I'm at my wit's end with my ex

Megan White4 said:It’s easy to talk big when you aren't the one doing the heavy lifting. Yeah, real easy. :asshole:

You think I haven't tried looking for work? Of course I have. It's just that every single time I bring it up, my mother starts spiraling—it's always some variation of, "Decide if you want to be a student or an employee, because if you start working, say goodbye to your degree." Not to mention she won't stop nagging me until I'm completely exhausted. And yes, I am trying to finish this damn degree; it isn't something that just happens overnight. Also, in case I didn't make it clear earlier, I actually started college back in 2003.

David Palmer5 said:Honestly, my favorite thing is when adults blame their parents for every single one of their own screw-ups. It always follows the same pattern: either they weren't coddled enough, or they were coddled way too much. They’ll claim their mom didn't breastfeed them long enough (or did it for too long), or that someone gave them a little smack on the backside when they were two, or that their parents were either too strict or far too lax. Then it's about being micromanaged, or having zero guidance, or not being loved enough—or conversely, being smothered by "too much" love. They'll complain about being pushed toward a certain college major, or not being encouraged to go to school at all, or being forced into piano lessons instead of something else, or... just, man, give me a break. There are people out there dealing with ACTUAL trauma—people who lived through literal HELL because of parental abuse, alcoholism, drug addiction, or pure neglect. Those are real problems. But this stuff? It’s just...

Megan White4 said:So, you think this isn't a legitimate issue? Constantly picking at a healthy psyche over trivialities out of pure boredom doesn't count as abuse?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helicopter_parent

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obsessive-compulsive_disorder

Do a little reading first. Once you actually have something insightful to contribute, feel free to chime back in.

Donna Sullivan7 said:She thinks she’s some kind of genius, but honestly...
she just can't stop meddling and judging everyone else.
Zero clue what's actually going on in the real world.
Her tongue is sharp, too... way too much attitude.
Everything is such a struggle for her (always playing the victim, refusing help but complaining about it anyway)
She wants to call all the shots, but it just won't happen.
Superficial as hell when you talk to her—it's like she's only listening to herself.
Those Sunday family dinners have become so exhausting I've had to start skipping them more often...

David Palmer5 said:You really think that first link is talking about twenty-eight-year-olds? Seriously, that kind of logic might fly in some parts of Scandinavia, but it doesn't hold much water here.

What’s the point of bringing up OCD? Look, if she actually has a clinical diagnosis—which I’m honestly skeptical about—that’s her own business. But let's look at the facts: she holds down a job, she has a social circle, and she was even married. By any standard, she's perfectly functional in society. Can you say the exact same thing about yourself? And honestly, I find it hard to believe her parents were still footing her bills when she was twenty-eight!

So, what's your big, brilliant takeaway then?

Kyle Nelson2 said:Megan White4
look, I know I already laid out my take on this once before...

you can keep venting about how much of a nightmare your mom is—and honestly, you’re probably right about everything you’re saying. But listen, you need to focus on building your own life and your own future, not trying to fix hers. And yeah, she's abusive... so what? What are we supposed to do, call the cops? Contact CPS?

how many more finals do you have left? are you actually pulling all-nighters to get through this stuff?

Megan White4 said:As if you're some kind of expert on things you clearly don't know damn anything about! 😁 :asshole:

Frank Jackson5 said:Ugh, I feel this so much. I only got a job after finishing my degree, trying to be super careful with money even when I was just making minimum wage as an intern. Now that I finally have a real career, it doesn't matter how much I earn because everything I spend is basically what she invested in me over the years.
No matter what I say, she twists my words to attack me or acts like I'm just being "grateful." I try, though. My therapist told me to use a mantra: it's not her fault, her upbringing made her this way, she isn't a bad person. It worked for a while, but not anymore.
How am I supposed to believe in myself when she’s spent my whole life telling me I’m incompetent and labeling me with all these negative things? I’m planning to get married and move out next year... should I just endure this for a little longer?

Yeah, and she even messed with my relationship. She only defended my partner because she hates the city he's from (it's a diverse area, but she doesn't care that I'm in love and he's actually everything I ever wanted in an American spouse!) but I didn't let her get to me, and now I'm the happiest person alive!

darkhawk30 says:
Seriously, what is wrong with you people???
Well, maybe not everyone, but some of you.
Stop looking for excuses and start looking for solutions.
Excuses might sound good in the moment, but they don't actually work, at least not in the long run.
I basically raised myself and taught myself everything I know, all while my mother didn't even notice when I graduated. Honestly, she just spent her time nagging me, putting me down, and criticizing everything. It felt like I was never quite good enough for her, no matter what I did.
So, I figured the only thing left to do was be good enough—for myself.
If you think life hasn't thrown obstacles my way, you're kidding yourself.
But honestly, those hurdles just gave me more drive. In my field, I started doing things that nobody else had ever attempted, and unfortunately, even now, very few people do them—even though they know my work is solid and they literally pay me to do it for them.
But every single time I hit a wall, I look for a way over it.
Excuses are just for a quick breather, but I always know the difference between an excuse and an actual solution.
If I had stayed the person my mother tried to force me to be (she wasn't being malicious, just... well, you know), I’d be bitter, angry, and totally useless today.
Right now, I'm working on a new project that's unlike anything else in this industry.
Huuurrraaa!
Way to go, me!
Come on, find some solutions.
Enough whining!

