Schizophrenia - General Discussion

Jamie Lewis said:@Jose Ward4, are you also on the Ziprexica Quote dose? 😍

Look, auditory hallucinations in schizophrenia are one thing, but intuition—that spontaneous spark where you just *know* something, or an idea or solution suddenly hits you—is something else entirely.

So, here’s the thing. The last time I was over at the Walgreens pharmacy, the technician there told me something pretty wild. He said that every single pill actually reflects a certain part of your personality. It sounds a bit out there, right? But he insisted there’s a reason why there are so many different kinds out there—one just fits you better than the others. Then, my psychiatrist chimed in with a slightly darker take, suggesting that these meds basically have a way of controlling your brain. Honestly, though, I think he might be onto something. Out of everything I've tried, this Vaira version feels like the only one that truly matches who I am.

Jamie Lewis said:Honestly, I can’t even wrap my head around what that feels like. Maybe if I went on some heavy drugs I’d actually understand what you guys are going through. 😲 It really isn't easy when you're stuck in a psychosis.

Try watching this video—just stare at the center of the screen for a minute or two, focus there, and then look at an object near you.

So, you're taking Ziprexica (an AP), and you're saying it's a miracle drug? If you had any extra, I’d literally pay you in gold bars. 😵 😉

What exactly are you using it for? If you actually need it, just go see a psychiatrist and you can get a prescription through your insurance for free.

I know we’re talking about a fictional world here, and I get that sometimes things just short-circuit and throw your brain chemistry totally out of whack. But honestly? I don't know how far it goes. Like, take that guy who showed up in the woods—was he actually there? Or did I just make him up, along with this whole situation we've been stuck in for the last hour or two? Can hallucinations really be that vivid? I probably wouldn't be obsessing over this so much if I wasn't a member of a mystical order like AMORC... ugh, excuse me, my keyboard just went haywire. Does anyone know how to fix this? I'm running Linux, but all the guides I found online are specifically for Windows. Seriously, between the schizophrenia and these random tech glitches, I've had enough for one day.☕

It’s not all just hallucinations, but you really shouldn't assign too much weight to seeing certain people or following a specific chain of events during a psychotic episode—like they're some kind of supernatural or divine sign. During a psychosis, those neurotransmitter imbalances create these intense sensations, this sense of euphoria, and stuff like that (it feels just like a drug hit). That’s why it sticks in your mind so vividly.
Since I’ve dealt with this crap myself, I know exactly what happens later to someone who keeps playing those memories on a loop in their head. For me, I had to learn how to let it go by making sure I didn't give those moments any extra importance or focus.

I went through my own wild sequence of events, too, but it wasn't until I became more aware of the pattern that I started paying way too much attention to it. I think it's because you aren't slipping into those altered states of consciousness every single day, so it takes time for everything to settle back down. Once I started throwing myself into the usual daily grind and keeping busy, those episodes began to fade into the background. Even now, I can find myself drifting back into those old mental patterns quite easily, whether I want to or not. I try my best not to dwell on them, mostly because I don't want to build up a bunch of useless stress. I truly believe that stress plays a huge role in triggering illnesses and various other disorders.

Yeah. Stress is a total trigger.

Chloe Flores83 said:I know we’re talking about a fictional world here, and I get that sometimes things just short-circuit and throw your brain chemistry totally out of whack. But honestly? I don't know how far it goes. Like, take that guy who showed up in the woods—was he actually there? Or did I just make him up, along with this whole situation we've been stuck in for the last hour or two? Can hallucinations really be that vivid? I probably wouldn't be obsessing over this so much if I wasn't a member of a mystical order like AMORC... ugh, excuse me, my keyboard just went haywire. Does anyone know how to fix this? I'm running Linux, but all the guides I found online are specifically for Windows. Seriously, between the schizophrenia and these random tech glitches, I've had enough for one day.☕

Quick question—did you join before or after your first psychotic episode?

Jamie Lewis said:Honestly, I can’t even wrap my head around what that feels like. Maybe if I went on some heavy drugs I’d actually understand what you guys are going through. 😲 It really isn't easy when you're stuck in a psychosis.

Try watching this video—just stare at the center of the screen for a minute or two, focus there, and then look at an object near you.

