Falling for an ex with an addiction problem

It’s been just under two years since we called it quits. It took me a full year to actually move past it, but I finally did. When I ran into him four months ago, there wasn't a flicker of feeling left—just a sense of pity. He could have been someone different, if he’d actually bothered to try.

I actually ended things with him four years ago. It wasn't even about the drugs—by the time I found out about that (of course, I was the last one to know 🙄), I’d already been thinking about walking away for months. That just sped up the inevitable. Honestly, even now, I still can't wrap my head around what drew me to that guy in the first place.

Gerald Scott4
It started out so well. On my first day at work, I didn't know anyone. He was working security down at the docks, and we just slowly started clicking. We realized we were heading in the same direction toward home—he’s originally from San Jose—so he started driving me back. After a few months, I got transferred to a different building to cover for a colleague, and that’s when I started hearing whispers that he was constantly asking around about me.
He was exactly my type: tall, dark, with these deep brown eyes. Was it just his looks? Maybe. Or maybe it was just because I hadn't dated anyone in a while and was feeling lonely. Or perhaps it was simply because, at the start, he acted like any other perfectly normal guy.
As time went on, I fell for him. But as I did, he began to change, and all those little red flags I’d heard about him early on started turning into reality.
I actually got a total shock seeing his friend on TV. There was this news segment about addiction, and his friend was sharing his story—how he started, how bad it got, how he managed to get clean for a while, only to spiral back into drugs and end up on methadone therapy again. I couldn't even wrap my head around how many doses he was taking a day.
After seeing that, I couldn't help but wonder: if his close friend is that far gone, where does that leave him?
In the end, it was over. I wasn't the one who ended it; he did. He gave me this explanation that he truly cared about me, but that he just wasn't the man I thought he was.

I’ve always had this weird knack for attracting absolute morons.🤷
Honestly, I still can't wrap my head around why, because I genuinely consider myself a pretty sane person. Then again, maybe I'm just delusional and telling myself that.😁

Christian Wells6 said:I see that Eleuthera has entered the fray, so there isn't much left for me to contribute. 🤣

Except, perhaps, for two minor observations.

There are actually two distinct points here; regarding the first, Eleuthera might not be consciously aware of it, though she has likely felt its effects firsthand, whereas concerning the second, she is undoubtedly certain. 🤣

1. Quite rigorous scientific studies, employing strictly empirical methods alongside a control group of "average" individuals, demonstrate a profound disparity in cognitive capacity. Those struggling with alcoholism consistently fall well below the average baseline. Conversely, those dealing with narcotics tend to deviate significantly from the norm—specifically, they trend significantly ABOVE it.

When one factors in their social maladjustment and various other eccentricities, they essentially embody everything we once secretly desired to indulge in, now presented with a rare opportunity. To put it more succinctly: they represent the very essence of our most repressed cravings.

2. When such an individual reaches a certain peak, they don't crash simply because they lack the capacity to do so. 😂 Personally, I refuse to trade a high-functioning addict for someone merely "normal." (Though, naturally, even my convictions have their limits, blah, blah...)
There truly is no lover quite as captivating as a properly wired addict—provided they aren't overdoing it. If we add one small detail to the mix, it’s this: they lack any semblance of moral restraint. It is quite curious that no one ever seems to discuss this, yet it remains a pivotal factor. 🤷

An emotional bond is entirely out of the question. However, enjoying pleasant company with someone who serves a practical purpose? That is quite a different matter altogether.

As for the test you proposed—I would have kicked you to the curb immediately, given that it functions as an ultimatum.

And I find myself laughing heartily, because Eleuthera knows this truth all too well.

🤣

I have to disagree with you there. I really miss that sharp, scientific, and rational edge you always bring to the table. 😁

Quincy:

Aside from those minor little details.

Well, there you have it. Just as I thought.

