Nobody wants to be alone

Roger Morgan4 said:True, but Morgan Martinez28, there’s a massive difference between choosing solitude and being forced into it. And there’s something else... you can be surrounded by friends and acquaintances, yet find yourself completely alone during those pivotal, life-altering moments. I don’t know why it works that way, but it’s a pattern I see in my own life quite often. Then there’s a third layer: being lonely even when you're actually out with people. You're physically present, hanging out, but the internal sense of isolation persists regardless. Perhaps that’s a tangent, but loneliness is a complicated, messy thing. Once you finally learn how to be comfortable on your own and settle into that rhythm, those pleasant social interludes inevitably come to an end, forcing you to readjust back to your own company. For me, those transitions are the hardest part. That’s why I’ve been pulling away from socializing lately. There are so many wonderful people in this world, but if I can't be with them constantly, I struggle to maintain that kind of connection. It’s just too taxing. I’ve tried, really I have, but it’s unrealistic to expect anyone to have people by their side at all times. To me, those brief flashes of happiness in a crowd feel like an illusion. I have to be alone; anything else just hurts too much.

But seriously, why do you feel like you have to go through the cycle of getting used to being alone over and over again when it’s your baseline anyway? You go to sleep alone, you go to the doctor alone, you do your basic daily stuff alone. So, isn't it just totally natural that when you *are* with someone and you're actually having a blast, it eventually has to come to an end? You can't spend every waking moment with one person for your entire life. And it’s definitely not an illusion! Do you know why? Because in that specific moment, you felt good and you enjoyed yourself, and honestly, that should be enough. Just forget about everything else and stop overthinking it. Worrying about "what comes next" or "what if" is just a total waste of energy. Breakups—whether they're temporary or long-term—are just a standard part of life, so why do they have to hit you so much harder than everyone else? And why is it that you feel like you can't have a relationship unless that person is with you 24/7? It's all about learning the balance between living in the moment, enjoying the "now," and knowing when it's time to think about long-term plans. I really hope that makes at least a little bit of sense.👍

Morgan Martinez28 said:Look, back in high school, I was basically the guy that like 90% of the class thought was a total moron or an idiot or whatever—we just didn't click at all. And for a while, I was sitting there wondering what the hell was wrong with me since nobody seemed to like me. Then it finally hit me: I just happened to run into the wrong crowd. It wasn't even my fault; it was just bad luck with the people around me, so there's really no point in stressing out or feeling guilty about it. And yeah, let's be real, people can be absolute trash sometimes, but that's no reason to jump to conclusions before you even give things a chance (I'm not saying go out and be a jerk, I'm just advising you not to start down that path😉). Just give it some time, okay? Maybe the issue today is just that everyone expects way too much from everyone else. As crazy or cold as it sounds, you should probably try to categorize people so life gets easier—you know, so you don't expect much and end up getting burned. Like, this person is just someone to grab coffee with, this one is just for a laugh, this one's for deep talks, this one's for hitting the bars, and this one's my actual best friend. When you stop expecting everything from everyone, you don't get disappointed nearly as much🙂. And if you truly do just keep running into assholes, then it's just a weird string of bad luck, and you've gotta just move on and not waste your energy on it if you can help it. Just focus on the stuff you actually need to get done and the things that actually make you happy🙂

But... I tend to take everything to heart—maybe I should, maybe I shouldn't. Besides, there is something that will help me in the long run. Something dangerous. Something no one has ever attempted before. May God help me.

Nicole Davis7 said:I have to respectfully disagree with the idea that being alone is the most terrifying thing a person can face. Honestly, looking at how this topic keeps coming up, I feel like there’s a much deeper, more significant issue at play here: social anxiety. I know exactly what I'm talking about. About ten years ago, right after I finished my degree, I finally worked through my own struggle with social phobia. Once I got past that, being alone stopped feeling like a burden and actually started feeling like a blessing. Why a blessing? Because I was choosing solitude on my own terms. I genuinely enjoyed my own company. And because I wasn't afraid anymore, if I felt like hanging out with friends, I could just go out without that crushing sense of dread. It feels like this fear of being alone is often rooted in a lack of self-acceptance or even a bit of self-loathing. You start thinking, "Well, if I feel this way about myself, why would anyone else want to be around me?" But it’s different when you change that mindset. Start learning to love and respect yourself first. Once you do that, being alone won't feel heavy anymore, and grabbing a coffee by yourself in downtown Chicago won't feel like such a daunting task. ☕

Huh, never really looked at it through that lens. For me, needing friends has always been an essential thing—like, a total necessity for my happiness. I just want someone to actually *know* me, because most people around here barely scratch the surface.

