Body issues / Physical concerns

Oh man, just try searching for: shame, body, phobia, disorder...

There should be some book listed somewhere... maybe over at www.amazon.com ...

Roger Morgan4 said:True, that might be the case now, but I wasn't even four years old back then, so what I'm really trying to get at is why I felt that way even as a child.

A prediction? A vision of her own physical future? Or maybe just sensing the fourth dimension—time itself—within her own body? 🤷

Ronald Rogers27

My cutter just won't pick up any steam—it’s basically refusing to get the job done.

I left my body in the other department

I actually dealt with something pretty similar to what you're going through—my
psychiatrist suggested that this kind of thing (that whole body shame issue) might be a way
of reclaiming the security we felt while still in our mother's womb, or perhaps it’s just some subconscious
longing to return to that state of being completely protected inside the uterus.

I didn't get a deep dive into the details from her, but that was her take, so she basically
spun it into some sort of psychological theory and whatnot.

Roger Morgan4 said:For as long as I can remember, I’ve had this intense desire to stay covered up; I never wanted anyone to see me without clothes except for my immediate family. My earliest memories of this feeling stem from those frequent trips to the ER because of stomach issues. Even as a little kid—maybe four years old—I’d end up at the local hospital at least once a month because my stomach was hurting so badly. And, naturally, the doctor would ask my dad to help undress me so he could perform an exam. I felt so incredibly uncomfortable and exposed every single time. That feeling just persisted through my entire childhood and has stuck with me all the way into adulthood. By the time I hit puberty, I wouldn't even want to walk around in just a bra or without shorts in front of my mom and sister, which felt strange since neither of them seemed to struggle with anything like that.

I can certainly wrap my head around how these feelings might evolve later in life—you know, things involving body image or self-acceptance—but I truly cannot grasp why I felt this way when I was only four years old, just a tiny, fragile child. I haven't been able to find anything online that describes this specific experience, and I’m genuinely curious about what might be causing it. Perhaps someone said something to me back then that triggered this fear? I'd love to know if anyone else has gone through something similar.

Roger Morgan4 said:Look at the post
Of course I’m not going to go swimming in areas marked for jet skis and stuff; I guess that’s why your buddy got a ticket.

But seriously, why should we be forced to swim only in designated spots? I love it when we anchor the boat out in the middle of nowhere. Then I can jump in, dive, and just swim, feeling this total sense of freedom. The water is crystal clear. I don't want to be surrounded by a bunch of old folks where I have to breathe in their scent or listen to kids screaming from the shore, or deal with someone throwing a ball at me or whatever. I don't know, I just crave that indescribable feeling of being totally free and unconfined, and I absolutely hate those cramped, crowded public beaches.

What a hypocrite. I was honestly wondering what kind of person would write something like that, acting like they’re never going to age... and then there's this lady. She won't go to the beach because "old people smell"... but the truth is she probably can't even fit on the sand anyway. 🤷🤷☕

Raymond Clark7 said:What a hypocrite. I was honestly wondering what kind of person would write something like that, acting like they’re never going to age... and then there's this lady. She won't go to the beach because "old people smell"... but the truth is she probably can't even fit on the sand anyway. 🤷🤷☕

And where exactly am I the problem here?! I can go for a swim in the ocean and still be unhappy with how I look at the same time. Besides, what does any of that have to do with my question about childhood?

I haven't read everything here, but I'll offer one bit of advice: just start hitting the gym. Once you see some results after a few months, you're going to feel completely different. Don't force it too hard at first. If the gym isn't your thing, maybe just grab some dumbbells, a stationary bike, and an ab bench for home.

My take? If you don't like how you look, work on your core. You're either too thin, too skinny, or overweight—so just watch what you eat.

Instead of trying to accept things as they are, I guess you should focus on building yourself up from scratch.

Thanks for all the advice, and I appreciate the compliments—especially from Raymond Clark7—but honestly, I think I’ve missed the mark on this whole topic. I didn't intend to spend my time whining about my own body; I'm far too aware of how I look and what needs to change for that. It feels a bit silly now, realizing how much I've been circling the same drain. What I was actually trying to get at were those childhood feelings.

There’s really no other way to explain this than to say you might have experienced sexual abuse. That physical tension in your stomach is a classic somatic response—a subconscious defense mechanism working to protect you... I’d strongly suggest talking to your parents about this. Ask them to be completely transparent about why they sent you to the doctor and what those test results actually showed. Tell me, what did that hospital exam involve? Why was it necessary for you to be fully undressed?
Usually, children who have been abused experience these exact symptoms—a total rejection of their own bodies, feeling dirty, shameful, or "wrong," and trying to hide themselves under heavy layers during the winter...
In any case, push your parents for real answers. It's possible they know much more than they're letting on...

Amy Jones3 said:There’s really no other way to explain this than to say you might have experienced sexual abuse. That physical tension in your stomach is a classic somatic response—a subconscious defense mechanism working to protect you... I’d strongly suggest talking to your parents about this. Ask them to be completely transparent about why they sent you to the doctor and what those test results actually showed. Tell me, what did that hospital exam involve? Why was it necessary for you to be fully undressed?
Usually, children who have been abused experience these exact symptoms—a total rejection of their own bodies, feeling dirty, shameful, or "wrong," and trying to hide themselves under heavy layers during the winter...
In any case, push your parents for real answers. It's possible they know much more than they're letting on...

It was just an undershirt and underwear, but honestly, even that felt awful enough for me. Thinking back on it now just makes me feel nauseous. And as for my parents, believe me, I won't get any answers from them. Regarding my stomach, I'm certain there was never anything concrete going on. It was always the same standard questions at the doctor—what I had eaten, checking for appendicitis (I think that's why they kept taking me in). I don't recall if there were lab tests, though I assume there were, but that's really it. I don't know; maybe there's a connection to the fact that I wouldn't eat and was terribly underweight, which might be why my stomach hurt. Sexual abuse feels like a bit much, even if I did briefly wonder about it myself, but it's strange to me that I wouldn't remember anything.