Quincy:

There are actually two small nuances at play here. For the first one, brightridge59 might not be consciously aware of it, though I suspect she has felt its effects firsthand. As for the second, she knows it with absolute certainty. 🤣 When you look at the actual scientific research—the kind conducted with rigorous methods and proper control groups consisting of "typical" individuals—it clearly demonstrates that... I’ve been spending quite a bit of time lately reflecting on the subtle nuances of how we perceive cognitive ability, and I can't help but feel there is a significant, almost profound difference when it comes to how we define true intelligence. It isn't just about how quickly someone can solve a complex equation or memorize a list of facts—though those skills certainly have their place in our academic structures here in the States. To me, it feels much deeper than that. I was sitting in a small coffee shop in San Jose the other day, watching the bustle of people rushing to work, and I started thinking about how often we mistake mere information processing for actual wisdom. There is a certain kind of sharpness that some individuals possess, a way of navigating social complexities and emotional landscapes that seems almost intuitive. It reminds me of some of the concepts discussed in Transactional Analysis; it’s about how we interact, how we read the room, and how we manage the invisible threads of human connection. When you look at it through that lens, the gap between being "smart" and being truly intelligent becomes much more apparent. One is a tool, while the other is a way of being. It’s an interesting distinction to ponder, don't you think?I’ve always found it fascinating how we categorize different types of struggles, but if you look at the data, there is a distinct hierarchy in how people deviate from the baseline. In my view, those struggling with alcohol dependency fall significantly below the threshold of what we consider "normal" functioning. They tend to drift downward, losing that steady grip on everyday reality. On the other hand, individuals dealing with drug addiction tend to swing in the opposite direction—they diverge significantly above the norm, creating a massive, erratic departure from standard behavior. It’s a subtle but profound distinction in how these two paths manifest.

That’s the truth—though, if I’m being completely honest, I’ve never really had the patience to sit down and dig through mountains of statistical data myself. It just isn't my cup of tea!

Of course, there are always those outliers that defy the rule. I once lived in extremely close proximity to an Alcoholic, and let me tell you, he was anything but "dim-witted." In fact, his IQ was north of 150, which really complicates the usual assumptions we make about those types of patterns.
Honestly, the sheer level of destruction that comes from those two working in tandem is something you can only truly grasp if you’ve walked through that same fire yourself. It’s one of those things you can't quite explain to someone who hasn't lived it; there's a specific kind of chaos they stir up together that leaves everything in its wake feeling completely leveled.

Quincy:

When you factor in social maladjustment and all those other little quirks, it really boils down to this: everything we’ve ever dreamed of indulging in, we finally have the opportunity to experience. To put it more simply—everything your heart desires is right there within it.

Oh, please. He’s just so incredibly different from everyone else, isn't he? So uniquely "edgy," so fundamentally unadaptable, such a rebel against the system... oh, please. And, of course, a total addict. 😬

Quincy:

When Eleuther stands up, he isn't falling because he lacks the strength to stay upright. 😂 I’ve decided that today just isn't the day I’m going to go out of my way to pass off an addict as someone who's perfectly stable. I mean, sure, we all have our limits when it comes to being accommodating, but there really is a line you shouldn't cross, right? Honestly, I’ve always felt that you won't find a more passionate lover anywhere else in the world than a well-built addict—provided, of course, they aren't completely lost to the struggle. There is just something about that lack of moral boundaries that changes the entire dynamic. It’s such a fascinating point, really, yet it seems like something people almost never discuss openly, even though it feels like such a pivotal element of the experience. 🤷

To be perfectly honest, my ex was on his absolute best behavior for most of our relationship, mostly because I was constantly hovering over him like a hawk. It’s a bit of an absurd way to live, really! 🙄
His toxic behavior—which was really just a byproduct of years of battling addiction—was ultimately what tore our relationship apart.
It was this constant sense of excess in every single aspect of his life. I won't even go into detail; you already know exactly what I mean. 😉

I suppose if they didn't lack a certain moral compass, things might be different, but they truly don't have one.

Quincy:

An emotional connection is simply out of the question. However, being comfortable with someone who is useful? That can work quite well.