As for self-acceptance? Yeah, I’ve totally embraced who I am. But there’s a huge difference between accepting yourself and being accepted by others. I’m not going to bend over backward or fake my interests just to score some shallow, fake friendships. But hey, maybe that’s the only way to play the game, right?

Casey Ramos78 said:Huh, never really looked at it through that lens. For me, needing friends has always been an essential thing—like, a total necessity for my happiness. I just want someone to actually *know* me, because most people around here barely scratch the surface.

As for self-acceptance? Yeah, I’ve totally embraced who I am. But there’s a huge difference between accepting yourself and being accepted by others. I’m not going to bend over backward or fake my interests just to score some shallow, fake friendships. But hey, maybe that’s the only way to play the game, right?

Wrong. When you actually know yourself, you realize how similar—or different—you are to everyone else. No one can ever truly know you unless you've formed a deep, intimate connection based on mutual recognition. For instance, even your parents don't truly know you.

If you had actually accepted yourself completely, you would realize it doesn't matter if others accept you fully. Because if you met someone like Romney tomorrow and he became your friend, you wouldn't be able to accept him entirely, simply because you don't share all his life experiences. You just accept the parts you have in common, and that's that. 🙂

Trying to adapt to others to the point where you feel like you're betraying or faking yourself is the wrong approach. That's not how you make friends; that's just how you collect new disappointments.

Unlike when I was growing up, we have the internet now. When I was a kid, I was obsessed with Dostoevsky. Nobody I knew read him 😢. Today, I could probably find at least ten brilliant people online to hang out with. But it isn't necessary for the person who shares my love for Dostoevsky to also be into Sonic Youth.

Casey Ramos78 said:So I was supposed to head downtown today to pick some stuff up—that was the plan, anyway—but then total panic set in. Just this overwhelming dread at the thought of walking through the city streets all by myself again. It drags all those old memories right back to the surface. Honestly, I’ve changed so much lately and I don't feel like that pathetic version of myself anymore, but heading out alone feels like admitting nothing has actually changed. I’m terrified of being alone. Is it just me haunted by the past, or does nobody actually enjoy their own company?

I’ve had these "identity crises"—which is really just code for those moments where it hits you like a freight train that you have absolutely nobody, zero real friends, and you just want to end it all because the loneliness is too much. It hurts. Loneliness is hands down the most painful thing in the world.

A quick thought on everyone else: Why are people so terrified of ending relationships that clearly don't work? They just can't face being alone. That’s my take, anyway. I honestly don't get how some people on this forum could look me in the eye a year ago and say, "Hey, why not just be single? It’s great! You can do this and that!" How can anyone find loneliness "good"? I seriously don't get it, because I can't stand it for another second.

Lately, I've been trying to convince myself that I'm not actually alone, so now I'm scared that if I go downtown solo, it'll prove that this whole past year was just a wash. The truth is, I still don't have anyone to go out with, which just confirms I'm still isolated despite all these imaginary friends I've managed to make.

p.s. When I say "downtown," I just mean hitting the mall—there's no other reason I'd be forced to wander around town.

Why won't you just enjoy a stroll? Go shopping on your own terms. Why, why, why? If you have the funds, it's actually quite liberating.
Being alone and being lonely are two different beasts.

I’ve always been such a people person, and honestly, I used to be even more of a social butterfly when I was younger! But now, between balancing a job where I'm constantly interacting with others, dealing with my kids (who are definitely not quiet!), and catching up over coffee with friends or neighbors, I find myself really craving a little peace and quiet every once in a while. There is nothing quite as wonderful as sitting in total stillness and just hearing the birds chirping instead of the chaos of wild kids or the constant chatter of coworkers... Honestly, some solitude is absolutely essential for the soul.