with yourself, finally breaking that "dependency" on others.
I think that's the only way to build healthy relationships with other people.
Where we share things with them, if and when we want to, but without depending on them.

I'd tell you to just get out there and walk around, even if you aren't buying anything, just to see that nothing bad happens and nobody is judging you for being by yourself.
Maybe take a bike ride, sit down for a coffee, or bring a book if that makes it easier—just relax and enjoy it. You won't look pathetic; you'll actually look cool.
I find people like that more interesting. They're different. They have their own "self."
And if being alone still bothers you that much, it's also the perfect opportunity to meet someone new.

You wouldn't believe how many people are actually alone.
(Both the ones who are physically alone and the ones surrounded by crowds)

I had a friend who was perpetually single.
For the longest time, I tried to nudge her to just let go, relax... fall in love... get out there...
.. but nothing worked.
She felt it wasn't for her—that she wasn't attractive enough, interesting enough, or someone anyone would care about.
I kept pushing occasionally, and she’d periodically wonder if she even had the right to seek anything
- especially whenever I was venting about my own romantic drama or life struggles. 🙄
She was just alone, sort of pathetic in a way... honestly, it used to make me sad.

Then she met "him." I did everything in my power to make sure they actually crossed paths.
Now, knock knock knock—they're a happy couple. And she’s blossomed so much you barely recognize her anymore.😉

While I was initially satisfied—proud of myself for fostering both her hope and their introduction..
.. now I’m not quite sure where my credit lies—it all feels a bit faded.
.. but it doesn't really matter. What matters is that she’s finally in good company.

ruggedmason said:If you're asking whether it's true that nobody wants to be alone, I'd say yes.
Not that we need a massive circle of friends or to be out every night, but humans are social creatures and everyone needs connection at some point.
"No man is an island"
It's completely natural.
In my view, the most important distinction is whether we are okay with ourselves when we are alone, or if we only feel okay when we "have" someone else.
Sometimes solitude is useful; it allows people to learn to love themselves and eventually realize that the most important relationship you have is with yourself, finally breaking that "dependency" on others.
I think that's the only way to build healthy relationships with other people.
Where we share things with them, if and when we want to, but without depending on them.

I'd tell you to just get out there and walk around, even if you aren't buying anything, just to see that nothing bad happens and nobody is judging you for being by yourself.
Maybe take a bike ride, sit down for a coffee, or bring a book if that makes it easier—just relax and enjoy it. You won't look pathetic; you'll actually look cool.
I find people like that more interesting. They're different. They have their own "self."
And if being alone still bothers you that much, it's also the perfect opportunity to meet someone new.

You wouldn't believe how many people are actually alone.
(Both the ones who are physically alone and the ones surrounded by crowds)

Totally agree. But—man, I don't have the guts to do any of that, just moving through crowds of people who aren't alone. I’m terrified of getting that "weird look," because most people won't see some deep, intelligent guy with his own vibe—they'll just think I'm some total freak.

The thing is, the people who always have a huge group around them? They aren't interested in people like me. There’s zero chance they’d bother with someone when they’ve already got a full house. Everyone’s too full of themselves—they just assume I’m solo because I *want* to be.

Casey Ramos78 said:Totally agree. But—man, I don't have the guts to do any of that, just moving through crowds of people who aren't alone. I’m terrified of getting that "weird look," because most people won't see some deep, intelligent guy with his own vibe—they'll just think I'm some total freak.

The thing is, the people who always have a huge group around them? They aren't interested in people like me. There’s zero chance they’d bother with someone when they’ve already got a full house. Everyone’s too full of themselves—they just assume I’m solo because I *want* to be.

Hey, take it easy on the "there's no way" and "they won't" talk. 🙂
With an attitude like that, you're basically sentencing yourself to stay stuck right where you are. Then again, sometimes a person needs to hit rock bottom before they finally snap out of it... though maybe that's just because some people find it easier to stay there. 😬
They say it's never too late, but sooner is always better. Still, to each their own.
I think people will keep "numbing" themselves as long as it works for them, regardless of what anyone else thinks. Once it stops working, they'll change their tune.

