I am living the absolute lowest-quality life imaginable (and I'm being dead serious)

If she actually had responsibilities, she wouldn't be spending all day rotting on the couch.

Progress is going to be slow and painful if she just tries to force herself into things. Creating pointless, empty obligations and bad habits doesn't get you anywhere—I know that from my own struggle with smoking 🤣 , now I'm fighting to quit 🙄 . She needs a reason 😉 , but it has to be something she actually chooses for herself. Honestly, I still think she needs a man in her life. She should start with what feels good and leads somewhere useful 😉 . One past relationship landed me in a similar spot where she is now 😂 even though I'm younger than her ☕
Just lean into those physical urges for now 😉 (but watch your step)

John Fisher4 said:

If she actually had responsibilities, she wouldn't be spending all day rotting on the couch.

Progress is going to be slow and painful if she just tries to force herself into things. Creating pointless, empty obligations and bad habits doesn't get you anywhere—I know that from my own struggle with smoking 🤣 , now I'm fighting to quit 🙄 . She needs a reason 😉 , but it has to be something she actually chooses for herself. Honestly, I still think she needs a man in her life. She should start with what feels good and leads somewhere useful 😉 . One past relationship landed me in a similar spot where she is now 😂 even though I'm younger than her ☕
Just lean into those physical urges for now 😉 (but watch your step)

Eat, sleep, pee, and sit around
I mean, what else is there to do?
If you were actually thinking about sex—well, that doesn't really count as a "physical urge" in this context

vividtiger50

It seems quite clear to me that you’ve fallen into a deep depression, primarily because you have essentially withdrawn from the entire world; the moment you decide that peeling yourself out of your pajamas just to walk to the local Walmart is too much effort, and the moment you distance yourself from all your friends, you've entered a state of isolation. You have retreated into your own private prison—your own little fortress, if you will—but the reality is that you simply need to find a way out of it. 😳

I find it rather peculiar that when you talk to your mother, you focus entirely on how much fun you're having; it makes me wonder why she isn't more concerned about whether you're actually learning anything or what your long-term intentions are for your life, rather than just your level of amusement. After all, this is your life we are discussing, and eventually, you are going to have to contribute something to society...

In hindsight, you really should have reached out to a therapist much earlier—someone who could provide guidance on how to approach university and the rigors of studying... perhaps that would have made a difference. Regardless of which path we choose in life, even if we pursue a field we are genuinely passionate about, there will inevitably be a mountain of tedious tasks that hold zero interest for us, requiring us to simply grit our teeth, sit down, and put in the work. So, the fundamental requirement is willpower (though, if you truly are suffering from depression, that's likely the one thing you're currently lacking)...
You seem to have carried this "sin" from your childhood—the failure to develop a solid work ethic or learn how to stay disciplined—and so when the time finally came to face reality at college, you quickly threw in the towel because you perceived the world as being "cruel." You are undoubtedly intelligent and sharp, but let me tell you, a professor isn't going to hand you an A+ just because you have bright, clever eyes; you actually have to sit down and study... goodness, even the smartest people have to hit the books! 😉 😁

What exactly is the consensus among your parents, and what are they suggesting you do?
Are they advising you to switch majors or to drop out of university altogether?
I assume you finished high school, though finding employment with just that can be a bit of a struggle. Are you planning to study something else, or perhaps enroll in a vocational course or a certification program to gain some practical skills? Is there anything at all that sparks your interest?

Time is certainly not on your side here, and I mean this in the most serious sense: you must pull yourself together, and you should do so by seeking out every possible resource available to you, whether that means talking to psychologists, doctors, psychiatrists, your parents, extended family, or close friends...

You need to snap out of this funk and seriously consider how you intend to support yourself in the future. You are twenty-three years old, and from what I can gather, your parents are paying for your apartment while you haven't even completed your freshman year and aren't working at all—just sitting there in your pajamas watching TV all day? To be fair, they share some of the blame here too... they really should have pushed you to get moving much sooner, encouraging you to seek psychological help or find a job so you could start supporting yourself (even if only partially, where they assist you but you still earn your own way). It's not too late to start looking for work right now; it won't be easy, but you might just get lucky.

vividtiger50 said:I’m just a clone, obviously, so I know exactly how much people hate clickbait headlines. 😍
I’m not entirely sure what I’m hoping to achieve by starting this thread; maybe I just need a little bit of support, or even some insults or sympathy—honestly, anything just to feel like someone is talking to me, because I feel incredibly lonely. 😢