The truth is, you can't find that kind of "comfortable usefulness" with someone you're actually emotionally bonded to. And since these types only know how to bind you to them through pure manipulation—well, I guess that's just one more thing they excel at, isn't it?

Quincy:

Regarding the testing part—if I were in your shoes, I’d kick them to the curb immediately, because an ultimatum is a final line in the sand. Honestly, I'm laughing because brightridge59 knows that better than anyone.

😂
I think we are going to have to disagree on this one. We never seem to see eye to eye on these matters.

That said, if I ever found myself in a similar situation, I wouldn't even bother wasting my $53 on a test. I would just show them the door instantly.
No need for any dramatic ultimatums.

I feel like this topic has somewhat pulled me back in...
Based on my years of experience living with someone who was more or less a recovering addict—I simply wouldn't take that risk ever again.
I'm not trying to generalize people, because you truly never know how things might turn out. You step into it, and you take the chance (maybe they get clean and stay that way, maybe something else happens, it doesn't really matter).
But personally, I wouldn't risk it anymore.
If I could turn back the clock and have a second chance, I wouldn't go through with it.
If I had known several years ago that I would have to endure everything I did while being in a relationship with an addict, I would have thought it was absolutely unbearable.
And yet, somehow, I managed to weather it all until I eventually just broke down inside.
If I could go back, I wouldn't take that risk.

If we could turn back the clock, I doubt any of us would take that risk again. Unfortunately, time only moves in one direction.
The important thing is that it's behind us now. We survived it, and we certainly wouldn't let ourselves fall for something like that ever again.

brightridge59 said:🤣

I have to disagree with you there. I really miss that sharp, scientific, and rational edge you always bring to the table. 😁

Quincy:

Aside from those minor little details.

Well, there you have it. Just as I thought.

Quincy:

There are actually two small nuances at play here. For the first one, brightridge59 might not be consciously aware of it, though I suspect she has felt its effects firsthand. As for the second, she knows it with absolute certainty. 🤣 When you look at the actual scientific research—the kind conducted with rigorous methods and proper control groups consisting of "typical" individuals—it clearly demonstrates that... I’ve been spending quite a bit of time lately reflecting on the subtle nuances of how we perceive cognitive ability, and I can't help but feel there is a significant, almost profound difference when it comes to how we define true intelligence. It isn't just about how quickly someone can solve a complex equation or memorize a list of facts—though those skills certainly have their place in our academic structures here in the States. To me, it feels much deeper than that. I was sitting in a small coffee shop in San Jose the other day, watching the bustle of people rushing to work, and I started thinking about how often we mistake mere information processing for actual wisdom. There is a certain kind of sharpness that some individuals possess, a way of navigating social complexities and emotional landscapes that seems almost intuitive. It reminds me of some of the concepts discussed in Transactional Analysis; it’s about how we interact, how we read the room, and how we manage the invisible threads of human connection. When you look at it through that lens, the gap between being "smart" and being truly intelligent becomes much more apparent. One is a tool, while the other is a way of being. It’s an interesting distinction to ponder, don't you think?I’ve always found it fascinating how we categorize different types of struggles, but if you look at the data, there is a distinct hierarchy in how people deviate from the baseline. In my view, those struggling with alcohol dependency fall significantly below the threshold of what we consider "normal" functioning. They tend to drift downward, losing that steady grip on everyday reality. On the other hand, individuals dealing with drug addiction tend to swing in the opposite direction—they diverge significantly above the norm, creating a massive, erratic departure from standard behavior. It’s a subtle but profound distinction in how these two paths manifest.

That’s the truth—though, if I’m being completely honest, I’ve never really had the patience to sit down and dig through mountains of statistical data myself. It just isn't my cup of tea!

Of course, there are always those outliers that defy the rule. I once lived in extremely close proximity to an Alcoholic, and let me tell you, he was anything but "dim-witted." In fact, his IQ was north of 150, which really complicates the usual assumptions we make about those types of patterns.
Honestly, the sheer level of destruction that comes from those two working in tandem is something you can only truly grasp if you’ve walked through that same fire yourself. It’s one of those things you can't quite explain to someone who hasn't lived it; there's a specific kind of chaos they stir up together that leaves everything in its wake feeling completely leveled.

