I'm at my wit's end with my ex

hollowbadger24 said:Just keep your distance, man... seriously, just stay away...
I dealt with the exact same kind of drama myself... though it was with both my parents
Fighting about it honestly just makes everything ten times worse...
My advice? Get out of there as soon as you can. Once you're gone, just let the bad stuff go—be that "good son" who gives her a quick call once a week and maybe drops by for an hour or two every other week...
And just like that, problem solved...
Eventually, it’ll sink in for her that she's all alone, and she’ll probably start wondering why things turned out this way...
Maybe find a girlfriend too, so you have somewhere else to hang out and spend your time?
Oh, and grab a side hustle—maybe some campus job or something—because as long as you're financially tied to her, she's got all the leverage...

I’m looking, but for some reason, none of them will have me.

hollowbadger24 said:Just keep your distance, man... seriously, just stay away...
I dealt with the exact same kind of drama myself... though it was with both my parents
Fighting about it honestly just makes everything ten times worse...
My advice? Get out of there as soon as you can. Once you're gone, just let the bad stuff go—be that "good son" who gives her a quick call once a week and maybe drops by for an hour or two every other week...
And just like that, problem solved...
Eventually, it’ll sink in for her that she's all alone, and she’ll probably start wondering why things turned out this way...
Maybe find a girlfriend too, so you have somewhere else to hang out and spend your time?
Oh, and grab a side hustle—maybe some campus job or something—because as long as you're financially tied to her, she's got all the leverage...

I’m planning to look for work this fall... either some part-time gigs or maybe something through a campus job program.

Megan White4 said:Everything she imagines becomes an absolute necessity, regardless of logic or reason. Of course, trying to reason with her is a completely futile exercise.

We can't bring ourselves to toss out her belongings, even when they’re ancient or worn out, but anything that isn't hers just becomes clutter that could actually be useful...

Whenever she decides she needs to buy something—even if we don't need it at all—she spends whatever it costs. Then she has the nerve to lecture me about "going broke" when I need cash for gas or unexpected car repairs.

She nitpicks every tiny, insignificant detail, and nothing I do ever seems to be quite right.

She insists on doing everything herself, only to complain later about how much she has to carry.

The moment I question her actions, she immediately starts the theatrics, acting like the entire world is out to get her.

My patience is wearing thin because her constant nagging and whims seem to escalate every single day... 🙄 ...while my father was still around, he managed to handle her somehow, but now (since I'm just a kid to her, it feels like I'm talking to a brick wall no matter what I say)... 🙄

Maybe try getting a job while you're in college if you can, then find a roommate to rent a place with. It would be cheaper that way.

Megan White4 said:It’s a long story, but since I have to explain myself... I first enrolled back in 2003. Before that, I cycled through a few different programs, mostly because my parents were insisting on specific majors they thought would guarantee a steady paycheck or a "good" career. In 1999, I finally gave in and went to the school they chose for me. Once they realized I was struggling, they let me choose my own path, so I started a different program in 2001. Since studying wasn't exactly my forte at the time, I took a job and worked for about a year until early 2003. Eventually, I quit, decided to go back to a field more aligned with what I actually studied in high school, and things finally clicked. I'm a senior now. So... there's your answer regarding "laziness."

And yes, every time I mention looking for a part-time gig through a campus job board—just so I don't have to ask for money for every little thing—the response is always some variation of "Decide if you want to study or work. How do you expect to graduate like this?" and so on.

The pattern has always been the same: whenever I wanted to take the initiative on something, they’d jump in to do it for me (or lecture me on why my way was wrong), yet whenever I had any other responsibilities, I was expected to jump at their every command.

:asshole:

NHF

🙄

It seems like you've just accepted that your parents make the life choices for you. This is probably just the result of how you view your own life.

We always know what needs to be done, but we often don't do what we should.
Why do you think that is?

Megan White4 said:😠 And there she goes again, messing things up... I’ve been telling her for a month now that I wanted to head down to the coast on July 20th for a week at a rental house. I finally get home looking forward to it, only for her to drop this: "Oh, I rented out the beach house to a friend for that exact week." Then, she has the nerve to suggest, "Well, if you really want to go, you can just stay an extra week." When, exactly? At the end of August when everyone else has cleared out? 😠

I feel like I’m actually going to lose my mind...

erm... that one sentence really jumped out at me. 🤷

Megan White4 said:Your assumptions are completely off base. ☕

1. The house sits empty all year long. She decided to rent it out right when I had my vacation planned—right after I spent a month telling her exactly which dates I'd be heading to the coast...
2. The car was left to me by my late father; my mother is actually a better driver than Schumacher, even though the last time she was behind the wheel was about 35 years ago.