So, I guess I should start from the beginning. Back in high school, I was an excellent student without ever really having to try, which meant I never actually developed any real work ethic. I managed to get into the university I wanted without much trouble and moved away from my small hometown to this massive city. When the first deadlines rolled around, I passed a couple of exams, and then suddenly—just like that—everything changed. College felt pointless, I realized it wasn't what I actually wanted to do, and I just lost all motivation to study. I ended up spending most of the next two months just lying around the house, watching TV, or out drinking. Since attendance isn't strictly mandatory at my university, I took full advantage of that, and for the next few months, the campus didn't see me at all. By the time the next round of finals came, I hadn't passed a single thing, and that continued for the next three years. As my friends from school started moving into their senior years, we had less and less to talk about, our schedules stopped lining up, and bit by bit, I just drifted away. Yeah, I don't have anyone. I grew distant from everyone back home, lost touch with the people from college, and honestly, I don't even know who I could grab a coffee with tomorrow if I wanted to.

I'm 23 now, and I have no idea what my future holds. I don't have any real job skills to speak of, so I can't exactly be independent and stop relying on my parents, though I suppose I don't spend too much money since, as I mentioned, I have no one to go out with. I've basically locked myself in my apartment and stopped leaving. A few times a week I'll head to the grocery store or maybe take a short walk, but the rest of my time is spent in front of the TV or online; I've written ten thousand posts here, for goodness' sake. 😳

Nothing brings me joy anymore; every day feels identical. I only change out of my pajamas under very unusual circumstances, and I feel quite pathetic. I'm no expert, but I suspect I might be dealing with depression. There have been moments where I've thought about just ending it all to stop this stagnation, but I'm quickly snapped back to reality by the thought that I have no friends and no one would even show up to my funeral, which would lead my mom to realize things aren't as great as I tell her they are. 😢

I realize that my behavior is terribly childish and immature; I'm aware of it all. I spend my nights crying and feeling desperate, feeling small and worthless and ashamed, yet I just can't seem to force myself to change. I'll sit down to study, and then my mind just drifts away, and that's that. I don't know, I really don't. And I suppose I'm doing this for selfish reasons, just wanting to find some relief for my soul.

If anyone actually read this, I apologize for venting like this, but I feel a little bit better now. 😢

You're only 23, that's not old at all. You still have plenty of time to accomplish stuff and meet new people. If you keep thinking like this, you're going to spiral into depression and life will become a living hell. And don't even think about suicide—that would be devastating for your parents, and honestly, it would just be a selfish act. Try finding a roommate; it's an easy way to meet someone new. I'm 23 too and I'm only just planning to start college. When life hits its lowest point, you just have to push through. Try to find some motivation for school if that's what you want; there's still a chance you can make something of yourself. Wishing you the best, hope this helped even a little.

jadelynx29 said:You're only 23, that's not old at all. You still have plenty of time to accomplish stuff and meet new people. If you keep thinking like this, you're going to spiral into depression and life will become a living hell. And don't even think about suicide—that would be devastating for your parents, and honestly, it would just be a selfish act. Try finding a roommate; it's an easy way to meet someone new. I'm 23 too and I'm only just planning to start college. When life hits its lowest point, you just have to push through. Try to find some motivation for school if that's what you want; there's still a chance you can make something of yourself. Wishing you the best, hope this helped even a little.

How is that selfish? You really can't label suicide as a "selfish act"—especially in cases where the very people responsible for preventing it were actually the ones causing the harm in the first place. But, I suppose that’s a whole different conversation entirely...

My suggestion is simple: Duty, action, results.
I'm speaking from personal experience here.

Over & Out

Mark Martinez4 said:How is that selfish? You really can't label suicide as a "selfish act"—especially in cases where the very people responsible for preventing it were actually the ones causing the harm in the first place. But, I suppose that’s a whole different conversation entirely...

My suggestion is simple: Duty, action, results.
I'm speaking from personal experience here.

Over & Out

Come on, quit with the double meanings.
(speaking from experience)🤣

been there, done that 😢

One thing that worked in my favor was living with my elderly parents; I couldn't exactly just stay cooped up at home all day, even if the feeling was the same.
I’d basically just head out a few times a week and pretend I was heading to a lecture, when really I was just wandering around town by myself because I didn't have anyone to grab coffee with.