So, ask yourself—why does this situation work for me? What am I getting out of it? (It might be buried in your subconscious, but if you're truly honest, I think you'll find the answer.)
Honestly, if you were truly fed up with this situation, you would find a way to change it, no matter what it took... you'd make it happen!

Furthermore,

1. Like attracts like.
2. Others are just reflections of ourselves.

In short—if you approach people with a negative attitude, they'll give that negativity right back to you (the "they don't want to," "they won't," etc.). And what you think about them and how they act actually says more about your own behavior than theirs, even if you aren't ready to admit it yet (the "they're arrogant," "they don't want to hang out with me," "they think I want to be alone," "most people don't see me as smart," etc.).

So, don't look for the problem in others; don't blame them for your own loneliness. Our lives are in our own hands.
Focus more on yourself than on trying to meet people. If you work on the first part, the second part will happen naturally. It doesn't work the other way around...
Why? Because then you'll be capable of building the kind of relationships you actually want, instead of being surrounded by people who seem arrogant or unwilling to hang out just because you haven't let go of that self-image.
Explore yourself, but I still suggest grabbing a book and heading to a coffee shop to practice small talk—trust me, it's not fatal. It'll be scary the first, second, maybe even the tenth time (just guessing!), but once you break the ice, that's it—it won't be an issue anymore. Fears are there for us to face; the more we avoid them, the worse they get.

And of course... isn't it true that fortune favors the brave? 🙂

Casey Ramos78 said:Totally agree. But—man, I don't have the guts to do any of that, just moving through crowds of people who aren't alone. I’m terrified of getting that "weird look," because most people won't see some deep, intelligent guy with his own vibe—they'll just think I'm some total freak.

The thing is, the people who always have a huge group around them? They aren't interested in people like me. There’s zero chance they’d bother with someone when they’ve already got a full house. Everyone’s too full of themselves—they just assume I’m solo because I *want* to be.

I second everything Charlotte wrote, great post 👍

To add to that: why would anyone bother with you? For what reason? Maybe you should flip the script: why don't you bother with someone else?

And don't just look at the most popular kids who have a hundred friends. Look around you; surely there's someone out there with a shared interest (music, or whatever) who isn't totally obsessed with being social.

And think about the vibe you're putting out there. Whenever I hear someone say "everyone is conceited," I bet they're projecting this vibe: I'm tough, I'm the smartest one here, I don't need anyone. If you've built up that kind of armor, it’s only natural that people assume you're alone because that's clearly your choice. A little smile, a bit of effort... for example, if you're in high school, offer to let a teammate copy your homework. Just once, then a second time, then a third... eventually, they'll get used to your presence and start inviting you out. In college: be the first one to grab the study guides and mention you're happy to share them. At work: if you see someone struggling, just ask: "How's it going? Can I help?" 🙂 It's actually pretty easy to make contact with people when you actually want to. If you just sit at home thinking everyone else sucks—well, that's impossible.

Yes, I went through a stretch lasting several months—and I’m honestly not even certain if that chapter has truly closed—where I found myself completely and utterly abandoned...
I suffered a tragedy so profound that, to my absolute shock and devastation, my own family turned their backs on me, leaving me to face everything entirely alone.
There is simply no pain, no sense of helplessness or despair quite like being solitary and realizing there isn't a single soul in this entire country who would offer you a kind glance, pull you into a hug during your darkest hour, or whisper, "It’s going to be okay, I’m right here with you." I know this because, while I was literally suffocating under the weight of my own tears, I found myself thinking that perhaps being whipped five hundred times a day would actually be more bearable than enduring one more minute of that isolation... despite the fact that I could be walking down a busy street in New York City surrounded by thousands of people, or sitting in an apartment with five family members, yet feeling more isolated than if I had been exiled to Antarctica.
I have endured an incredibly difficult, surreal, and grueling period over the years, yet in the end, I find myself grateful; it opened my eyes and deepened my empathy for others, and it taught me that, ultimately, you can only ever truly rely on yourself, for there is no greater friend than your own soul.

