Kenneth Campbell
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joined Feb 2009
Falling in love happens spontaneously and autonomously; consciousness can barely influence it, if at all. However, conscious will can still exert an influence in specific ways.
If we examine the phenomenon of "libido" (psychic energy)—a concept many psychologists either dismiss or confine strictly to Freudian frameworks—we can use libido theory to explain the dynamic processes within psychological events and the causal elements that drive them. It is evident that biochemical factors play a significant role in the background, occasionally acting as the primary drivers...
We assign importance to certain objects (libidinal preoccupation), giving them specific value to the subject. Our internal hierarchy of priorities is essentially a byproduct of this libidinal investment or the value we attach to certain things, whether they be ideas, people, or otherwise. This often occurs unconsciously and autonomously. Whether I currently prefer vanilla ice cream over orange juice depends entirely on which holds higher current value (libido). Similarly, the choice of activities, friends, or romantic partners is a matter of libidinal preoccupation, playing out internally as psychological constructs...
It is possible for a feeling of love toward a potential object—male or female—to float freely before a specific target is even identified. Occasionally, quite suddenly, this accumulated romantic libido projects onto a specific object, triggering the state of falling in love. In this state, a massive investment of value (libido) overrides reason or consciousness; the old adage "love is madness" holds true. The object gains a deterministic value that overwhelms the entire conscious state. There are countless examples of individuals performing actions in a state of infatuation that they would never consider while "sober." Falling in love is akin to a state of hypnosis; it brings a pleasant emotional tone, a sense of comfort, tranquility, general happiness, or even a mystical feeling of omnipotence and oneness with the universe. Of course, it is highly individual. For this state to occur, one must project an idealized image onto the object. This image is formed by individual childhood experiences regarding how objects are perceived, combined with an instinctive predisposition known as the primal image. The latter is an innate disposition to react this way when triggered by external stimuli, backed by heavy emotional weight. This is why we speak of projecting a highly charged primal image onto an object, granting it immense value through pure instinct...
If a specific object lacks inherent value, its significance can be increased under certain circumstances through conscious "rituals," whether collective or individual. Some psychologists call this habituation, though not every similar process fits that definition...
Over time, an object may abruptly lose its value without any external provocation. This sometimes happens if the actual object fails to live up to the projected image. We assume the projected image clings to the concrete object, attributing qualities to it that it rarely possesses in reality. The subject lives in an illusion, but when the gap between the image and the reality becomes too wide, disappointment sets in, leading to a sudden withdrawal from or replacement of the object. This phenomenon is common among fragmented personalities (neurosis), where incredible projections occur across all aspects of life. A fractured personality balance and the loss of the conscious libido required for healthy, developed individuals plays a major role here...
For certain personality types, sexuality or love plays only a secondary role. It appears that the primary drive for possession, power, and validation is what dictates behavior, while love is merely utilized as a tool to achieve those ends. In some, this happens unconsciously; in others, it is exploited consciously. For such individuals, infatuation lasts only until the impression of possessing the object is achieved. Once attained, they gradually fall out of love, discarding the object to seek a new victim. This phenomenon is particularly pronounced in certain hysterical characters and is referred to as "vampirism."
Naturally, if love is genuine, that initial infatuation won't last forever. It fades over time, but what remains is the true core: the capacity to love, to be selfless, to empathize, and to maintain a sense of moral responsibility toward one's partner. That is the fundamental prerequisite for a stable marriage or any meaningful relationship; it’s the only real guarantee for longevity. Anything else is just self-interest or manipulation, which falls squarely into the realm of pathological behavior.
If an individual can successfully integrate their own personality—reconciling their inner contradictions and conflicts while maintaining a balanced perspective on love—then a harmonious, lasting relationship becomes a realistic expectation.
But let's be honest, and I think we all know this... sometimes the partner is the one creating the friction and complications. They become the source of the chaos, objectively projecting issues that inevitably lead to misunderstandings and conflict within the relationship.