So, you're taking Ziprexica (an AP), and you're saying it's a miracle drug? If you had any extra, I’d literally pay you in gold bars. 😵 😉

It’s definitely not easy. Thank God only about one percent of people have to deal with this. I only watched the beginning of that video—I wouldn't want to go any further—but I used to draw those kinds of bizarre patterns back when I was in the hospital. I don't know why. As far as I know, we have an excess of dopamine, which is also what drugs trigger. So, basically, the medication works to counteract that.

Joseph Bailey41 said:Quick question—did you join before or after your first psychotic episode?

About six months before. You think there could be a connection there?

Chloe Flores83 said:About six months before. You think there could be a connection there?

In short—yes.

The thing is, it’s usually not about supernatural forces, but rather the manipulative tactics those types tend to use. Even back in 1930, Lady Luck's author, Dione Fortune, noted in her book "Psychological self-defense" how occultists would target "sensitives"—people who were mentally vulnerable—just to exploit them for various reasons. My guess is that this group was trying to establish some kind of mental control over you, and your mind essentially escaped into psychosis as a way to cope. I actually went through something very similar myself. It wasn't secret societies involved, just a bunch of everyday manipulators and charlatans I happened to be surrounded by at the time. About six months after finishing a certain course, I fell into a state that felt a lot like psychosis. On the surface, I was functioning relatively normally for my age and stage in life, but internally, I was playing out all these elaborate scenarios where—granted, I wasn't Jesus—but I felt incredibly special and vital to the fate of humanity. Synchronicity started happening to me constantly. Once that phase passed, I avoided anything esoteric for years; I just thought it was all total nonsense and superstition. But curiosity eventually got the better of me, so I started studying different psychological schools of thought, spirituality, and so on, just to understand what had actually happened to my brain. I found some answers, though I don't know if they apply to your situation or anyone else's. So, I'd ask: how are you doing mentally and emotionally these days? Are you seeing a therapist or taking any medication? From your writing, you seem quite composed and articulate, but it's always hard to tell for sure over the internet.

Joseph Bailey41 said:In short—yes.

The thing is, it’s usually not about supernatural forces, but rather the manipulative tactics those types tend to use. Even back in 1930, Lady Luck's author, Dione Fortune, noted in her book "Psychological self-defense" how occultists would target "sensitives"—people who were mentally vulnerable—just to exploit them for various reasons. My guess is that this group was trying to establish some kind of mental control over you, and your mind essentially escaped into psychosis as a way to cope. I actually went through something very similar myself. It wasn't secret societies involved, just a bunch of everyday manipulators and charlatans I happened to be surrounded by at the time. About six months after finishing a certain course, I fell into a state that felt a lot like psychosis. On the surface, I was functioning relatively normally for my age and stage in life, but internally, I was playing out all these elaborate scenarios where—granted, I wasn't Jesus—but I felt incredibly special and vital to the fate of humanity. Synchronicity started happening to me constantly. Once that phase passed, I avoided anything esoteric for years; I just thought it was all total nonsense and superstition. But curiosity eventually got the better of me, so I started studying different psychological schools of thought, spirituality, and so on, just to understand what had actually happened to my brain. I found some answers, though I don't know if they apply to your situation or anyone else's. So, I'd ask: how are you doing mentally and emotionally these days? Are you seeing a therapist or taking any medication? From your writing, you seem quite composed and articulate, but it's always hard to tell for sure over the internet.

Those people weren't frauds. They were just regular, normal people looking for answers, wanting to understand themselves and God, just like I was. I honestly don't get why anyone in that group would want to exert mental control over me. What could they possibly gain from that?

Chloe Flores83 said:Those people weren't frauds. They were just regular, normal people looking for answers, wanting to understand themselves and God, just like I was. I honestly don't get why anyone in that group would want to exert mental control over me. What could they possibly gain from that?