Look, in my last post, I really let some garbage slip—stuff that was just wrong and honestly pretty dark. It’s a reflection of where my head's been at, but looking back now? Everything's hitting me differently. It's about effort. For some reason, I just... don't try. I won't even make an effort to get close to people who actually seem interesting. Lately, I find myself trying to bond with random strangers online, but when it comes to the people right in front of me at college? Zero chance. If you don't click with everyone on day one of freshman year, you're basically branded an outsider for good. It takes massive work to change that after the fact. I'm gonna try to put in that work now—after years of being a hermit—if I can even still believe it'll work.

Lost Friends, it’s great reading this post.
It's actually a privilege to have this outlet—to be able to share what's on our minds.
To find people who, more often than not, at least understand a part of it, or offer a real response.
There are usually plenty of people jumping in to react, answer, or offer encouragement.

The only downside is that being anonymous online means you can't reach out and offer a hand or a pat on the back.
You can't go for a walk together. You can't just grab a coffee downtown.

But you can gain perspective, reflect, and rethink things. You get new ideas, and then you move forward.
Pretty good, isn't it?

Instead of just dwelling on how intimidating it feels to head into the city alone, maybe you could try finding someone to walk with you instead.🙂 I realize it isn't quite as simple as I’ve laid it out here, but it shouldn't be either.
The truth is, whenever I find myself out there, I’d much rather have someone by my side—whether they're happy, sad, or anything in between.

I honestly feel like you are such a wonderful and unique individual. I can tell how incredibly difficult things are for you right now 😘

I have no idea how many more uphill battles lie ahead of you, but please, just ENDURE. I am asking you to hang in there, because it might be that you were chosen to be among the first to lead the way, rather than being left behind at the end.

Other people often fail to recognize your true worth simply because they haven't even realized their own value yet 😉. I am deeply convinced that everything happens for a reason; I didn't just stumble upon that realization—I had to earn it through sheer grit, hardship, and some very clear, painful lessons 😁, so believe me when I say this isn't just empty sentiment.

I’m going to do everything in my power to keep you in my prayers, because, as I’ve said before, I think you're a truly special person 😉.

Vigilante, this is spot on! 😂
It doesn't take away from the computer's value... 😉

Honestly, I don't know... I'm actually fascinated by how people find the whole concept of being alone so weird and unsettling. Like, isn't being alone actually the longest and most significant stretch of our lives? One thing that trips me out over and over again—and I mean, seriously, why?—is watching people head to the campus dining hall. I mean, eating is a basic biological necessity just so you don't die, right? And yet, for most people, the idea of walking into the cafeteria by yourself is somehow unthinkable. Like, oh my god, you're a total freak if you eat solo?? WTF? People will literally hunt down a companion just to go grab lunch so they don't look like an outcast. But I’m talking about this happening constantly, like twice a day, every single day. I hit up the dining hall alone all the time, and occasionally someone will join me and then we're basically buddies, and that's it. On the flip side, I spend a huge chunk of my time alone every day, and honestly, it works for me because I've been this way my entire life and I'm used to it. And yeah, I have love life issues because I'm a college student, whatever 🤣 but there is nothing I enjoy more than heading downtown by myself to hit up a shop and just peacefully buy whatever catches my eye. Or sitting at a cafe reading a killer book, catching a movie at the theater, or just wandering around. 🤷 Then again, I've realized that solitude sends off certain vibes to other people, because apparently, the way you carry yourself when you're alone can either draw people in or push them away. For example, a girl in my class told me I come off as super indifferent, like I just couldn't care less about anyone or anything, and honestly? She's not wrong. It's all about your attitude. You put on some shades, blast your music through your earbuds while you stroll through the city, and suddenly you stop giving a damn about what everyone else thinks. At the same time, I totally get those moments when you're alone and you just don't have anyone to share things with. But it still blows my mind when I tell people I only have a few close friends and leave it at that. I have this guy in my major who knows every single person on campus and greets everyone he sees, whereas I know maybe three or four people, and even that feels like a lot to me 😁 and then they look at me like I'm crazy, asking, "How can you not have friends?" Why would I? I'm not going to force anything or try to drag people into hanging out with me if they aren't feeling it. There's plenty of time, I'm young, there's no rush. Just live in the moment and don't force things; it's pointless. Plus, solitude builds your character, and remember, gods are forged in solitude 😉 but hey, if you're just completely fed up with everything, there's a massive crowd of people right here on this forum. Just send someone a DM and go grab a coffee and talk nonsense until your head hurts. 😁😁