Quincy:

When you factor in social maladjustment and all those other little quirks, it really boils down to this: everything we’ve ever dreamed of indulging in, we finally have the opportunity to experience. To put it more simply—everything your heart desires is right there within it.

Oh, please. He’s just so incredibly different from everyone else, isn't he? So uniquely "edgy," so fundamentally unadaptable, such a rebel against the system... oh, please. And, of course, a total addict. 😬

Quincy:

When Eleuther stands up, he isn't falling because he lacks the strength to stay upright. 😂 I’ve decided that today just isn't the day I’m going to go out of my way to pass off an addict as someone who's perfectly stable. I mean, sure, we all have our limits when it comes to being accommodating, but there really is a line you shouldn't cross, right? Honestly, I’ve always felt that you won't find a more passionate lover anywhere else in the world than a well-built addict—provided, of course, they aren't completely lost to the struggle. There is just something about that lack of moral boundaries that changes the entire dynamic. It’s such a fascinating point, really, yet it seems like something people almost never discuss openly, even though it feels like such a pivotal element of the experience. 🤷

To be perfectly honest, my ex was on his absolute best behavior for most of our relationship, mostly because I was constantly hovering over him like a hawk. It’s a bit of an absurd way to live, really! 🙄
His toxic behavior—which was really just a byproduct of years of battling addiction—was ultimately what tore our relationship apart.
It was this constant sense of excess in every single aspect of his life. I won't even go into detail; you already know exactly what I mean. 😉

I suppose if they didn't lack a certain moral compass, things might be different, but they truly don't have one.

Quincy:

An emotional connection is simply out of the question. However, being comfortable with someone who is useful? That can work quite well.

The truth is, you can't find that kind of "comfortable usefulness" with someone you're actually emotionally bonded to. And since these types only know how to bind you to them through pure manipulation—well, I guess that's just one more thing they excel at, isn't it?

Quincy:

Regarding the testing part—if I were in your shoes, I’d kick them to the curb immediately, because an ultimatum is a final line in the sand. Honestly, I'm laughing because brightridge59 knows that better than anyone.

😂
I think we are going to have to disagree on this one. We never seem to see eye to eye on these matters.

That said, if I ever found myself in a similar situation, I wouldn't even bother wasting my $53 on a test. I would just show them the door instantly.
No need for any dramatic ultimatums.

😂

I find myself maintaining that very same position. And yet, there are moments when I am struck by a rather unsettling question—how much of this is truly my own essence, and how much is merely a reflection of the lifestyle I have chosen to adopt?

I have actually been quite eagerly anticipating this moment, waiting for us to finally sit down and engage in a somewhat more serious conversation—perhaps one grounded in actual statistics.

It occurs to me, while reflecting on these broader societal patterns, that the demographic makeup of those struggling with addiction is overwhelmingly male; I don't have the precise, up-to-the-minute statistics for the US at my fingertips, but everywhere you look, the figure seems to hover somewhere north of seventy percent for men—perhaps even higher if one considers the more shadowed corners of the data. Women certainly exist within this struggle, of course, but they remain a comparatively rare phenomenon in these discussions.

She is perpetually stuck in this cycle of playing the victim, a performance that feels almost scripted if you look closely at the patterns described in *Games People Play*. If one were to delve into the literature on the *Alcoholic* archetype—though, admittedly, there isn’t a specific volume dedicated to narcotics, though the underlying mechanics of the system remain identical—one might find some clarity. For those seeking a more profound understanding, I would suggest looking toward the work of Erich Berne; his insights into *Transactional Analysis* offer the most comprehensive framework for deconstructing these repetitive behavioral loops.

One might argue that most instances of Transactional Analysis are simply socially conditioned by a patriarchal structure, though I suppose one could also posit that this tendency represents the natural state of the "stronger sex." I certainly have no desire to make sweeping generalizations here, but the thought persists.