It’s tough to guess what drives other people... especially since I don't know them personally. But as soon as I typed the name of that order into Google, one of the first things that popped up was this:

https://www.hermetizam.com/amorc-bez-maske.html

Cults are tricky business. For many former members, it takes years to mentally and emotionally recover from an experience like that, even if the groups claim to be all about peace and love. Personally, I feel like spiritual searching is something you should do on your own (maybe with a therapist), or not at all. I've never been much for group rituals, whether we're talking about football games, Gnostic ceremonies, or just a standard church service. I know I’m a pretty terrible follower—people have told me my rational side is just too strong—so I tend to keep a respectful distance from all of it. I study things, but strictly from afar. One thing that has become clear to me is that a lot of spiritual seekers enter these circles just to amass material wealth or gain control over others, all to feed some kind of "spiritualized" ego. Of course, you can't tell that at first glance because everyone in that scene finds it convenient to act like a lamb, even if they are actually predators. To put it bluntly, there are all sorts of moral monsters walking this earth, and you can never be one hundred percent certain about someone else's intentions. Once that realization starts sinking in, your brain can really overdo it and start spiraling into paranoia. Sometimes the mind is like a trained dog—it just does exactly what it's been taught to do. And if you've trained yours to look for mystical symbols and hidden meanings in a puddle on the street, that's exactly what it's going to do.

Psychosis can be linked to PTSD.

George Cook said:Psychosis can be linked to PTSD.

Thanks. I just went and did a quick Google search—honestly, I’m surprised it didn't occur to me sooner—and here is what I found:

https://www.verywellmind.com/relatio...mptoms-2797525

https://www.psychiatryadvisor.com/sc...rticle/759866/

That feels like the missing link I've been looking for. 👍

Joseph Bailey41 said:Thanks. I just went and did a quick Google search—honestly, I’m surprised it didn't occur to me sooner—and here is what I found:

https://www.verywellmind.com/relatio...mptoms-2797525

https://www.psychiatryadvisor.com/sc...rticle/759866/

That feels like the missing link I've been looking for. 👍

I stumbled upon this information by chance. ..

George Cook said:Psychosis can be linked to PTSD.

Honestly, I think I actually experienced some PTSD before I ended up in the hospital. It was a massive trauma. But look, I’m not going to dive into all that right now—lately, I’ve been trying really hard to stay positive. No doom and gloom today. Maybe it just isn't the right time to go there.

Jose Ward4 said:Honestly, I think I actually experienced some PTSD before I ended up in the hospital. It was a massive trauma. But look, I’m not going to dive into all that right now—lately, I’ve been trying really hard to stay positive. No doom and gloom today. Maybe it just isn't the right time to go there.

I actually had my diagnosis while I was in the hospital nearly 20 years ago, though life wasn't exactly a walk in the park even before that. On my Medicare records, I'm listed as having bipolar disorder, but in reality, I've dealt with PTSD stemming from the system itself (along with some subsequent traumatic experiences), and I simply don't have the budget for private specialists. Things were pretty rough before I finally figured out what my actual issues were and how to handle them. Now, things are so much better... I still find myself getting triggered by aggressive or manipulative people occasionally, but I've learned how to keep them at arm's length and manage my own reactions, which usually pass within a few minutes. But that didn't happen by accident; it took a lot of learning and hard work. Having a psychotherapist would probably have made the process faster and easier.

I've had the chance to meet quite a few people diagnosed with schizophrenia. I've talked to some of them while they were in the middle of an acute psychotic episode, and those were the moments when it was easiest to understand why they were struggling. Every single time, it’s a deeply uncomfortable life story. It honestly breaks my heart that no one seems to want to work with people during those specific moments anymore; I really feel there is so much potential for help there.

Joseph Bailey41 said:I actually had my diagnosis while I was in the hospital nearly 20 years ago, though life wasn't exactly a walk in the park even before that. On my Medicare records, I'm listed as having bipolar disorder, but in reality, I've dealt with PTSD stemming from the system itself (along with some subsequent traumatic experiences), and I simply don't have the budget for private specialists. Things were pretty rough before I finally figured out what my actual issues were and how to handle them. Now, things are so much better... I still find myself getting triggered by aggressive or manipulative people occasionally, but I've learned how to keep them at arm's length and manage my own reactions, which usually pass within a few minutes. But that didn't happen by accident; it took a lot of learning and hard work. Having a psychotherapist would probably have made the process faster and easier.