True, but Morgan Martinez28, there’s a massive difference between choosing solitude and being forced into it. And there’s something else... you can be surrounded by friends and acquaintances, yet find yourself completely alone during those pivotal, life-altering moments. I don’t know why it works that way, but it’s a pattern I see in my own life quite often. Then there’s a third layer: being lonely even when you're actually out with people. You're physically present, hanging out, but the internal sense of isolation persists regardless. Perhaps that’s a tangent, but loneliness is a complicated, messy thing. Once you finally learn how to be comfortable on your own and settle into that rhythm, those pleasant social interludes inevitably come to an end, forcing you to readjust back to your own company. For me, those transitions are the hardest part. That’s why I’ve been pulling away from socializing lately. There are so many wonderful people in this world, but if I can't be with them constantly, I struggle to maintain that kind of connection. It’s just too taxing. I’ve tried, really I have, but it’s unrealistic to expect anyone to have people by their side at all times. To me, those brief flashes of happiness in a crowd feel like an illusion. I have to be alone; anything else just hurts too much.

I’ll be the first to admit—I don't actually want to be alone. But somehow, here I am. It feels like everyone suddenly becomes your best friend the moment they need a favor... yet when things get tough, nobody seems to care. Honestly, I've found there's a certain peace in my own company.
I'd much rather fly solo than spend my time surrounded by a crowd of fools.

Jerry Martinez5 said:I second everything Charlotte wrote, great post 👍

To add to that: why would anyone bother with you? For what reason? Maybe you should flip the script: why don't you bother with someone else?

And don't just look at the most popular kids who have a hundred friends. Look around you; surely there's someone out there with a shared interest (music, or whatever) who isn't totally obsessed with being social.

And think about the vibe you're putting out there. Whenever I hear someone say "everyone is conceited," I bet they're projecting this vibe: I'm tough, I'm the smartest one here, I don't need anyone. If you've built up that kind of armor, it’s only natural that people assume you're alone because that's clearly your choice. A little smile, a bit of effort... for example, if you're in high school, offer to let a teammate copy your homework. Just once, then a second time, then a third... eventually, they'll get used to your presence and start inviting you out. In college: be the first one to grab the study guides and mention you're happy to share them. At work: if you see someone struggling, just ask: "How's it going? Can I help?" 🙂 It's actually pretty easy to make contact with people when you actually want to. If you just sit at home thinking everyone else sucks—well, that's impossible.

Man, that is just beautifully put. Seriously, that message just radiates positivity. If everyone could catch that vibe—if we all just made an effort to do one kind thing for someone every single day without expecting a damn thing in return—the whole world would basically do a complete 180.
Look, if you can build yourself up to be strong enough and self-aware enough to actually function on your own, you’re building on solid ground. Once you lay that foundation, nothing can shake you. It’s a huge contrast to people who are surrounded by a million so-called "friends" but don't actually have a single soul they can lean on. Those people just end up bitter at the world because life isn't meeting their expectations, especially when it comes to how people communicate—which is basically the main energy source in society these days. I've learned that you have to get comfortable with yourself first. That means doing the deep work, looking inward, and treating self-growth as a lifestyle rather than some quick fix. Once you do that, you become self-sufficient, and because you're acting in harmony with others, you naturally become the kind of person people actually want to call a friend.