Oh, please, would someone be so kind as to dig up that little piece by Alcoholic for me? I simply haven't the slightest capacity to go hunting for it myself at this particular moment.

It isn't merely a matter of those tasked with the healing itself. One is left to wonder—did we actually achieve recovery, or did we simply find a way to manage the symptoms?

jadedrifter19 said:If we could turn back the clock, I doubt any of us would take that risk again. Unfortunately, time only moves in one direction.
The important thing is that it's behind us now. We survived it, and we certainly wouldn't let ourselves fall for something like that ever again.

I realized a little too late that when someone is acting all high and mighty, their eyes don't widen in the dark like everyone else's—they stay small and pathetic.🙄
Now I know what to look for next time if I run into someone like that. Straight into the dark.😂

So, I just found out today that he’s finally done with that girl—the one who was also struggling with addiction. Can you believe his new girlfriend is actually a nurse?
I honestly don't even know how to react to that. I'm speechless.

jadedrifter19 said:So, I just found out today that he’s finally done with that girl—the one who was also struggling with addiction. Can you believe his new girlfriend is actually a nurse?
I honestly don't even know how to react to that. I'm speechless.

I am somewhat struck by the fact that you seem to feel this concerns you in any capacity.

The reality remains that you didn't leave him, plain and simple. 🤷

You have a problem here, and I am being entirely serious.

Christian Wells6 said:I am somewhat struck by the fact that you seem to feel this concerns you in any capacity.

The reality remains that you didn't leave him, plain and simple. 🤷

You have a problem here, and I am being entirely serious.

I spend my time offering advice on how long it takes to move on and how to ensure I never let myself fall into that trap again, yet here I am, spiraling all morning. I can't help but wonder if the failure of my last two relationships was actually my fault—if I simply didn't fight hard enough to keep them present. I don't even know anymore.
I know I gave everything to my most recent relationship. I truly cared about that person, and the breakup was devastating. Honestly, I still love them.

jadedrifter19 said:I spend my time offering advice on how long it takes to move on and how to ensure I never let myself fall into that trap again, yet here I am, spiraling all morning. I can't help but wonder if the failure of my last two relationships was actually my fault—if I simply didn't fight hard enough to keep them present. I don't even know anymore.
I know I gave everything to my most recent relationship. I truly cared about that person, and the breakup was devastating. Honestly, I still love them.

Are you talking to me? 😍

I spotted your pattern immediately. 🤣

I have been keeping track of this for over a decade now, and I've long since abandoned any hope of finding a replacement. I warned everyone from the start—look, I am not built for "standard" relationships; they just aren't for me. 🤷

Standard relationships share one fatal flaw: absolutely nothing ever happens, and they are mind-numbingly tedious. There was a time when I would devour ten different books a day, all on wildly different subjects, just to stave off the crushing weight of boredom. It was maddening.

The question of who the addict actually is remains the central pivot point.
He is an addict regarding narcotics, whereas you are describing an addiction to a lifestyle. To suggest he is addicted to *you* would be nothing more than a foolish, sentimental illusion.

And so, you sit there wondering how to extricate yourself from the situation.

Well, once again, look at me. I decided to enroll in a second degree program. 🤣

Before I entertained the idea of starting a third, I thought to myself: Perhaps I should go back to him, just to see if having him around might actually motivate me to study or not? 🤣

Run while you still have the chance. Go enroll in university. And whatever you do, find yourself some incredibly stimulating social circles, because our fundamental struggle is simply the sheer monotony of being around "normal" people.

If you want to know where I picked up my signature style...

I learned it from him.

Now, I invite someone to explain to me: how does one recover from an addict who spends his time lecturing ME? Especially with those specific attitudes?

And the infuriating part is, he was RIGHT!

I was dating someone like that for about six months, maybe a year ago, and to my absolute relief, they ended up behind bars.

But there's some truth to it—it’s more exciting, almost like you get a hit of that heroin-style euphoria from them.