Kyle Nelson2 said:

darkhawk30 says:
Seriously, what is wrong with you people???
Well, maybe not everyone, but some of you.
Stop looking for excuses and start looking for solutions.
Excuses might sound good in the moment, but they don't actually work, at least not in the long run.
I basically raised myself and taught myself everything I know, all while my mother didn't even notice when I graduated. Honestly, she just spent her time nagging me, putting me down, and criticizing everything. It felt like I was never quite good enough for her, no matter what I did.
So, I figured the only thing left to do was be good enough—for myself.
If you think life hasn't thrown obstacles my way, you're kidding yourself.
But honestly, those hurdles just gave me more drive. In my field, I started doing things that nobody else had ever attempted, and unfortunately, even now, very few people do them—even though they know my work is solid and they literally pay me to do it for them.
But every single time I hit a wall, I look for a way over it.
Excuses are just for a quick breather, but I always know the difference between an excuse and an actual solution.
If I had stayed the person my mother tried to force me to be (she wasn't being malicious, just... well, you know), I’d be bitter, angry, and totally useless today.
Right now, I'm working on a new project that's unlike anything else in this industry.
Huuurrraaa!
Way to go, me!
Come on, find some solutions.
Enough whining!

😍 🙂 😳

where do girls like this even come from?

William Nelson7 said:Look, Megan White4, I know exactly what you're going through. Sometimes, I actually manage to get the upper hand with my stubborn mother. Whenever she starts spiraling, I just sit there, stay calm, and lay out the cold, hard facts until she realizes she's wrong. Usually, that settles her down. It hasn't been easy, though. My father has lived with her for so many years that he’s basically become just like her. Honestly, the only way for either of us to survive this is independence. Focus on finishing your degree as fast as possible, land a job in a different city, and move out. You should still visit her regularly—she's alone, after all—but living under the same roof isn't an option. When you go to see
during your visits, try to keep a positive attitude. People naturally gravitate toward someone who is kind, regardless of how difficult they might be. Expect arguments; they’re inevitable. Just don't take them personally. Keep your eyes on the prize: your own life. As for women, everyone has their flaws, yourself included. The right one will come along eventually. You just have to recognize her when she arrives.

William Nelson7 said:Look, Megan White4, I know exactly what you're going through. Sometimes, I actually manage to get the upper hand with my stubborn mother. Whenever she starts spiraling, I just sit there, stay calm, and lay out the cold, hard facts until she realizes she's wrong. Usually, that settles her down. It hasn't been easy, though. My father has lived with her for so many years that he’s basically become just like her. Honestly, the only way for either of us to survive this is independence. Focus on finishing your degree as fast as possible, land a job in a different city, and move out. You should still visit her regularly—she's alone, after all—but living under the same roof isn't an option. When you go to see
during your visits, try to keep a positive attitude. People naturally gravitate toward someone who is kind, regardless of how difficult they might be. Expect arguments; they’re inevitable. Just don't take them personally. Keep your eyes on the prize: your own life. As for women, everyone has their flaws, yourself included. The right one will come along eventually. You just have to recognize her when she arrives.

William Nelson7 said:Look, Megan White4, I know exactly what you're going through. Sometimes, I actually manage to get the upper hand with my stubborn mother. Whenever she starts spiraling, I just sit there, stay calm, and lay out the cold, hard facts until she realizes she's wrong. Usually, that settles her down. It hasn't been easy, though. My father has lived with her for so many years that he’s basically become just like her. Honestly, the only way for either of us to survive this is independence. Focus on finishing your degree as fast as possible, land a job in a different city, and move out. You should still visit her regularly—she's alone, after all—but living under the same roof isn't an option. When you go to see
during your visits, try to keep a positive attitude. People naturally gravitate toward someone who is kind, regardless of how difficult they might be. Expect arguments; they’re inevitable. Just don't take them personally. Keep your eyes on the prize: your own life. As for women, everyone has their flaws, yourself included. The right one will come along eventually. You just have to recognize her when she arrives.

William Nelson7 said:Look, Megan White4, I know exactly what you're going through. Sometimes, I actually manage to get the upper hand with my stubborn mother. Whenever she starts spiraling, I just sit there, stay calm, and lay out the cold, hard facts until she realizes she's wrong. Usually, that settles her down. It hasn't been easy, though. My father has lived with her for so many years that he’s basically become just like her. Honestly, the only way for either of us to survive this is independence. Focus on finishing your degree as fast as possible, land a job in a different city, and move out. You should still visit her regularly—she's alone, after all—but living under the same roof isn't an option. When you go to see
during your visits, try to keep a positive attitude. People naturally gravitate toward someone who is kind, regardless of how difficult they might be. Expect arguments; they’re inevitable. Just don't take them personally. Keep your eyes on the prize: your own life. As for women, everyone has their flaws, yourself included. The right one will come along eventually. You just have to recognize her when she arrives.

darkhawk30 said:Right on the border!😍