Jessica Cook11 said:Maybe being alone is actually a blessing... I’ve just embraced it, and honestly, I feel better for it. Though, deep down, I never really wanted to be totally solo... I think I might just scare people off. Right now, I'm stuck in this relationship that goes nowhere and has zero understanding—it's basically just something to have so I'm not single. It sucks. The worst part is waking up to a gorgeous day and thinking about heading downtown to walk around and laugh with someone, only to realize I'll be doing it by myself.
Maybe I’m the one to blame here. I can be pretty hard on people. I absolutely loathe superficiality—I just can't stand it—even though, at my core, I'm a total optimist.
To be real with you, most people in my life have just used me. If they needed a favor, they knew exactly who to call. And look, it didn't bother me at the time—I genuinely love helping out. But the second *I* actually needed something? Everyone vanished. I think that was the moment I completely lost my faith in humanity. Now, I just have a few acquaintances, and that’s it.
When I go out on a Friday or Saturday night, I feel like an intruder in everyone else's world. And it’s the same feeling when someone tries to push their way into my own little bubble of poetry, music, and books.
I love my solitude, but man, sometimes it's tough.
So, yeah. There are more of us out there... we aren't alone in our loneliness.

It feels like I just read my own autobiography🙂... I've walked down these exact same paths myself...

I have to respectfully disagree with the idea that being alone is the most terrifying thing a person can face. Honestly, looking at how this topic keeps coming up, I feel like there’s a much deeper, more significant issue at play here: social anxiety. I know exactly what I'm talking about. About ten years ago, right after I finished my degree, I finally worked through my own struggle with social phobia. Once I got past that, being alone stopped feeling like a burden and actually started feeling like a blessing. Why a blessing? Because I was choosing solitude on my own terms. I genuinely enjoyed my own company. And because I wasn't afraid anymore, if I felt like hanging out with friends, I could just go out without that crushing sense of dread. It feels like this fear of being alone is often rooted in a lack of self-acceptance or even a bit of self-loathing. You start thinking, "Well, if I feel this way about myself, why would anyone else want to be around me?" But it’s different when you change that mindset. Start learning to love and respect yourself first. Once you do that, being alone won't feel heavy anymore, and grabbing a coffee by yourself in downtown Chicago won't feel like such a daunting task. ☕

Amanda Sullivan3 said:I’ll be the first to admit—I don't actually want to be alone. But somehow, here I am. It feels like everyone suddenly becomes your best friend the moment they need a favor... yet when things get tough, nobody seems to care. Honestly, I've found there's a certain peace in my own company.
I'd much rather fly solo than spend my time surrounded by a crowd of fools.

Look, back in high school, I was basically the guy that like 90% of the class thought was a total moron or an idiot or whatever—we just didn't click at all. And for a while, I was sitting there wondering what the hell was wrong with me since nobody seemed to like me. Then it finally hit me: I just happened to run into the wrong crowd. It wasn't even my fault; it was just bad luck with the people around me, so there's really no point in stressing out or feeling guilty about it. And yeah, let's be real, people can be absolute trash sometimes, but that's no reason to jump to conclusions before you even give things a chance (I'm not saying go out and be a jerk, I'm just advising you not to start down that path😉). Just give it some time, okay? Maybe the issue today is just that everyone expects way too much from everyone else. As crazy or cold as it sounds, you should probably try to categorize people so life gets easier—you know, so you don't expect much and end up getting burned. Like, this person is just someone to grab coffee with, this one is just for a laugh, this one's for deep talks, this one's for hitting the bars, and this one's my actual best friend. When you stop expecting everything from everyone, you don't get disappointed nearly as much🙂. And if you truly do just keep running into assholes, then it's just a weird string of bad luck, and you've gotta just move on and not waste your energy on it if you can help it. Just focus on the stuff you actually need to get done and the things that actually make you happy🙂