Falling for an ex with an addiction problem

Seriously, just run—there’s no saving this...😢

And don't kid yourself; you can't help him. No one can help him until he decides to help himself... and clearly, it's easier for him to bolt than to actually face the music. He’ll drain you dry—he might even destroy you (probably without even meaning to)—and you won't have achieved a thing. Run from him, no matter how hard it gets. Put yourself first and get out!!!

Plus, I think he'd be totally fine with testing because 1. he'd finally understand why you're suspicious, and 2. he wouldn't have anything to fear from the results...

Every single time he would react so irrationally, essentially asking me, "How am I supposed to be a functional person if you're constantly doubting me?" while I was simply asking him to undergo testing—every single time, he would just shut down or walk away from the conversation.
It’s incredible how someone can practically train people to lie to them, pushing them toward ways of deception that I honestly find hard to even fathom.
I truly wish you could see what it's actually like to live alongside someone who has been an "ex"-addict for over a decade.
If she could only find a way to finally break free from that cycle.
Good luck with everything—whatever happens.

One really ought to exercise extreme caution regarding the internal organs of an addict, for if they become sufficiently ravaged, the individual may pass away, leaving behind nothing but the memory of their love☕

Jeffrey Stewart4 said:Well, I’m back again... There was nothing from the drug test. I realize how harsh my demands were, but honestly, I just couldn't ignore my gut feeling.🤷
So, here is the situation: when I first suggested he take a test, he flew into a rage. He acted as if I didn't trust him, claiming he couldn't deal with me and that everyone—including me—looks at him like he's some kind of addict. And truth be told, he isn't wrong. I feel like I’ve betrayed his trust, but... there is a "but" coming...
It turns out he went out one weekend to some party and was actually looking to pick up some speed or cocaine.
A very close friend of his let me know; it wasn't out of malice, but rather an attempt to help pull him away from that kind of environment.
I have to admit, hearing that absolutely crushed me. It broke me completely. Yet, despite the heartache, I told him I would stand by him no matter what.
He eventually admitted that it was true, and after a long, heavy conversation, he asked me to be his support system. He opened up about how, in the beginning, he was thinking about drugs 24/7, and while it's less frequent now, not a single day goes by without those thoughts crossing his mind. He said he just needs someone in his corner.
I can't shake the feeling that he might not be quite as invested in "us" as he is in needing someone to help him navigate life, and right now, I am the one standing there.🤷
Everything seemed fine until last weekend when he went to visit a friend in San Francisco. He checked in during the first couple of days, but then, nothing. Total radio silence.
I called him, I sent messages... and there was absolutely no sign of him until yesterday. Then, I get this text: "Please understand, it's just easier this way. I'll call you when I'm ready."
And that's it! How am I supposed to "understand"? How or why is it easier for him, and what does he mean by being "ready"???
I mean, I have a thousand questions racing through my mind, and he won't even give me the courtesy of a response!!
Now I'm stuck in this limbo: should I leave him alone until he decides to reach out, or should I try calling him again?
I am genuinely, deeply worried about him.

Haha, let’s be real. Most people aren't going to step down—not because they can't, but because they’re loving the view from the top way too much.
And once they take the bait, there’s no turning back. They're stuck.
Look, regardless of where we are in this process, it’s a mess. It just isn't working.
I feel for you regarding that grim forecast, but honestly? That’s just how it is.
Look, here’s the explanation. I’ll give you a call when I'm ready. Just wanted you to see how Danica's imagination works—and how she's got a knack for leaving doors wide open...
I get it. Love, falling hard—you can't exactly fight your own heart. I just want to say one thing: what you have with him is something special. It's rare.
Good luck.

You really think he isn't ready??!!
And what about you? What are you doing to yourself?

Look, when that selfish jerk finally decides he is ready, just send him back his own words. That’s how you close the loop.
Don't go chasing him either; you don't need that kind of baggage. If you give everything you have, you'll just end up feeling discarded and empty-handed.
I know it hurts, but believe me, there is no real love here. He's just playing at being Mother Teresa—it's all sympathy and false compassion.

YOU CANNOT HELP HIM!!! At this stage, he doesn't even want to help himself.

feralranger22 said:You really think he isn't ready??!!
And what about you? What are you doing to yourself?

Look, when that selfish jerk finally decides he is ready, just send him back his own words. That’s how you close the loop.
Don't go chasing him either; you don't need that kind of baggage. If you give everything you have, you'll just end up feeling discarded and empty-handed.
I know it hurts, but believe me, there is no real love here. He's just playing at being Mother Teresa—it's all sympathy and false compassion.

YOU CANNOT HELP HIM!!! At this stage, he doesn't even want to help himself.

I second this.
I've been exactly where you are.