Eventually, I switched majors. Now I'm working myself to death, but at least I actually have some idea of what my future looks like.
A fresh start might be the best thing that could happen to you right now. It's almost like you've just finished high school and you're only just starting the admissions process. You have plenty of time to prepare for whatever college you choose.
At first, you'll meet a whole crowd of new people, and I suspect you'll eventually forget those rough few years ever happened. That was certainly my experience.
Luckily, not every freshman is eighteen; you can always find someone closer to your own age.

Goodness, there are so many replies! 😍
I honestly expected this thread to be buried by the third page, so I really want to thank everyone for the motivation! 🙂
This is actually the first time I’ve ever written anything more personal than just joking around over on The Rockies, and I feel, how should I put it, somewhat free? 😁
It might sound a bit strange, but it feels much easier knowing that some people have managed to survive things similar to what I'm going through, especially those who aren't hiding behind a secondary username 😢, so thanks again for that.

To address a few of the questions asked.
My parents don't know anything about my situation. When they ask, I just lie; if they push to see my grades, I make up some excuse about a registrar delay or an enrollment error, and luckily my college's system is so outdated that nothing is available online to check. The real issue is that they actually believe me. I was always a good daughter and a diligent student, so they have no reason to suspect that things are going wrong right now. But, well, life happens.😢

I am fully aware that I need to get active! I know deep down that I need to find something to occupy my time, but I just can't seem to force myself to do it. I simply can't. Or maybe it's that I'll make a firm decision that in two weeks I'm going to make a change and, I don't know, start Pilates, but when that day finally arrives, I find a thousand silly excuses to stay inside. It's raining, or I feel like I can't just show up there, or I'm too embarrassed to go alone because everyone knows each other and I'll just end up standing by myself... I don't know. I think I've even developed a sort of phobia of people, because I tend to shop at Walmart only when it's nearly empty.😲 I don't go out on the weekends because I'm usually stuck at Central Park and it's always so crowded. I say I'm at Central Park, but my feet haven't actually touched those trails in two years, even though I plan to go every single day; it takes me exactly five minutes from my front door to get there, and I can see it right from my window.

Seeking help from a psychologist... Oh boy. 😢 I would feel so uncomfortable talking to someone about all of this. I suppose it shows that I have some issues with trust. You see, I even created a new username, even though I wasn't being particularly explicit on my old one. I'm afraid of damaging my reputation on the forum, which, well, is probably the only cool thing I have going for me right now.😢
And generally, I just feel awkward revealing myself in any capacity. I use fake names whenever I contact customer service, bookstores, or video rental places!!

Everything is just such a mess and feels so aimless, it's awful. Thank you for spending your Sunday evening on me, and I hope you all have a great week ahead! 👍

vividtiger50 said:Goodness, there are so many replies! 😍
I honestly expected this thread to be buried by the third page, so I really want to thank everyone for the motivation! 🙂
This is actually the first time I’ve ever written anything more personal than just joking around over on The Rockies, and I feel, how should I put it, somewhat free? 😁
It might sound a bit strange, but it feels much easier knowing that some people have managed to survive things similar to what I'm going through, especially those who aren't hiding behind a secondary username 😢, so thanks again for that.

To address a few of the questions asked.
My parents don't know anything about my situation. When they ask, I just lie; if they push to see my grades, I make up some excuse about a registrar delay or an enrollment error, and luckily my college's system is so outdated that nothing is available online to check. The real issue is that they actually believe me. I was always a good daughter and a diligent student, so they have no reason to suspect that things are going wrong right now. But, well, life happens.😢

I am fully aware that I need to get active! I know deep down that I need to find something to occupy my time, but I just can't seem to force myself to do it. I simply can't. Or maybe it's that I'll make a firm decision that in two weeks I'm going to make a change and, I don't know, start Pilates, but when that day finally arrives, I find a thousand silly excuses to stay inside. It's raining, or I feel like I can't just show up there, or I'm too embarrassed to go alone because everyone knows each other and I'll just end up standing by myself... I don't know. I think I've even developed a sort of phobia of people, because I tend to shop at Walmart only when it's nearly empty.😲 I don't go out on the weekends because I'm usually stuck at Central Park and it's always so crowded. I say I'm at Central Park, but my feet haven't actually touched those trails in two years, even though I plan to go every single day; it takes me exactly five minutes from my front door to get there, and I can see it right from my window.

