How long does the honeymoon phase actually last?

Austin Booth2 said:I’ve heard that being "in love" might only last two or three years before it either evolves into actual love... or just fizzles out into nothing at all. 😁

Perhaps, though I suspect it works more like a sine wave, coming in waves😁 rather than being one constant thing—which is hard to pin down.😁

Honestly, it’s probably better that way, or I’d just end up totally burnt out. 😵 😍

wiredcrane11 said:There isn't really one definitive answer to this, but I think it's worth having a little discussion about it🙂
For instance, I remember watching a TV special a year or two ago—I can't recall the exact title—where they discussed oxytocin. It’s that hormone our brains release when we fall in love, providing us with the kind of energy that, given the right circumstances, drives us to build a family. People often refer to it as the loyalty hormone.🙂It also gets released during breastfeeding because there are direct neural pathways from the breast to the brain where oxytocin is produced. That explains why mothers feel such an intense bond with their babies and why they light up so much just seeing a baby smile.😁In that same program, they mentioned that the initial phase of being "in love" typically lasts about three years. After that point, other factors take over, and if a marriage survives, it means either that the infatuation successfully transitioned into deep love, or the couple found a different common ground, such as financial stability, raising children, or perhaps even complementary psychological dynamics like BDSM.😁

Well, that is one way to look at it. Another perspective comes from Jung's theories regarding the projection of the anima or animus onto a partner. Once those projections fade, that blissful intoxication tapers off because you finally start seeing the person for who they truly are. The outcome follows the same logic as the previous paragraph.🙂

If you have recently read anything by other psychologists or authors regarding the nature of falling in love, please share... or just tell me about your own experiences.🙂

I view this as a simple matter of cause and effect. The foundation is everything—whether you're talking about a skyscraper or a relationship.
When my own projections dissipate, I still see the same person I fell for. It isn't difficult to "fall in love" when you encounter someone truly remarkable. Even here on this forum, I find myself briefly enamored by exceptional characters when I read their profound responses. Their intellect reveals more than their appearance ever could, though that particular brand of infatuation isn't on the sexual level you’re discussing. Regardless, when I fall in love sexually, it’s the character, the intelligence, and the wit that draw me in alongside the physical. Those traits are far more significant to me than outward attributes; they are what drive my consciousness to conclude: yes, this is the one you need and want. Absolute infatuation follows. Since my attraction is largely built on character, once the projections recede, the person remains the same because their intelligence and humor haven't changed. I suspect the "awakening" you mention happens because most people choose partners based solely on external traits. Those aren't irrelevant, of course, but problems inevitably arise when those superficial qualities were the only foundation the relationship had to begin with.

I think I might have misspoke when I mentioned "those specific attributes," because what I actually meant was all the various qualities and traits that can lead someone to fall in love, just so we are all on the same page here.😉

I’d say two years. Based on my own experience (three separate 🙂 sessions).

And I’m inclined toward the theory—regardless of who owns it (to me, it points 😉back towards Freud, soul work, and all that)—that we simply fall in love by repeating the exact patterns established by our families.

amberbadger8 said:Hmm, it felt a bit too soon if you ask me.😕😁

Respect.
The best things in life always end too soon.😢

I’ve been head over heels for this girl I met back in elementary school for at least 8 years now.😁

Man, love and just being infatuated—those are two totally different things...

It’s been way too long. Sadly.