I've had the chance to meet quite a few people diagnosed with schizophrenia. I've talked to some of them while they were in the middle of an acute psychotic episode, and those were the moments when it was easiest to understand why they were struggling. Every single time, it’s a deeply uncomfortable life story. It honestly breaks my heart that no one seems to want to work with people during those specific moments anymore; I really feel there is so much potential for help there.

Look, Joseph Bailey41, nobody is really listening to you these days, especially when you're in the middle of a psychotic break and end up stuck in the ward. They just pump you full of pills to keep you quiet. Actual conversation with doctors is rare in these facilities, and some stays last longer than six months. Think about that. All you can do is lose your mind from all the medication. That's the reality for everyone who has ended up in the hospital. It is a total disgrace to our healthcare system and to the idea of helping people in need—and I don't just mean us, I mean anyone. It's a huge shame. What can I even say? The last time I was there, they locked up this guy just because he'd had too much to drink. He wasn't having a psychosis at all; he just ended up there because of alcohol. They refused to give him any pills, and they wouldn't let him leave the building! He was held there for five months. I’m telling you, the man went insane. He was literally calling lawyers in the hospital hallways, screaming about injustice. The doctor actually laughed and told him he needed to watch his attitude. When I left, he was still there; I was only there for a month. Even the people who end up in psychiatric wards for the very first time started getting restless. But of course, that wasn't about psychosis. That’s just how it is now. One big, chaotic asylum.

Honestly, I’m just glad to hear you're feeling better. As for me, I absolutely cannot stand manipulators. It’s one of my biggest pet peeves. To be fair, I’m pretty hard to play—usually, if someone tries to pull a fast one on me in person, I might fall for it for a split second, but then the gears start turning. I quickly realize, "Wait, this person is trying to manipulate me." Once that happens, I steer clear. I give them a massive wide berth. I can't deal with people who put their own agendas above everyone else. You never really know where you stand with them; you can't tell if they actually care about you as a person or if they're just looking out for their own selfish interests. In my book, those are some of the most repulsive people on the planet.

I don't buy that theory myself, but I’m a firm believer that mental health issues usually stem from a mix of genetics and social environment. Think of it this way: the genetic part is like having the potential for a condition to develop, while the social side acts as the trigger—that external pressure from the world around you that actually sets things off.
I found this video that breaks the whole concept down perfectly

Looking back, I used to drink quite a bit before I got sick, and I definitely had the genetic predisposition for it. That’s why I think it’s so vital to talk about these things openly; if we can address them early, we might be able to prevent them entirely. When you consider that roughly 3% of people experience psychosis and about 1% carry an F20 diagnosis, we're talking about a massive number of people in the US population today.

Joseph Bailey41 said:It’s tough to guess what drives other people... especially since I don't know them personally. But as soon as I typed the name of that order into Google, one of the first things that popped up was this:

https://www.hermetizam.com/amorc-bez-maske.html

Cults are tricky business. For many former members, it takes years to mentally and emotionally recover from an experience like that, even if the groups claim to be all about peace and love. Personally, I feel like spiritual searching is something you should do on your own (maybe with a therapist), or not at all. I've never been much for group rituals, whether we're talking about football games, Gnostic ceremonies, or just a standard church service. I know I’m a pretty terrible follower—people have told me my rational side is just too strong—so I tend to keep a respectful distance from all of it. I study things, but strictly from afar. One thing that has become clear to me is that a lot of spiritual seekers enter these circles just to amass material wealth or gain control over others, all to feed some kind of "spiritualized" ego. Of course, you can't tell that at first glance because everyone in that scene finds it convenient to act like a lamb, even if they are actually predators. To put it bluntly, there are all sorts of moral monsters walking this earth, and you can never be one hundred percent certain about someone else's intentions. Once that realization starts sinking in, your brain can really overdo it and start spiraling into paranoia. Sometimes the mind is like a trained dog—it just does exactly what it's been taught to do. And if you've trained yours to look for mystical symbols and hidden meanings in a puddle on the street, that's exactly what it's going to do.

If I'm following you correctly, are you saying I'm stuck in a schizophrenic loop because some person from Amorac manipulated my thoughts? Could you explain a bit more? Like, how does that actually work?