Seeking help from a psychologist... Oh boy. 😢 I would feel so uncomfortable talking to someone about all of this. I suppose it shows that I have some issues with trust. You see, I even created a new username, even though I wasn't being particularly explicit on my old one. I'm afraid of damaging my reputation on the forum, which, well, is probably the only cool thing I have going for me right now.😢
And generally, I just feel awkward revealing myself in any capacity. I use fake names whenever I contact customer service, bookstores, or video rental places!!

Everything is just such a mess and feels so aimless, it's awful. Thank you for spending your Sunday evening on me, and I hope you all have a great week ahead! 👍

And really, why hide it? We're all a little bit eccentric—some of us just haven't come to terms with it yet.

Let me answer a few of those questions.
My parents don't have any idea what I'm going through. When they ask, I just dodge the question; if they push for my grades, I make up some excuse about a glitch in the registrar's system or that the professors are still finalizing the semester's marks. Luckily, since my college is a bit behind on their digital updates, there isn't anything online for them to check. The real issue is that they trust me implicitly. I was always the "good kid," the diligent student, so they have absolutely no reason to suspect anything is going wrong right now. But, well... life happens. 😢

Sooner or later, you're going to have to come clean.

I know I need to take action!

But it's not that easy—I truly understand how you feel...

Seeking help from a therapist...

This isn't really a situation that requires a therapist.

Everything feels so messy and pointless, it's overwhelming. Thank you all for spending your Sunday evening on me, and I wish you all a wonderful week ahead! 👍

Thank God 😉

Steven Hill said:been there, done that 😢

One thing that worked in my favor was living with my elderly parents; I couldn't exactly just stay cooped up at home all day, even if the feeling was the same.
I’d basically just head out a few times a week and pretend I was heading to a lecture, when really I was just wandering around town by myself because I didn't have anyone to grab coffee with.

Eventually, I switched majors. Now I'm working myself to death, but at least I actually have some idea of what my future looks like.
A fresh start might be the best thing that could happen to you right now. It's almost like you've just finished high school and you're only just starting the admissions process. You have plenty of time to prepare for whatever college you choose.
At first, you'll meet a whole crowd of new people, and I suspect you'll eventually forget those rough few years ever happened. That was certainly my experience.
Luckily, not every freshman is eighteen; you can always find someone closer to your own age.

😘

Starting over sounds like a good idea, and I've actually thought about doing something similar before—I think I even have a rough idea of what I'd want to study. But the real issue would be my parents; I can already imagine the drama once they find out about my plans. For now, though, I have some time to work on my social skills, and I'm starting to feel pretty confident that this could actually turn out well in the end! I really don't know how to thank you all enough! 🙏

vividtiger50 said:😘

Starting over sounds like a good idea, and I've actually thought about doing something similar before—I think I even have a rough idea of what I'd want to study. But the real issue would be my parents; I can already imagine the drama once they find out about my plans. For now, though, I have some time to work on my social skills, and I'm starting to feel pretty confident that this could actually turn out well in the end! I really don't know how to thank you all enough! 🙏

Things won't truly improve until you actually make that leap and start over.
Unless you make a real change and finally recognize your own potential, nothing is going to get better.
If they understand where you're coming from, great—if not, well, honestly, who cares? You can definitely balance working and going to college at the same time; you certainly won't be the only one doing it.
Just please, don't drop out of school like I did—though, I suppose I am a bit of a special case, since I personally find university to be the most frustrating institution in the entire country.
I have a genuine phobia of college life 😂😂

Mark Martinez4 said:And really, why hide it? We're all a little bit eccentric—some of us just haven't come to terms with it yet.

Let me answer a few of those questions.
My parents don't have any idea what I'm going through. When they ask, I just dodge the question; if they push for my grades, I make up some excuse about a glitch in the registrar's system or that the professors are still finalizing the semester's marks. Luckily, since my college is a bit behind on their digital updates, there isn't anything online for them to check. The real issue is that they trust me implicitly. I was always the "good kid," the diligent student, so they have absolutely no reason to suspect anything is going wrong right now. But, well... life happens. 😢

Sooner or later, you're going to have to come clean.

I know I need to take action!

But it's not that easy—I truly understand how you feel...

Seeking help from a therapist...