Still, I'll pass.

Taylor, I finally hit my breaking point this past Saturday. I spent the entire day stuck in my own head, and then, just as I’m heading in early the next morning, one of his former coworkers throws it right in my face—apparently, he has a new girlfriend, a nurse. Naturally, I was stunned.
On the other hand, looking back at when we saw each other a few months ago, I didn't feel anything for him. I was in a different relationship then; honestly, I felt bad for him. I even felt a bit embarrassed myself. Was I really going to risk my reputation by chatting with a former colleague who holds a lower position? What if one of the executives at the firm saw us talking? Everyone knows exactly who he is and what his reputation is.
The real issue is that my last two relationships since him have fallen apart, even though I was the one left behind. I don't think it actually has anything to do with him, yet somehow, this most recent breakup still stings because I can't stop thinking about him.
So, I suppose what happened on Saturday wasn't some grand revelation; it was just a sudden collision with the past.
He has his life, and I have mine. That’s it. The only thing we truly share is working for the same company.
Saturday was just a momentary breakdown, nothing more.

Figured I’d weigh in too. My brother used to be a total junkie—once he went on leave, life at home became a nightmare—and after he hit rehab, I swore I’d stay far away from anything related to drugs, whether it was an ex or someone new. I was being stubborn, I guess.

Of course, I didn't realize what "on leave" actually meant back then; I just thought he was taking some sedatives to chill out. Stupid move on my part.

We’ve been through hell and back together—stuff I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. We broke up, we made up... and now we're actually together. He’s been clean for two and a half years, but it took him forever to get his act together. A long, long time. There was booze involved, too—just a mess.

In the meantime, I basically earned a PhD in narcotics—everything from the hard stuff to the little things—so I recognize the signs 🙏 (unfortunately)....

If a guy refuses to give a straight answer about his usage, he’s using. No doubt about it. They lie the second they open their mouths, and they won't hesitate to do anything to get high—it becomes their whole world, and they lose the ability to feel anything else. Things only start to change once they've been clean for a really, really long time, but those people are rare.

If someone had told me what was coming, I would've called them crazy. If I knew then what I know now, I wouldn't have touched this even if I were losing my mind...

There’s always going to be risk and fear—but I know one thing: if he slips up again, he loses me. And we've been living together for over three years now...

My brother stayed at a halfway house near Bernadette for two years and has been clean for five, but the mental scars? Those don't just go away.

Very few people actually make it out, and honestly, I’m a skeptic. I realize I might be wrong, but that’s where I stand right now, and I’m not looking for any apologies regarding my outlook.
Even when they do manage to break free, there's always that lingering doubt that they'll eventually slip back into those old habits.
What happens if they run into their old crowd and get talked into sliding right back down that same path?
Amy Castillo2, I truly hope you get many more years of happiness with your boyfriend—may everything stay steady and may he stay on the right track so he never looks back. The same goes for your brother.

Have you ever paused to wonder why he specifically caught your eye, or why this sudden, turbulent wave of affection hit you so hard despite all the red flags? 😉

Perhaps—and I could be wrong—you might be navigating a bit of a personal crisis right now. Is it possible that being in a long-term relationship left you feeling stifled, making you crave a way to shatter the mold you've found yourself stuck in? Or perhaps there's a subconscious sense of guilt driving you toward self-punishment? Could it be that an underlying void or a general dissatisfaction with life is driving you to fixate so intensely on someone else's struggles? 🙂

When we find ourselves in destructive phases of life, many of us fall into that "savior complex"—that deeply ingrained urge to find someone broken and attempt to repair, rescue, or uplift them. It’s often just a projection of the healing we actually need to perform on ourselves, but it's much easier to focus those efforts on someone else. Alternatively, we might just be starving for purpose. Like Don Quixote, we conjure these grand romances and charge headlong at windmills, ignoring the skeptical looks from everyone around us, simply because our current reality feels too stagnant, too dull, or too unbearable to face. 🙂

Ultimately, I believe a relationship with an addict is incredibly taxing; there is very little room in such a dynamic for your own expectations, desires, or needs. In a situation like this, you often end up being the sole source of love, patience, and support—a near-constant wellspring of stability—while receiving only the most sporadic scraps in return.