Forget about my assumptions and just grow up and get your own place already! If '1980' in your username is actually your birth year, you're 44 years old now. Hello!?
Look, she’s reached her breaking point—can't you see that? That’s why she’s snapping at you. What else does she have left to do? Of course, there's also the chance she isn't actually "nagging" and it's just your own flawed perspective because you expect her to serve you endlessly while staying perfectly quiet.
You’re acting like a spoiled kid hitting puberty rather than a grown man (which, honestly, you should have been by now).
Get a job, become independent, move out (which she’s probably counting down the days for), and just give her some breathing room.
And why on earth would you wait until autumn to start looking for work?! 😕

hollowbadger24 said:Just keep your distance, man... seriously, just stay away...
I dealt with the exact same kind of drama myself... though it was with both my parents
Fighting about it honestly just makes everything ten times worse...
My advice? Get out of there as soon as you can. Once you're gone, just let the bad stuff go—be that "good son" who gives her a quick call once a week and maybe drops by for an hour or two every other week...
And just like that, problem solved...
Eventually, it’ll sink in for her that she's all alone, and she’ll probably start wondering why things turned out this way...
Maybe find a girlfriend too, so you have somewhere else to hang out and spend your time?
Oh, and grab a side hustle—maybe some campus job or something—because as long as you're financially tied to her, she's got all the leverage...

Personally, I get the feeling this poor woman is just counting down the days until she's finally alone, but her son just won't grow up and move out... then again, isn't it perfectly normal for kids to grow up and leave the nest? Or am I missing something?!

Honestly, I feel like you all might be from another planet. Some people just can't seem to handle others being left alone, particularly certain types of mothers. It’s as if they’ve never even heard of such people before.

shadowtrucker18 said:Honestly, I feel like you all might be from another planet. Some people just can't seem to handle others being left alone, particularly certain types of mothers. It’s as if they’ve never even heard of such people before.

That's a fair point, but who's to say this woman actually fits that description? All we have is one side of the story coming from a twenty-six-year-old dječarac 🤣

For all we know, what would that mother say about her own son?! 🤷

David Palmer5 said:That's a fair point, but who's to say this woman actually fits that description? All we have is one side of the story coming from a twenty-six-year-old dječarac 🤣

For all we know, what would that mother say about her own son?! 🤷

That dječarac is basically just a head on legs at this point...

Yeah, dječarac. Honestly, men just operate on a different wavelength.

David Palmer5 said:That's a fair point, but who's to say this woman actually fits that description? All we have is one side of the story coming from a twenty-six-year-old dječarac 🤣

For all we know, what would that mother say about her own son?! 🤷

It’s true, though I think you might be approaching this with a bit of a bias. There really are only two ways this plays out. We don't know which one it is yet, but I guess we shouldn't jump to conclusions... maybe he really is just a leech, or perhaps she truly is the problem. In any case, it doesn't much matter because there is only one real solution for him—he could just move out. So, I suppose we shouldn't waste too much time debating the rest.

shadowtrucker18 said:It’s true, though I think you might be approaching this with a bit of a bias. There really are only two ways this plays out. We don't know which one it is yet, but I guess we shouldn't jump to conclusions... maybe he really is just a leech, or perhaps she truly is the problem. In any case, it doesn't much matter because there is only one real solution for him—he could just move out. So, I suppose we shouldn't waste too much time debating the rest.

I am NOT approaching this with bias. If anything, I think I was one of the first people here to point out that there are two sides to this story, even though we're only being fed one version of it. By the way, if his mother were truly that horrible, he wouldn't have spent all those years playing student instead of working some 9-to-5 somewhere. It seems a bit naive to assume he's always right while ignoring the facts—like how he's bounced between three different colleges without finishing a single degree, all while earning zero income.
I've also mentioned several times that a person needs to get a job and become independent. At 28 years old, that feels pretty standard and expected to me. Regardless, I think a 28-year-old who has been "studying" for ten years without making a dime is cutting it pretty close to being a parasite.
Once he finally stands on his own two feet, his mom can be a nightmare for the rest of eternity—but then, it won't be his problem anymore.
And honestly? If things were truly that unbearable, he would have moved out a long time ago.