Falling in love persists right up until the moment it simply ceases to be.😂

wiredcrane11 said:There isn't really one definitive answer to this, but I think it's worth having a little discussion about it🙂
For instance, I remember watching a TV special a year or two ago—I can't recall the exact title—where they discussed oxytocin. It’s that hormone our brains release when we fall in love, providing us with the kind of energy that, given the right circumstances, drives us to build a family. People often refer to it as the loyalty hormone.🙂It also gets released during breastfeeding because there are direct neural pathways from the breast to the brain where oxytocin is produced. That explains why mothers feel such an intense bond with their babies and why they light up so much just seeing a baby smile.😁In that same program, they mentioned that the initial phase of being "in love" typically lasts about three years. After that point, other factors take over, and if a marriage survives, it means either that the infatuation successfully transitioned into deep love, or the couple found a different common ground, such as financial stability, raising children, or perhaps even complementary psychological dynamics like BDSM.😁

Well, that is one way to look at it. Another perspective comes from Jung's theories regarding the projection of the anima or animus onto a partner. Once those projections fade, that blissful intoxication tapers off because you finally start seeing the person for who they truly are. The outcome follows the same logic as the previous paragraph.🙂

If you have recently read anything by other psychologists or authors regarding the nature of falling in love, please share... or just tell me about your own experiences.🙂

I remember reading somewhere that it doesn't even last that long, honestly; most say it tops out at maybe eighteen months before the fog clears, and anything stretching beyond that might actually be bordering on something pathological, don't you think?

Edward Bailey6 said:Three years... then those butterflies in your stomach finally disappear...

I remember seeing somewhere that the honeymoon phase lasts about three years, and honestly, I was skeptical at first. But when you really think about it, it's totally plausible for that intense infatuation to hang on for that long...

But let’s be real, for some people, it’s over in forty-eight hours. 😁

Austin White13 said:Speaking from experience, I have a tendency to fall hard. It usually starts with about a month of total, hysterical infatuation where I act completely irrational—like saying, "I’ll move into a shantytown with you right now, just as long as you love me." Then comes a few months of being stuck in that intense, crazy crush phase. After that, I hit denial. Suddenly, I’m telling myself I don't even like him, and the fact that I’m obsessively thinking about him feels totally irrelevant. Then comes the hatred phase. I curse his name and destroy everything that reminds me of him. Finally, it all ends in this blissful apathy. The whole cycle usually lasts about six months.😁Hang in there, sweetie.🤣🤣

hahaha, oh my god, that gave me such a good laugh..🤣🤣🤣

That’s pretty much how my relationships go; it’s always the exact same pattern. Except, somehow, every single time I end up feeling even happier and more in love... or maybe I just love them more? I have no clue, but those feelings are definitely the deepest they can get.🤷😍

I don't know, I honestly thought I was finally over my last crush, but turns out I was still head over heels like a total fool. Seriously, you never really know what's going on inside your own head.🙂

Yeah, I also found data suggesting a maximum of 3 years. Of course, it depends on a million different things. For instance, I had those rose-colored glasses during my first big crush—it lasted about 3 years. The whole relationship actually stretched to 6 years because, later on, it became about habit, dependency, and thoughts like "what if I don't find anyone else?" or "everyone else sucks anyway, so I might as well stay." Once I finally got out of that long first relationship, I learned how to spot red flags—not to say anything worse—so I could be more careful. I started picking up on those signs within the first month or two, which saved me from making life complicated and miserable down the road. Since then, I haven't really fallen head-over-heels for just anyone. That is, until this one incredibly special person showed up—someone I didn't even fall for at first. But we love each other deeply. It wasn't that "I'm moving into a shantytown with you..." phase; instead, it was built on trust, closeness, and real love. There weren't many butterflies in my stomach—more of a warmth, like I’d finally come home. To me, that's a solid foundation for marriage—better than that crazy infatuation.

The problem is that most people have no idea what to do once the rose-colored glasses come off. Instead, they just find someone else to wear them for, buzzing around like bees from flower to flower... some doing it their entire lives. In those cases, the infatuation lasts forever—only the targets change.