This isn't really a situation that requires a therapist.

Everything feels so messy and pointless, it's overwhelming. Thank you all for spending your Sunday evening on me, and I wish you all a wonderful week ahead! 👍

Thank God 😉

And when that happens, I imagine it’ll turn into some sort of massive, world-class drama, though I have to admit, there might be good reason for it. Honestly, it's just exhausting. 😢

vividtiger50 said:And when that happens, I imagine it’ll turn into some sort of massive, world-class drama, though I have to admit, there might be good reason for it. Honestly, it's just exhausting. 😢

But really, why stress over all this upcoming drama? If things go south, they go south—you just dust yourself off and start over. It's not the end of the world.
Besides, you're only 23! There were plenty of people back in the day who were out there figuring life out entirely on their own at even younger ages. 😉😉

I feel a bit ashamed, I guess? I don't think they would ever actually throw me out on the street just because I'm struggling, but I think it would be too uncomfortable to look them in the eye and admit that I've been leaning on them for years. They’ve given me everything—truly everything I ever wanted—and yet I feel like I just keep letting them down. I don't know, I just don't think I could face them. 😢

vividtiger50 said:I feel a bit ashamed, I guess? I don't think they would ever actually throw me out on the street just because I'm struggling, but I think it would be too uncomfortable to look them in the eye and admit that I've been leaning on them for years. They’ve given me everything—truly everything I ever wanted—and yet I feel like I just keep letting them down. I don't know, I just don't think I could face them. 😢

No lies here, honestly—I think the biggest disappointment for them would be if they found out on their own. Just tell them it wasn't your fault, blame it on things being harder for you than for everyone else, blah blah blah... tell them you want a fresh start and everything will eventually balance out. You can't turn back the clock, sure, but you can always fix the finances later. 😉

I feel like I know everything there is to know, honestly. I’ve been working on this speech for months now, trying to get it just right for when I finally show up, but it doesn't seem to get any easier as time goes by; if anything, it feels like it's getting harder. 😢

vividtiger50 said:I feel like I know everything there is to know, honestly. I’ve been working on this speech for months now, trying to get it just right for when I finally show up, but it doesn't seem to get any easier as time goes by; if anything, it feels like it's getting harder. 😢

The more you overthink this, the worse it's going to feel.
If anyone can truly wrap their head around what you're going through, it's your parents.
And trust me, they will understand 100%. Just tune out all the noise—forget the lectures and the endless apologies. Try talking to your mom first, or whoever you happen to be closest to. And please, keep this in mind: things could always have been much, much worse. What would you even tell them? That you were using drugs, or working in prostitution, or that you killed your roommate? It could always be darker than it is right now. It isn't something an average person can't eventually process and make sense of. 😉😉

Check out this guy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c4vuKOz3kus

Thomas Howard93 said:Check out this guy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c4vuKOz3kus

I think I've already tried that approach, but thanks for the suggestion regardless! 😁

Mark Martinez4 said:The more you overthink this, the worse it's going to feel.
If anyone can truly wrap their head around what you're going through, it's your parents.
And trust me, they will understand 100%. Just tune out all the noise—forget the lectures and the endless apologies. Try talking to your mom first, or whoever you happen to be closest to. And please, keep this in mind: things could always have been much, much worse. What would you even tell them? That you were using drugs, or working in prostitution, or that you killed your roommate? It could always be darker than it is right now. It isn't something an average person can't eventually process and make sense of. 😉😉

In some ways, I guess it might have been easier if I had actually killed my roommate, because you can technically finish college even from prison, which doesn't seem to be an option here. And honestly, that's kind of how I'm living right now.
I suppose I'll have to have that conversation; now that I've laid everything out on "paper," it really does feel like the only way forward. 😍
👍

vividtiger50 said:I think I've already tried that approach, but thanks for the suggestion regardless! 😁

In some ways, I guess it might have been easier if I had actually killed my roommate, because you can technically finish college even from prison, which doesn't seem to be an option here. And honestly, that's kind of how I'm living right now.
I suppose I'll have to have that conversation; now that I've laid everything out on "paper," it really does feel like the only way forward. 😍
👍

Once you get it over with, you'll feel such a weight lift off your shoulders—truly, no worries there. Just take it slow; once you start talking, the words will start flowing out of you like a massive waterfall. Good luck Niagara 😁

Hang in there and stay strong 😉 😉