David Palmer5 said:I am NOT approaching this with bias. If anything, I think I was one of the first people here to point out that there are two sides to this story, even though we're only being fed one version of it. By the way, if his mother were truly that horrible, he wouldn't have spent all those years playing student instead of working some 9-to-5 somewhere. It seems a bit naive to assume he's always right while ignoring the facts—like how he's bounced between three different colleges without finishing a single degree, all while earning zero income.
I've also mentioned several times that a person needs to get a job and become independent. At 28 years old, that feels pretty standard and expected to me. Regardless, I think a 28-year-old who has been "studying" for ten years without making a dime is cutting it pretty close to being a parasite.
Once he finally stands on his own two feet, his mom can be a nightmare for the rest of eternity—but then, it won't be his problem anymore.
And honestly? If things were truly that unbearable, he would have moved out a long time ago.

Sure thing! Just find me a job and a place to live, then I'll move...

Of course, you’re expecting someone else to step in and handle that for you, right? 🙄

Alex Hall4 said:Of course, you’re expecting someone else to step in and handle that for you, right? 🙄

It’s easy to talk big when you aren't the one doing the heavy lifting. Yeah, real easy. :asshole:

You think I haven't tried looking for work? Of course I have. It's just that every single time I bring it up, my mother starts spiraling—it's always some variation of, "Decide if you want to be a student or an employee, because if you start working, say goodbye to your degree." Not to mention she won't stop nagging me until I'm completely exhausted. And yes, I am trying to finish this damn degree; it isn't something that just happens overnight. Also, in case I didn't make it clear earlier, I actually started college back in 2003.

Then just get it done as soon as you can. Since you aren’t working anywhere right now, pick up a book and—just study.
There’s really no excuse here, because you don't have to balance school with a job; studying is literally your only responsibility. Talk to your mom about setting aside time for it, or better yet, head over to the library at UCLA. You'll actually be forced to focus there, and being away from home will probably stop all those arguments from happening in the first place.
Set a schedule for yourself. Decide on specific hours to sit down at the library where everyone else is grinding, enjoy the quiet, and just finish that degree.

Megan White4 said:It’s easy to talk big when you aren't the one doing the heavy lifting. Yeah, real easy. :asshole:

You think I haven't tried looking for work? Of course I have. It's just that every single time I bring it up, my mother starts spiraling—it's always some variation of, "Decide if you want to be a student or an employee, because if you start working, say goodbye to your degree." Not to mention she won't stop nagging me until I'm completely exhausted. And yes, I am trying to finish this damn degree; it isn't something that just happens overnight. Also, in case I didn't make it clear earlier, I actually started college back in 2003.

Why didn't you just show her that balancing a job and school is totally doable? You wouldn't be the only one out there pulling those kinds of hours. Besides, since when does anyone have the right to tell a grown adult they can't hold down a job? 🤷

It’s been a year and a half since this thread even started... you still just whining about yourself or did you actually do something? Passed your exams, moved out, got a job, or are you just gonna spend the next two years crying about how much your life sucks... get a grip...

Look, I had to snap back because... honestly, reading you claim her looks were trash was kind of hilarious at first, but then it just got old... I need you to actually move past this and stop looping on the same nonsense.
And my bad for the typos in my last post, my keyboard's 'k' key keeps acting up so things keep getting dropped 😢

I'm not entirely sure what you're getting at with "luna," but if you're looking for a conversation, I'm here. Just keep it direct. kaže:
Look, I had to respond like that because, frankly, I found it pretty amusing reading all that nonsense about how much your mother sucks.

Think it’s fun to read about? You’re looking to change places? Why don't you try living through what I'm going through first, then we can talk about how much "fun" it is to read about my problems... :asshole:

Noah Richardson23 said:Look, I had to snap back because... honestly, reading you claim her looks were trash was kind of hilarious at first, but then it just got old... I need you to actually move past this and stop looping on the same nonsense.
And my bad for the typos in my last post, my keyboard's 'k' key keeps acting up so things keep getting dropped 😢

You know that old story about two bulls standing on a ridge, looking down at a herd of cattle in the valley? The younger one says, "Dad, let's charge down there and take out one cow." The old one just looks at him and says, "No, son. We're walking down there, and we're taking them all."