Of course, as a person, you deserve a partner who meets you halfway, someone who can serve as your pillar of strength as well. But you won't find that kind of reciprocity among addicts. You might get a lot of things from them, but you will almost certainly never receive what you truly require or demand, because their internal wiring is simply too damaged to function that way. 😁
If you find that you cannot endure this, you have every right to seek happiness elsewhere, and no one has the standing to judge you for it.
If you choose to stay by his side, you can only truly help him if you first admit to yourself that you are tilting at windmills—that you are acting out of a specific internal necessity.
Otherwise, you aren't helping; you're just intensifying his guilt and reinforcing his need to use as an escape from the world.

Speaking for myself, if I were in the shoes of an addict, I would find a demand for drug testing infuriating. If I were actively using, it would be obvious; and if I had truly quit, it would feel like a stinging lack of trust from the one person I expected to provide support.
No matter how logical or well-intentioned that request might seem to an outsider.
The only real way you can help him as a partner is by maintaining his faith in the world—by showing him that there are kind, open-hearted people who won't judge or persecute him.
But let's be honest: that is no small feat, nor is it easy to pull off.

To summarize this long-winded thought: try to be brutally honest with yourself. Examine your motives and the reasons why you are staying. Accept his limitations as they are—the limitations of a recovering addict—specifically regarding what he is emotionally incapable of providing. Once you accept that, ask yourself if the relationship still makes sense in its raw, unvarnished form.

I hope you don't view this as me trivializing what you feel for him. That isn't my intention at all. It's just that, unfortunately, the most intense and passionate emotions—especially when they emerge in destructive circumstances—often serve to mask things within ourselves that we aren't ready to confront.
As long as we refuse to look inward, we end up running in circles, attracting people who embody our own internal conflicts. Sometimes, that isn't a bad thing, provided we remain self-aware and don't assign some magical, destined significance to the connection. 😉

What I'm actually wondering about right now is what's going on with the person who started this thread.

Well, I’m back again... There was nothing from the drug test. I realize how harsh my demands were, but honestly, I just couldn't ignore my gut feeling.🤷
So, here is the situation: when I first suggested he take a test, he flew into a rage. He acted as if I didn't trust him, claiming he couldn't deal with me and that everyone—including me—looks at him like he's some kind of addict. And truth be told, he isn't wrong. I feel like I’ve betrayed his trust, but... there is a "but" coming...
It turns out he went out one weekend to some party and was actually looking to pick up some speed or cocaine.
A very close friend of his let me know; it wasn't out of malice, but rather an attempt to help pull him away from that kind of environment.
I have to admit, hearing that absolutely crushed me. It broke me completely. Yet, despite the heartache, I told him I would stand by him no matter what.
He eventually admitted that it was true, and after a long, heavy conversation, he asked me to be his support system. He opened up about how, in the beginning, he was thinking about drugs 24/7, and while it's less frequent now, not a single day goes by without those thoughts crossing his mind. He said he just needs someone in his corner.
I can't shake the feeling that he might not be quite as invested in "us" as he is in needing someone to help him navigate life, and right now, I am the one standing there.🤷
Everything seemed fine until last weekend when he went to visit a friend in San Francisco. He checked in during the first couple of days, but then, nothing. Total radio silence.
I called him, I sent messages... and there was absolutely no sign of him until yesterday. Then, I get this text: "Please understand, it's just easier this way. I'll call you when I'm ready."
And that's it! How am I supposed to "understand"? How or why is it easier for him, and what does he mean by being "ready"???
I mean, I have a thousand questions racing through my mind, and he won't even give me the courtesy of a response!!
Now I'm stuck in this limbo: should I leave him alone until he decides to reach out, or should I try calling him again?
I am genuinely, deeply worried about him.