Honestly, that whole "head over heels" phase—you know, the racing heart, butterflies in your stomach, losing your appetite kind of thing—usually lasts me about a week or ten days at most 😁. After that, it shifts into this deep feeling where you just think about them and wish they were right there next to you. It’s been a year now, and I don't see that fading anytime soon, unless they do something that goes completely against everything I stand for

feralhound55 said:Yeah, I also found data suggesting a maximum of 3 years. Of course, it depends on a million different things. For instance, I had those rose-colored glasses during my first big crush—it lasted about 3 years. The whole relationship actually stretched to 6 years because, later on, it became about habit, dependency, and thoughts like "what if I don't find anyone else?" or "everyone else sucks anyway, so I might as well stay." Once I finally got out of that long first relationship, I learned how to spot red flags—not to say anything worse—so I could be more careful. I started picking up on those signs within the first month or two, which saved me from making life complicated and miserable down the road. Since then, I haven't really fallen head-over-heels for just anyone. That is, until this one incredibly special person showed up—someone I didn't even fall for at first. But we love each other deeply. It wasn't that "I'm moving into a shantytown with you..." phase; instead, it was built on trust, closeness, and real love. There weren't many butterflies in my stomach—more of a warmth, like I’d finally come home. To me, that's a solid foundation for marriage—better than that crazy infatuation.

The problem is that most people have no idea what to do once the rose-colored glasses come off. Instead, they just find someone else to wear them for, buzzing around like bees from flower to flower... some doing it their entire lives. In those cases, the infatuation lasts forever—only the targets change.

Of course you're in love with them, silly! 😉...
That whole "butterfly" phase eventually turns into real love, and in your case, maybe that deep connection just skipped the line and started right away. 😁

The butterfly thing is mostly for teenagers anyway. 😁

There’s no set expiration date on being in love—it just lasts as long as fate decides to let it...

long

In my experience, it drags on until I finally figure it out. Once I get it, I move on. I can't be bothered to waste too much energy on it right now... I have the time... so, let's say two days. xD

Generally speaking, it feels like guys are pretty much "set" from the jump until that biological drive kicks in—you know, that whole physical release phase—whereas for women, the mental stuff takes a bit longer to catch up. In those early stages, we’re basically just vibing, thinking we actually *know* someone, showering them with compliments... it's like we're totally blind to their glaring red flags. We ignore everything that’s going to become a massive dealbreaker three years down the line. Most people I know end up cycling through relationships right around that 2.5 to 3-year mark... always leaving with some variation of the same story: "How did I not see that coming?" Sometimes I really wonder if we’re even actual humans with agency, or just glorified animals being puppeted around by hormones and nothing else.

I used to get completely obsessed with people—not even "in love," mind you, just totally consumed by them... It would last for a few weeks at most, and then I'd just lose interest entirely—xD honestly, it usually started out of pure boredom...
But now, for the very first time, I am actually in love😁😁

wiredcrane11 said:There isn't really one definitive answer to this, but I think it's worth having a little discussion about it🙂
For instance, I remember watching a TV special a year or two ago—I can't recall the exact title—where they discussed oxytocin. It’s that hormone our brains release when we fall in love, providing us with the kind of energy that, given the right circumstances, drives us to build a family. People often refer to it as the loyalty hormone.🙂It also gets released during breastfeeding because there are direct neural pathways from the breast to the brain where oxytocin is produced. That explains why mothers feel such an intense bond with their babies and why they light up so much just seeing a baby smile.😁In that same program, they mentioned that the initial phase of being "in love" typically lasts about three years. After that point, other factors take over, and if a marriage survives, it means either that the infatuation successfully transitioned into deep love, or the couple found a different common ground, such as financial stability, raising children, or perhaps even complementary psychological dynamics like BDSM.😁

Well, that is one way to look at it. Another perspective comes from Jung's theories regarding the projection of the anima or animus onto a partner. Once those projections fade, that blissful intoxication tapers off because you finally start seeing the person for who they truly are. The outcome follows the same logic as the previous paragraph.🙂

If you have recently read anything by other psychologists or authors regarding the nature of falling in love, please share... or just tell me about your own experiences.🙂

Infatuation can actually be extended. There are interesting ways to trigger oxytocin again—basically, falling in love all over again with someone you once felt that way about. Not "love"... specifically the infatuation part.